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     2015 Episodes 
The Neverending Story
  • Before even starting the review proper, the Dom hears the song from the movie and can't help but break out in enthusiastic dancing.
  • "While the second film made some token effort to include references to the book, they still changed it so much it bears only a passing resemblance to it, and the third film went so completely off the rails I can only assume the writers were smoking a neverending doobie while they worked."
  • His impression of how the book might have read if the third movie had been a faithful adaptation.
    The Dom (as Michael Ende): (in German, English subtitles) "Meanwhile, Jack Black was being a massive asshole and tearing up the library and shit, which made fireballs fly at a... Jewish tree..."
  • "[Atreyu] teams up with a luckdragon named Falcor, who replaces Artax after he TRAUMATIZES OUR CHILDHOODS..."
  • "Hang on a second, I'm just adding 'find reason to yell "To the winch, wench!" at someone' to my bucket list."
  • How book Fantastica's geography being based on where someone truly wants to go could play out in the real world.
    "No, baby, I'm really looking forward to spending the evening with your mother. Yes, I do know she's really into cross-stitching now. I should be there soon, I've been walking for about an hour..." (looks up, finds himself at a club called "The Manhole") "...Huh." (tosses phone and heads in)

Jurassic Park

I, Robot

  • The Dom makes his opinion of the movie abundantly clear right out of the gate:
    Trailer narration: But did we design them...to be trusted?
    The Dom: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!! Yes! The answer is yes! To the question you just asked, yes, they are, trusted! Very much so! Infallibly! ...Yes! (groan)
  • It takes a few seconds before he can come up with anything for the "What they didn't change" section, and even then the section ends up being pitifully short.

Dune

  • Having quite liked the book after reading it for the review, he mentions feeling some trepidation at the warnings people had given him regarding the film.
    The Dom: Some of the warnings were so extreme, I ended up approaching my TV that day feeling somewhat like a condemned prisoner being led to the gallows. But now that I've seen it, I've gotta say you guys, to be completely fair to the film, you really...didn't warn me ENOUGH.
  • Learning the hard way that his viewers would in fact like him to talk about the behind-the-scenes reasons behind adaptations turning out as they did. "The hard way" being receiving a piece of fan mail with "STARSHIP TROOPERS WAS SATIRE YOU IDIOT" written in blood.
  • "The Guild is an unknowable, looming presence that's accepted as a part of life, but shrouded in the depths of mystery, giving them a very much alien undercurrent, and WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCKITY FUCK FUCK IS THAT THING?!"
  • "Now, the Baron Harkonnen has a WWHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIS FAAAAACE?!"
  • Likening the film version of Baron Harkonnen floating around with his anti-gravity machines to "a weird H.P. Lovecraft reimagining of Peter Pan".
  • "...Why was Sting...just steam-cooking himself...wearing futuristic speedos? (beat) Would you excuse me for just one moment, beautiful watchers? Thank you so much." ("Ave Maria" plays, he proceeds to drain an entire bottle in one go)
    • "I would very much...(burp) like to not do that again... (burp) because that was the third take...and I have just drank three cartons of apple juice...and now I'm gonna go be very sick, excuse me."
  • "If you'll excuse me, I'm off to stick spice up my nose to see if it gives me super powers."

The Wizard of Oz

  • Bringing up his deep childhood fear of the Wicked Witch. "If my mum and dad are watching this, they've just learned the reason I kept a bucket of water by my bed for almost a decade."
  • The skit acting out the Tin Woodsman's book backstory.
  • The flying monkeys, upon dropping Dorothy off with the Witch in the book, given that they were not her slaves as in the film: "Well...see ya, bitch. Take care and go fuck yourself!"
    • "I may be paraphrasing a little bit..."

Percy Jackson And The Lightning Thief

  • "Percy, I'm just borrowing your pen for a second..." *click* *SHNNNK*
  • "Hey, remember when I said the book was clever enough to not get Hades and Satan mixed up?" (clip of movie!Hades from the campfire scene) "...Hoo boy."
  • Following up a dramatic reading of the book's description of Hades with a few clips of the movie version being slightly...less impressive.
    • Which leads to the first use of the Calm Intellectual Filter.
    • "Mr. Titley [who wrote the screenplay], I'm sure you're a very pleasant person, but I rather think you are ill-suited for your current profession." Said as The Dom is very violently and suggestively Flipping the Bird at the screen.
  • "That's why this film sucked, and that's why it can kiss-" (Filter activates) "-its reputation goodbye. ...Reginald, I didn't ask you to switch the Calm Intellectual Filter back on, so please disengage it...Reginald, while I respect your choice to ignore my request, considering my current state of agitation, there's a small chance this situation may lead to violence."

The Princess Bride

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

  • ♪Come with me/and you'll see/a whole new world of minor movie changes/I can't sing/but you get the point...♪
  • "Just look at the way [Wonka] responds to direct questions in some weird and clearly made-up gobbledygook language." (clip of Wonka speaking French) "Utter nonsense, I say!"
  • "Grandpa Joe is actually meant to be ninety-six, but, come on. Try and find an actor that old. ...Oh, uh, I guess Christopher Lee. Heh, that's ironic."
  • "Kid, he's giving away free samples, just go inside."
  • "There isn't a cream-blasting Wonkamobile in the book. I'm beginning to suspect Mel Stuart had a few issues of his own to work through."
    • "What? What? You thought just because I used long words that I wasn't a horrific pervert? You don't know me!"
  • Criticizing Mel Stuart for having Charlie's father be dead in the film. "This isn't a Disney film, you're allowed to have two loving parents!"
  • Willy Wonka review: Wishes that the film had kept in the story about the Indian prince and the palace made of chocolate, as he felt it was funny. Charlie review: Feels that the story about the Indian prince and the palace of chocolate should have been cut, due to being stupid and possibly racist.
  • "Wow, I was expecting Burton to take a dump all over the original story, but he's actually stuck to it really well! [...] And so far there hasn't been any...wait. What's happening? Burton, what are you doing? Burton, no, what are you doing?! NOOOOOOOO what is this silliness?"
  • The Dom's sound-effects describing the differences between the machines in the Stuart movie versus the Burton one.
  • Thinking the film maybe should have updated Mike Teevee's name to better reflect his changed character flaw. "Something like...Mike...Firstpersonshooteree? ...Shut up, I'm hilarious."
  • The Oompa-Loompa song about Burton's additions to the story. Sung by a chorus of miniature versions of The Dom.
    • ♪Oompa Loompa, doopity-doo/Burton's working through his daddy issues/He doesn't care if he screws up the plot/He'll do it his way whether you like it or not♪
    • "...You guys saw that too, right?"
    • "Hey wait, that tune was from the other movie, you idiots!"
  • ♪Oompa Loompa, doopity-doo/I've got a gun, and it's pointing at you/Give us your cash and no one gets hurt/Or it's oompa-loompa bang-bang and diiiirt!♪
    • "Well, as, uh, muggings go, that was somewhat more musical than I'm used to."

The Shining

  • "Wendy! Stop. Hogging. The bathroom!"
  • Representing how Tony was revealed in the book to appear as an older version of Danny by photoshopping a beard (specifically, the one that the actor who played Danny is currently sporting) onto film!Danny's face.
  • The studio meeting with Stephen King.
    Executive: Well, we're all really looking forward to working on the film with you. I do have to talk to you first though about the little mistake you made in the book.
    King: ...Mistake?
    Executive: Yeah, in chapter fifty-three, you accidentally wrote that the black guy doesn't die.
    King: Who, Halloran? Yeah, he fights his way to hotel, rescues the wife and kid and becomes a surrogate father to Danny from then on!
    Executive: Yeah, but...Steve, you...wrote that the black guy doesn't die.
    King: ...So?
    Executive: ...You know what? Don't worry about it, uh, we'll fix it for ya.
  • Photos of The Dom's face being used to cover the naked zombie lady.
    Executive: Great story, Steve, just great, but I can't help but feel it lacks a certain sexy edge, you know, like a beautiful woman showering naked or something.
    King: Well...there's the scene where there's the naked old lady decomposing in the bathtub. But there's no way you could make that sexy, right?
    Executive: (thoughtful grin)
    King: R...right?
  • The Dom's attempt to trigger the Take Over the World gag, which falls flat. "I guess you have to earn it."

Watchmen

  • "Oh, oh! You want a storyboard? Here's your fucking storyboard, bitch!"
    • "Please stop that, Mr. Snyder."
  • The Nostalgia Critic's cameo.
    The Dom: Would an owl credit card bother you?
    Critic: ...The fuck you talking about?
    The Dom: Nothing, kthnx bye! (hangs up)
    (beat)
    The Dom: ...I should not have hung up on him.
    Critic: (looks at his phone a second, then puts it away and returns to what he was doing) Last time I do a cameo for him.
  • The fire rescue scene in the film as opposed to the graphic novel. "EXPLOSIONS!!! WHOOOOO!!! JUMPING!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! I WILL EXTINGUISH YOUR FIRE WITH BULLETS!!! HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!"
  • In the middle of the "what they changed" section where he's been largely focusing on nitpicks, he gets a text: "Dear The Dom: Stop stalling. Sincerely, The Internet."
    • "Well...it's a lovely day. I guess there's worse times to go. Let's discuss the ending."
  • "Now usually I'd be a bit nervous about promoting just one side of a controversial subject, but seeing as I'm pretty sure I've just killed anyone with a conflicting opinion..."
    Linkara: Not quite.
    The Dom: Linkara.
    Linkara: Dom.
    The Dom: (cough)
    Linkara: Ugh, fine. The Dom.
    The Dom: Thank you.
    Linkara: (holds up magic gun) You wanna go ahead and drop the sword?
    The Dom: ...Fine. But after this I'm finding my own magic weapon and it's going to be badass.
  • "Maybe this doesn't have to be a "who shot first" situation incidentally it was totally Han."
  • "I should, uh, probably apologize to everyone who just died because I didn't figure this out a few minutes sooner. That was my bad."
  • In part 2, when pointing out the changes made to film!Ozymandias's costume, the camera lingers on one particular feature that might be familiar to viewers of another movie. "Let's just say if I hadn't already annoyed the Critic the other week..."

A Series of Unfortunate Events

  • Upon reading the book's introduction - in particular, the part about "[...]there is nothing stopping you from putting the book down at once and going and doing something more fun":
    The Dom: ...Sounds fair. (tosses book, walks away whistling)
  • This is followed by The Dom wandering around and inserting himself into various movies, but continually running into the book and freaking out before trying to flee it as it chases him down. Some highlights:
    • "Rather than bring a gun like I originally intended, apparently I've brought a baguette."
    • Playing a flame-throwing ukulele while in Mad Max: Fury Road.
    • Dancing to "Hooked on a Feeling" while in a lineup with the Guardians of the Galaxy.
    • Casually playing Pokemon in the desert before being startled by Finn popping up.
    • "NO! NO! You said it was okay not to read you! I'm not doing it!"
  • "Fine! I will do the fucking episode! You lied to me, Snicket!"
  • Paramount's guide to book adaptations.
  • How it should have ended: "Oh, hello there, you must be the Baudelaires. I'm from social services."
    • Soon after Count Olaf arrived and was shot on sight, Mr. Po was arrested for criminal negligence, and the Baudelaire orphans were taken to an appropriate foster home. The End.

Who Framed Roger Rabbit

  • The first thirty seconds of the video, as The Dom babbles nervously about how unnecessary it would be to talk about the book, and suggesting other things he could talk about instead, as there are "definitely no heartbreaking plot twists" to discuss, all while a timer in the upper corner is counting down to "The Dom blurts out a major plot twist from the book in..."
  • In addition to the usual categories of "People asked", "Saw the film", and "Read the book", this episode necessitated "Surprised to hear there WAS a book".
  • The Dom attempts to trigger the "take over the world" gag again. "It was Tuesday."
    • (long beat) "I'm gonna keep working on that."

Blade Runner

  • "Yeah, you hear that, vegetarians? You eventually won. But at what cost??"
  • "If something ever gets invented that looks human and feels human and can be built to order OF COURSE people are gonna want to have sex with it!"
  • The film sexualizing two female android characters in ways that they weren't in the book leads The Dom to muse that "there seems to be an almost Michael Bay-level of unnecessary sexualization going on here." Comparing Ridley Scott to Michael Bay immediately ushers in the Apocalypse.
  • The Dom's expressions showcasing the options of the mood organ device.
  • "After he's finished retiring all the andies, Deckard drives out into the nearby wasteland and decides that he's Jesus." ( Record Scratch )

Bram Stoker's Dracula

  • The Dom dressing as a vampire and laughing like The Count.
  • "It was directed by a bloke called Francis Ford Coppola, who did some little independent films you've probably never heard of."
  • "No, Keanu! Bad! That's not what we sound like! Stop it!"
  • The skit comparing the book and film versions of Van Helsing.
  • Similar to the gag in the Neverending Story review, transcribing some film-added scenes into book form:
    The Dom: "And then Lucy and Mina ran around in the rain giggling, while their dresses got all wet and see-through. And then they totally started making out and stuff." [...] "Later on, Lucy dressed up like a slutty Red Riding Hood and had sex with a furry." Uh, however, the word "furry" is crossed out to be replaced with the word "wolf-man".
    Audience member: Good lord, I thought this was supposed to be about a vampire!
    The Dom: Well now it's a weird porno, okay?!

Goldfinger

  • Listing all of the drinks Bond has (four double bourbons on the rocks, a vodka martini, and a pint of champagne in the first two chapters alone) before concluding that Archer isn't a Bond parody but rather the truest adaptation of all.
  • The skit where the Dom points out the flaws in Bond's signature martini preparation style.
  • "[...]In the next film, he's going to be drinking Heineken, because these days Bond is a spy second and an advertising prostitute first."
  • Slapping "Pointless" stamps on film changes to Goldfinger's plans, eventually becoming a tad overwhelmed by all the stuff that makes no sense and needing to take a break.
  • "FYI, in the book Felix has a hook hand. Because...yarrrr."
  • "Every single movie in the universe could be greatly improved by having an old lady with a Thompson! Even in the unlikely event that it already has one. They can have two, why not?"
  • Consulting a "Ways villains might kill you" chart to confirm that a laser is in fact cooler than the buzzsaw/grinder in the book.
    • From least to most awesome, the chart lists: gun, buzzsaw/grinder, shark tank, rancor, laser, laser rancor.
  • The skit of Bond trying to be suave after beating a man to death. The Sean Connery accent sells it.

Die Hard

  • The Dom delivering a painful kneecap-shot to another version of himself trying to convince him to be less "bah humbug" about Christmas.
    The Dom: Now would anyone else like to try and imbue me with some holiday spirit? No? Excellent.
  • Out of the thirty people surveyed for the episode, none of them had read the book, and over half had to be convinced there was a book.
  • The sequence of jokes about the lead character being somewhat older in the book than he was in the film. Including him throwing his back out in the gun-taped-to-the-back scene.
  • Again tries to get the "take over the world" gag to work. "But of course." So close, and yet so far.
    The Dom: Damnit! Go home Bond, you're drunk!
     2016 Episodes 
A Christmas Carol
  • The Dom choking on his attempts to wish his watchers a "Merry Christmas", eventually giving up and going with "Happy New Year."
  • His "paraphrasing" of the Cratchit family's reactions to Christmas-related things.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

  • This time, to be safe, The Dom starts off with the Calm Intellectual Filter already engaged, so as to get all the negativity out of the way. He ends up overloading it.
    The Dom: The trick of balancing accuracy and good screenwriting is of course a very difficult tightrope to walk, and I try not to be too judgmental- (Filter switches off) -I'm gonna take one of the DVDs and stick it so far up his ass...
  • "Much to my personal relief they also got rid of that awful writer Titley, and replaced him with a guy called Marc Guggenheim, best known for oh come on, are you freaking kidding me?"
  • Toward the end, he tries to reengage the Filter:
    The Dom: (bagpipe music plays) Well this is a right plum puddin', an' no mistake!...Wha? Reginald, ya silly bugger, this is nay the Intellectual Filter, it's the Scottish Filter! These are nay people known for their calmness, switch it over ya wee dafty!
  • The next attempts result in the Gollum Filter and the Valley Girl Filter. The Dom just gives up after that.
    The Dom: (valley girl voice) Why do you even have this setting?

The Witches

  • "Hello again, Roald Dahl, you sociopathic maniac masquerading as a children's book author."
  • "Now, before I start with the comparison, I just need to get a few non-adaption-related things off my chest." (clears throat) "Child acting." (grimace, thumbs-down) "Rowan Atkinson." (big grin, thumbs-up) "Possible cruelty to real animals." (stern head-shake) "Surprisingly effective practical effects." (smile, thumbs-up) "Ah, thanks, I feel much better now."
  • Complaining about the main character being changed from English to American. "You can't ignore my people forever, America!"
  • "Phase 2 of their plan involved an army of cats, so it's automatically the best plan ever."
  • The Dom predicts there will be a reboot of the movie at some point, "filled with CGI mice and uncomfortably-sexy witches."
    • "Make a note of this now, marvel at my precognitive powers later. Goodbye beautiful watchers." (turns to one of the sexy witches) "Hey baby, how you doin'?"

Eragon

  • In the "Beginner's Guide" video, The Dom gives a quick overview of the plot...without using any specific names. Told in this fashion the story sounds a tiny bit similar to a certain other story...
    The Dom: This is the book equivalent of a student downloading an essay off the internet and thinking that using the word-replacement tool will be enough to fool his teacher!
  • "[The filmmakers] also haven't quite caught on to the fact that sticking your actor in front of a green screen and pointing a hair dryer in his general direction isn't in any way convincing to the audience."
  • "They made Eragon's life with his uncle much more two-dimensionally happy in the film, which only served to more clearly paint a big old 'I'm so fucking dead' message on his forehead."
  • Dragon sex-ed videos:
    "You're going to be noticing some changes to your body soon. Don't worry, this is perfectly normal and it will only last a few seconds, then you will be a full-fledged adult and able to go about your day."
  • The Dom declares that he's going to take the high road regarding Jeremy Irons's presence in the film...but eventually can't resist allowing himself one reference.
  • Realizing that there could be potential problems with the Elvish language being impossible to lie in:
    Dress-wearing elf (in Elvish): Does this top make me look like a fat man in drag?
    Other elf: ...No, baby! You, uh, you look great!
    Dress-wearing elf (in Elvish): (suspicious) ...Why did you say that in English?

The Hunt for Red October

  • Pointing out the Family-Unfriendly Aesop of how all but one character in both book and film was a chain smoker, and the one who wasn't picked up the habit by the end. "Hey kids, don't they look cool? Yeah, they look cool. Don't you want to look cool?"
  • "Clancy actually wrote in a reference to the true story that inspired the book in the book, which I think should have caused a meta-paradox and destroyed his universe...but, that might just be me."
  • The Dom mentioning about something fairly important in the book whose omission in the film rather annoyed him, but he just can't quite remember what it was...all the while "Rule, Britannia!" starts playing and building up in the background.
    The Dom: America, you have to learn to share the credit. For stuff real, and fictional.
  • "I also feel I have to mention that despite Clancy's apparent belief, no one in Britain has said the words "jolly good" since the nineteen-fifties!"

Coraline

  • The Dom happily describing the young British lead character and how her house is near London...then cutting to the very American-accented film Coraline saying that she's from Pontiac, Michigan.
    The Dom: (long beat; then sighs)
    ("TIMES THAT THE AMERICANS HAVE STOLEN OR WRITTEN OUT BRITISH CHARACTERS: 3")
    The Dom: Yeah that's right, I'm keeping score now.
  • Actually preferring how the film had the Other Mother's creepiness build up over time instead of her being inhuman from the start, as in the latter case "WHY THE FUCK DID CORALINE TRUST HER AT ALL, THEN?!"
    Other Mother: Hello dear, I'm your Other Mother—
    The Dom: (screams, pulls out a gun and shoots until she falls to the floor, pulls out a second gun when the first runs out of bullets, then runs away, still screaming)
    Other Mother: (painfully raises hand)
    The Dom: (burns her with a flamethrower, still screaming)

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

  • The image accompanying The Dom's theorizing that Suzanne Collins was "hovering over" Lionsgate in spirit even if she wasn't technically involved in writing the screenplay.
  • When The Dom spots what is presumably supposed to be the film's version of an Avox, he panics and exclaims that David Lynch has sent the "freaky doctors" from Dune after him. "Run, Jennifer Lawrence, save yourself!"
  • Describing the first Quarter Quell, where the District citizens had to vote on who to send as tributes, as "brown trouser time for the assholes in the community, I would imagine." The scenario being acted out by a crowd of Dom clones.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2

  • When he discusses his feelings on the book's ending, the line "I don't like feeling depressed. I like feeling happy. And, situation-appropriate, slightly aroused," coincides with a clip of Tigris from the film.
  • The first time he read the book ending he shouted "Oh, COME ON!"...while in a veterinarian waiting room.
    The Dom: Do you have ANY idea what it's like to receive an accusatory stare from seventeen startled puppies?
  • Casually referring to Lyme as "Brienne of Tarth".
  • The skit of President Snow's meal guests awkwardly trying to ignore the guy Snow poisoned before everyone started eating.
  • "At this point you might be wondering: 'Well then The Dom, you gorgeous example of sexy manhood, seeing as the book's ending depressed you so much, does that mean you like the ending of the film better?' To which my obvious response is: (struggling) I...don't know!!"
    • "RRRR, brain pain! You broke me with that little smile, Jennifer Lawrence, I hope you're happy!"
  • The alternate universe where Katniss was played by Helena Bonham-Carter.
  • "I sure am glad there's nothing much, much longer, more popular, and way more time-consuming looming on the near horizon. That would just completely push me over the deep endwwwhat are you staring at?" (Hedwig's Theme starts playing)
    • "OH, FUCK ME!"

Dagon

  • The Dom getting booed by Lovecraft fans over his attempts to pronounce "Cthulhu". "You know what, I'm not supposed to be able to pronounce it, I don't have the right organs!"
  • Summarizing the film protagonist's vague occupation as, "a science computer man doing smart stuff."
  • "Two things that feature quite heavily in the film that have no basis in the book whatsoever, are boobies."
  • "Until next time, my very beautiful watchers, peace and love!...craft. I'm funny."

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

  • Countering people telling him that the child actors got better in future movies by pointing out that that fact doesn't help his annoyance with them in the first one, where each "is just a kid who can't act!" regardless of Daniel Radcliffe going on into a respectable acting career, Emma Watson becoming an inspiring feminist icon, or Rupert Grint going on to...own an ice cream truck.
  • "The impression I get when I'm watching this film is that I've somehow been roped into going to a school play that my friend's kid is in, only I can't remember which kid is his, so I'm left watching prepubescent strangers squeak their lines and occasionally adopt surprised expressions when they remember they're supposed to be acting!" (long exasperated growl)
    • "Oh, and the CGI really fucking sucks in this film."
  • "No. No, that is not the Bloody Baron."
  • Pointing out that film!Harry straight-up murders Quirrell. "Yer a cold-blooded killer, Harry."
  • Suggesting that the reason the Hogwarts school song never shows up in any other of the books is because the staff finally worked up the nerve to tell Dumbledore that he was the only one who liked it.
  • Film Harry and Dumbledore discussing Nicholas Flamel:
    Harry: Doesn't that mean Flamel will die?
    Dumbledore: Yes, yes he will.
    (long beat)
    Harry: Wow, you really don't give a fuck, do you?
    Dumbledore: He was a prick, I never liked him.

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

  • Terrence pointing out how an argument in the film is a bit slow-paced, and how it perhaps should have gone:
    Oliver Wood: Fuck off, we booked the pitch today!
    Draco: We all have new brooms 'cause my dad is awesome and you suck.
    Hermione: You clearly bought your way onto the team, you spoiled yuppie!
    Draco: Shut it, mudblood!
    Ron: AW, HELL NAW!
  • "...as it's established that Hogwarts was founded one thousand years ago, Godric Gryffindor had a really fucking wussy little sword for his era."
  • "Personally I think a spot of muggle-baiting is a fine way to spend the occasional evening, but I do concede the Death Eaters took it a tad too far and ruined it for everyone."
  • Terrence wondering whether Professor Sprout changed her name when she got her job, or if she was forced into her specific teaching position because of her name.
  • "Did anyone else find it slightly fucked-up that [mandrakes] seemed to develop a certain level of self-awareness as they age, but Sprout was still planning to chop them up for potions? ...I rather suspect this should count as a form of murder."
  • Apparently Terrence tried to learn Parseltongue once, but the only sentence he could manage was: "I have a python under my robes."
  • "In the book, drinking the Polyjuice Potion changed your voice as well, because...why fucking wouldn't it, you've assumed this person's vocal chords as well, I assume?"
  • What Harry might have been hearing the basilisk say during the final battle.
  • Why the Weasley parents didn't show up at Hogwarts in the film:
    Molly: Uh, we've just received an urgent message from Hogwarts saying one of our children's been kidnapped by a monster.
    Arthur: Oh! ...Well, we've got six more.
  • The bloopers where Dominic continually drops and breaks Terrence's wand trying to twirl it.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

  • The Dom punching out Terrence and reclaiming his show at the beginning.
  • Pausing immediately after his first mention of Alfonso Cuarón for a quick disclaimer regarding the likelihood of him coming anywhere near being able to pronounce the name correctly for the rest of the episode.
  • The Dom thinking that Harry's tea leaves looked more like a direwolf than a Grim. "THE KING IN THE NORTH!"
  • His impression of Dumbledore being less vague about the time travel plan.
    Dumbledore: [...]and while you're at it, stop me from challenging Hagrid to that drinking competition, because my head is fucking killing me.
  • "[The dementors'] movement is described as being a creepy glide along the ground in the book, not flying around like WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCKITY FUCK is he doing here?! Get him out of my review!"
  • Due to the lack of explanation in the film as to how Lupin and Snape knew to go to the Shrieking Shack, The Dom theorizes that the Shack is just where the teachers always go to get high.
    Flitwick: Look at me, I'm an eagle!
    Snape: Get down from there, Flitwick.
  • "[Harry and Hermione] never end up being swung around by [the Whomping Willow in the book], so you're not left wondering how SHREDDED Hermione must be under that little pink sweater for her to be able to lift Harry off the ground with one arm!"

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

  • Taking a look at what filmwork the new director has under his belt, and being...a bit underwhelmed.
    Terrence: That man's entire career comprised exclusively of the shameless prostitution of awkward British charm.
  • Expressing his disappointment with David Tennant's performance by saying that he seemed "temporarily possessed by the ghost of Nicolas Cage".
  • "Oh come on, lads, it's just a case of whipping out your incredibly bulging biceps and showing off your awesome Ravenclaw tattoo OH WAIT that's just a Terrence thing."
  • Terrence's summary of how things could have gone if Voldemort hadn't insisted on such a convoluted scheme to get Harry to him.
    • "All I'm saying is, this plan probably explains why You-Know-Who wasn't Sorted into Ravenclaw."
  • Wondering if the "orgasmic moaning" in the Beauxbatons students entrance in the film was "just something involuntary that happens to them when they move in groups."
    Blonde Beauxbatons student: Can you believe we have been set this much homework in the first week of term? It is so unfair!
    Both: HHHHHAAAAAAA!
    Redhead student: Perhaps we should complain to Madame Maxime. It is unfair to expect this much from us this soon after all.
    Both: HHHHHAAAAAAA!
    Blonde: Oh, by the way, have you seen how Fleur is doing her hair this year? I was thinking I might be able to pull that off.
    Both: HHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAA! (butterflies flutter away)
    Blonde: Whoo! Dear me, that was a large one!
  • With the added scene of McGonagall giving the Gryffindors dancing lessons, Terrence wonders if the other Heads of Houses also did this.
    Snape: Malfoy, we're going to dance like nobody's watching.
    Draco: I-I, um...I really don't want to, sir.
  • "Did you learn nothing from Stephen King, Mr. Newell? HEDGES ARE NOT SCARY! (stilted) This should not be something someone has to tell you!"
  • "You know, despite the awful fuss they made about Harry managing to grab a single dragon egg in this film, I've actually been stealing them on the sly for over a year now, and let me tell you, they are just delicious. Seriously, you have not had real scrambled eggs until you've tried Ukrainian Ironbelly with just a pinch of salt-" (dragon ROARS) "...Oh bugger."
  • The "conclusion" of the cliffhanger from Part 1 at the start of Part 2, having largely nothing at all to do with said cliffhanger: a series of clips of Terrence, among other things, hanging out on the Wall with Jon Snow and telling him to stop being so pouty; learning the plot of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child from The Dom's butler Reginald; saving Ned Stark from his execution and drunkenly telling him that they'll start their own kingdom in the North; and casting a silencing spell on Donald Trump ("Merlin's beard, that is so much better, I am never undoing that").
    Terrence: Well, all in all that was a pretty average week.
  • Using clips of Leslie Knope as stand-ins for Bertha Jorkins.
  • Lamenting the absence of the blast-ended skrewts in the film.
    Terrence: I just wanted to see Rupert Grint getting a little bit attacked by a giant armored scorpion monster with a leech's head that could blast fire out of its arse! Is that really too much to ask for?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

  • The Dom falling on Terrence after the levitating charm Terrence had used to get him out of the way last episode wore off.
    The Dom: Hello, beautiful watchers! Welcome back to theeee Happy Potterathon! (collapses)
  • The rant about the Order's and Harry's broom flight to Grimmauld Place in the film.
    The Dom: In the film, they fly right down the middle of the fucking Thames. A blatant display of magic on the busiest and most observed river in all of fucking Britain, making eye contact with sailors, riverfront businesses, AND THE HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT!
  • Noting that the actor playing young James Potter looks nothing like Daniel Radcliff...
    The Dom: So...who could they possibly have got to play him instead? Let's see, let's see... Someone who looks exactly like Daniel Radcliff...hmm... Hey here's an idea, why didn't you cast Daniel fucking Radcliff?!
  • How the Hall of Prophecy scene should have gone down in the film, given that the prophecy just auto-plays when Harry picks it up and the Death Eaters were clearly within hearing range.
    Lucius Malfoy: Well, that was surprisingly easy. Um... Bellatrix, go ahead and kill them all.
  • The Dom ends Part 1 leaving to address a series of intense visions he is suddenly struck with. At the start of Part 2, he is relaxing on a couch with a book in one hand and a drink in the other, with peaceful music playing in the background. He goes on to explain that "what I thought was a vision turned out to just be the aftereffects of eating a way-too-mature slice of Stilton."
    The Dom: ...I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit disappointed.
  • Imagining that the writers seemed almost to resent J.K. Rowling telling them that Kreacher would be important later and not to cut him out. "(sigh) All right Jo, we won't cut out the elf completely. But he's not having a story arc! He's just gonna be...there at the house, occasionally."
  • The brief bit where the Marauder's Map shows Terrence apparently fleeing from a group of Hufflepuffs shooting spells at him.
  • The filmmakers' attempt to change Harry's position on a scale of "Sexual Naivety." "Jo, all we're looking to do is move him down the scale slightly so he's below Anastasia Steele! I really don't think that's unreasonable."
  • "You know, I think you're right, it is about time we had a movie with Peeves in it! ...Ha-ha-ha, no I'm just messing with ya!"

The Harry Potterathon Recap

  • Terrence's PSA bringing attention to the terrible affliction that affects up to 1 in 4 UK wizards in their lifetimes: being sorted into Hufflepuff House.
    Terrence: If you observe these youngsters showing no particular drive to succeed in life, but proving to be unexpectedly good finders, you need to act quickly.
  • "The Dom would like to remind viewers that the opinions expressed by anyone in this commercial do not necessarily reflect his stance on the subject. He also requests that you keep in mind that he tried to shoot Terrence once."

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

  • "I've got to say, this was quite a dark film...and I don't mean that figuratively."
    Terrence: Sometimes, admittedly, this was plot appropriate, but for the majority of the film it just seems like Hogwarts was really trying to save on its candle bill this year.
  • While he criticizes the "muddy, miserable feel" that the film designs give to formerly vibrant, colorful settings, he does give the filmmakers credit for "more realistically representing genuine British weather."
  • Pointing out the casting of Ralph Fiennes' nephew as young Tom Riddle, "and goodness me, he acts like he's just someone's nephew."
  • Imagining Dean Thomas standing awkwardly just off-camera as Harry and Ron discuss him while in the dormitory they share with him.
    • Terrence feels a bit of a kinship with Dean in that regard, giving us a scene of him in the Ravenclaw common room as his fellow students loudly discuss what a douchebag he is and wondering if they can vote him out of the House.
    Terrence: You dickheads know I'm right here, don't you? I can hear everything you're saying.
    Ravenclaws: GOOD!
  • "...and the successful acquirement of the glob of brain semen."
    Terrence: Oh, don't act like you've not been thinking it for years!
  • Terrence's little Ravenclaw-pride-fueled rant about Yates's treatment of Professor Flitwick's character.
  • The "sexually-charged back-and-forth" between Harry and Ginny in the film.
    Terrence as Harry: Oh yes, that's right Weasley, you tie that shoelace real good. Mm. Don't forget to double-knot it, ah, ah yes, there it is, you redheaded minx.
  • Throwing away all pretense when discussing book!Harry's "monster in his chest." "Essentially, Rowling personified Harry's dick."
    Harry's "chest-monster": Harry. Ginny's looking pretty hot today, isn't she?
    Harry: She's Ron's sister!
    "Chest-monster": But she clearly wants to touch your wand. You should run up and do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!
    Harry: She's Ron's sister!
    "Chest-monster": Ah, who gives a fuck? You can always find another ginger friend to make stupid faces.
    Harry: It would never work.
    "Chest-monster": Stop lying, and prove to her why you're the Chosen One...
    Harry: SHUT UP!
    "Chest-monster": No! Now show her your patronus, she'll love that...
  • Cormac McLaggen is described by Terrence as "a strong contender for the Most Annoying Arsehole at Hogwarts award"...then grouses that he had been the recipient of that award that year.
  • Wondering why Harry seemed to get no punishment for almost killing Malfoy in the film, whereas he had been strongly punished in the book:
    Snape: You know what, Potter, he probably had this coming, you can just run along. (to Malfoy) You see, Draco? This is why you shouldn't be rude to your teachers at parties.
  • Terrence realises the horrible implications of Love Potions, causing him to completely freak out:
    Terrence: (after relating Vortemort's origin story, which involved his mother repeatedly drugging his father with love potions) Wait... Hang on. That's pretty much straight-up rape, isn't it? I mean, she used magical drugs to make him consent to sex against his will. (with a disgusted expression on his face) Huh, that's pretty horrible now that I think about it... (makes an Oh, Crap! face) Good Lord, Fred and George Weasley sell this stuff to teenagers! Legally! Merlin's beard, the magical community condones date rape for all ages! AZKABAN! Azkaban, all of you! Fred, George, Romilda Vane, Ginny, Hermione — I see you handling that filth! — Slughorn — we all know you made the stuff! — Azkaban! AZKABAN! ALL OF YOU! GAH-HA, I CAN'T UNREALISE THIS! ...Oh, wait. (takes out his wand) Yes, I can. (points wand at himself) Obliviate!
  • Dominic musing on his process of getting into character for Terrence:
    Dominic: You know, I definitely feel like the transformation takes place as I'm putting the shades on, it's like, dun-dun-duuuuuuuu- (puts on shades) -and asshole.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

  • Terrence starts his introduction for the review, but is soon distracted...
    Terrence: ...Merlin's mankini, when the HELL did you get a TANK?!
    The Dom: I've always had a tank!
    Terrence: I'm pretty sure you never established that!
    The Dom: Have you learned nothing from these movies? We don't need to establish ANYTHING!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
  • "I say, a woman being kidnapped in broad daylight clearly within my field of vision? (beat) Well, that's none of my business."
  • "Hello everyone, and welcome to the Ministry of Magic court-ordered adult learning classes. As you're probably aware, you've all been sentenced to a few months of mandatory intensive lessons as an alternative punishment, because after half the wizarding world was sent to Azkaban for sexual misconduct, there is now no more room for any more inmates. Uh, anyway, Lesson One: the Statute of Secrecy, and why it's not okay to keep flying around at ground level through the streets and rivers of the most populated Muggle city in ALL OF GREAT BRITAIN! (beat) There will be a test."
  • The Dom's critique of how Dobby being written out of all the films between the second and seventh lessens the impact of his death leads to:
    Dobby: Dobby will always be there for Harry Potter.
    The Dom as Dobby: Except, you know, in the last three films, but...two out of five isn't bad if you really think about it. Uh, essentially what Dobby is trying to say is he will very occasionally be there for Harry Potter.
  • Just the way the Dom says the line: "Aberforth had trouble with the law for doing something to a goat he shouldn't have been doing to a goat."

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

  • The Dom and Terrence's battle over who gets to do the final review.
    The Dom: (as Terrence slowly sneaks up behind him) I was hoping to keep the last two films to one episode each, but doing that with Deathly Hallows Part 1 was flat-out exhausting. So, here we are (click) and that's called a "land mine," Terrence!
  • Terrence Apparating them to various locations as they fight, first to the Village, where he accidentally hits Number 6 with a Full Body-Bind ("What the devil?!"); then to Camp Half-Blood, where The Dom briefly gains the upper-hand by saying Voldemort's name over and over before they are chased away by a minotaur.
  • Both The Dom and Terrence trying to fight through the FEELINGS induced by Snape's "Always," line and stick to their stance that he was still a "dickhead."
  • "Mm! Terrence does like a fiery redhead. Mrs. Weasley, let me know next time your husband's away."
  • Part One ends with an army of Snape fans coming to take revenge on the two for badmouthing him. The Dom laments that he is going to be killed by "an army of teenage girls with confused sexual feelings towards a bad role model... Just like my horoscope said."
  • Terrence's argument convincing the fangirls to give up their assault at the beginning of Part Two:
    Terrence: So, in conclusion, that is why Tom Hiddleston's Loki is a much better object of your misplaced affections than Snape ever was. There is no need for us to keep fighting, go forth and write your terrible slash-fiction in peace!
  • The Dom had managed to hold off the fangirl army long enough for Terrence to research his argument, but at a terrible cost: his tank.
    (My Heart Will Go On plays)
    The Dom's tank
    Since always - 2016
    • "Well, it had a good run."
  • Film Aberforth's feelings towards his brother being reduced to "...I just kind of don't like him, 'cause he keeps secrets and stuff."
  • "For one thing, [the Carrows] had a nasty habit of beating up incredibly handsome students at the dinner table just for sharing a bit of news. Dickheads."
  • After Terrence magically fixes The Dom's eyesight (the in-universe explanation for him no longer needing glasses after getting laser surgery), The Dom let's him take over for a bit while he takes a bunch of goofy selfies for his Facebook.
  • Prince Humperdink as a stand-in for the Bloody Baron.
  • "[The filmmakers] also thought the films needed less Easter eggs and more awkward teenage snogging. Good call there, guys!"
  • The Death Eaters sent to capture Neville's grandma failing due to underestimating her sass.
    Fat Grandma: I'll learn ya, ya darn Death Eaters!
  • The Dom criticizing the Goblet of Fire film for seemingly having every character deciding to grow out their hair at the same time...then panicking as an old photo of himself with quite a lengthy hairstyle of his own pops up. "Okay, NOBODY saw that."
  • During the Patreon sponsors portion of the credits, there's a piece of fanart of the basilisk watching Desperate Housewives.

The Princess Diaries

  • The Dom demonstrating, in a new sequence called Interesting Science With The Dom, that if one throws a book that has been adapted into a Disney movie as far as one possibly can, it is mathematically certain that no matter how far it is thrown, it will still be closer to the thrower than the Disney adaption was to the book's plot. "Science!"
  • The Dom mentioning that the book, despite having the framing device of being a series of diary entries by the titular princess, doesn't very well mimic the writing style of a stereotypical teenage girl..."unfortunately, it mimics the talking style of one perfectly."
    (book dialog as The Dom reads): She's totally such a jerk, like...whatever, because, boys, and just- God, my mom's just so unfair she doesn't let me do anything, and just- I'm so flat-chested but I'm not gonna apologize because just- y'know, like, BOYS and...why does the universe hate ME and-
    (The Dom slowly licks a finger and turns the page)
    (book dialogue continues): ...and BO-O-OYS, and just like, whatever because life is unfair...
  • The skit of Mia writing in her diary as the events she is writing about are occurring. "Uh, Mia? Hello?"
  • "Why do you hate living fathers, Disney?!"
  • "You might be wondering how the whole inheritance thing works in the book if his death wasn't the catalyst for Mia having to assume the throne of Genovia someday. Well, that's a lovely story involving testicular cancer and bastards. Yay."
  • "Oh yes, you poor thing, Mia, you and Hermione should form a support group to help you get through life looking so homely."
  • The skit demonstrating Josh's "personality" in the book.
    Josh: ………Hey.
    Mia and Lily: (squeal, swoon and faint)
  • The Dom's brief Laughing Mad moment as he discusses the book's finale having nothing to do with the whole princess thing that's in the book's title.

30,000 Subscribers Terrence Q&A

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     2017 Episodes 
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
  • Calluna popping up behind The Dom, and his reaction.
  • The Dom asks Calluna what she's doing there, to which she responds that she's there to help with the review. The Dom then clarifies that what he meant was "more along the lines of how did you know where I was staying, and how did you get in here?" Calluna merely holds up a copy of The Hobbit and smiles creepily in response.
  • Calluna presses The Dom to let her in on the review:
    Calluna: But think how much better it would be with the two of us!
    The Dom: Eh. If I ever want more people in my reviews, I just create more of me. See?
    Random greenscreen duplicate Dom: ...'sup.
  • Calluna's opinion that, with all the drama behind the making of the Hobbit films, "we're lucky this wasn't set in space staring Siamese cats."
  • The recreation of how much Azog featured in the book.
    Calluna!Gandalf: Hey, remember how your grandfather was killed by that orc?
    The Dom!Thorin: Oh yeah. That guy sucked.
    Calluna!Gandalf: (nods)
    • And then again with Radagast.
      Calluna!Gandalf: Hey Beorn, I think you know my cousin Radagast?
      The Dom!Beorn: Oh yeah. He's a good guy.
  • The Dom's constant mispronunciations of the Battle of Azanulbizar.
  • The Dom being uncomfortable not doing the review in front of a greenscreen. "How do you deal with all this... [disgusted] reality?"
    • He tentatively pokes the couch a few times as Calluna roles her eyes...then moves to poke her, and gets his hand slapped away.
  • While criticizing how the film toned down the colorful nature of many of the dwarves' outfits in the book, Calluna admits that she can see the filmmakers being worried about them being taken seriously, "as it sounds a bit...y'know. Hi-ho, hi-ho..."
  • "Dark loner broody heroes are all the rage at the moment, but back when The Hobbit was written, you were allowed to fight evil and not be grumpy all the time."
  • After The Dom talks about how book!Thorin would go on long droning speeches listening to the sound of his own voice:
  • The suggestion that one of the writers was on a Red Bull-influenced sugar high for certain scenes.
    The Dom!writer: Okay, the book says the party is travelling through the mountains and they see giants fighting in the distance...
    Calluna!writer: YEAH! AND THEN IT TURNS OUT THAT THEY'RE STANDING ON ONE OF THEIR KNEECAPS, AND THEY FLY AROUND WITH IT AS THEY BATTLE AND HEADBUTT EACH OTHER AND SHIT!
    The Dom!writer: ...What? Okay, so Gandalf then throws his voice and does impressions of the trolls to keep them arguing long enough for the sun to rise...
    Calluna!writer: YOU MEAN HE SMASHES A GIANT BOULDER WITH HIS STAFF, LETTING THE SUN THROUGH IT!
    The Dom!writer: ...I don't think I do...
    Calluna!writer: IT'S GONNA BE AWESOOOOME!!
    The Dom!writer: Right, so, after the dwarves run through the tunnels, chased by the goblins, they-
    Calluna!writer: THEY FIGHT ALL THE GOBLINS ALONG THE WOODEN ROADS AND SURF A COLLAPSING BRIDGE DOWN A HUGE PRECIPICE AND IT'S BADASS!!!
    The Dom!writer: (tearful) Why are you always yelling, Liz?
  • Calluna dragging The Dom along with her to fight a cave troll randomly attacking the city, mirroring how Gandalf shanghaied Bilbo in the book.
  • The Dom trying to ask Calluna out to dinner, only to get shot down, as she already had plans. There's a knock at the door...
    Terrence: Hey, gorgeous, you ready to go?
    • "DAMN YOU TEREEEEEEEEENCE!!!"
  • In the bloopers video, both Dom and Calluna flubbing their lines right from the get-go.
    Dominic: So no, I don't think it's a terrible film, but isl- buti-
    Calluna: Buttocks?
    Dominic: Buttocks. I do like a good pair of buttocks!
    • "I INVENTED PLASTIC, GANDALF, DON'T QUESTION IT!"
      • "My aunt gave me those, she spent a dollar thirty-five!"
    • "The immature, bickering nature of said trolls. [beat] Insert Internet joke here."
    • The Dom briefly becoming Bert from Mary Poppins.

The Godfather

  • Almost inevitably, the review opens with The Dom doing a parody of the movie...in which he scolds his beautiful watchers for asking for said parody, and tells them that he's going to get the whole thing out of the way at the beginning before it stops being funny.
    The Dom: But now, you come to me and you say, "Dom, give me the parody that everyone is going to expect from you when you review The Godfather," but, ah...you do not ask with respect, you...don't offer friendship, you...don't even think to call me "The Dom."
  • The usual spoiler warning text includes an additional warning for "high probability of poorly pronounced Italian names."
  • After being clear that even though he believes that the film fully deserves all the praise given it, it is not for everyone and there's nothing wrong with choosing not to watch it:
    The Dom: Right then, while the League of Snooty Film Critics furiously search through our bylaws to see if that's something I'm allowed to say...
  • "I have to admit, when I first started reading this book, I wasn't expecting quite so much of the plot to be based around...um...genitalia."
    • "I-I'm pretty sure this book is supposed to be about the mafia, isn't it? No? Still describing vaginal surgery, huh? Okay. I'll wait."
  • At the end, it turns out that The Dom was not allowed to say it was okay to not see the film, and he is taken before the League of Snooty Film Critics, who pronounce his punishment: reviewing Fifty Shades of Grey.

Frank Herbert's Dune - The Dom Reviews

Fifty Shades of Grey

  • "Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying porn is the problem, I LOVE porn, I don't have an eight-digit passcode on my phone because I'm worried my mother will accidentally see my holiday snaps..."
  • "This is arguably the only time that Grey has a positive effect on the story, and it still pretty much boils down to, 'Unhand that lady! If anyone's going to take advantage of her, it's going to be meeeee!' What a hero."
  • (big forced grin) "All of these characters are scum!"
  • "For some reason, I can only assume some sort of botched lobotomy in her past, Ana continues to like Grey..."
  • Upon reaching the part where Grey follows Anastasia to her mother's place despite her specifically going there to get some distance from him to think things over, the Dom pauses, breathing very heavily, then snaps apart the handcuffs he was wearing, steps off screen for a moment and comes back with a gun, which he fires into the air until it runs out of bullets.
    • (deep, calming breath) "...Nope!" (pulls out two more guns and fires them off as well)
      • (clears throat and straightens tie) "Thanks for waiting, I feel much better now."
  • The whole bit and skit about Anastasia being "the most easily sexually-satisfied woman in the UNIVERSE."
  • The Dom admitting that he personally has only dabbled in BDSM - "I won't go into details, but suffice to say...these were not my only pair of handcuffs."
  • "This concludes the slightly more structured element of the review. I shall now start shouting random complaints about this piece of shit masquerading as a book as they occur to me."
  • "And on top of that, the fucking descriptives...and I mean that both literally and figuratively..."
  • The outraged confusion over the repeated line of pants hanging off legs "that way." "...What does that mean?! I mean, are we talking crotch bulge? If not, how does baggy trousers equal sexy?!"
  • The Dom's aggrieved sigh when he has to discuss the infamous "inner goddess".
  • "THAT'S NOT WHAT 'SUBCONSCIOUS' MEANS!"
  • The Dom gets so outraged by E.L. James's assertation that the book is a love story that he punches the greenscreen image behind him so hard it cracks. "Oh gods, that really hurt."
  • The montage of elevator doors opening and closing in the film.
    The Dom: Quite frankly I think someone involved in this movie had a serious hard-on for elevator doors, and I wish they'd left us out of it.
  • Ana not picking up on Christian's suspicious purchases.
    Christian: Okay, I'm gonna need some cable ties...
    Ana: Okay.
    Christian: Some good strong tape...
    Ana: Uh-huh.
    Christian: Quite a lot of rope...
    Ana: Sure.
    Christian: Um, some good thick chains if you have them...
    Ana: No problem.
    Christian: And, uh...do you have any books titled "How to Use Hardware Store Supplies to Facilitate Kinky Sex Acts"?
    Ana: Well...I'll have to ask my manager. Gosh, this sure is some strange redecorating you're doing, Mr. Grey.
  • Comparing book Christian's reaction to learning of Anastasia's virginity to as if he was told "her vagina had a one-in-six chance of turning into a tarantula if he touched it."
  • The skit demonstrating the problems with trying to avoid an NC-17 rating for a movie based on a book with its appeal based on hardcore sex scenes.
    Pizze-delivery man: This is one huuuuuuge sausage...and it's all for you.
    Woman: Oh. (takes the pizza box) Thanks!
    Pizza-delivery man: Enjoy your meal! (leaves)
  • The censor bars over the nude scenes being labeled "Bewbs," "Lady parts," and "Bum," depending on what they're covering.
  • The Dom not getting the Accidental Innuendo of his name. And that his subscribers could be called his "subs".
    The Dom: My "beautiful watchers", actually, but what's your point?
  • "Bitch, unless you're George Takei, you have no business saying ["Oh my"] seventy-two times."

Power Rangers (2017) - The Dom Reviews

  • "But then [Alpha 5] goes and says something like, 'Wow, different colored children,' and I'm like, 'Woah, Alpha, bro, I mean I know you're sixty-five million years old so you're basically the ultimate out-of-touch grandpa, but you can't say that in 2017."
  • The Dom showing off his Ninjor action figure.
    The Dom: Yeah, stupid movie tried to write him out to replace him with some chick with like, whistle-sticks or something, it was stupid.
  • The little skit about the film's blatant Product Placement.
    Rita: Where's the Zeo Crystal, Billy?
    Billy: It's in Krispy Kreme!
    Rita: "Krispy Kreme"?
    Billy: Yeah, Krispy Kreme.
    Rita: This..."Krispy Kreme" must be very special.
    Billy: Oh, Krispy Kreme is very special.
    Rita: Well, I guess I'd better go look for this Krispy Kreme right now.
    Billy: KRISPY KREME!
  • Questioning how the Megazord gets back into hiding after a battle. "I was just imagining it loping through the countryside with this massive crowd of people following it with their camera phones, going like 'Shoo, shoo, go away! Rrgh!'"

Ella Enchanted

  • The Dom threatening to stop letting Terrence crash at his place if the wizard doesn't do the review for him.
  • When talking about Lucinda's habit of turning complainers into squirrels, Dug pops up and Terrence has to shoo him away.
  • "Now, I know what you're thinking, you're thinking 'Good lord, Terrence, you sexy magical man-beast of love, how the hell did you miss [the Cinderella connection]? The key is in the bloody name!' That's exactly how you thought it."
  • Terrence's reaction to Joanna Lumley as Dame Olga in the film.
  • "I'm beginning to see why the Dom doesn't want kids. If they ever adapt your life into a movie it's a fucking death sentence."
  • "Prince Char makes an appearance with his uncle, who, just in case you weren't entirely sure was the bad guy from his black goatee, constant maniacal laughter, and beforementioned enslavement of all magical creatures, has a pet talking snake coiled around his scepter that whispers bad things to people."
    • Among the names he refers to Char's uncle by: Uncle McObviousNasty, Uncle Oh-My-Goodness-How-Do-You-Not-See-That-He's-The-Bad-Guy, Uncle Seriously-All-You-Have-To-Do-Is-Look-At-Him, Uncle Picture-You'd-See-In-A-Dictionary-Next-To-The-Word-"Betrayal", Uncle "Satan the Lord of Darkness called, even he thinks you're overdoing it".
  • Regarding the portrayal of elves in the film:
    Terrence: You know, I showed this to my family's former house-elf Stumpy, and even he assured me that this is undignified and distasteful.
  • "The giants tell [Ella] to sing, and the curse gives her the power to...um...invent Queen."
  • "Slannen then starts dating a giant girl...I-I mean, I get the appeal, but I just don't think he's thought it through, logistics-wise."
  • "They storm into the thrown room to save Char, the guards are summoned but are no match for the giants, so...so, the evil talking snake presses a button on the wall...and summons ninjas."
  • After the description of the film's plot:
    Terrence: (long beat) ...Couple of notes...
  • Terrence complains about the greenscreen effects in the film:
    Terrence: I'm pretty sure the Dom could do a better job, and he's half-drunk at three-thirty in the afternoon!
    The Dom: Hey!
    Terrence: You have a problem, and we're going to have to talk about it eventually!

First Blood

Stephen King's The Shining - The Dom Reviews

  • "HEDGES ARE NOT SCARY!"
  • The cliff's-notes version of the review:
    Producer: Hi Stephen, I'm your new producer. So! Have you thought about what you really want us to concentrate on while we're adapting this?
    Stephen King: Just make it loyal to my book.
    Producer: Gotcha. And, do you have any actors in mind yet?
    King: Oh, I don't care. As long as it's loyal to my book.
    Producer: So...you don't care if they can't act to save their lives?
    King: Nope. As long as it's loyal to my book.
    Producer: Okay. Um, and the direction, do you want it to be genuinely atmospheric and slowly build up to an unseen menace, or should we go in a more in-your-face, scary-monsters-jumping-out-at-you direction?
    King: Eh. Neither. Both. I don't really care, as long as it's loyal to my book.
    Producer: Uh...o-okay. And the CGI. Now, are we gonna throw the budget into this and get the best of the best, or just pay the minimum and let it get dated as fuck within a few years?
    King: I don't care-
    Both: As long as it's loyal to my/your book.
    Producer: Yes. Just like your books, I'm noticing a recurring theme emerging.
    • "Oh, it will be [loyal to your book], Stephen. It may just be that, but it will be that."
  • Calling the lion hedge "both an embarrassment to special effects, and the best actor in the series."
  • A potential online review of the hotel:
    "The staff were friendly, and the location was really nice, but I was just a little bit concerned that if one overweight cowboy didn't do his job exactly right every day, myself and everyone in my family would instantly die in a fiery inferno. Mmm...three stars. Maybe three-and-a-half."
  • "Hey, the dad from Friends, act better! I know you can, you're not even trying, you're just saying all your lines like you were Google voice generator.
  • Deciding that the CGI firehose with teeth is just so obviously stupid as to not be worth discussing.
  • "Now, I can't speak from experience, because I've never been grabbed from behind by a decaying naked zombie lady, but, I am one hundred percent certain that the correct sound to make is more akin to:(long, terrified scream) ...as opposed to: (clip of Danny crying 'Woah!') Because 'Woah!' is the noise you make when you almost trip over but not quite, not the noise you make when you're being grabbed from behind by a decaying naked zombie lady!"
  • "Okay, so. Mr. King. I know the main reason for this show's existence is because you weren't happy with Kubrick, but, come on. Look me in the eye, and be completely honest with me: you copied his homework just a little bit, didn't you? I'm not mad, I just want you to own up."
  • "Why did the zombie conductor just turn away from his band? And why is the camera lingering on him for so long? Wait. Oh hi Stephen."
  • Complaining about how such a fancy hotel should really have given Jack some better alcohol in both versions. "Get your shit together, ghost hotel, and serve some decent fucking liquor!"

The Dom's 50,000 subscriber milestone introspective

  • The matter-of-fact way he describes his initial post-bachelor-of-arts-degree-in-a-bad-economy days as "I discovered there was fuck-all work available in my chosen field, got a full-time day job, and slowly gave up on all my dreams."

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

The Dom's For No Particular Reason Q&A

  • The Dom responding to a video question portrayed as being asked by a cockatiel by having his own pet cockatiel, Petrie, give his answer.
    Petrie: Greetings, Ozzy, I am Petrie, the Loud, Obnoxious and Needlessly Aggressive.
  • One questioner starts off by claiming to have just finished up with Terrence...
    The Dom: Uhhh. Umm...if you can find your way to St. Mungo's, you might want to ask them about a condition called "hyper-magical veela herpes." Um...it's actually significantly worse than it sounds.
  • Blanking out the rest of a video after the questioner uses the term "logical dick" to describe Tywin Lannister.
    The Dom: All I can think about is Mr. Spock's penis now.
  • One fan praises the Dom as "you glorious man amongst men, women and others." All he reacts to is the cat she's holding.
  • The Dom admitting that he's not a huge fan of Doctor Who.
    The Dom: Combine that with my dislike of tea, and I really am the worst Englishman ever. It's uh, probably my American heritage fucking with me.
  • His concern as to whether the Fan Without a Face can breathe okay in his mask.
  • The entirety of Reginald's backstory.
  • Getting caught in a loop over referencing the fact that his tvtropes page referenced the fact that he referenced his tvtropes page...
  • "I always say that Internet-fame is pretty much the same as regular fame, but without the money, recognition, lifestyle, and, well, fame."
  • What's a question the Dom has always wanted to answer but never had the opportunity to be asked? "Good lord, the Dom, how did you just save the world using nothing but your wits and a pair of novelty Pokémon-themed chopsticks?"
  • The Dom's best insult: "Good sir, your face is reminiscent of a bloated leech that has died and marinated for a week in a vat of the putrid gangrenous drippings of Satan's infected testicle!"
  • "I'm pretty sure I'll eventually grind my rivals into dust and reign king of all adaptation reviewers! (maniacal laugh)- Uh, what I mean to say is, the Internet's a big place, there's room for all of us."
  • What Hogwarts and Ilvermorny Houses is the Dom in?
    The Dom: None of them. I'm a muggle.
    Terrence: Yeah he's a hella muggle.
    • Similarly, what cabin in Camp Half-Blood would he be in?
      The Dom: Well, uhhh... I rather suspect I'd be in the cabin of whatever deity chose to copulate with my mortal parent. Uh, you don't really get a say in the matter like you do with the Sorting Hat.
  • A questioner introduces herself as living in the state of Washington...
    The Dom: Ah yes, an East Coast state, known for its exports of novelty party-capes. (beat) I haven't learned a lot about America yet, I'm gonna swot up before I move.

Rebecca

  • "The lead, determined to think of a surprising costume, has her attention drawn to a famous painting of one of Maxim's ancestors by Mrs. Danvers, who suggests that if she can have the dress made it would make an excellent costume."
  • "This is gonna sound like the weirdest complaint in the world, especially coming from me, but...HOLY damn, this book is JUST, TOO, BRITISH!"
    Narrator: Are you sure you won't take some more tea, darling? Frith really has outdone himself with the crumpets and buttered scones today, don't you think?
    Maxim: M'yes, dear. (looking at newspaper) Good lord, Gloucestershire lost by seventeen wickets! Who the devil taught these ragabonds how to play cricket?! I've half a mind to go down there and teach them a thing or two.
    Narrator: Oh, before I forget, Colonel Julian and the vicar's wife are coming for afternoon tea tomorrow, and I thought it might be a good time to discuss the-
    The Dom: AAAAAAAAGGGHHHHH, would you TONE IT DOWN JUST A LITTLE?! Good lord, I feel like I'm about to pass St. George's Cross out through my urethra like a KIDNEY STONE!
    Maxim: ...I say.
  • "Well, it's a Hitchcock movie, isn't it? Dude had mad game, bro, mad game, I...don't know why I'm saying that I'm sorry."
  • When he gets to the part about Maxim having flat-out shot Rebecca in the book:
    The Dom: Azkaban.
    • "...Wait, am I still doing this? Terrence, are we still doing the 'Azkaban' bit?"
  • The book narrator is oddly okay with finding out her husband is a murderer:
    Narrator: Maxim, all I've ever wanted to hear you say is that you love me!
    Maxim: I shot my last wife, darling. I-I pulled out a gun and put a bullet in a defenseless woman.
    Narrator: You care for me in a way you never even cared for Rebecca!
    Maxim: There was blood everywhere! I kept having to go back for more buckets of seawater to clean the cottage with!
    Narrator: Oh Maxim, you've made me so happy! I love you too!
    Maxim: I SHOULD NOT BE THE ONE FREAKED OUT BY THIS CONVERSATION!
    • The narrator really should have been a tad more hesitant about being married to a man who has shown himself to be capable of murder to avoid a humiliating divorce.
      Narrator: Darling, you said you would be the one to take Jasper for a walk today, I've done it every day this week. This really is unfair- (click) -you know what I could probably use the exercise COME ALONG JASPER!
  • The skit showing how the book narrator's constant detailed fantasies might have looked if they'd been carried over into the film.

The Neverending Story: The Animated Adventures - The Dom Reviews

  • Deciding that reviewing a work based on an originally German book is a good opportunity to show off his excellent German. "Schraubenzieher!note "
  • "Okay, it's time to play another rousing game of 'What the fuck is this adapting, and what the fuck is it a sequel to?' I'm genuinely surprised by how often this is coming up."
  • Naturally, the Dom finding the cartoon's opening theme lacking in comparison to the film's song leads to him busting out his sweet dance moves.
    The Dom: Ah! My dancing! The one thing better than my German!
  • "After [being turned to stone] happens to his wife, the dude does exactly the same thing... If they didn't look like they were already too old to have kids anyway, I would say this was Darwinism in action."
  • "Xayide is so mad that she failed to stop them...she explodes."
  • The "unintentionally fucked-up" counter.
  • "[The Childlike Empress] has a name, you know! It's (suddenly raining) MOOOOOOOOOONCHI-I-IIIIIIIILD!"
  • Pointing out that the Fantasians have no reason to be skeptical of a child's usefulness, given how Bastien has saved their world every time.
    The Dom: At this point you should be scoffing if an adult offers to help!
  • His horror upon seeing that the cartoon showcases the Rockbiter family from the third movie.
    The Dom: No one tell The Nostalgia Critic!
  • The Dom briefly thinking that Xayide might be a semi-competent villain...and his disappointment when less than a minute later she destroys her own minions in annoyance when she could have just as easily targeted the heroes.
  • The Stinger:
    Gnome: How many times do I have to repeat myself, woman?
    The Dom as the gnome: Get your fucking arse to the winch, wench!

A Very Brief Ancient History of Westeros

A Very Brief Recent History of Westeros

Game of Thrones S1 E1

  • The Dom's demonstration of the potential negative side-effects of the book's unforgiving portrayal of bleakness.
    Calluna: Dom, you've got work to do. Get up.
    The Dom: (moan) What's the point? What's the point in anythi-hi-hiiiiing?! (sobs)
  • The photoshopped drooping mustache and hair bells for Khal Drogo.
  • "Word on the street was that [Ashara Dayne] was very grateful to [Eddard] for returning their family's ancestral sword and restoring the family honor, so, she may have gotten to know Ned's ancestral sword too."

Game of Thrones S1 E2

Game of Thrones S1 E3

  • The first instances of "GAME OF THRONES HATES BALDNESS," with the introduction of Grand Maester Pycelle and Syrio Forel.
  • Regarding Jon making an enemy of Alliser Thorne:
    Jake Peralta: Yay, enemies for life!
  • "Daenerys and all her handmaidens have a bath together at some point. See, there's your Fanservice, guys, you don't need to add extra random boobs to scenes!"

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

  • The entire opening sequence, including:
    • The Dom in the shower singing "You'll Be Back";
    • Opening his hotel door to find Calluna standing there holding The Hobbit, a Slasher Smile on her face and accompanied by ''Psycho'' Strings;
    • The Dom's reaction to said appearance;
    • And cut to the Dom making Calluna watch a Channel Awesome code of conduct training video featuring The Nostalgia Critic: "Respecting boundaries while pursuing crossovers."
      Nostalgia Critic: But it's important to remember, especially if your fellow reviewer is, shall we say, not as on-board with the idea as you are, that things like trespassing, kidnapping, and threats of violence ARE still illegal, and reviewers can still go to jail like anyone else.
      Calluna: I don't see why we have to-
      The Dom: WATCH. The video.
      Nostalgia Critic: ...Trust me. I know.
  • Calluna gives a noncommittal shrug when the Dom asks if she's learned her lesson after the video.
  • "Good lord, if that much gold got released into Middle-Earth all at once it would completely devalue the whole currency! People would be using it to make horseshoes within a week!"
  • Smaug's potential critique of Bard's "Not if I kill it first" line:
    Smaug: Dude, that was...so cringe. I'll tell you what, I'll swing around again so you can think of something better, okay?
  • The Dom pouting when Calluna says the "Let's talk adaptation" line.
  • Calluna sighing whenever Thranduil shows up.
  • When discussing Legolas's presence in the film:
    The Dom: Also, damn, brah, when you're jealous of a four-foot-high mortal being, it's time to reevaluate your life a bit, ya feel me?
    Calluna: Please stop talking like that.
  • Remarking that film-Bard "somehow manages to look more like Orlando Bloom than Orlando Bloom in this movie."
  • Noting that Tolkien seemed to have been much like his own dwarf characters in not having thought through what to do with Smaug once they got to him.
    Tolkien: Um...then...someone shoots him. But not just any someone! This guy was like a, a, a, a prince, or something. It doesn't matter, let's get back to the dwarves!
  • After criticizing the Stephen Colbert cameo in the film for being so brief and hard to spot...
  • On the fight between Smaug and the dwarves: "There is so much stuff in this that just does not...physics."
  • "It seems the hyperactive writer from the first film has finally kicked her caffeine addiction...because she's moved on to harder substances."
    The Dom!writer: Okay, so Gandalf and the hobbit walk up to Beorn and say hello-
    Hyperactive writer: NO, HE CHASES THEM INTO HIS OWN HOUSE IN RAGE-BEAR MODE!!!
    The Dom!writer: ...I thought we were gonna fire her.
    Other writer: (shrugging) The first movie was a big hit.
    • Turns out the molten golden statue was actually the result of the writer being talked down from a full-on MECHA VS DRAGON BATTLE inside Erebor.
  • The Dom seeing a "Time until this becomes a theme park ride" counter during the river sequence.
  • Regarding Balin's claim that only a black arrow fired from a wind lance could kill Smaug...
    Balin: Or, I suppose in a pinch you could fire it from a bow made out of a small boy with the same result.
    Bilbo: Wait, what?
    Balin: Ah, don't worry lad, I'm just foreshadowing so it doesn't seem massively contradictory in the next film.
  • Calluna calling the Dom out on his error with the moon-letters in the first Hobbit review.
  • The Dom and Calluna actually like the additions to Thranduil's character, and correspondingly make some creative additions to the cutting-off-the-orc's-head scene.
    DEAL WITH IT
  • Terrence showing up at the end, and awkwardly telling Calluna he thinks they should see other people right before his new date arrives: Thranduil.
    Terrence: I'm, ah, going to see if it's actually possible to mess that hair up later.
    • "I can't even be mad! They make such a pretty couple." (beat) "I ship it."
  • The "dramatic turn" counter during the credits.
  • The entire blooper video.
    • During the skit with the hyperactive writer holding the Dom by the shirt collar as she yells her plans for the dwarf vs Smaug battle, Calluna keeps flubbing one word, but determinedly snaps at Dom when he suggests that she skip that part, while still manhandling him in-character, prompting him to beg her not to hurt him for real.

Death Note (2017) - The Dom Reviews

  • The Dom's rant about film-Light's stupidity compared to his manga counterpart, and his subsequent even MORE passionate rant about the same regarding film-L.
  • Refering to some of Light's victims as "hostage-taking salute guy," "mother-killing steak knife guy," and "the school bully kid."
    The Dom: Yeah, I know they all had names, but who gives a fuck?
  • *sniff* "They made L into a hipster!"
  • "The difference between Light and Mia is akin to a Futurama sketch!"
    Light: I say your willingness to kill goes too far!
    Mia: Well I say your willingness to kill doesn't go far enough!
    Light: Gosh, we are so different!
    Mia: Indeed. Killing each other is the only option.
    Light: Agreed.
  • Summing up the film's story as "A slightly smarter-than-average hipster with a gun physically running after a slightly smarter-than-average emo. And it's exactly as less-entertaining as that sounds."

The Bad Seed

Game of Thrones S1 E5

  • When the Dom refers to Ned "taking a knee during the national anthem" over Robert's plan to assassinate a pregnant Daenerys:
    Achievement Unlocked
    Make an instantly dated political reference
  • Criticizing George R. Martin for not having Ned and Jaime actually engage in any swordfighting in the book:
    The Dom: Gods damn it George, you edging son-of-a-bitch, you can't get me so close then refuse to finish me off.
    • "Um, you're welcome for that mental image, by the way."

Red

  • "I just cannot wrap my head around who could possibly have read this cautionary tale about the dangers of allowing an agency like the Central Intelligence autonomous power to MURDER their way across the world, wiping out leaders both foreign and domestic and shaping history to suit their purposes, turning men into monsters because the work they do is for monsters not men, a story about awakening a beast that would otherwise have happily slept on, and most of all, a story about death upon DEATH upon DEATH, and thought to themselves: 'Y'know...this story would make an amazing COMEDY!'"

Children of the Corn

The Secret Circle of Imaginary Friends - The Dom Reviews

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