There's a lot that can be said about White Devil of the Moon
. All of it is bad.
The premise alone is riddled with more plot holes than a block of Swiss cheese. These range from "How did the Senshi meet each other without Usagi gathering them together" to "Why are they even allies with Tuxedo Mask in the first place" and most importantly of all "It took Beryl a year to wake up Metallia even with Moon foiling all her plots. How have the Senshi held on that long without her?" None of this was explained or even acknowledged as a problem by the author at the point when I stopped reading.
And I had to stop reading because even disregarding the plot holes the rest of the story is utter tripe unworthy of being anywhere near a recommendations page. Just kicking the plot off demands that Luna hold several idiot balls and conflict balls in order to make sure the Senshi don't meet the TSAB on friendly terms. She takes literally one look at Fate's barrier jacket and jumps to the conclusion that she's a "Dark Senshi".
This sums up the characterization of the Senshi as a whole: they are some combination of stupid, reckless, trigger-happy and judgmental or otherwise unwilling to question Luna, too magically-weak to handle even one of Precia's D-rank mecha mooks without attacking "weak points" with a team attack, useless because they are untrained (disregarding Fate's token lip service to them which doesn't match their performance at all), and their past lives sacrificed themselves for nothing because Serenity committed suicide (which somehow makes Nanoha think she's a horrible person). An astute observer may note as I did that bissek is cherry-picking details like Serenity's suicide from both the manga and anime. In short, he is deliberately making them look worse in all possible areas of comparison so the Nanoha characters can look more awesome. The villains, if anything, are worse: Jadeite is vaporized by one Divine Buster (and Nanoha never so much as blinks at killing him), an early appearance by Mistress Nine has her be utterly neutralized by Shamal's healing magic, and Beryl is almost killed by f***ing Miyuki
of all people.
There's a lot more that can be said about this fic but it can't be said in less than 400 words. Pretty much all of it would be bad. Do yourself a favor and go read something else.