A Sad Punchline to Gaming's Longest Running Joke.
I'll be blunt, Duke Nukem Forever is a piece of shit. It's loathsome, ugly, unfunny, misogynist and just all around awful. After more then 15 years of Development Hell
, to say that it's disappointing is a hell of an understatement.
For a game that sell's itself as an over the top, ball's to the wall action shooter, DNF is actually quite dull. Shooting often takes a backseat to awkward first person platforming and half assed physics puzzles that Half Life 2
did better eight years ago. The game is also very in love with interactive objects and is always happy to kill the pacing so you can turn on water coolers and play a crappy pinball machine, the game expects you to be wowed by how OMG NEXT GEN it is, but it just makes the game feel even more outdated.
When you can actually start killing things, the game disappoints in that area too. Duke is only allowed to carry two weapons at a time and most of them aren't that fun to use. You have FPS staples like the pistol and shotgun, mixed in with some more gimmicky weapons like a shrink ray or freeze gun. None of them feel satisfying to use and the aiming is clumsy, often making it difficult to get a decent hit on a enemy.
The enemies are total bulletsponges and can take a ridiculous amount of damage before going down. Duke himself can only take a few hits before getting killed, so much of the combat is spent running in hiding, waiting for your "Ego" metar to refill and hoping that Duke doesn't get caught in a corner. And you'll want to live, as after each death, you'll be greeted by a minute long loading screen
, sapping your will to continue.
As for graphics, DNF is very ugly. Most character models look lifeless and dead eyed, making many of the "sexy" moments even creepier. Pop up's appear frequently and overuse of shimmer effects make's everything look greasy. As for the animation, I'll just let this video show you how fluid it is
I'm out of room, but I could go on. I could talk about the truly godawful attempts at "humor", from Seltzer And Friedberg
level pop culture references, to truly vile Dude Not Funny
stuff (the now infamous Hive level comes to mind). The glitchy and unimaginative multiplayer. The underwater level that is just torture.
So just please don't waste your money on this garbage.