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Changed line(s) 25,26 (click to see context) from:
** Ben's bigger on the inside magic bag is activated with the words "Bibidi bobidi boo", the magic words the Fairy Godmother from ''Disney/{{Cinderella}}'' used.
** After visiting Sweet Apple Acres, Ben and the others go into the Everfree Forest, where Applejack taunts a group of steers to chase everyone. This was ripped off from a scene in ''Disney/TheLionKingIISimbasPride''.
** After visiting Sweet Apple Acres, Ben and the others go into the Everfree Forest, where Applejack taunts a group of steers to chase everyone. This was ripped off from a scene in ''Disney/TheLionKingIISimbasPride''.
to:
** Ben's bigger on the inside magic bag is activated with the words "Bibidi bobidi boo", the magic words the Fairy Godmother from ''Disney/{{Cinderella}}'' ''WesternAnimation/{{Cinderella}}'' used.
** After visiting Sweet Apple Acres, Ben and the others go into the Everfree Forest, where Applejack taunts a group of steers to chase everyone. This was ripped off from a scene in''Disney/TheLionKingIISimbasPride''.''WesternAnimation/TheLionKingIISimbasPride''.
** After visiting Sweet Apple Acres, Ben and the others go into the Everfree Forest, where Applejack taunts a group of steers to chase everyone. This was ripped off from a scene in
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Taking place in the author's version of the ''My Little Pony Friendship is Magic'' universe, the fanfic is a sequel to ''Fanfic/CurseOfTheDemonPony'', taking place immediately after that story with everyone returning from Canterlot and follows Ben being given a tour of Ponyville by Twilight.
As with its prequel, a dramatic reading/critique was done by ''WebVideo/AgainAFanficCritic'', the first chapter of which can be found [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPzkjvQ-Yv4&index=1&list=PLCUUiqZA5tTpVTmgD7Sw2i18mx9hgTNU4 here]].
As with its prequel, a dramatic reading/critique was done by ''WebVideo/AgainAFanficCritic'', the first chapter of which can be found [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPzkjvQ-Yv4&index=1&list=PLCUUiqZA5tTpVTmgD7Sw2i18mx9hgTNU4 here]].
to:
Taking place in the author's version of the ''My Little Pony Friendship is Magic'' universe, the fanfic is a sequel to ''Fanfic/CurseOfTheDemonPony'', taking place immediately after that story with everyone returning from Canterlot and follows Ben being given adjusting to life in Ponyville, seeking a tour quiet life. Unfortunately for him, after a suprising turn of Ponyville by Twilight.
As with its prequel, a dramatic reading/critique was done by ''WebVideo/AgainAFanficCritic'', the first chapter of which canevents, Ben finds that life is not going to be found [[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPzkjvQ-Yv4&index=1&list=PLCUUiqZA5tTpVTmgD7Sw2i18mx9hgTNU4 here]].
so quiet.
As with its prequel, a dramatic reading/critique was done by ''WebVideo/AgainAFanficCritic'', the first chapter of which can
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Worked better as "worst" then "worse".
Changed line(s) 19 (click to see context) from:
* EasilyForgiven: Ben declares he was the Demon Pony to the citizens of Ponyville, who take no issue with this. The worse he gets is working at Applejack's farm as punishment for eating a pie when he was the Demon Pony.
to:
* EasilyForgiven: Ben declares he was the Demon Pony to the citizens of Ponyville, who take no issue with this. The worse worst he gets is working at Applejack's farm as punishment for eating a pie when he was the Demon Pony.
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Porting to YMMV
Deleted line(s) 8 (click to see context) :
* AngstWhatAngst: Twilight mentions her parents' house being blown up at the end of the previous story, showing no sign of upset or any negative feeling toward what happened.
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* AngstWhatAngst: Twilight mentions her parents' house being blown up at the end of the previous story, showing no sign of upset or any negative feeling toward what happened.
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None
Changed line(s) 19 (click to see context) from:
* EasilyForgiven: Ben declares he is the Demon Pony to the citizens of Ponyville, who take no issue with this.
to:
* EasilyForgiven: Ben declares he is was the Demon Pony to the citizens of Ponyville, who take no issue with this.this. The worse he gets is working at Applejack's farm as punishment for eating a pie when he was the Demon Pony.
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None
Changed line(s) 16 (click to see context) from:
** One of the fic's last lines "redemption isn't easy but will be worth it", is lifted from ''Return of Harmony Part 2'' (albeit with the word "friendship" replaced with "redemption".
to:
** One of the fic's last lines "redemption isn't easy but will be worth it", is lifted from ''Return of Harmony Part 2'' (albeit with the word "friendship" replaced with "redemption"."redemption").
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None
Changed line(s) 16 (click to see context) from:
** One of the fic's last lines "redemption isn't easy but will be worth it", is lifted from ''Return of Harmony Part 2''.
to:
** One of the fic's last lines "redemption isn't easy but will be worth it", is lifted from ''Return of Harmony Part 2''.2'' (albeit with the word "friendship" replaced with "redemption".
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* EasilyForgiven: Ben declares he is the Demon Pony to the citizens of Ponyville, who take no issue with this.
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None
Added DiffLines:
* BagOfKidnapping: Toward the end of the fic when Ben is attempting to leave Ponyville, Rarity, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash tie Ben up and stick him in a bag so they can take him to Sugarcube Corner.
Added DiffLines:
** One of the fic's last lines "redemption isn't easy but will be worth it", is lifted from ''Return of Harmony Part 2''.
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None
Changed line(s) 3,4 (click to see context) from:
Taking place in the author's universe, the fanfic is a sequel to ''Fanfic/CurseOfTheDemonPony'', taking place immediately after that story with everyone returning from Canterlot and follows Ben being given a tour of Ponyville by Twilight.
to:
Taking place in the author's version of the ''My Little Pony Friendship is Magic'' universe, the fanfic is a sequel to ''Fanfic/CurseOfTheDemonPony'', taking place immediately after that story with everyone returning from Canterlot and follows Ben being given a tour of Ponyville by Twilight.
Is there an issue? Send a MessageReason:
I'm having difficulty seeing this and need a better example
Deleted line(s) 10 (click to see context) :
* CharacterExaggeration: Diamond Tiara's trait of being a bully is exaggerated. In one chapter, she attacks Pipsqueak with rocks. While in the show she has pelted things at her classmates, it has not been with objects as hard as rocks.
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Changed line(s) 5,6 (click to see context) from:
As with its prequel, a dramatic reading/critique was done by ''WebVideo/AgainAFanficCritic'', the first chapter of which can be found [[[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPzkjvQ-Yv4&index=1&list=PLCUUiqZA5tTpVTmgD7Sw2i18mx9hgTNU4 here]].
to:
As with its prequel, a dramatic reading/critique was done by ''WebVideo/AgainAFanficCritic'', the first chapter of which can be found [[[[https://www.[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPzkjvQ-Yv4&index=1&list=PLCUUiqZA5tTpVTmgD7Sw2i18mx9hgTNU4 here]].
Deleted line(s) 24 (click to see context) :
* {{Shipping}}: Ben encourages Big Mac to get back together with Cherilee.
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''[[http://www.fimfiction.net/story/141883/bens-first-day Ben's First Day]]'' is a fanfiction by Creator/{{Jussonic}}.
Taking place in the author's universe, the fanfic is a sequel to ''Fanfic/CurseOfTheDemonPony'', taking place immediately after that story with everyone returning from Canterlot and follows Ben being given a tour of Ponyville by Twilight.
As with its prequel, a dramatic reading/critique was done by ''WebVideo/AgainAFanficCritic'', the first chapter of which can be found [[[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPzkjvQ-Yv4&index=1&list=PLCUUiqZA5tTpVTmgD7Sw2i18mx9hgTNU4 here]].
!!The fanfiction contains examples of
* BreakingTheFourthWall: In one scene, Pinkie and the others need to get into the Golden Oak Library, but cannot because of the crowds. They circumvent this by exiting and entering the film frame, which Pinkie demonstrates. As pointed out in the dramatic reading, this fails because it is a visual gag, and does not work in text format.
* CelebrityIsOverRated: Upon arriving in Ponyville, Ben ends up with ponies fawning over him, to the extent they chase him around Ponyville, much to his dismay because he came to Ponyville for a quiet life with Twilight and Nyx.
* CharacterExaggeration: Diamond Tiara's trait of being a bully is exaggerated. In one chapter, she attacks Pipsqueak with rocks. While in the show she has pelted things at her classmates, it has not been with objects as hard as rocks.
* ContinuityNod:
** Events from ''Curse of The Demon Pony'' are referenced, including Ben being freed from the cage by Lorcan and Twilight's parents' house being destroyed at the end of that fic.
** Ben unflatteringly mentions the events of ''Hearts and Hooves Day'' where the Cutie Mark Crusaders tried to hook Cherilee with Big Mac using Love Poison, much to Cherilee and Apple Bloom's embarassment.
** Ben's unwanted attention is likened to the episodes where the Mane Five tried to get Twilight's extra gala ticket in ''The Ticket Master'' and Fluttershy being stalked by everyone after she became Photo Finish's model in ''Green is Not Your Color''.
** Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds in 10 seconds in ''Friendship is Magic Part 1'' is mentioned, and she demonstrates this again.
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: As with ''Curse of The Demon Pony'', the author restates in narration what has already been spoken by a character.
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Pipsqueak is revealed to have a toy of Princess Luna. A boy with a toy of a technicolor pony. Sound familiar?
* {{Hammerspace}}: Ben brings with him a bag that is bigger on the inside to store his belongings.
* IJustWantToBeNormal: Ben's reason for coming to Ponyville was because he wanted a quiet life and yells at the Ponyville citizens for not giving him privacy.
* MoodWhiplash: After being given a tour of Ponyville, Ben asks Twilight what has happened to her brother, Starlight [[note]][[NamesTheSame not to be confused with]] Starlight Glimmer, who had not been created at the time of the fic's writing, is female, and is not related to Twilight[[/note]] only to learn he was murdered, ending a relatively pleasant chapter on a grim tone.
* RunningGag: Wherever Ben goes, ponies keep following him.
* SailorEarth: Ben is revealed to be the holder of three new Elements of Harmony.
* SeriesContinuityError: Twilight claims she was able to get extra tickets due to being related to Celestia through Shining and Cadance's marriage. The marriage did not occur until season 2 whereas the incident with the Gala tickets was in season 1.
* {{Shipping}}: Ben encourages Big Mac to get back together with Cherilee.
* ShoutOut:
** Ben's bigger on the inside magic bag is activated with the words "Bibidi bobidi boo", the magic words the Fairy Godmother from ''Disney/{{Cinderella}}'' used.
** After visiting Sweet Apple Acres, Ben and the others go into the Everfree Forest, where Applejack taunts a group of steers to chase everyone. This was ripped off from a scene in ''Disney/TheLionKingIISimbasPride''.
* WholePlotReference: Ben's tour of Ponyville is essentially a copy of ''Friendship is Magic Part 1'', meeting the Mane Five and doing with Ben what they did with Twilight did in the first episode, including Ben meeting Apple Jack's relatives, Rarity getting Ben a new outfit and Pinkie Pie throwing Ben a party.
Taking place in the author's universe, the fanfic is a sequel to ''Fanfic/CurseOfTheDemonPony'', taking place immediately after that story with everyone returning from Canterlot and follows Ben being given a tour of Ponyville by Twilight.
As with its prequel, a dramatic reading/critique was done by ''WebVideo/AgainAFanficCritic'', the first chapter of which can be found [[[[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPzkjvQ-Yv4&index=1&list=PLCUUiqZA5tTpVTmgD7Sw2i18mx9hgTNU4 here]].
!!The fanfiction contains examples of
* BreakingTheFourthWall: In one scene, Pinkie and the others need to get into the Golden Oak Library, but cannot because of the crowds. They circumvent this by exiting and entering the film frame, which Pinkie demonstrates. As pointed out in the dramatic reading, this fails because it is a visual gag, and does not work in text format.
* CelebrityIsOverRated: Upon arriving in Ponyville, Ben ends up with ponies fawning over him, to the extent they chase him around Ponyville, much to his dismay because he came to Ponyville for a quiet life with Twilight and Nyx.
* CharacterExaggeration: Diamond Tiara's trait of being a bully is exaggerated. In one chapter, she attacks Pipsqueak with rocks. While in the show she has pelted things at her classmates, it has not been with objects as hard as rocks.
* ContinuityNod:
** Events from ''Curse of The Demon Pony'' are referenced, including Ben being freed from the cage by Lorcan and Twilight's parents' house being destroyed at the end of that fic.
** Ben unflatteringly mentions the events of ''Hearts and Hooves Day'' where the Cutie Mark Crusaders tried to hook Cherilee with Big Mac using Love Poison, much to Cherilee and Apple Bloom's embarassment.
** Ben's unwanted attention is likened to the episodes where the Mane Five tried to get Twilight's extra gala ticket in ''The Ticket Master'' and Fluttershy being stalked by everyone after she became Photo Finish's model in ''Green is Not Your Color''.
** Rainbow Dash clearing the clouds in 10 seconds in ''Friendship is Magic Part 1'' is mentioned, and she demonstrates this again.
* DepartmentOfRedundancyDepartment: As with ''Curse of The Demon Pony'', the author restates in narration what has already been spoken by a character.
* DoesThisRemindYouOfAnything: Pipsqueak is revealed to have a toy of Princess Luna. A boy with a toy of a technicolor pony. Sound familiar?
* {{Hammerspace}}: Ben brings with him a bag that is bigger on the inside to store his belongings.
* IJustWantToBeNormal: Ben's reason for coming to Ponyville was because he wanted a quiet life and yells at the Ponyville citizens for not giving him privacy.
* MoodWhiplash: After being given a tour of Ponyville, Ben asks Twilight what has happened to her brother, Starlight [[note]][[NamesTheSame not to be confused with]] Starlight Glimmer, who had not been created at the time of the fic's writing, is female, and is not related to Twilight[[/note]] only to learn he was murdered, ending a relatively pleasant chapter on a grim tone.
* RunningGag: Wherever Ben goes, ponies keep following him.
* SailorEarth: Ben is revealed to be the holder of three new Elements of Harmony.
* SeriesContinuityError: Twilight claims she was able to get extra tickets due to being related to Celestia through Shining and Cadance's marriage. The marriage did not occur until season 2 whereas the incident with the Gala tickets was in season 1.
* {{Shipping}}: Ben encourages Big Mac to get back together with Cherilee.
* ShoutOut:
** Ben's bigger on the inside magic bag is activated with the words "Bibidi bobidi boo", the magic words the Fairy Godmother from ''Disney/{{Cinderella}}'' used.
** After visiting Sweet Apple Acres, Ben and the others go into the Everfree Forest, where Applejack taunts a group of steers to chase everyone. This was ripped off from a scene in ''Disney/TheLionKingIISimbasPride''.
* WholePlotReference: Ben's tour of Ponyville is essentially a copy of ''Friendship is Magic Part 1'', meeting the Mane Five and doing with Ben what they did with Twilight did in the first episode, including Ben meeting Apple Jack's relatives, Rarity getting Ben a new outfit and Pinkie Pie throwing Ben a party.
