Reviews: Nine Tailed Serpent

Useless style: Not going to do shit attack!

This fic is predicated on a two simple ideas. 1, what if Naruto was a 90's anti-hero asshole and 2, what if he was basically the only competent ninja around.

This is one of those Naruto and Kurama made a deal fics. Thus Naruto is much, much better off skill wise when the fic starts. Thing is? He basically hates everyone who isn't the Hokage and is a vile asshole to boot. By vile, I mean very cartoonish vile. To show how "dark and tough" he is at an early stage he murders a begging pregnant woman solely because she happens to be in the location where his other targets are. After that...the fic REALLY falls apart.

Two things of note. 1: Any and all villains are basically the most powerful things in all of existence, and 2. Naruto is literally the only ninja in his village that can't be easily defeated. He's also 5'9 at 12 years old, sexually active, and somehow labeled ANBU level upon graduating.

Now I say ANBU level, but at the same time he only ever manages to defeat TWO opponents. He murders Haku (While mocking Haku's fan famed speech and motivations) and Kimimaro. Everyone else basically kicks his ass and tanks everything he throws at them. Zabuza? Nearly drowns Naruto WHILE Naruto is in his humanoid tailed form. Orochimaru? Whoops on him hard, only to lose interest in Sasuke and mark Naruto instead. Oh and that mark? Easily more powerful than the 9-tails.

Oh and that BFS the synopsis mentioned? Not only does Naruto realize it's too big and heavy for him to use, but also that he doesn't have a clue how to use it. No matter, he ends up wrecking it almost as soon as he has it.

The other big factor in this fic is the sheer power of the antagonists. Literally NOTHING stops them, and I do mean NOTHING. Naruto frequently buries them alive in his giant swamp, blows them up with massive fireballs, and at one point collapses a building full of explosive chemicals on top of one, then sets off the explosives, and THEN sinks the rest into his swamp. The person this happens to? Shows up completely fine and continues to beat his ass.

As funny as that is? Naruto is literally the only Ninja that manages to do anything to anyone. Other ANBU? Taken out like nothing? The Hokage? Barely survives...because of Naruto and his second level cursed seal.

Naruto makes nothing but terrible decisions, is obsessed with swords despite not knowing how to use them, and in the end? He joins Itachi after the elder Uchiha uses his magic eyes to mind fuck him a couple of times so that he can talk Naruto into helping him take down the very group he works for. There was one more chapter, but I stopped there, unable to put up with the fics bullshit any longer.

There is a sequel, but it's only a few chapters and hasn't been updated in years.

Seriously. Skip this fic.