Reviews Comments: Less Than Mediocre

Less Than Mediocre
Spore isn't actually a game, it's 5 bland-as-stale-cornflakes mini-games tacked on to a creature creator. You build your creature, you play the mini game. Now you understand Spore.

Creature creation, which is the reason most people bothered putting the disc in their hard drive, also feels like a limited mini-game. You'll see the term "evolution" used a lot to describe Spore, but there's actually none to be had. Jaws, snouts, claws, arms, and body shape are determined in a play-doh stage at different times in the level. If you don't like your herbivorous 5" phallus-worm, just check into an evolution stop you can change the thing into a hulking 10' grizzly-wolf.

Your creature does not evolve. You make a creature out of play-doh and run it around to collect more play-doh bits. Nothing else you do matters significantly.

When you're done with this stage and have finally given your creature those +5 mandibles of death, you move on to a couple of RTS stages. There you will realise that those lovely teeth and claws and surrogate urethras you painstakingly saved up for do NOTHING; it's appearance only from here on out.

And it is definitely a rocky road from here on out. The first RTS stage is a loving (sort of) ripoff of Age of Empires. Only with less intelligent villagers, and an extremely limited tech tree, and lower population limits, and fewer buildings, and poor combat, and poor balance, and fewer types of units, and all right; it's nothing like Age of Empires. It's an awful, awful bastardisation of what an RTS should play like and, coming from someone who grew up when Ensemble Studios was in their prime, it makes you want to heave and retch and gouge your eyes out with a brooch.

The stage after is a terrible take on Rise of Nations. After that you get a spaceship and fly around pointlessly colonizing planets in your forsaken, empty universe.

The creator portion in these stages switches from designing creatures to designing buildings and spaceships. It's like Lego, if Lego were a 5-minute exercise in pathetically sticking plasticine spheres and cubes together for no purpose at all.

There's also the DRM issue. You can install Spore three times, and then you're locked out of a game that you've purchased. It's draconian to say the least.

I am filled with regret for buying this game.


To the person who wrote this review. EARTH TO REVIEWER! In case you have not noticed, that is what EVERY SINGLE HATER has said about this game. I would suggest that you stop accentuating the negative and actually try to have fun. I mean, did you really try everything you can do in the Space Stage? Honestly, you guys really can't see the forest for the trees. And you've obviously underestimated the power of the creators. I've played Spore myself and I've made a plethora of creations. I've made a ton of creatures and vehicles, and my creation skill has sharpened over time. You'd be amazed of what can be made with "Play-Doh Creatures" or "Plasticine Sphere Structures."
comment #7955 DemoralizedAnt 6th Jun 11
EARTH TO COMMENTER! In case you haven't noticed EVERY SINGLE HATER is saying these things because they are ANNOYING AS SHIT. Yes I played Spore. That's how I know about it. I spent about three hours playing the space stage before quitting because it sucked. It's wonderful you love Spore and have found ways to amuse yourself with the game, but my negative points are legitimate; these things do make a poor game for NORMAL PEOPLE.
comment #7973 spambot 6th Jun 11
Yes, but did you actually try to enjoy it to the fullest? The purpose of the Space Stage is to use the galaxy as your sandbox. Why don't you try blowing up a planet or better yet, challenging the Grox? Honestly, I believe the reason you quit is because you had no idea what you were doing. The same thing happened to me the first time I played the Space Stage. I misunderstood the concept of terraforming and I had to abandon the game because a Zealot empire was curbstomping the crap out of me. There are limitless possibilities to the game. You just have to find them. That is what Spore is all about. One more thing. I left a review for this game yesterday, but I can't find it. Did something happen or what's going on?
comment #7977 DemoralizedAnt 7th Jun 11
I guess you aren't that much of a creative person. The Creature Creator is fun. I could think of many different aliens to form, all with a tiny story behind it.

Play-doh? More like colored clay paired with elaborate tools.

Focus on the creative and story aspect of the game. That's the whole gimmick.
comment #7979 chihuahua0 7th Jun 11
"Gimmick" being the key word, of course.
comment #7991 spambot 7th Jun 11
But gimmicks aren't necessary bad. There's more to the game than the gimmick, like the sharing feature, the trading system, the fact that you can carpet-bomb your neighbor's capital and obliterative a tribal planet...

Also, Galactic Adventures by itself is fun too.
comment #7992 chihuahua0 7th Jun 11
Precisely my point, Chihuahua. I, for one, enjoy watching civilized planets from my ship or Hologram Scout. And between periods of peace, I find an empire I don't like and bomb the crap out of them. I even snag a planet or two out of it.

BTW, where are the reviews I made for Spore and Freelancer?
comment #8011 DemoralizedAnt 8th Jun 11

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