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Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull back to reviews
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Crystal Skull is Awful.
It was just a shit film.

Even if it hadn't been an Indiana Jones film, with such a brilliant and well-earned reputation to live up to, it was just plain bad. The writing was very poor, the action was dull, there was no violence, the characters were derailed worse than Tara Gillespie would have written them, the atmosphere of the original films that made them so great in the first place was gone, and to top it all off it was turned into a big, dumb piece of Hollywood CGI fluff, when it could have been a much more noble and daring film, unlike the fucking bad fanfic it came across as.

This film would have been a mediocre Mummy sequel. MAYBE. Regardless it still would have sucked.

I have listed all my problems previously, but my biggest complaint is surely the way this film doesnt even feel like Indiana Jones. Where is the gratuitous violence? Where is the Body Horror inflicted upon the villian at the end? What, she turns sparkly and... floats away?! WHAT?! How does that even begin to compare with an asain guys face melting off?! Indy is barely ever called Indy in this film, which is fitting because he is a totally different character. Is his personality supposed to have aged? Because if growing old makes you lose your wit and half your IQ kill me now. The overuse of CGI is so disgusting I nearly cried. The new characters are... not worth mentioning and the old ones are uneccessary. There are some superficially Jones-esque scenes, but they are pumped up with needless fake-looking CGI and bad obnoxious acting by the stuck up Le-Bouf kid that Speilberg adores so much. By the way, he's Indy's son. Big suprise, huh? Totally matching the elegant, pitch perfect writing of the original series, right?

Also, I have no problem with Aliens. Aliens would fit perfectly in an Indy movie... but the way they are done in this piece of shit. My god. Speilberg and Lucas think we're so dumb that the reveal (OMG, ders, lyk, aliens? wtf!?) will be a shock, even though we spend the whole movie wondering how Jones is such a dumbass he cant figure it out. The aliens look lame and the entire story behind them is lame. The skull isnt even Crystal.

Dont see it. Watch the three great original films. They are really good. I love them to bits.
big, dumb piece of Hollywood CGI fluff

Indiana Jones

The skull isnt even Crystal.

'HA HA HA HA

OH WOW'

comment #2330 66.92.14.112 23rd Apr 10
...?
comment #2332 iwintheinternets? 23rd Apr 10
While I don't have as much vitriol towards the film, viewing it more on the boring side of So Okay Its Average, I believe that you made excellent points and agree with you on every point. The entire movie seemed tired, it lacked the frenetic energy that makes an adventure film really click, sure it had stupid parts, but its writing seemed more so-so then horrible, the movie was just lazy and dull, not a burning shit storm of horridness. And if the creators of a product don't give a rats ass, then why should I?
comment #2343 Phrederic 24th Apr 10

comment #2359 iwintheinternets? 26th Apr 10 (edited by: dal0525)
asain guys face melting off?!

You mean Nazi.

And Aliens as an Indiana Jones plot device were used in The Fate of Atlantis. But it was very much downplayed.
comment #5210 Emperordaein 22nd Nov 10
I guess I should feel bad for finding it thoroughly entertaining, then.

But I don't.
comment #5212 amarielah 22nd Nov 10
She does not turn sparkly and float away. If you payed any sort of attention, you'd see that she gets her brain fried with too much knowledge and explodes.

And the only "asain" guys in the original films who die notable deaths are Mola Ram and that giant Thuggee, who get eaten by crocodiles and crushed in a rock crusher, respectively. Toht, who got his face melted off, was a Nazi, and therefore German, and therefore European. Is getting eaten from the inside out by ants not enough for you?
comment #5581 TeraChimera 30th Dec 10
Fail troll.
comment #5582 71.199.107.154 30th Dec 10
While I agree that the movie was poor... yeah, OP was either MAXIMUM TROLLING or simply too upset to express himself without coming off as an ass.

Again, I really, really don't like the movie - I'd go so far as to say I hate it, and it's the only IJ movie I've ever seen in full, so it's not fan rage about how the franchise is Ruined FOREVER. But there are ways to state your opinion without making a fool of yourself.
comment #5606 EponymousKid 2nd Jan 11

comment #6143 depaderico 28th Jan 11 (edited by: dal0525)
^^ I agree. He was pretty much a fool.
comment #14369 AngrokVa 20th May 12
"The overuse of CGI is so disgusting I nearly cried"

I accidentally learned from accidentally watching part of a making of that at least part of the Ancient Mayan National Treasure booty motherload set was an actual practical set. As in made by wood and metal and stuff you can touch instead of ones and zeroes. I was shocked nearly to death.
comment #14623 tublecane 5th Jun 12
"Aliens as an Indiana Jones plot device were used in The Fate of Atlantis"

What the fudge is that? If it's not the one with the arch, the one with the magic potatoes, or the one with the cup of a carpenter, then it doesn't count.
comment #14624 tublecane 5th Jun 12
"Even not seeing it as an Indiana Jones movie it is still bad" *proceeds to list that his problems with the movie is that it isn't exactly like the other three.* Even people who also hated this movie had to agree this review was hilarious in the way it contradicts itself.

Well, hilarious except for this: "Because if growing old makes you lose your wit and half your IQ kill me now." That's extremely offensive because it does happen (just going to extremes, have you heard of Alzheimer's?). Dipshit...
comment #22267 phylos 26th Nov 13
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