If there was a dictionary in the world with a definition for the phrase "shameless, brainless, pointless, idiotic, self-destructive cash-in," you'd find a screenshot from Equestria Girls right there beside it. There was no reason for this to be a movie. The whole thing runs only about seventy minutes, all in all, and to be honest, that's about forty or fifty more than it ever actually needed. It's loaded to bursting with pointless plot threads that go nowhere just for the sake of padding. Petty, transparent squabbles arise and get solved in the course of just a couple minutes, but they just keep coming, more and more and more and more, one after the other, none of them ever meaning anything, none of them ever bringing consequences or weight or emotional response. Twilight gets in trouble? Not to worry — less than one scene later, shallow non-character Flash Sentry bursts onto the scene proving her innocence, and the entire affair is dropped and forgotten as quickly as it came, leaving no impression, making no difference, never having any purpose at all to begin with. These meaningless little diversions make up the vast, vast bulk of the run time, and if they sound grating or obnoxious, then rest assured, they're even worse in person. Take the virtually non-existent story, add a hopelessly generic villain, a contrived conflict, a handful of trashy, forgettable pseudo-pop musical numbers, a few ounces of remarkably forced fanservice, an ugly color palette, uncreative character designs, and you get a movie that talks down to its audience, and that's one thing MLP:Fi M never did before. It was never this openly, outwardly, unabashedly disrespectful and creatively bankrupt. It's a silly, brain-dead movie about a school dance, a popularity contest, and a lot of insults to its viewers' intelligence. Whenever I see a kids' movie like this, the question I always ask to myself is whether I'd show it to my girlfriend's baby sister, a five-year-old girl who I love more than almost anything else in the world. Would I show her MLP? Absolutely. Would I show her Equestria Girls? Never. She's too smart for it. Most five-year-olds, I think, would be too smart for it.
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