Reviews: Alexander

How do you fuck that up?

Alexander the Great. One of the greatest stories in human history and shaped the world as we know it.

How do you fuck it up? You miscast the film completely, write risible dialogue, make the characters completely flat with zero charisma, somehow manage to turn epic battles into incoherent messes and utterly fail to convey any sense of epic sweep and scope.

By the time Alexander got to India if I'd been on my own in the cinema I would have stood up, shouted "This film is utter shit, I'm leaving and asking for my money back" and walked out and done exactly that - and that's the ONLY time I've ever wanted to do that and I've seen some turkeys in my time. It was only not wanting to embarrass my friends I was with that restrained me. Afterwards I actually hated the film and it's makers for wasting my time completely.