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Too Human: Awful
Where to begin? Too Human isn't just bad. It's stupendously bad, an exercise in getting everything wrong. It's hard to believe that a game delayed for so long could turn out to be so unpolished, boring, and batshit insane.

Let's begin with the story. The first mission starts with your character, Baldur, being the leader of some sort of commando squad that is being sent to fight machines. There are periodic flashbacks to times before the mission, during which Baldur talks politics. If that sounds vague or wrong, congratulations: I still have no idea what the fucking story is about. The game is a lot like Dune, in that they throw you into a tale with a bunch of non-obvious names for foreign concepts. But while Dune explained its terms with decent writing and context, I still can't make out half of this Norse sci-fi bullshit.

The graphics are... Okay, I guess. They're kinda boring. Some of the models in the cyberspace (More on that) are butt-ugly, but the rest are just the right mix of meh.

Then controls are mindbogglingly awful. You control Baldur's movement with the left thumbstick (Standard), shoot with the right shoulder trigger (Standard), and use melee with... The right control stick? What? Yes, some dumb fuck thought that using the right control stick to swing a melee weapon would be a good idea. At first glance, it is, but then there's a dilemma: The camera. The camera cannot be controlled by the right analogue stick, and so I'm at its mercy, with enemies divebombing me or shooting me from offscreen. Combat also gets very repetitive; many enemies take far too many hits to kill. One that particularly struck me was the boss Grendel; he takes freaking forever to take down, even though he isn't particularly difficult once you begin abusing the plentiful health in his arena.

Continuing my post

But there is a definite reason why you will be playing on the edge of your seat in Too Human: The Valkerie death sequence. Every time, let me repeat that, EVERY TIME you die, an angel will slowly descend from the heavens, slowly pick up your body, and slowly carry you up. The entire sequence takes 20 seconds. So if you are playing (And why would you be playing this piece of shit?), make sure you have a beer on hand so that you can enjoy some alcohol with every death sequence. This is one of the batshit insane elements I was talking about; who in God's great name thought it was a good idea to put players through this torment?

And finally, there's cyberspace. I have no idea why the hell the developers thought these segments were necessary. There's no enemies (At least as far as I played), tons of empty space, and "puzzles" that consist of pushing a button. What annoyed me the most is the concept of cyberspace affecting objects in real space; the first time this happens, it seems intuitive enough, with doors opening in cyberspace translating into doors opening in real space. Then I do another challenge where I smash a boulder through a wall. Obviously, this would cause a wall to crumble, right? Nope, a door opens. They had a potentially good idea that they halfassed. But overall, Cyberspace just feels like a time waster. This entire game feels like a time waster; the levels are too big, the enemies are quantity over quality, and the cutscenes are sophomoric.

I didn't play much of this game. I couldn't. Maybe I didn't give it a fair shake, but it's my firm belief that a game must be at least tolerable for the first few hours of play, and Too Human fails at that.
comment #13585 Scardoll 1st Apr 12 (edited by: Tomwithnonumbers)
So which game is worse? This, or Haze for PS 3?
comment #17015 Nettacki 29th Nov 12
I think this person will be happy to hear that not only the source code been destroyed, but all remaining unsold copies will follow suit if they aren't destroyed already. However, if he decides he wants to re-experience the awfulness, he'll have to Keep Circulating The Game.
comment #18203 SamMax 14th Feb 13
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