I think I'm literally the only individual (aside from my sister and best friend, who sat through this train wreck with me) who legitimately hated
this movie. And I honestly do not understand why or how anyone
was able to enjoy it. I wanted
to like this movie — no, I wanted to love
it. It had been recommended to me by a friend, who enthused about its amazing plot and characters. Reviews praised it as brilliant, a "work of art." I was excited
That's why, even when it started floundering nearly right off the bat, like a mantra
, I repeated to myself, "It's gonna get better. It's gonna get better. It has to
It got worse. Much, much worse.
This movie has absolutely no idea what
it wants to be. It's a romantic comedy! No, wait — it's a family drama! Er... slice-of-life? No — it's actually an action movie with a touch of sci-fi! Or — it's a baseball movie?! (Seriously, about 25% of this movie is actually dedicated to one family's unnerving baseball fetish.) The "plot" — and I use that term loosely — is a jumbled mess of every genre cliche the writers could force into one feature-length film. There's no focus
— certain genres will occasionally steal the spotlight for a good thirty minutes or so before surrendering to another — and nearly every issue that the characters must confront are ones they themselves created
. The "main" plot (I think) is the result of the protagonist (I can't even remember his name, he's that unremarkable) solving, in his sleep
, a near-impossible math equation that gets randomly texted to his phone
. It really says something about a movie when its own writers can't even come up with a better way to kick the plot into motion than to have their dopey protagonist do it in the most inadvertent and contrived way imaginable.
And speaking of the characters, they're all your classic cookie-cutter archetypes except that the dough has been pulled away with the cutter, leaving only empty, soulless silhouettes behind. And did I mention there are loads of them?
How am I supposed to keep track of, let alone care
, about so many bland and underdeveloped characters?
This movie is a mess. A long, boring, unrepentant mess.