Being full of descriptions of grisly deaths and creepy locations doesn't stop this show from being hilarious.Note
- The sudden and unexplained replacement of Brent by Shane is an ongoing joke in the fandom.
- Ryan's narrator voice, which Shane sometimes imitates.
- Ryan being a firm believer of the paranormal while Shane is staunchly a skeptic drives a lot of their humor.
- Every time they go somewhere there might be demons (something Ryan will only do once a season), Ryan will try to come prepared with holy water and will make a big deal about it if he does not have some on hand.
- In the third season's demon episode Ryan goes so far as to get a gun holster and keep a water gun full of holy water in it.
- Shane's incessant urge to antagonize anything remotely paranormal they might come across.
- Ryan's inability to pronounce "February" correctly.
- The Hot Daga that happens at the end of every Buzzfeed Unsolved Post-Mortem. Shane's character voices, his narration, the animations and Ryan's facial expressions make this even funnier.
- This effect only increases over time as Shane puts more and more effort into the Hot Daga and Ryan gets more and more annoyed in return. During one of the musical numbers, Ryan can be seen mouthing "kill me" at the camera, and by the time Shane is cutting together audio clips of Ryan to use as the voice of one of the characters, Ryan concludes that Shane has gone completely insane.
- The Almost 70th Episode Retrospective is full of these:
- The reason it's called the "Almost 70th" Episode Retrospective is because Ryan didn't want to say 69.
- During Brent's special guest segment, he and Shane joke that they should film a special where the two of them just explain basic science to Ryan.Shane: Just, like, take a radio apart and show him what's inside of it.Brent: Yeah, exactly. It's not ghosts talking out of the radio, it's signals that are coming to the radio.
- While discussing the Goatman's Bridge episode, they mention that fans keep changing the bridge's name on Wikipedia to "Shane and Ryan's Bridge".
- Over on their season of In Control With Kelsey, they both act like psychopaths with The Sims, plotting a wedding where everyone then burns. And then when it doesn't work, their breakdowns which is then followed by them killing themselves.Ryan: I'm a broken man!
- Ryan proposes the theory that world leaders are actually shape-shifting lizards.
- "So the Federal Reserve... was created to spite Jesus."
- Their argument over how busy Satan is
- "XEROXING is not how cloning works, Ryan!"
- Shane looking at a video clip of a zoned-out Beyoncé and saying, "she's writing Lemonade in her head right now."
- Shane saying he thinks Kobe's in the Illuminati and then an earthquake shaking the entire room.Shane: Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm sorry, Kobe!
- "Don't talk about Toledo."
- "Say lizard people out loud."
- Shane's smirk when Ryan asks if ghosts and demons can harm the living. He's having none of it.
- "No one says, 'Oh, my knuckles feel a little funny. I'm going to build a house with 500 rooms.'"
- The guest investigator Pepe on the Island of the Dolls offering his theory about what the owner did in his spare time.Pepe: He probably fucks the dolls ... can I say that?
- Eventually they're chased off the island, but by spiders, not ghosts.
- Shane being thrilled to lock himself in with a ghost.
- Shane's demon-defying hijinks. Stopping at the door to take a selfie ("I'm taking a selfie with the demon, yoooo!"), yelling at the demon to turn on a flashlight "if you hate us" or "if you want to eat Ryan's heart", and topped off by him lying down on the pentagram in the basement just to see what happens.Shane: [around the flashlight in his mouth] Rock'n'roll, buckaroo!
Ryan: You're Insane!
- The selfie with the demon pans onto Ryan's incredibly unamused face too.
- Ryan's hysterics when the flashlight does turn on and off by itself. Five times.
- Shane's delighted reaction to both the flashlight turning on and Ryan's hysterics.
- Ryan informs the audience that a woman named Sallie did live in the house at one time, but she was an adult black woman, nothing like the blonde girl of maybe ten described in the inhabitants' reports. Trying to be scary, he points out that this makes it worse - if "Sallie" isn't the ghost of a former tenant, what is she? Shane takes a different tack.Shane: This demon is racist! He was like, "Oh, there was a - a black lady who lived here? Wait a minute ... no ... I can't haunt with that. What about a little ... a little white girl? A little blonde one; I'll give her pigtails."
Ryan: Demons don't present themselves as adults. [...] An entity ... like an entity that's not human, it needs energy; it needs souls to feed off of. So if you need that you wouldn't immediately come out with the horns, you'd come out with a little girl, that makes sense to me.
Shane: Whatever; demon's racist. I don't respect this demon.
- Shane's amusement at the landlord finding an alter, a kettle, and a black robe in the basement.Shane: A pointy hat, a broomstick, three newts, a lizard tongue, eyeballs.Ryan: That's what he found!
- Around 3 in the morning, Ryan mentions that he doesn't think he can spend the whole night at the Sallie House. Shane implores him not to give up, a dramatic swell of music recalls Father Thomas's wise words not to be afraid ... and then Ryan says screw it, yeah, he can't do this.
- Shane doing an impression of the girl's demon voice, after listening to the clip in which she claims to be possessed by Judas, Nero, Cain, and Hitler:
- Shane and Ryan get scared of a bee at the end of the episode.
- Ryan and Shane's discussion about how the emergency staff determined the smell emitting from Gloria Ramirez was fruity garlic.Shane: I bet they talked about it for ten minutes and were like, "What is that?" and one of them was like, "Fruity garlic!" and everyone was like "Ohhhhh yeah!"
Ryan: Either that or they were like, "Jesus, Ken ... God, we have a patient here."
- When Ryan provides the voice over, it is always just him speaking. However, when discussing Sallie Balderas, one of the witnesses, throwing up you can faintly hear Shane going "Oof"
- "Yeah, we all participated in mass hysteria, it was a - it was a real riot, I was - Gorchynski was ... man - she got fucked up, she was having a great time. What a fun hysteria that was."
- The first three theories are centered around chemical reactions and sanitation, each with science and documentation to report it, so Shane is rather accepting of the theories. The fourth and final theory is that Gloria Ramirez was abducted by aliens to which Shane responds "You just shut your mouth, I'm done."
- "Oh yeah! Bigfoot splooged on her chest!"
- Shane's complete lack of reaction to sitting over a spiritual vortex immediately after Ryan reported feeling dizzy while sitting in the same spot.
- "It's not a great chair."
- Thomas Whaley is said to blow tobacco smoke into the faces of some visitors.Shane: Now that's just rude.
- Ryan Bergara: GHOST COP.
- Their reactions to Yankee Jim, the reported most feared ghost at the site. Shane doesn't find his name scary
Shane: Hey, Yankee Jim, I hear you're a fan of boats. I, myself ... would love a boat.
- Later when they try to communicate with him.
- "Hmm, this doesn't taste like this is burnin' my tongue, I better swallow it!"
- Ryan getting terrified by a pigeon flying into his face.
- Apparently, when Ryan told the crew of the ship that he and Shane would be spending the night in the most haunted cabin of the ship, they laughed and told him he was an idiot.
- Ryan earlier in the day going to multiple different churches to find holy water. They were all locked.
- Shane accurately summing up the bar's atmosphere.Shane: It's like Cheers ... with demons!
- Ryan and Shane argue about who's going to step into the bar fist.Ryan: You walk in first, how about that?
Shane: We do this every time and you throw it down like it's a challenge but okay.
- Cue Shane mockingly freaking out as he walks in.
- When they're trying to communicate with the possible spirits of a mafia boss, Shane points his flashlight towards the ceiling and the whole room lights up with little square reflections, almost giving Ryan a heart-attack.Shane: Oh my god! It's a disco ball on the ceiling!
- When discussing a spirit's lost lover, it's mentioned that both him and the current owner of the place share the same first name, which could mean that the spirit confuses the owner for her lover. Cue this reaction from Shane.Shane: The ghost looks at him and doesn't even recognize he's a different person?
Ryan: I don't ... I don't know how it works, okay? This is a theory!
Shane: She's not a very intelligent ghost.
- After yelling at the ghosts of the bar, Shane claims that "Ryan's not scared of you either!" Cue an immediate "No, no that's not true" from Ryan.
- There's a closet with a "Danger, Do Not Enter Sign." After some caterwauling, and sudden dramatic music, it turns out to contain....Peter Frampton tapes.
- Shane and Ryan's utter befuddlement about how a boyfriend performing an abortion could lead to the girlfriend getting her head cut off.Shane: "I accidentally lopped a little too much off the top on this one!"
- In response to a spirit's alleged last words promising to return after death.Shane: That's the weirdest thing to do before you die, just be like, "I'm gonna haunt you ... I'm gonna make creaks!"
- Shane somehow manages to one-up his demon-defying hijinks in the Sallie House, when he once again asks the demons to turn on the light if they want to hurt him. When the light does actually turn on, he gets even more belligerent.
Shane: Demons! TURN THE LIGHT OFF!
- "Turn this light off if you want to follow Ryan Bergara home. He lives in Los Angeles." Cue Ryan frantically trying to shut Shane up.
Ryan: Fucking ... I'm not...
Shane: DEMONS, YOU"RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH!
Ryan: Fucking shut up!
Shane: PLUNGE US INTO DARKNESS DEMONS! DEMONS!
Ryan: You have a death-wish
Shane: DEMONS YOU COWARDS ... Turn the light on, no it's a bunch of bologna!
- He then casually gets up and asks Ryan if they can check out some other rooms there.
- The now memetic "Hey there demons, it's me ya boy."
- Made even better by what Shane says after it. "I'm standing next to your hole and it's very dark and frankly I don't believe in you so I feel like I'm writing a letter to Santa Claus right now."
- "If you want to pick me up or slam me into the ceiling, now would be the best opportunity for that... Alright maintaining silence now, do try to kill me." It's the utterly casual way Shane says it, that really sells the moment.
- "Goodbye, demon! Goodbye. I'm now acknowledging you because I'm leaving." "This is the only time Ryan has courage."
- We discover that the end that there are only two Ryan Bergara's in the world and one of them lives in the Philippines. Shane offers a helpful suggestion.Shane: You gotta kill him.
- Ryan mentions Bigfoot weighing over a thousand pounds. Shane tells him to stop being so harsh which gives us this gem.Ryan: I wasn't fat-shaming Bigfoot!
- Ryan wearing a helmet in case Bigfoot decides he wants to knock him out with a rock.
- Ryan attempting to lure Bigfoot out with a beer.Shane: If a Foot actually showed up right now, it would be the greatest thing ever captured on film.
- Shane's 'patented' Bigfoot call.
- Shane shouting that Bigfoot is a coward.Ryan: He said that, but I agree with him. He meant it more though, so hit him.
- Shane's frustration with the carving of a possible ancient laptopShane: How do they charge it?Ryan: I don't know.Shane: Why are there USB ports on it if they don't have thumbnail drives?
- "They showed up, gave 'em iPads, gave 'em a Zune, built the pyramids, left, and that's it."
- "I don't doubt that they were mathematically adept."
- At the end, Shane has an existential crisis about his job.Shane: I'm a ghost-hunter but ... [Horrified look] Am I a ghost-hunter?!?
Ryan: Oh my God, did your brain just explode?
Shane: I don't want to be a ghost-hunter! This is all bullshit! Oh no!
- Their differing outlooks on the hallway they're sitting in.Ryan: This is the place where nightmares are made.Shane: It's very dark. It's a dark hallway.
- "Hey ghouls! The boys are here!"
- It's Shane's bizarre accent that really sells it.
- The butt print on the couch that Ryan leaves.Shane: Someone's gonna come here in a few weeks and be like, "It's a g-g-g-g-ghost butt!"
- Ryan attempts to communicate with the lost spirit of a little boy.Ryan: Alright Timmy. My name's Ryan. This is my pal, Shane. I heard you like balls-no, wait, wait-
- After the ball lands next to some graffiti of Ryan's name and Ryan begins to freak out, Shane offers this nugget of wisdom:Shane: But it also stopped at the "I love pot" graffiti, so maybe this ghost just loves to blaze it.
- Ryan's terrified expression is also a sight to behold◊.
- Shane's poetic description of the dead-body chute at the hospital. "It's like Satan's cement butthole!"
- When they reach the end of the body chute.Shane: What if I go up there, and you stay down here, and we turn our lights off, and we see if we hear anything?
Ryan: ...What if you go fuck yourself? How about that?
[Cut to them doing exactly what Shane suggested.]
- "So you're saying the ocean is full is ghosts"
- Ryan's last theory about the Triangle? Underwater Area 51. When Shane wants to know more, Ryan tells him that's it.
- Shane's disparaging opinion of the reported UFO footage.Shane: Let's turn that opacity down as it gets into the cloud.
- Ryan is holding a doll in attempt to contact a spirit, and it starts laughing, while Ryan is freaking out, much to Shane's enjoyment.
- Shane wondering why it always seems to be murder victims who are ghosts.Shane: Why does someone who choked on a peanut not get a ghost?
- Shane and Ryan reciting the "Lizzie Borden took an axe" rhyme in unison in a creepy, singsong-y whisper.
- Shane and Ryan speculating if Lizzie's reported smile at her maid Maggie testifying that the Borden family lived frugally and ate a mutton-based diet was a nostalgic, "the good old days" smile, or a smug smile since she was finally free from the mutton.Shane: "No more mutton for me, father."
- Ryan pointing out the money by Mr. Borden's picture and saying that his ghost scratches those who try to take his money. Shane immediately takes all but a penny.Shane: I want to give the ghosts significant reason to haunt me.
- "I'd like to see you put on a dress from that time period."
- Ryan attempting to seriously ask the ghost of Mr. Borden who killed him. Shane handles this in typical Shane fashion.Shane: (As they zoom in with dramatic music on a cat pillow) Was it you?
Ryan: (in response) I think they don't like you. I think they can sense energy.
- "Can you imagine just being out, having a good night with your pals, drinking? And you know, towards the end of the night when you're like, 'Yeah, what a fun night this has been,' can you imagine just ... exploding?"
- Ryan accidentally insults two of the possible spirits in a house and immediately backtracks.Ryan: (to the ghosts) I don't like you oh, I'm making it worse.
- Shane's exasperation when the chief justice accused a minister of having an invisibility cloak given to him by the devil.Shane: If you're an educated man from Harvard who's like, "well surely the chief justice will have something reasonable to say about this. Chief Justice, what have you to say?"Ryan: (as the chief justice) "I've seen him use an invisibility cloak, I know who gave it to him, the devil."
- When Shane and Ryan dress up in period-clothing in the attempt to make the ghosts feel more welcome.
- When going over the theories for how the trials began, Ryan mentions that some people, of course, believe that the women really were witches, to which he says:
- "We've never ghostbusted anywhere."
- The possibility of the mayor's name being Chad.Shane: Were there Chads back then?
- Shane's thoughts on the ghost in the library who knocks books off shelves.Shane: Ghost 101. One, knock book off shelf. Week two, uh, hold a candlestick in the middle of a hallway. Three... sheets.Ryan: You're just going through the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland.Shane: No I'm not.
- "Stop telling the ghosts to follow me home."
- Shane and Ryan at Bourbon Street with Shane screaming that he stole a pearl necklace from a lady who died at the titanic
- Ryan and Shane decide to use the jacuzzi tub. Cut to both of them sitting in the tub, with completely still water. After a few moments, Ryan states that the jets don't work. Shane starts wheezing with laughter almost immediately.
- Their disparate reactions to the footsteps upstairs.Ryan: (Pacing) Oh my god I got fuckin' chills. Is this not alarming to you, Shane?Shane: (Still in bed and almost entirely asleep) No.
- Upon arrival to a voodoo shop:Ryan: We're at Voodoo Authentica. It's an authentic voodoo shop, as the name would suggest.
- and then Ryan pulls at at push door as they try to enter, claiming he did not see the "Push" sign, and Shane responding with a sigh and "I know."
- The voodoo shopkeeper shows Shane and Ryan the various gifts people leave at alters for the loa, including alcohol.Shane: Oh, the booze!Ryan: Oh, the bubbly! Even in the afterlife, it is appreciated.
- Ryan uses the prospect of making a Shane doll and throwing it into the ocean as an example of a misconception of voodoo created by the media. Shane thinks Ryan literally wants to kill him, which Ryan denies comically as Shane bickers back, saying that they argue, but that he doesn't want to kill him.
- Shane and Ryan visit St. Louis Cemetery to find the spirit of voodoo queen Marie Laveau. The cemetery is locked, so they stand at the gate calling out to Marie. Ryan tries jumping in the attempt to look over the wall.
- Ryan narrates that the media would "spread stories of enormous orgies and sacrificial rituals" that would take place at voodoo gatherings. Shane then interrupts his narration:Shane: Sacrificial rituals?
Ryan: and ... enormous orgies.
Shane: I don't know why that one slipped by me, hehe.
Shane: I was like - yeah, sure, orgies - tell me about rituals?
- Shane calls voodoo queen Mary Millan, known as Bloody Mary's house a "hotspot" for spirits when Ryan explains that the rather eccentric house is teeming with spirits, and Ryan simply sighs in response.
- Ryan tells Bloody Mary that he is not afraid, and Shane says "You will be." Ryan gives him a look, before Shane repeats that he will be, and Ryan concurs. Bloody Mary then accuses Shane of "intellectualizing too much". Shane and Ryan share a knowing look and then both admit to that being true.
- Ryan says, "Let's never do that again" in response to his high-five with Shane, faux-disgusted.
- Their faces when Bloody Mary suddenly spits her drink out into the air to feed the spirits.
- Shane comes to a realization.Shane: So this sort of a ... night out with spirits...
Bloody Mary: Yep.
- They arrive at the abandoned voodoo temple, and Ryan is terrified before the rituals even begin.Shane: You, uh, you look so scared already.
Bloody Mary: (laughs)
Ryan: I've been ... more comfortable.
- Bloody Mary tells them to go through the threshold dancing. Shane jumps straight into it and comedically bops around in a circle as Bloody Mary claps a beat. Ryan follows suit but with less glee and more blatant fear.
- Shane says "Ryan!" in a deep voice to scare Ryan, who is more annoyed than he is scared.
- When they enter one of the rooms:Ryan: Apparently, this was a gift shop in the former voodoo spiritual temple.
Shane: ...Where you'd sell, like, magnets and stuff?
- When reviewing an EVP of what sounds like a whimper, Shane shrugs and says he's not sure, which Ryan happily counts as a win for the paranormal.
- When coming across a creepy-looking doll by the name of Jodie:Shane: (whispering) I'm gonna buy you one of those for Christmas.
Ryan: (whispering) Shut up, Shane.
- Ryan's noise when Bloody Mary implies that the circle of rocks he finds means something.
- Shane goes off on his own and starts rambling:Shane: I took an improv comedy class once ... 'cause I'm a white guy.
- Ryan and Shane survey their surroundings and have this to say.Shane: You really out did yourself this season.
Ryan: Yeah, I just kinda looked into places that would make me want to die and I think this checks that box.
- Not even two minutes in and Ryan accidentally blinds Shane with a flashlight unapologetically.
- "Good, good! It'll give you the vision." Then he blinds him again.
- Shane's somewhat accurate summary of the Wild, Wild West. "What are you here for?" "I love gold!" "I love gold too!" "I love gold as well!"
- It's the bizarre old-time cowboy accent that really sells it.
- After three seasons, Ryan is finally aware of how often he says "That being said" and tells the audience to take a drink when he utters the phrase.
- "Buzzfeed Unsolved does not condone underage drinking or drinking excessively."
- Ryan trying to communicate with the spirits. "Talk to us if you're the guy whose guts got all spun up into the rafters."
- Shane responds with the probable answer. "I didn't like it. It wasn't fuuuunnnn."
- Ryan and Shane discuss the tale of the Lost Dutchman's mine, where it's believed that a certain fellow named Jacob found a bunch of gold. Others say he was just an unrepentant thief who stole gold from Vulture. Ryan and Shane figure it was probably the latter.Ryan: "Where did you get that gold, Jacob?"
Shane: "Uhh...I found it out in the hills. I found it in a secret mine, only I know where it is, don't check my worrrrrrrrrk! It only appears to me at midnight!"
- Again, the weird voices Ryan and Shane are doing when they say this are what really sells it.
- The only mine still safe to enter is called the Glory Hole, the two acknowledge that it meant something else back in the day and then proceed to make jokes about the name anyway.
- Ryan and Shane (but especially Shane) get a big laugh from knowing that the miners were mining the support beams, something that led to the mine collapsing in on them.
- Ryan and Shane happen upon a bunch of bats, and are not exactly happy about it.
- "It was an ass-bat, that bat was going for your ass."
- Ryan and Shane pretending to be from the era in hopes of getting a ghost to trigger the motion detector.
- "I stole your gold!" "I stole your gold and your wife." All while speaking in horrible Wild West accents.
- While investigating the hanging tree, Ryan gets a sudden surge of bravery which is immediately gone as soon as he hears the camera bumping into the tree.
- Shane shouting "Scoundrels!" at a tree.
- Entering the school house, the two find a chalk board with two messages. The first one reads "They will come for you" and the second one reads "I heart ghost kids" with a flower next to it.
- Shane and Ryan reach two doors, and decide to open each of them.Shane: What if I open this [door] and a thousand rattle snakes come out?
Ryan: Then I'm going to run.
Shane: Alright. Let's boogie boys! ...It's a mattress ... and dirt.
- Shane's input on the EVP recordings in the school house, which Ryan described as a kid's whimper. Shane's not impressed when Ryan insists that it sounds like a kid. "On the first day of kindergarten the teacher goes, 'And what's your name?' and the kid goes, 'Oooouuuullllhhhhhpp."
- When its Ryan's turn to open a door, Shane can't resist teasing him. "I picked this door so now you have to open the other one, and what if you picked wrong and there's a clown with a decaying face in there?"
- Ryan repeating that back to him with a mocking voice.
- The plethora of Unusual Euphemism they make while entering the bordello. Hint: a lot of vegetable ones.
- Ryan and Shane freaking out over bats.
- "If I left a yelp review of this place it would say 'far too many bats.'"
- Shane explains that if he saw a UFO that he would approach it, with his last thoughts probably being "Get a load of this shit."
- They come to the conclusion that Shane would be the best person to get abducted because he would treat the aliens with immense skepticism and they would get tired of him.
- This episode has both Ryan and Shane confirming that Shane would be the first person to die in a horror movie.
- Shane's solution to any and all alien encounters is to shoot the aliens with a gun.
- Ryan seems pretty convinced that aliens are into butt stuff and makes reference to it three times in the episode.
- He's later called out for this in the post-episode Q&A session by a guest star. He vehemently denies that he himself is into anything like that.
- Shane points out that the first abduction victim weirdly fixates on the clear skin of the people he saw in the ship rather than ask what was happening.
- It's been shown before, but aliens are actually one of the very few things Shane believes in. When Ryan finishes presenting the third abduction, Shane loves what he has heard and isn't arguing with anything. Ryan points out how unusual this is.
- As soon as it was suggested that the third abduction victim was fascinated with UFOs, Shane immediately says "Okay never mind." moments after talking about how plausible the story was.
- "He was obsessed with UFOs and wrote fanfiction about himself dying at the hand of a UFO."
- Shane decides to mock Ryan by asking, "Do you think we're going to die here tonight?" Ryan's response? "Well I mean look at it. Visually it's a bit much."
- Ryan has about two seconds of bravery talking about the cell-holes. "I'll just go in one of these holes ... No I won't."
- Comparing prison stripes to the HamburglarShane: Do you think [the Hamburglar] ever got solitary?
Ryan: Yeah but I always saw him as a funny little man.
Shane: He's a fucking criminal, Ryan.
- Ryan, reluctantly, goes into one of the cells and lets Shane close the door on him. While Ryans tries to speak to ghosts, Shane begins hitting the door and in a gruff voice, pretending to be a prison guard, tells him he has to be quiet.
- Apparently, the prison had some famous guests in its day. Cue Shane's fake British accent, "So Charles Dickens specifically was like, 'Oh, I'm going to America, see that prison.'"
- Ryan and Shane lamenting about how Shane's attempts at British accents always come out Australian.
- No words can describe this voice, it just has to be heard.
- In response to the terrible treatment of the prisoners, Ryan has a theory that the founder of the prison was in fact Jigsaw and this was his origin story.
- Also, the idea that Jigsaw just rolled into a staff meeting one day on a tricycle.
- Ryan tries to be approachable to the spirits.Ryan: Don't get scared by my long-legged friend.
- In response to Ryan jumping at nothing, Shane has nothing to say but "What. What the fuck is wrong you?" It's his flat, dead pan voice that sells it.
- Shane wanting to know how it would work if Al Capone was haunted during his time at the prison and is now haunting the prison as a ghost."Is this a double ghost situation?"
- Shane and Ryan decide to use the Spirit-Box with... mixed results.Shane: That sounded like Will Smith! Is Will Smith dead? Has anyone checked the news?
- Shane and Ryan wanting to know what noises the prisoners in a certain cell-block would make as they dug out an escape tunnel.Ryan: *Singing* "Not digging a tunnel in here! Don't mind the noise! No more diggin' just a lot of singin' don't come in here and look around! There's nothing were going on in herrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeee!"
- Shane points out when they go to the punishment block, that the ceiling is so low that if someone attacks them, he'll probably smash his head. Ryan tells him with not one ounce of sympathy in his voice "Well, that sucks."
- Ryan, who is freaking out about being alone with the spirits of a certain punishment cell, receives these words of comfort from Shane. "You're going to hear a lot of drip-droppies but those are stalactites working over time."
- When Ryan is standing in the Hole, the camera is placed on the ground near the toilet while Ryan stands alert in the opposite corner, giving the impression that he is standing in fear of the toilet.
- "Welcome to Shaneburg...We're all assholes who don't believe in ghosts." This was in response to Ryan saying that the initial town of Alton was founded by one person and Shane saying he wishes he could have a town consisting of just him.
- "Why are you unbuttoning your pants?" "Don't worry about it." "We're in public right n-what are you doing? Oh...Ryan. You've out-dumbed yourself."
- Ryan took the time and effort to get a gun holster and a toy water gun filled with holy water for the investigation.
- "Do you think Father Thomas ever watches these videos and is disappointed in you?" "Perhaps."
- Father Thomas's disappointment in Ryan is brought up several times in the video.
- Shane attempts to communicate with the demons. "Any demons here? Any demons out tonight? Any horny boys?"
- Shane's explanation of this? "What? They have horns."
- Shane has absolutely nothing to lose when talking to demons. "You feel that? You feel that Goat Man energy? The goat vibes?"
- In response to these statements, Ryan wants to know if he can at least act worried. Cue an over-exaggerated face from Shane.
- Shane decides he's going to go all out with provoking the Goat-man. "Goat Man! 'M dancing on your bridge! It's my bridge now! You're going to have to kill me to get me off of it. You're going to have to throw me off the bridge yourself. Look at the way I dance, I disrespect your bridge Goat Man!"
- "Children will come here and tell tales of ME!"
- Meanwhile Ryan is just standing in disbelief as Shane challenges a demon. "Don't bring me into this!"
- The Goat Man entrapment Shane pulls on Ryan to get him to talk to demons.
- "Trying to goat you into this."
- Shane and Ryan try to pretend they're in on the cult-stuff that supposedly goes on in the woods in order to lure a demon to talk to them.Shane: We're here for the cult stuff! Uh, we saw your ad on Craigslist.
- Shane telling the possible cultists in the woods that they should know that Ryan has a squirt gun full of holy water.
- Ryan getting spooked in the forest and Shane saying "Hey man, it's a plant."
- The vague "Fuck" that the EVP captures in the woods.
- "Steve the Goat Man"
- Ryan saying that that Steve is also his dad's name. Shane makes a mock-spooked expression for the camera.
- Shane casually lying on his side as they attempt to communicate with the Goat-man through a Ouija Board.
- Ryan telling the Goat Man that unless he moves the planchette on the Ouija Board, this bridge belongs not only to Shane but to him.
- Shane's face absolutely lights up at that pronouncement too.
- "Hey, you demon fuck!" Oh, Shane.
- After a rather unsucessful session with the Ouija Board, Shane blows out one of the candles and says goodbye to the Goat Man. "As we snuff out these candles, so too do we snuff you from this mortal world....you fucking wimp."
- Ryan seeing random graffiti of a star and immediately thinking it's a pentagram. It looks nothing like a pentagram.
- Ryan mentions how he wants to help the spirits trapped there, and be as friendly as he can. Shane interprets this in a...different way.Shane: Hello spirits! We're here with good vibes. We ask you to let us film you and put you on Youtube.
- Ryan and Shane discover a doctor at the asylum was named Dr. Fear.Shane: If your last name is fear, and you receive a doctorate, I believe it is your moral responsibility to be a bad person.
- They then theorize that Dr. Fear would be the perfect nemesis to C.C. Tinsley, the private investigator that went missing in the Sodder Children Case. After all they don't know exactly what happened to him.
- Ryan decides to take pictures of a certain area of the asylum to see if he can capture a ghost on camera. Shane steps into one of them and the results...have to be seen to be believed.◊
- Shane playing with the toy airplane of a child ghost. Complete with airplane noises.
- Shane walks down an abandoned hallway in the most spiritually active portion of the asylum in the dark by himself to capture evidence for seven minutes.Shane: Here's a hallway no one in their right mind would walk down. [Proceeds to walk down the hallway.]
Shane: Maybe sing a little song for me on my voice-box. Note
Shane: Come on boys, Ryan's not here right now! It's time to kill me!
Shane, pointing at a toilet: Moaning Myrtle, this looks like your kind of joint!
Shane: DO YOU HEAR HOW COCKY I AM? WOULDN'T YOU LIKE ME TO JUST SHUT THE HELL UP?
Ryan: I hate what a good time he's having in there.
- Shane accurately predicts how Ryan's seven minutes walking down that hallway are going to go.Shane: Ryan's going to hate this.
Ryan, literally minutes later: I hate this.
- Ryan who is loudly panicking as he walks down the hallway, asks the spirits who's there. Shane who is waiting at the end of the hallway mockingly tells the camera-man it's the Devil.
- Ryan mentions that skeptics and believers in the case disagree on almost everything but where the unidentified object crashed. We then get this gem.
- Shane complains about the case's military bureaucracy, when several levels of command had to get involved.
- Ryan's incredibly passive-agressive captions to the official government story of what happened in Roswell. The official version of what happened is that the alleged aliens found in the wreckage were actually test dummies dropped from a great height, something that the government revealed decades later. The statement was that details tend to become compressed in these sort of situations, which is why no one said it was one of the test dummies at the time. Ryan has...this to say in his usually professional captions. "4 feet alien vs. 6 feet test dummy. Unclear how this contradiction is also an effect of time compression."
- Ryan finally brings out an actual tinfoil hat to discuss his theories. He later openly admits that it's pretty hard to take him seriously with the hat on.Ryan: I thought this was going to be funny, but now I realize I look like a fucking fool.
- Made even better by Shane utterly cracking up.
- At the end of the episode, Shane actually agrees that this case was pretty compelling, even though he points out that this wasn't much of a win for Ryan, since he believes in aliens. Ryan fires back by putting the tinfoil hat on Shane.
- Shane claiming he went to a very "grim" grade-school.
- Shane and Ryan are baffled to why the colonists didn't leave more clues besides the cryptic "Croatoan" on a tree.Ryan: They obviously had a tree and a fence post they could carve into. Why not carve a little map?
Shane: They coulda just added like a "C u there."
Ryan: Something' like that. Help 'em out.
Shane: "Fyi, went to Croatoan."
Ryan: "Be back never."
Ryan: "Haha, see you soon....Or not cuz we're dead."
- Shane theorizes the colonists all faked starvation just so that they could get John White to leave under the pretense of him getting them more supplies.Shane: "Hee, hee, hee ... we got him good!"
- Shane points out that part of reason why the colonists bones may have "disappeared" was because people in the sixteenth century were not all that good at excavation.Shane: "The year is 1600. We combed it as best as we could. I went to the top of a large hill and did this....*mimes John White looking into the distance*."
- "Once you get through stuff that makes sense... you tend to land on aliens." Cue an immediate cut to Ryan's fourth theory... aliens.
- This episode presents Shane's favorite theory yet (or at least that's what it said on Ryan's twitter). The Roanoke colonists disappeared because they were victims of a zombie plague.
- Shane ends up throwing a ball at Ryan. You can see from the look on his face how done he is.
- They drink throughout the episode, leading to some drunken silliness from the boys.
- The first line of the episode is "Where we going, Big Guy?" "Umm, uhhh, erhm...London."
- The duo doing a thumbs up in different locations with bored expressions, including the both of them wedged into a phone booth.
- "That being said, why don't we pour ourselves a cold one?"
- By the end of the episode, Ryan and Shane have about 3 pints of ale each, and it shows.
- "Where's my gin? I want my gin. Ma'am."
- "Gin, ma'am!" "Ignore my tall, idiotic counterpart." "I need me gin!"
- Shane's struggle to sit down in a chair.
- "Whoever put a hole in this painting... do you realize that was extremely dangerous and you probably could have killed somebody inside this bar."
- "Are you expecting to hear on this tape, 'well here's the thing'"
- "Hey! Come on! Do ghost stuff!"
- Ryan and Shane trying to get a ghost to steal a sip off of their pints.
- After turning around and seeing no change, Shane says "Is that it, then? End of the series?"
- "It's going to be very hard for them to take a sip of a cold one."
- Shane breaks out in laughter after learning there was a hotel that offered views of the hangings across the street with an execution breakfast, laughing so much that Ryan becomes visibly unnerved by him.
- Shane comparing seeing a parade at Disneyland to watching a man's neck break
- "Is there anyone here?" "NOPE! We should go get more gin."
- Shane struggling to climb a flight of stairs while denying being drunk.
- Thanks to copious booze, Ryan forgets which door is which when they're in the cellar.
- Immediately on arriving to the castle, Shane decides that this is a Scooby Doo episode.Shane: We need a van with flowers all over it now.
- Ryan outlining the starter pack of the Shaniacs: wind, squeaky shoes and mouldy bread.
- When Ryan hears a noise in the Roman foundations of the castle, Shane investigates and gets cobwebs in his hair. When Ryan tries to get them out, he accidentally eats the cobwebs.Shane: You're eating history!
- "No-one can see the top of your head except God."
- Ryan can't pronounce Boudicca or Essex.
- When presented with some creepy evidence (a sound some argue is disembodied female singing) Shane instead asks for correlation.Shane: What's the correlation there?
Ryan: "What's the correlation?" We're in a castle, and we're hearing a woman singing, that's what the correlation is!
- *Ryan looks into the camera like he's on The Office*
- Ryan trying to annoy upper-class ghosts by pointing out who walked up their staircase.Ryan: Its a bit- I didnt mean it.
Shane: Im dumber than him.
Ryan: I meant it.
Shane: You son of a bitch.
- Shane is definately not incredibly fed up with the spirit box.
- "Screaming Radio"
- Apparently a wax figure of Ryan would be too small to fit in a normal-sized chair.
- And Shane's would have have a eight-foot-round head.
- "Ryan's going to come in after me. He's like me if you shaved off four feet."
- Apparently the boys are now the ghouligans.Ryan: Youre off the ghouligans, youre off the team.
Shane: I am the team.
- The Great Plague.Shane: Oh, it was great, man. You shoulda been there for that plagueRyan: No, it wasn't like thatShane: kicked ass! That thing was a hell of a plague.Ryan: Yeah, I Tivo'd it.Shane: I don't have any family left.
- "We got bones on the track again; I'm from London." Said in a heavy (fake) New York accent.
- Shane's mimicking of the spirit box.
- Shane and Ryan both shout at the haunted dolls in an attempt to get a reaction on the spirit box.
- When they get no reaction, Shane says he would pay thousands of dollars for ghosts to be real just so they could quit two minutes sooner.
- Shane comes upon a battered mannequin lying in the maze and looks at it for a moment before asking, "Mondays, am I right?"
- Both of them come across the same spider while walking solo through the maze.Shane: What's supposed to be the reaction to this spider?Ryan: That's a big ass spider, holy shit.
- Shane found cookies and is munching when Ryan gets out of the maze.
- In the post-mortem:Shane: (in a British accent) Should I go check on your friend? *weird noises*
- Shane is dissatisfied with the monicker "Mothman," deciding it's not scary enough. He spends the rest of the episode trying to come up with different names, none of which are particularly frightening either.Shane: The Sky Beast!Ryan: Sky Beast? You literally just put together the two things it'sShane: Moon Monster!Ryan: That's pretty dumb.Shane: The Cloud Fiend.Ryan: No.
Ryan: This just says "Fright Terror."Shane: You know, just call him a Batman, why is that hard?Ryan: (Crumples up Shane's sticky note and throws it at his head).
- Ryan's single effort toward the cause is "Wingatron."
- Ryan finally gets fed up with Shane's attempts.
- Their first stop once they get to West Virginia is the Mothman statue.Ryan: You'll be able to stare at it eye to eye.Shane: What's that supposed to mean?Ryan: It means you're eight feet tall. It's a tall joke.
Ryan: This guy definitely P 90 X's.Shane: He's like a George Clooney Batman.
- Neither of them can get over the statue's six-pack.
Shane: See this guy's ass, by the way?Ryan (astonished): Oh my God!
- Also, as they walk past the statue, they get a view of its behind.
- "It's me, the Mothman. You boys from out of town?"
- Ryan thinks the Mothman is a wine guy.
- Their attempts to figure out a squeaky Mothman call throughout the episode.Shane: You sounded like a pig giving birth.
- Shane's second attempt ends with Ryan facepalming.
- Shane's takeaway from the other supernatural phenomena that surround the Mothman.Shane: This is vaguely what I remember from that stupid Richard Gere movie.Ryan: Forget about the Richard Gere movie for a second.Shane: I will never!
- Their Mothman calls don't attract the Mothman, but they do attract coyotes.
- Shane ropes Ryan into a game of hide and seek by ducking into a dark room. Ryan just uses the thermal camera to find him.
- "'Better than a pit,' Shane Madej, 2018. Put that on a sweatshirt."
- The only things Shane remembers from four years of high school German are "My name is Shane" and "mustard."
- Their enthusiastic response to Roy, the seven-and-a-half foot tall ghost.Ryan: That's pretty big. I don't have to do the low-hanging fruit joke here, so I'm not going to.Shane: No, you couldn't reach it if you tried.Ryan: (beat) Okay, that was good.
- Shane's hatred of the spirit box continues.Shane: You ever listen to the radio, Roy? Well this is kind of like that, but it'll make you want to shove a pencil in your ear.
- When they explore individually, Ryan doesn't even try to make Shane use the spirit box.
- Roy was apparently a big fan of opera music, so Ryan plays some to try and lure out his ghost. That's pretty funny on its own, but Shane gleefully dancing and spinning around the halls of a haunted asylum to "Libiamo, ne lieti calicia" is truly a sight to be seen.
- Ryan correctly assuming that Shane is having a great time exploring the haunted hallway and spiritual portal alone. Shane is having a one-sided conversation with a few little dolls and generally enjoying himself.
Ryan: Thanks for that, fucking Shane.
- Shane told Ryan he asked Satan to show up while he was checking out the portal, as if Ryan didn't have enough reasons to be unhappy about going into that room.
- Shane's immediate "nope" when Ryan asks if he saw or heard anything while he waited.Ryan: That's about par for the course.
- Ryan using Wikihow to figure out how to do a séance on the fly.
- Neither of them had food to offer the spirits so Shane volunteered a stick of gum.
- Shane's loud "ow" when Ryan turns on the spirit box.
- Both of them mimicking the odd noise the spirit box makes when it starts up.
- Shane spent several weeks prior to the episode swearing up, down, and sideways that there was some compelling spirit box evidence in this episode. The "evidence"? A collection of blips that sounded vaguely like "spaghetti" and "apple tater." Even Ryan found it hilarious.
- "Waiting? Yeah, me too, bud."
- Shane comparing demons choosing childish forms as their vessels to a character creator in the Sims.Shane: Do they pick out a pink frilly dress and then go, "hm, I don't like that one. Maybe some overalls."
- Ordering a pizza during an overnight stay at a demon house.
- They were alone in a demon house, late at night, with the lights off. One wonders what the deliveryman was thinking when he delivered the pizza.
- Shane is of the opinion that they're both demon proof.
- Shane walking around slamming various cabinets and cupboards to find the source of a thumping noise.
- Their little dialogue while Ryan sets up motion lights.Shane: It's the ideal time to kill him.Ryan: Future ghost hunters would be like, "This is the spot where Ryan Bergara got murked."
- "Why don't you go back and set 'em off to make sure they work?" "I got a better idea; why don't you go fuck yourself and I won't do that?" "All right."
- Shane's delighted reaction to his own lame "smell ya later" joke about a woman's perfume, regardless of how unimpressed Ryan is.
- Ryan encourages Shane to antagonize the ghosts in order to get a reaction. Shane is more than happy to oblige.Shane: Latch yourself onto my soul, come back to Hollywood with me, and destroy the lives of all my friends and coworkers!
- Shane offering to give a ghost a piggyback ride out of the jail.
- Ryan humming the Jaws theme while exploring a hallway alone.
- Ryan yelling his customary insults to the ghosts on his way out, only to realize he left the spirit box back in one of the cells and that he now has to go back to get it.
- When talking about how overcrowded the prison was, Ryan points out that normal people get put on-edge from being in a crowded room, giving the "hypothetical" example of living in a tiny college dorm with a particularly bad roommate. He gets a little too specific, prompting Shane to ask if Ryan has any particular axes to grind.Ryan: No. (pause, then, to the camera) Fuck you, Roland.
- Shane's newly acquired mustache is the source of many jokes and at least one argument during the episode.
- "My name's Ryan" "My name's Shane. And we're the Ghoul Boys."
- Shane standing right at the top of a stairwell and encouraging a ghost to push him.
- Ryan bringing out the spirit box and Shane declaring that he hates this ghost so much that he's actually glad they're using it.Shane: If you thought getting shot was bad, wait 'til you hear our spirit box.
- Ryan's loud scream when the spirit box starts up
- Shane attempting to talk to the ghosts in a Southern accent.Shane: Why you look finer than honey butter on a June afternoon.
- Both Ryan and Shane encouraging the ghosts to shove Ryan down the stairs.
- Ryan's dancing.
- "Show me the money!"
- "If you're possessed we're not taking you home."
- They find a portrait on the wall that they think resembles Christian Bale and take a selfie with it.
- Ryan barely makes it into the picture at all because of how much taller Shane is.
- "Maybe say something nice that'll make them come down?" "HI, PLEASE COME DOWNSTAIRS." "That's what you landed on?"
- "I'm shook."
- Ryan and Shane playing hide and seek with a little ghost girl.
Ryan: You just stayed hidden? How long would you do that?Shane: As long as I had to.
- Shane doesn't believe in asking for or giving hints during hide and seek.
- "I'm Ryan" "That's true. Oh, you wanted- I'm Shane."
- Shane giving Ryan 10 minutes alone with the ghosts, as opposed to the original 5.
- "I got my party boots on!" "They're the same boots you always wear."
- Shane begging the ghosts to speak up before Ryan turns on the spirit box.Ryan: This will help you communicate with us. Also more importantly Shane hates it, so I also love doing this.
- Ryan attempting to communicate with a ghost up in a bedroom.Ryan: We just want to talk. And if you don't want to talk, you could swing this chandelier into the side of Shane's head and concuss him.Shane: You could.
- Their utter disenchantment with the secret passage, as it doesn't lead to a secret room.Shane: If you pull this book out of the shelf, you'll get to the kitchen!Ryan: Or you could take the stairs.
- Their off-topic discussion of double and triple negatives.
- Shane just getting up and leaving Ryan with all their equipment.Ryan: You're not even gonna help me carry this tripod out?Shane: (distant) No.
- "Well, it would have made a good season finale if you appeared in that chair. I know that doesn't mean anything to you, but it's not always about you."
- Jesse Shepherd died while playing the piano. Ryan and Shane both crack up when they point out that the audience watching this performance must've been really, really confused. Especially if he pooped himself.Shane: "Wow, this performance is really avant-garde..."
- The guys take a good long time to pull themselves together, and admitting how disrespectful this is only makes it worse.
- Ryan pointing out a big door with a smaller door next to it and saying, "We got a Shane door and a Ryan door."
- Ryan getting scared by the stuffed raven
- "Going to ghost work, honey!"
- The ghost architect from BrooklynShane: [Brooklyn accent] If you build this, it's gonna confuse the living hell out of us.
- Trying to summon a ghost with a rice krispie treat
- Shane taking a bite out of the rice krispie treat to show the ghosts that it's food
- Their preoccupation with the stained glass in one roomRyan: That's some really good glass you got there.Shane: Some good-ass glass.Ryan: That's good glass behind that glass.Shane: I'm gonna steal that glass. I won't; I respect this house.
- Shane's delight at the "witches' cap" room, even asking to sleep there during the overnight investigation.
- "What's more likely? Undead souls wearing high heels."
- Shane repeatedly smacking his head on the low basement ceiling.
- Ryan's anxious gibberish while down in the basement.Shane: I think we've lost him.
- Shane calling Ryan up early and haranguing him about not being able to make it two minutes quietly and with his light off.Shane: You talk to hide from the silence. You know you do.
- Shane up in the witches' cap room saying that he hopes Ryan is doing okay, but probably not, and then the show cutting to Ryan downstairs fretting about a doll staring at him.
- The editing during their night spent apart is hilarious.Ryan: This is the worst. This is the worst.Shane: [Singing Mamma Mia]Ryan: Several bad choices have led me to this moment.Shane: [Laughing at something on his phone]
- Ryan screaming when the caretaker walks by to check on him.
- Ryan says that the victim had eaten a pasty, which is a type of British pastry. Brent thinks that Ryan meant pasty as in nipple tassels.
- Brent calls Ryan out on his lack of credible sources, calling the case "fan-fiction".
- Ryan proposes the theory that the hikers were attacked by a yeti, which Brent immediately dismisses without question, "Alright, next!"
- When Ryan mentioned "Hit 'Em Up" by Tupac, Brent tries to rap it, asking if that's how it goes. Ryan and Daysha make fun of him for it.
- Both of their utter bafflement (especially Shane's) on how a private investigator could go missing.
- How impressed they are initially with his name being C.C. Tinsely, which they both agree is perfect for a private investigator.
- "Why is the minister telling rumors?"
- Upon learning that the supposed heart they found was beef liver, Shane does an impression:Shane: "Ah, darn it, I acci - oh - fuh - that's my, my darn sandwich"Ryan: (wheeze)Shane: "No wonder that sandwich tasted so bad the other day, I - I mixed 'em up!"
- In response the victim's autopsy:Shane: That's a shark, baby. I've seen Jaws at least six times.Ryan: Well, not so fast...Shane: Huh?Ryan: Don't jump to conclusions.Shane: I'm jumping, I've jumped, I've landed. Shark. It's a shark.
- Their (especially Shane's) reactions to the poem written about the victim in the papers.Shane: No, sir, the shark was not doing that. The shark is ten times less creepy than you.
- SPRING BREAK!
- While presenting the information, Ryan mentions that Cooper ordered a bourbon and soda while on the plane, then theorizing that rather than ordering it to calm his nerves, Cooper ordered the drink simply because he was a badass.
- "I'm D.B. Cooper, I'm a mystery man, give me a bourbon."
- As Ryan tells Shane that Cooper gave a flight attendant a note and told her he had a bomb, Shane bursts out laughing. Shane wonders why Cooper would give the attendant a note to be discreet if he was evidently comfortable saying he had a bomb out loud, acting out how he thinks that scene played out.
- Shane continuing to crack up over the case as Ryan reads the note, especially at the part where it says "-or I'll do the job."
- Ryan and Shane, both clearly entertained by this case, make up fan nicknames for D.B. Cooper, mainly saying that they're on the Coop-train and are now Coop-heads.
- Shane's dramatic acting on how he believes Cooper put on his sunglasses
- Ryan and Shane share theories on what the case would be like if it took place in modern times:
- Cooper would have earbuds in, playing a badass playlist off of his Spotify Premium
- Cooper would be riding up and down the aisle on a shitty hoverboard making threats.
- Ryan and Shane being oddly disappointed in the fact that Cooper was wearing a clip-on tie.
- "I would like some bourbon and some money or I will do the job. It's me... Dan."
- Upon hearing one theory state that the suspect allegedly told his wife on his death bed that he was Dan Cooper, Shane promptly chokes on his drink from laughter.
- "I have something to tell you- I'm the Phantom of the Sky" Shane then pretends to die.
- "Did you cheat on me?" "I am a man of myth."
- Ryan and Shane joke that written in the margins on a book on Dan Cooper is "This was me. Cool guy. I did this too. Coolest guy in history. Nice sunglasses. Wow! Bourbon's great."
- Shane, for at least the third time, bursting out in laughter over a detail about the case. This time there was another alleged deathbed confession from a suspect stating that "There's something you should know... but I cannot tell you." before immediately dying.
- Ryan and Shane discuss what they think might have happened to Cooper after hearing that he was an inexperienced jumper: acting like a cool guy up until he jumped out of the plane and screamed before getting impaled on a pine tree. The two then give a very long impression of him slowly dying, including pained gurgles. The moment is as funny as it is messed up.
- Further details are provided as to why Cooper must have been an extremely inexperienced jumper, leading Ryan and Shane to come to this astound conclusion: D.B. Cooper was a dumb-dumb.
- "He's a big dumb-dumb floating in the sky with his stupid trench coat blowing in the wind, in his loafers."
- "That's not how D.B. Cooper does it, baby. He likes bourbon, he likes adventure, and he likes notes."
- "-and flying through the sky, screaming, with a pair of loafers on."
- Shane revealing his Nightmare Fetishist tendencies. "I'll tell you what. I love when serial killers have a fun little thing."
- While discussing that the Axeman's first attack involved both an ax and a razor, the two theorize that he was figuring out his style. Shane then adds that he probably went "I'll either be the Axeman or the Razor Boy." which they then revised to Razor Boy being his sidekick.
Shane: Razor Boy! He's back from boarding school!
- A survivor claimed there were two attackers in her house,
- While exploring the site of the first Axeman murder and discussing how he would have entered the house, Shane gets suddenly distracted by some beads in a bush, creating a minor Mood Whiplash.
- It was the baker that found two of the victims the next morning, which results in some Black Comedy imagining his reaction. "Good morning! I've got your beigne-oh my god!"
- "My mom took some hard steel to the noggin and then I popped out." It Makes Sense in Context.Context
- In old timey voices, Ryan and Shane describe the news reports that ran on the Axeman and what they could have said.Shane: Everybody in town's got Axeman fever as terror continues to grip the community!Ryan: This just in, throw away your axes!Shane: This just in, more skulls crushed!Ryan: (wheeze)Shane: Wha-oh! Throw out your axes!
- The Axeman writes a rather... over-the-top letter to the press, complete with outlandish threats, and calling himself the Devil. Shane mockingly imagines what his thought process must have been while writing it. "Hmmhmmhmm! The Devil, his Satanic Majesty! Hmmhmmhmm, That'll get them! Time to go murder again!"
- In the Axeman's letter, he claims that he could kill thousands in a single night. The humor comes in when Ryan and Shane point out that for a man killing people in their sleep with an ax, his success rate is rather low. Fun Fact
- The Axeman promised in the letter to go on a killing spree in New Orleans, but was generous enough to make an exception, being a man very fond of jazz music. "One thing is certain, and that is that some of your people who do not jazz it on that specific night, will get the axe." Shane and Ryan both find the term "jazzing it" to be hilarious.
- YOU BETTER JAZZ IT!
- The Axeman being compared to Santa Claus, because Ryan and Shane can't figure out another way that he would know whether each and every house was playing jazz music.
- Shane's theory that when the Axeman didn't kill anyone the night he threatened to, it was because the killer was actually out of town and was just messing with everyone.Shane: "I got a business trip that weekend."Ryan: "Let's see how many of those fuckers I can make dance."
- One of the axeman's victims had to be struck over 20 times to be subdued. Shane is duly impressed. "Aw boy, what a bump!" "Uh, alright. Guess I'll hit ya again." "Oh my goodness! That didn't feel much better."
- What makes Shane finally turn on the Axeman? Since he targeted mainly Italians, it is likely that he was motivated to kill by prejudice.
- One theory about the Axeman is that it was multiple people that were part of a blackmailing gang. Ryan and Shane are a bit confused about the actual function of such a gang.Ryan: What does a blackmailing gang even do?Shane: They just get together and say "I saw this guy fucking a goat!"
- Shane is a bit confused about the case that they're reviewing. "Wait, so I was excited to hear about this boy who lived in a box..." Ryan says that he told Shane it wasn't as magical as it sounded. "They just found a dead kid in a box? I mean I'm sure there's gonna be more weird details, but...I thought it was gonna be like 'ohh and he-boy did he not like his box, and he spent years in his box not liking his box."
- The conversation eventually delves into talking about John Travolta in The Boy in the Bubble.
- "I imagine your first steps were your head dragging along the floor, like some kind of crab creature."
- "Janet we left the-we left the box! Our boy was in that box."
- "Well the place is beautiful, I'm selling my son tomorrow, I'll take it. How much is it? How many bedrooms? Won't need one of them."
- "So what do you wear [a mask of the boy] and go to people and be like 'do-do you know me? Seen my little boy face? Wahhh!"
- "Do you think he screamed like R2-D2? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
- "You've seen this kid?" "No." "Okay, let me pull out one more thing." Ryan then pantomimes putting on the mask. "Now have you seen me?" "No, can you please leave my home?"
- "We owe a thousand dollars to the bear down the street."
- Ryan and Shane going off on a tangent about bears living on farms.
- "How scary is it? You just lock your door. You're in a car, drive away, that's not that scary. And then, you know, if-if the doors don't work and he starts breaking a window, then guess what, time to die and that's a bummer. But see, at that point it's like 'oh I'm dead, guess I don't have anything else to worry about.'"
- "He's in the back, and he's like- you know when you're- when you're in a situation you're like "this is dumb" and you try to give someone a look like a-" Ryan makes a This-is-dumb face, "What are we doing? And they don't give you anything and you're just like 'huh, guess I'll go fuck myself then.'"
- "Off the grid, no more kids."
- "How did this dust get here?" "They must have been wearing our shoes and doing a little dance at night!"
- Shane discusses how weird the details are in the ransom note, since generally you don't want to give the family any information.Shane: You wouldn't be like ... "Dear Mr. Ramsey, it's me, a tall fellow."
- When discussing the smug tone of the letter, Ryan gives us this.Ryan: "I've run the permutations through my little computer, and all of them say, 'you're fucked!'"
- "My murder laptop"
- When Shane says that maybe the reason a practice note was found, was because he needed to make sure all his words would fit on the paper. Ryan is... a bit flabbergasted. "Are you under the impression [the ransom note] was written in bubbly letters?"
- "Michael Jordan never just went up for a dunk and disappeared"
- "That ocean's going to have nicely groomed hair."
- "Oh these bones? These bo-nah these bones don't belong to anybody. Put 'em back in the ocean."
- "Let me- let me spin you a yarn that you shan't soon forget. I'm being eaten alive by crabs right now."
- "Can you imagine if someone just accused you of being Amelia Earhart?"
- "It sounds like he's very accomplished and distinguished and probably knows what he's talking about...that photo looks like shit so I don't care what he thinks of it. He might as well be looking at a Rorschach blot, being like, 'that's your- that's your mother!"
- "Definitively, can you say aliens did not have part in the disappearance of Amelia Earhart?" "No, I can't." "There we go!"
- Shane says he likes the "marooned on an island" theory because of the "peril of it, the drama." Ryan, however, gets right to the point.Ryan: I think you just like her getting eaten by crabs.
Shane: I love the thought of someone getting eaten by crabs.
Ryan: There it is!
- The "Glamour Shots".
- Ryan creates a persona called "Ricky Goldsworth" to prove he could pretend to be someone and check into a hotel in their name.
- Upon hearing a suspect described as "commercial woman," Shane and Ryan decide that she looks like the Pine-Sol lady and that she was hanging out with Brawny and Mr. Clean.
- "I will not eat this pauper's salad."
- Their impressions of Christopher Walken.
- Ryan's attempts, as shown in the post-mortem, to pronounce "Lakshmanan Sathyavagiswaran".
- A darkly hilarious moment after it's revealed that a fortune teller correctly predicted that Wood would drown, and that this prediction led Wood's mother to try and keep her away from the water. The guys muse on how they think that incident went.Ryan: I imagine it was like one of those, like, fortune tellers you see at like a carnival, and like, (as mother) "Oh, wouldn't it be funny if you tell my fortune with the little playing cards and it—"
Shane: (as mother) "Oh, maybe she'll tell ya you're gonna marry a rich man!" She probably... she would.
Ryan: (as fortune teller) "You're gonna drown one day."
Shane: (as fortune teller) "Water's gonna fill your lungs."
Ryan: And the mom was like, (as mother) "Alright, we've had enough of this!" (mimes quickly leaving) "Thank you!"
Shane: (as mother) "Let's go get funnel cakes!"
- Ryan describing Shane as "the nation's greatest tragedy."
- "Big Advil sounds like a shitty indie band."
- Their assessment of law enforcement in the 80s.Shane: I could walk into a store, pocket a cola.Ryan: You could pocket a cola, punch the guy in the face, and then be like, "see you later!"Shane: "My name's Shane Madej, fuck you!" Cops wouldn't get to your door for weeks.
- Shane asks Ryan if he tells ghost stories after sex, then doing an impression of Ryan's narrator voice saying, "Let me tell you about the Keddie Cabin murders."
- Shane's response to the possibility of the murders being covered up by the police.Shane: "Oh, you murdered someone? You got forty bucks?"
- In the post-mortem from the previous episode, Keddie Cabin, Shane hints at this episode:Shane: It's gonna blow your mind.
Ryan: Jesus Christ, you cannot say that!
- Their reactions to the Secret Service opting to inspect none of the 20,000 windows that were to overlook JFK's motorcade route, doing an impression of what that conversation would look like:Ryan: "Eh, there's far too many windows. Eh, fuck it."
Ryan: "You know what? Eh, we'll just call it a day, we, eh-"
Shane: "We don't have enough guys to look at all these windows. What if we just, don't do shit?"
Shane: "Eh? sounds like a good idea"
Ryan: "Yeah, but - but, sir, the president's gonna be coming to town" "Eh, he won't care!"
Shane: "What are they gonna do, shoot 'em?"
- Shane: I just think it's very rich that you're calling me a wimp.Ryan: Yeah.Shane: 'Cause you hear a footstep and go into "Ooh, I better hide under the bed!"
- Limecat killed JFK!
- The entire "bloodhounds" conversation.
- Right off the bat, Shane is rooting for the thieves.
- Shane apparently has a butterfly in glass that he cherishes, even wanting to have a whole room full of bugs which Ryan describes as a serial killer's den. Shane then corrects him that it would be a well-traveled serial killer's den.
- The duo gain respect for the guard who was on duty for the heist for admitting that he was usually drunk or high and didn't care what happened at his job.
- The fact that the guard's motivation for letting the police (actually the thieves in disguise) in was because he had a Grateful Dead concert to go to the next day.
- They also imagine that he was as honest and forthcoming in his interview as well, leading Ryan to wonder why the museum would hire him.
- Why discussing St. Patrick's day playing a role into the heist, the video shows different clips of drunk people in the streets including a man slamming his head into the camera.
- Shane has a checklist of things that makes a good heist.
- He loves that they wear costumes and hopes that there is a man on a telephone pole.
- The second night guard arrives for his shift and is arrested by the thieves, told that if he caused trouble he'd be shot, the guard replies "Don't worry, they don't pay me enough to get hurt" presumably in a dull tone. Ryan can't help but sympathize.
- Shane muses over how cool it would be to bond with the robbers and would want to hang out with them while their captive.
- "Oh what are you? Some kind of SECURITY expert?" "Yes I am."
- Upon hearing that the robber's escape vehicle was a red Hatchback, Shane was deeply disappointed. He was hoping for a rendezvous point, helicopters, and for the robbers to rip off fake mustaches.
- "If you get away with 500 million dollars, that's cool but if you don't do it with a lil' pizzazz then Shane's disappointed in you."
- Shane refuses to drop the lack of mustaches, lamenting how badass it would be for the robbers to have been "We're not arresting you," Rips off mustache. "we're robbing you."
- The security guard claims to not remember what the robbers looked like despite them not concealing their faces, describing years later that one looked like Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes. The boys marvel over how this man is the embodiment of the incompetent security guard.
- They take a minute to question what art thieves do with their art and how they sell it. The hypothesize that they sell it to other criminals and create the idea that Saddam Hussein was commonly outbidded by Kim Jong Un.
- "Where'd they find him?" "Oh, the base of Jackass Hill."
- "Are you comparing the torso killer to Batman?"
- "Alright kids! Let's go for a little hike in Death Valley."
- Shane's shortlist of the Isdal Woman's last actions.Shane: Breadsticks, boots, burnin' myself alive.
- They both agree that Gisle Bang is a cool name.Shane: Gisle Bang! (finger gun) Pow.Ryan: I was gonna say, you could say "you've been banged" but that has different connotations.
- Shane believes he could be a spy with a fake mustache and a fake wig and the name "Banjo Mc Clintock."
- Ryan disagreed, citing Shane's height, which led to an argument about whether Shane's size or Ryan's anxiety would be more detrimental to the spying life.
- Shane is very happy to hear this story takes place in Missouri.Shane: I love Missouri! I saw a mosquito there that was almost the size of a bird.
- Shane's summary of McElroy's behavior.Shane: This isn't Icarus flying too close to the sun, this is Icarus turning 90 degrees, looking at the sun, and playing chicken with it.
- When discussing how no one called an ambulance with McElroy was shot.Shane: Do you think there was one guy who was like, "I'll call—ohhhhhh."
Ryan: He just got a firm stare. Everyone just... turns their heads towards him.
- Somehow made funnier by Shane's reenactment giving the impression that this hypothetical person really was fully intending to call for help... until they saw who it was.
- The opening conversation.Ryan: Let's take a peek behind the curtain and see a little bit behind the glitz and glamour.Shane: Well, you know what they say it's not all glitz and glamour. (beat) But you just said that, right?Ryan: Yeah.Shane: I don't know how else to restate it. Sometimes people get murdered in Hollywood!
- Shane's response to Taylor's forty films.Shane: Forty movies in 1920 equates to... two weeks of work?Ryan: Yeah, 'cause they (wheeze)Shane: This movie's called "Man Drops Potato."
- Their visualization of Taylor smoking six cigars at once while operating seven different cameras by himself.
- Ryan reveals that Taylor acted in a movie that became a Hollywood classic.Shane: Was he a good actor?Ryan: He only acted in one, so...Shane: Nope.
- Shane saying that the other Hollywood stars probably showed up to Taylor's murder with Cosmopolitans.
- Shane's story about writing off a possible murder, starting with hearing what sounds like a woman in distress and ending with "nnn...I think someone's having sex in the elevator."
- The return of Ricky Goldsworth.
- "I want butlers, and you're gonna be one." "I'm the mayor, sir!"
- Shane's thoughts on the word "movies."Shane: It's like calling your teeth "chewies."
- Their dismissal of detective work in the 1900s.Ryan: One detective goes out there with a magnifying glass, goes, "he was shot."Shane: "He was shot, likely by someone else."
- With Louis Le Prince being about Shane's height, Ryan doesn't pass up a chance to get in a jab. It gets a little off track.Ryan: I just thought this was a good opportunity for you, as a fellow Lord of the Rings tree to provide some insight.Shane: They're called Ents.Ryan: Whatever.
- Another metaphor is ruined a few minutes later.Ryan: (About a theory) I'm not buying it.Shane: Okay, great.Ryan: I'm not.Shane: You don't have to.Ryan: Good. It's not purchased, it's on the shelf, it's gonna stay there.Shane: I'm not selling it.Ryan: I didn't say you were selling it. Someone is, and I'm not buying it.Shane: This metaphor is... where are we in this?Ryan: I don't know.
- Shane pondering hiring the mob to move his couch, much to Ryan's confusion/horror.
- The boys making fun of Provenzano and Giacalone, complete with bad Italian accents.Shane: "Let's take a picture wit' today's newspaper!"Ryan: "Here's a big clock!"
- The mention of secondary locations, while not funny on it's own, becomes absolutely hilarious if you know of a certain comedian.
- Many John Mulaney jokes were apparently cut from the video.
- Ryan's impression of Shane being kidnapped from a Dave and Busters, of all places:Ryan: "Some men came over, grabbed him by the arm. He got into a Mercury Marquis yelling, (in a high pitched voice) "I still have tickets!"
- "Get in the fucking car."
- Ryan notes that Charles "Chuckie" O'Brien fled the room when someone confronted him about Hoffa. Cue Shane yelling, jumping from his seat and running from the room.Ryan: "I don't like that question- see ya later!"
- Both Ryan and Shane's Vin Diesel impressions.
- Shane's De Niro face.
- Also, this gem:Shane: (in a gruff voice) "I'm gonna pull ya guts out!"
- From the postmortem, the fact that Ryan and Shane's mobster names would be Ryan "Night-Night" Bergara and Shane "Legs" Madej respectively.
- Shane describing politics nowadays as, "Like a blockbuster film, except very sad."
- Shane highlighting the poor choice of having "Peacock nest" as a code for a bank robbery.
- Shane playing out a hypothetical phone conversation of asking someone, who's storing a body as a favour, to put said body through an ice grinder with bad results.
- Ryan mentioning a friend, who went to New Orleans and found a house with a sign saying "Not Haunted".Shane: "Oh, that house is- I don't believe in ghosts, but... I believe that house is haunted."
- The boys discussing how the smell of dog faeces could be a romantic reminder of someone.
- The boys get a bit off-track, and end up agreeing to do spring cleaning together that weekend.
- Shane imagining being at the centre of a love triangle and being fascinated with a professional ballroom dancer.Shane: "Who's this friend of yours?".Ryan: "What's happening right now?".Shane: "Who's this strapping man, who's your friend?".
Shane: "Oh! So, I'm a professional ballroom dancer...".Ryan: "Okay, no, please don't do this again!".
- As Ryan explains that it's actually the ballroom dancer being in love with the bride, Shane then tries to imagine it as him, but is cut off by Ryan, who begs him to not do it again.
- Ryan and Shane reach the mutual agreement that bringing your best friend along to your honeymoon is a bad idea, especially when it comes to the exact point of the honeymoon ("sexy times" as Ryan puts it).Shane (as the third wheel): "We gonna head down to the hot tub after this, or uuuh?".Ryan (continues): "Hey you guys, could you uuuh... Get some more beer in here?".
- The police describes a suspect's statement as "fantastic" much to the boys' confusion. They then act out a scenario including a couple of quite impressed police officers.Shane (as an officer): "Wish I could read it all over again!".Ryan (continues): "Yeah. Good job, sir, you're free".Shane: "You ever thought about doing some sci-fi?".
- Almost halfway into the video, Shane discovers that he misunderstood the love triangle.Shane: "I was- I was doing some heteronormative bullshit!".
- Both of the boys are astonished by a quote spoken by a lawyer.Shane: "I'm gonna remember that word-for-word and just start saying that to people".Ryan (wheezing): "Yeah".Shane (quoting): You know what, I gotta be honest with you. You're a liar of the most blatant kind, whose sinister figure permeates this whole tragedy, but whose purpose and design are shrouded in mystery".Ryan: "He might as well have finished it off with "In the Twilight Zone"".
- As Shane discovers that the case took place in Canada, not the US, he then starts to imagine how the sequence of events would've sounded considering the Canadian stereotype of being awfully polite.Shane: "Ah, jeez!".Ryan: "Oh no, you're bonked on the head!".
- As two escapees were brothers and shared neighbouring cells, Shane and Ryan share positive remarks of having your brother as a fellow prisoner, ending with hypothetical situation of the brothers getting their letter about Alcatraz at the same time and cheering like they got into to the same college.Shane: "I wonder if one of them got the letter, like, 'Oooh, where are you going?' And the other one was like: 'I'm going to Alcatraz', and he was like: 'Me too!'".
- Shane, being impressed with the craftsmanship concerning the fake dummy heads used in the escape, says that if he was a prison guard, he would first scream in shock discovering the heads, but then just do a slow clap and praise the effort in front of the other guards.
- The boys discuss how 'happy hour', an hour in which inmates were allowed to play their musical instruments, was a thing at Alcatraz.Shane: "What is this prison?! Everybody talks: 'Oooh, The Rock, you don't wanna go to The Rock".Ryan: "That's true!".Shane: "'Oh, the happy hour at The Rock is only three times a day!'".Ryan: "It sounds like the prison from Paddington II".
- Ryan shares a little story about seeing two seals slapping each other playfully at San Fransisco Bay, whereafter Shane envisions seals slapping the escapees while they were paddeling aboard the boat.
- The episode concludes with Shane and Ryan acting out how they would enter the US Marshal's office in a wheelchair at the age of 99 years flip and the bird, as the stature of limitations would have been reached.
- The boys take a moment to ask Putin to please not kill them for this video... and then ten seconds later, are right back to making fun of him.
- "He'd probably send his nephew. Craig."
- Shane waxes a little too poetic about living forever and seeing the world end, creeping out Ryan (not to mention, giving the "Shane is a demon" believers more evidence in the process).
- Ricky Goldsworth makes an appearance too, hinting to Shane he'll see his death coming and there's nothing he can do about it.Shane: I don't like this bit, Ryan.Ryan/Ricky: What but?
- The hilariously Extra post-mortem, where they pretty much show what Legs and Ricky Goldsworth would look like.