Reviews: Machete Kills

Machete Disappoints.

I deeply enjoyed the first Machete, but this is just bad.

The film suffers from an overabundance of big names, which it then proceeds to do nothing at all with. Lady Gaga is a resounding case of Advertised Extra - not only is she barely on screen for three minutes, she's not even playing her own character (she shares a role with the also-wasted Cuba Gooding Jr.). Half the names in the opening credits get bit parts at best.

There's too much story and too little plot. Event after event happens, but there's no time for any of them to have impact. The film is somehow too busy and boring at the same time, and it stops being engaging quickly.

Danny Trejo is a great actor, but he really isn't cut out (no pun intended) for lead roles. He just slouches through the film without ever changing his facial expression. Not helping is that the film hammers hard on variations of "Machete don't (do X activity)" - what was a clever moment in the first film has become an Overused Running Gag.

The only upsides are Charlie Sheen and Mel Gibson. Sheen (credited under his birth name of "Carlos Estavez") plays up his role as President Rathcock to a level not seen since President Ackerman, while Gibson simply walks away with the film. This is one of Mel Gibson's best performances in years, and serves as a strong reminder that he really can do comedy.

The worst part of the film may well be its ending. As it becomes clear that the trailer at the beginning was not just a joke, you can feel your hopes diminish.

I had such high hopes for this film, and it proceeded to piss on all of them. A confusing and ill-constructed plot, wasted actors, a miserable ending, and a complete lack of nudity combine to make this a massive disappointment.

One more thing: Trejo, Michelle Rodriguez, and Jessica Alba all came back for this film - but where was Lindsey Lohan?