Reviews: Too Human
Too Human: Awful
Where to begin? Too Human isn't just bad. It's stupendously bad, an exercise in getting everything wrong. It's hard to believe that a game delayed for so long could turn out to be so unpolished, boring, and batshit insane. Let's begin with the story. The first mission starts with your character, Baldur, being the leader of some sort of commando squad that is being sent to fight machines. There are periodic flashbacks to times before the mission, during which Baldur talks politics. If that sounds vague or wrong, congratulations: I still have no idea what the fucking story is about. The game is a lot like Dune, in that they throw you into a tale with a bunch of non-obvious names for foreign concepts. But while Dune explained its terms with decent writing and context, I still can't make out half of this Norse sci-fi bullshit. The graphics are... Okay, I guess. They're kinda boring. Some of the models in the cyberspace (More on that) are butt-ugly, but the rest are just the right mix of meh. Then controls are mindbogglingly awful. You control Baldur's movement with the left thumbstick (Standard), shoot with the right shoulder trigger (Standard), and use melee with... The right control stick? What? Yes, some dumb fuck thought that using the right control stick to swing a melee weapon would be a good idea. At first glance, it is, but then there's a dilemma: The camera. The camera cannot be controlled by the right analogue stick, and so I'm at its mercy, with enemies divebombing me or shooting me from offscreen. Combat also gets very repetitive; many enemies take far too many hits to kill. One that particularly struck me was the boss Grendel; he takes freaking forever to take down, even though he isn't particularly difficult once you begin abusing the plentiful health in his arena.