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* In "Bones," Wojo brings in a would-be mugger who tried to jump a Scoutmaster and got manhandled. The guy declares he wants his rights, and Wojo protests he already read them to him. The mugger insists he wants to hear it in Spanish, and Wojo promptly starts, in accented but passable Spanish, until the guy waves him off.
-->'''Wojo:''' [[{{Troll}} You wanna hear it in Polish?]]
-->'''Wojo:''' [[{{Troll}} You wanna hear it in Polish?]]
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* In "Fear of Flying", Wojo is tasked with accompanying salesman Frederick Clooney to Cleveland to stand trial for bigamy (a concept that baffles Fish utterly). Nick spends the episode making jokes about his destination being a PlaceWorseThanDeath.
** The snark begins when Wojo arrives in the squad room, dressed in a jacket and tie and handcuffed to Mr. Clooney.
--->'''Wojo:''' Hi, guys.\\
'''Chano:''' ''[takes in the sight]'' Well, well, well! Don't we look classy!\\
'''Harris:''' ''[also chuckling]'' You know, uh... with that suit, he's either getting married, or he's dead.\\
'''Wojo:''' ''[unlocking the handcuffs]'' I came by to pick up some things. I'm goin' to Cleveland.\\
'''Nick:''' He's dead.
** When Gloria, the New York Mrs. Clooney, shows up at the precinct and tries to overdose on sleeping pills, the detectives scramble to keep her alert while Wojo calls a hospital and Fish calls a pharmacist to determine what she took, and Nick's snark continues:
--->'''Barney:''' How you feeling, Mrs. Clooney?\\
'''Gloria:''' ''[as Chano rubs her right hand while Harris takes her pulse with her left wrist]'' Oh, embarrassed... disgusted... alone... deserted...\\
'''Clooney:''' ''[frantic]'' Deserted?? I'm not deserting you, Gloria! They're taking me to Cleveland by force!\\
'''Nick:''' It's the only way I'd go.
** When the detectives have successfully induced vomiting (with Nick's coffee, naturally), Wojo, who admits to Barney that he is terrified of flying, tries calling the weather service to see if the flight will be grounded by storms. No such luck; the nearest storm is in Fiji, so once Gloria is on her way to hospital, Wojo takes Mr. Clooney out of the cell to leave for the airport.
--->'''Barney:''' Have a good time in Cleveland!\\
'''Nick:''' You could be the first.
** The snark begins when Wojo arrives in the squad room, dressed in a jacket and tie and handcuffed to Mr. Clooney.
--->'''Wojo:''' Hi, guys.\\
'''Chano:''' ''[takes in the sight]'' Well, well, well! Don't we look classy!\\
'''Harris:''' ''[also chuckling]'' You know, uh... with that suit, he's either getting married, or he's dead.\\
'''Wojo:''' ''[unlocking the handcuffs]'' I came by to pick up some things. I'm goin' to Cleveland.\\
'''Nick:''' He's dead.
** When Gloria, the New York Mrs. Clooney, shows up at the precinct and tries to overdose on sleeping pills, the detectives scramble to keep her alert while Wojo calls a hospital and Fish calls a pharmacist to determine what she took, and Nick's snark continues:
--->'''Barney:''' How you feeling, Mrs. Clooney?\\
'''Gloria:''' ''[as Chano rubs her right hand while Harris takes her pulse with her left wrist]'' Oh, embarrassed... disgusted... alone... deserted...\\
'''Clooney:''' ''[frantic]'' Deserted?? I'm not deserting you, Gloria! They're taking me to Cleveland by force!\\
'''Nick:''' It's the only way I'd go.
** When the detectives have successfully induced vomiting (with Nick's coffee, naturally), Wojo, who admits to Barney that he is terrified of flying, tries calling the weather service to see if the flight will be grounded by storms. No such luck; the nearest storm is in Fiji, so once Gloria is on her way to hospital, Wojo takes Mr. Clooney out of the cell to leave for the airport.
--->'''Barney:''' Have a good time in Cleveland!\\
'''Nick:''' You could be the first.
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Changed line(s) 84 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Harris:''' Oh, um, Fish, Bernice called.\\
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Changed line(s) 65 (click to see context) from:
* As "Smog Alert" opens, Det. Battista (making her second and final appearance) transcribes a graffito from the ladies' bathroom in a subway station, calls the number of the perpetrator, and pretends to be the intended object of his proposition in order to arrest him. Barney, Harris, Yemana, and Wojo are thoroughly bewildered by the act described by the graffito, and as Battista leaves to make the arrest, the paper is tossed onto Fish's desk. Fish arrives a moment later, out of breath from the smog; Barney sends Yemana to get him a glass of water ("Anyone see the strainer?" he asks). Then Harris delivers a message...
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* As "Smog Alert" opens, Det. Battista (making her second and final appearance) transcribes a graffito from the ladies' bathroom in a subway station, calls the number of the perpetrator, and pretends to be the intended object of his proposition in order to arrest him. Barney, Harris, Yemana, Then the other detectives read it, one by one...
** Yemana is eager to be the first one to read it, but Barney overrules him:
--->'''Barney:''' What was that all about?\\
'''Battista:''' I'm gonna pick that guy up, Captain Miller. You never read such a filthy proposition in your life!\\
'''Nick:''' What'd it say?\\
'''Barney:''' Battista, I can understand your being angry, but... unfortuntately, graffiti has become a rather common andWojo accepted form of expression in New York.\\
'''Nick:''' What'd it say?\\
'''Barney:''' ''[impatiently]'' Nick! ''[Nick tries to look innocent]''\\
'''Battista:''' Okay, you wanna know what it said? Come on, I'll show you. I copied it down for evidence. ''[picks up the page and hands it to Barney]'' There. Can you ''believe'' that?\\
'''Barney:''' ''[after a few seconds' stunned silence]'' ... Three exclamation points?\\
'''Battista:''' No, those arethoroughly bewildered by mine. ''[Harris starts to look interested]'' But it was ''on the act described by wall'' in the ladies' room, that means he was in there!\\
'''Harris:''' Lemme see it. ''[Barney gives him a look]'' Oh, just... professional opinion.
** As Battista tries to persuade Barney to let her arrest the perpetrator, Harris starts reading the transcribed graffito, joined by Nick after a few seconds. Their expressions are a mixture of amusement andas utter confusion.
--->'''Nick:''' It's too complicated to be obscene.\\
'''Battista:''' Aw, come on, Captain, lemme go get him! Just this once!\\
'''Barney:''' ''[sighs]'' Okay, but take somebody with you.\\
'''Battista:''' Oh, no no no, this is something I can do myself!\\
'''Nick:''' ''[dropping the paper on the desk]'' I don't think so...
** As Battista leaves to make the arrest, Wojo picks up thepaper is tossed paper, spends a few puzzled seconds reading it, then tosses it onto Fish's desk. Fish arrives a moment later, out of breath from the smog; Barney sends Yemana to get him a glass of water ("Anyone see the strainer?" he asks). Then Harris delivers a message...
** Yemana is eager to be the first one to read it, but Barney overrules him:
--->'''Barney:''' What was that all about?\\
'''Battista:''' I'm gonna pick that guy up, Captain Miller. You never read such a filthy proposition in your life!\\
'''Nick:''' What'd it say?\\
'''Barney:''' Battista, I can understand your being angry, but... unfortuntately, graffiti has become a rather common and
'''Nick:''' What'd it say?\\
'''Barney:''' ''[impatiently]'' Nick! ''[Nick tries to look innocent]''\\
'''Battista:''' Okay, you wanna know what it said? Come on, I'll show you. I copied it down for evidence. ''[picks up the page and hands it to Barney]'' There. Can you ''believe'' that?\\
'''Barney:''' ''[after a few seconds' stunned silence]'' ... Three exclamation points?\\
'''Battista:''' No, those are
'''Harris:''' Lemme see it. ''[Barney gives him a look]'' Oh, just... professional opinion.
** As Battista tries to persuade Barney to let her arrest the perpetrator, Harris starts reading the transcribed graffito, joined by Nick after a few seconds. Their expressions are a mixture of amusement and
--->'''Nick:''' It's too complicated to be obscene.\\
'''Battista:''' Aw, come on, Captain, lemme go get him! Just this once!\\
'''Barney:''' ''[sighs]'' Okay, but take somebody with you.\\
'''Battista:''' Oh, no no no, this is something I can do myself!\\
'''Nick:''' ''[dropping the paper on the desk]'' I don't think so...
** As Battista leaves to make the arrest, Wojo picks up the
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* In the episode, “The Psychic” a language professor is arrested for vandalizing an ad that set him off for how it uses the English language. After a rant on the decline of the English language, while Dietrich is filling out the paperwork, Dietrich asks him, “Next o’ kin?”
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* In the episode, “The Psychic” "The Psychic", a language professor is arrested for vandalizing an ad that set him off for how it uses the English language. Dietrich, true to form, decides to troll the professor. First, he reacts to the professor's explanation that once in a while, a tiny error of grammar or mechanics "makes [him] go crazy" by saying "Irregardless, you wanna take a seat over there?" After a further rant on the decline of the English language, language culminating in fuming over the sloppiness of the name "Filet o' Fish", while Dietrich is filling out the paperwork, Dietrich asks him, “Next o’ kin?”
"Next o' kin?"
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Changed line(s) 14,15 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Sergeant Reville''': It just isn't right. Why would someone threaten to blow up a U.S. military installation?
-->'''Yemana''': Nostalgia?
-->'''Yemana''': Nostalgia?
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-->'''Sergeant Reville''': It just isn't right. Why would someone threaten to blow up a U.S. military installation?
-->'''Yemana''':installation?\\
'''Yemana''': Nostalgia?
-->'''Yemana''':
'''Yemana''': Nostalgia?
Changed line(s) 34,35 (click to see context) from:
-->'''Yemana''': Coffee?
-->'''Coffee-drinker''': Oh, no, thank you, I can't drink coffee. Do you have any more of ''this''?
-->'''Coffee-drinker''': Oh, no, thank you, I can't drink coffee. Do you have any more of ''this''?
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-->'''Yemana''': Coffee?
-->'''Coffee-drinker''':Coffee?\\
'''Coffee-drinker''': Oh, no, thank you, I can't drink coffee. Do you have any more of ''this''?
-->'''Coffee-drinker''':
'''Coffee-drinker''': Oh, no, thank you, I can't drink coffee. Do you have any more of ''this''?
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* In "The Bird," Wojo buys a parrot that promptly dies in the squadroom. The merchant initially is resistant to provide a refund until he finds out Wojo is a cop...and then is frantic to refund him far more than he paid for the bird. After some prodding (and a near-breakdown by the merchant) he comes clean that he expects PoliceBrutality, even though the men of the 12th have never done that to him.
-->'''Tragash:''' I've moved to the city only recently.\\
'''Barney:''' From where?\\
'''Tragash:''' Philadelphia.\\
'''Barney and Wojo together:''' [[TakeThat Oooooohh...]]
-->'''Tragash:''' I've moved to the city only recently.\\
'''Barney:''' From where?\\
'''Tragash:''' Philadelphia.\\
'''Barney and Wojo together:''' [[TakeThat Oooooohh...]]
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* "Voice Analyzer"
** Scanlon comes in after a newspaper article accuses numerous precincts of accepting bribes, intent on using a prototype voice analyzer to dig up something on the detectives. [[HotBlooded Wojo]] sends the supposed lie detector into overdrive when asked his name, Dietrich utterly confounds it with a series of BlatantLies. When Barney's turn comes up, he refuses to "volunteer" for the test, and then tricks Scanlon into saying (with the machine running and actively disagreeing) that his investigation is nothing personal and he does not have a grudge against the 12th Precinct. [[HoistByHisOwnPetard Being on record that he's there for a personal grudge, Scanlon has to call the whole thing off.]]
** Harris is booking a thief who stole a truck of furs and asks Levitt to take him downstairs for prints and photographs.
-->'''Pelligrini:''' What, you don't think I'll try to run?\\
'''Harris:''' ''[without looking up]'' He'll just shoot you down like the others.
* "The Spy"
** Barney comes in, finding Harris preparing a report on a woman for indecent exposure. Barney looks alarmed until Harris clarifies that she was the ''victim,'' not the perpetrator.
** Harris is booking a mime who proceeds to (miming) open a banana and begin eating.
-->'''Harris:''' No eating in the squad room. ''[the mime tosses the banana]'' Pick that up!
** Scanlon comes in after a newspaper article accuses numerous precincts of accepting bribes, intent on using a prototype voice analyzer to dig up something on the detectives. [[HotBlooded Wojo]] sends the supposed lie detector into overdrive when asked his name, Dietrich utterly confounds it with a series of BlatantLies. When Barney's turn comes up, he refuses to "volunteer" for the test, and then tricks Scanlon into saying (with the machine running and actively disagreeing) that his investigation is nothing personal and he does not have a grudge against the 12th Precinct. [[HoistByHisOwnPetard Being on record that he's there for a personal grudge, Scanlon has to call the whole thing off.]]
** Harris is booking a thief who stole a truck of furs and asks Levitt to take him downstairs for prints and photographs.
-->'''Pelligrini:''' What, you don't think I'll try to run?\\
'''Harris:''' ''[without looking up]'' He'll just shoot you down like the others.
* "The Spy"
** Barney comes in, finding Harris preparing a report on a woman for indecent exposure. Barney looks alarmed until Harris clarifies that she was the ''victim,'' not the perpetrator.
** Harris is booking a mime who proceeds to (miming) open a banana and begin eating.
-->'''Harris:''' No eating in the squad room. ''[the mime tosses the banana]'' Pick that up!
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Changed line(s) 1 (click to see context) from:
* In "Experience" the squad learns that there is a bomb in the building and are frantically manning the phones trying to reach the bomb disposal unit and get the building evacuated. At one point in the confusion Barney and Wojo end up on the phone with each other. Wojo strikes a hilariously conversational tone.
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* In "Experience" the squad learns that there is a bomb in the building and are frantically manning the phones trying to reach the bomb disposal unit and get the building evacuated. At one point in the confusion confusion, Barney and Wojo end up on the phone with each other. other, and Wojo strikes a hilariously conversational tone.
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Changed line(s) 57,58 (click to see context) from:
----
* In the episode, “The Psychic” a language professor is arrested for vandalizing an ad that set him off for how it uses the English language. After a rant on the decline of the English language, while Dietrich is filling out the paperwork, Dietrich asks him, “Next o’ kin?”
* In the episode, “The Psychic” a language professor is arrested for vandalizing an ad that set him off for how it uses the English language. After a rant on the decline of the English language, while Dietrich is filling out the paperwork, Dietrich asks him, “Next o’ kin?”
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----
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* The brownies episode. Unbeknownst to Wojo, the brownies his girlfriend has baked are laced with hashish, and he shares them with Fish, Harris, and Yemana. By the middle of the episode, all four are stoned out of their gourds - Yemana keeps breaking into song, Harris is grinning like a loon, and Fish jumps across rooftops to collar a suspect a third of his age and actually stands up to defend Bernice's honour. The next day, Barney, the only one not to sample the brownies, suggests the other detectives forget the whole incident. Luckily for him, they don't need to pretend - they actually ''have'' forgotten it.
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* The brownies episode. Unbeknownst to Wojo, the brownies his girlfriend has baked are laced with hashish, and he shares them with Fish, Harris, and Yemana. By the middle of the episode, all four are stoned out of their gourds - Yemana keeps breaking into song, song; reciting silly rhymes and uttering gibberish. Harris is grinning like a loon, and Fish jumps across rooftops to collar a suspect a third of his age and actually stands up to defend Bernice's honour. The next day, Barney, the only one not to sample the brownies, suggests the other detectives forget the whole incident. Luckily for him, they don't need to pretend - they actually ''have'' forgotten it.
Changed line(s) 57 (click to see context) from:
----
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* In the episode, “The Psychic” a language professor is arrested for vandalizing an ad that set him off for how it uses the English language. After a rant on the decline of the English language, while Dietrich is filling out the paperwork, Dietrich asks him, “Next o’ kin?”
