History FanFic / TheCoolestEvilDumbledoreEver

[[https://ficbook.net/readfic/589106 The Coolest Evil Dumbledore Ever]] is a Literature/{{Harry Potter}} ParodyFic gathering together all the stereotypes used in Evil!Dumbledore fanfics. It's written in Russian by [[https://ficbook.net/authors/52963 d88]] and [[https://ficbook.net/authors/39449 Sky Lynx]].

'''It's written in Russian.'''

* EverythingExplodesEnding: Harry uses a bomb to finally get rid of the Order, the Death Eaters, and [[TheLastOfTheseIsNotLikeTheOthers Kreacher]] all at once.

-->'''Harry''': Do I have a magical guardian?
-->'''Chiefaccountant''': Of course you do, in this genre. In other fanfics this term's rare.

-->'''Harry''': As for the Weasleys, their whole family's evil! Except for Fred and George: them I would trust.
-->'''Draco''': How can you be sure they're good guys?
-->'''Harry''': It's another stereotype.

* SparedByAdaptation: Fred, Snape, and Voldemort.

! This fanfic contains examples of:

* AdaptationalVillainy: Dumbledore, most of the Order, including the Weasleys, and Neville are power-hungry, greedy and manipulative traitors.

** In his start-of-the-term speech Dumbledore repeats that the name of the Forbidden Forest means it's forbidden to go there. He says he's tired of dozens of idiots who don't get the hint.

* LemonyNarrator: The authors take it UpToEleven.

* BaldOfAwesome: Harry's new style.

* MandatoryLine: Lampshaded and spoofed. The authors give Blaise Zabini some lines, because, as the narration helpfully says, he has to say ''something'' if he is in the plot all.

* BigBad: Dumbledore is everything an Evil!Dumbledore ought to be – he steals money from Harry and the Weasleys, he alone put Black in Azkaban, he made up the prophecy with Trelawney's help, and so on.

* CutHimselfShaving: When Harry touches Slytherin's sword, his fingers fall off. He gets promptly healed by Madam Pomfrey – after telling her he had only been a bit too energetic when biting his nails.

* BigBad: Dumbledore is everything an Evil!Dumbledore ought to be – he steals money from Harry and the Weasleys, he alone put Black in Azkaban, he made up the prophecy with Trelawney's help, and so on.
* BlueAndOrangeMorality: When Harry comes to murder Ollivander, the latter is absolutely mad at him… for not being able to pronounce Avada Kedavra properly and having to try it several times.

* CutHimselfShaving: When Harry touches Slytherin's sword, his fingers fall off. He gets promptly healed by Madam Pomfrey – after telling her he had only been a bit too energetic when biting his nails.

* HeelFaceDoorSlam: All of a sudden, Dudley wants to make friends with Harry… but Harry doesn't. He sends the Dursley family away to an African resort, and later they are murdered by Dumbledore's minions.

-->Dumbledore was waiting for Harry in his office. Guess what he was doing? But of course he was having tea with lemon drops! Oh yes, in fanfics the headmaster’s a great fan of tea. In canon, now there he was always busy with serious stuff, but here he always has time for tea.

* CondescendingCompassion. The narration. "Ron wasn't with them. He was still ill in the hospital wing after the brains' attack. After all, brains are entirely foreign to his body."

** Lampshaded in the narration: fanfics, Malfoy has to be called a ferret, so Ron does so constantly.

* ClicheStorm: Done deliberately as the whole premise of the story.
* CondescendingCompassion. The authors. "Ron wasn't with them. He was still ill in the hospital wing after the brains' attack. After all, brains are entirely foreign to his body."

* AdaptationalHeroism: Fudge, who supported Harry and ended up being the most successful Minister in history.
* AdaptationalVillainy: Dumbledore, most of the Order, including the Weasleys, and Neville.

* CaptainObvious: In his start-of-the-term speech Dumbledore repeats that the name of the Forbidden Forest means it's forbidden to go there. He says he's tired of dozens of idiots who don't get the hint.

* CondescendingCompassion. The authors. "Ron wasn't with them. He was still ill in the hospital wing after brainstorming. After all, brains are entirely foreign to his body."

* EasilyOverheardConversation: In the beginning Harry, Hermione, Draco and Blaise overhear Dumbledore, Alastor Moody and Arthur Weasley discussing their EvilPlan in Dumbledore's study.

* InsaneTrollLogic: Goblin logic, to be precise. Chiefaccountant goblins need Harry's blood to know how much money there is on his account.

* NiceJobFixingItVillain: When the Weasleys ask to legally adopt Harry, their petition is dealt with by Dolores Umbridge, who, still thinking that Harry likes the family, makes it an EpicFail.

* NoNameGiven: The Defense professor. We don't know either his/her looks, name, or even sex. The only thing known is that (s)he's a simple Auror.

* RunningGag: In fanfics, Malfoy has to be called a ferret.

* TakeThatScrappy: Harry thinks of sparing Pettigrew because the latter became a traitor under Imperius, but then kills him because nobody likes him anyway.

* UselessProtagonist: Blaise Zabini is there because he just is. Later on he gets OutOfFocus more and more.

* GenreBlindness: Harry sometimes.

* AsYouKnow: Alastor Moody forgets some details from Dumbledore's plan, so that Dumbledore would explain them and the readers will know the plan too.

'It's written in Russian.'