Reviews: Team DLT

Is this really part of the 10%?

The first four sentences send up the red flag that 'Drake Ebony' is a Gary Stu. The rest of the first few chapters confirms it; able to see the future (and technicolor eyes), unlocking Aura of people not from the RWB Yverse, the offenses go on and on. He's an 'aloof cool guy' type of Gary Stu, and he casually does pushups minutes after he's been sucked into a portal and dumped into another world. Suspension of disbelief broken in the first chapter alone.

The story itself is the same as most OC filling in for Saito fics; cool guy shows up, conveniently with a bunch of his native gear 'thanks to his dad' and another faunus girl who is (for some reason) has a pseudo-Japanese name without actually being Japanese (or the cultural equivalent).

Writing wise, Grammar's already iffy from the get-go. The writing is English, yes, but not solid. Good [insert deity here] the pace is fast at times for the amount of material given and mostly involves characters being amazed at the Gary Stu and his cool abilities. It's good that it doesn't fall into the trap of just having all the attention drawn to the Stu; the bunny girl with him nets the first (and assisted) Grimm kill with gear from Monster Hunter, although that's somewhat doused by the next scene: Kirche committing attempted murder on three other students in her attempt to get the Gary Stu in bed with her.


On a more petty note, it's written by a guy named xXSniperKingXx