Reviews: Star Trek Generations

A little worse every time you watch it

The only thing sadder than the wasted potential? Reading the summary on Memory Alpha. That's what seperates fans of Bayformers from sci-fantasy fans: cognitive dissonance. You can punch us in the balls and we will find deep emotional resonance in it.

The only reason the movie exists is to bring Kirk to Picard's time. Sounds awesome. How? Time travel?

Nah, that makes too much sense. Instead, Kirk is killed off in the weirdest, most perfunctory way possible short of slipping in the tub, and finds himself in space purgatory. Picard also ends up there after failing to foil the bad guy's missile. ..Or something. (The plot is kind of unclear.) Once in the void, he runs into Kirk, and they time travel— hang on a sec.

(runs outside and screams)


—back to the final battle with Malcolm Macdowell (in the self-admitted nadir of his career), and Kirk dies lamely, again.

Why do fans love this movie? The cabin. Nevermind that Picard is unbearably wooden, while Kirk ignores him and continues frying eggs. Wow, I'm on the edge of my seat. Kirk doesn't even seem to like him. We're trapped in one of those plots where the leads are supposedly comrades, even though nothing on the screen suggests anything but animosity.

The worst sin is: Kirk is an afterthought in his own movie. In fact, so is Picard. The only thing to happen of consequence is Data's emotions chip, which doesn't factor into the plot. Come to think of it, Generations and Insurrection had the same problem of introducing plot elements that would have only mattered during the show.

If you like this movie, look deep within yourself. Look at the crappy sets. The Tang-filtered camera. The non sequitur conversations between Soran and the Klingons. The Howie Mandel comedy stylings of Brent Spiner. The pointless trashing of the TNG set to make way for the VOY sets. To quoth Harrison Ford, It belongs in a museum.

People claim to be emotional at that scene. They should be crying, sure, but in the sense that Rick Berman broke your favorite childhood toy and replaced it with a Big Mouth Billy Bass.