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10:08:57 AM Jul 27th 2013
I'm doing a deconstruction of this trope where the guy in this situation is a Stalker with a Crush-turned-Fire-forged Friend to the girl, but she doesn't want to be romantically involved with him at all. It's not even personal either - she's reacted the same way to at least two other guys with different approaches*. Sure, he's saved her life once, but that doesn't mean she has to marry him for it. My fear is that this character will get a lot of fandom hatred for being a 'bitch' and not accepting his love.
03:09:42 AM Aug 28th 2012
edited by VVK
"Please keep the Real Life examples limited to those that examine the Dogged Nice Guy as a trope."

How can a Real Life example discuss something? Is the idea nonfiction works rather than real events?
10:41:48 PM Jul 6th 2011
If two characters have a one-night stand, and afterward one wants a relationship and the other's not interested, is that this trope or something else?
05:29:35 PM Feb 1st 2012
I think it can be, if that one a priori used the one-night stand as a tool to get more.
06:08:12 AM May 10th 2013
Yes, it is this trope if the sex wasn't treated as a prelude to a romantic relationship. Even in a "friends with benefit" set-up, if the relationship hasn't been romantic beforehand and one person is now wants a romantic relationship, chasing after the other person while the other person has shown no prior romantic inclinations, then it is this trope.
10:58:28 PM Dec 5th 2010
Removed this example because it was agreed to not actually be an example. Putting it here in case someone wants to dispute:

  • Say Anything. Who could forget John Cusack standing outside the window of his Love Interest with a boombox playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"? Is he or is he not the utter embodiment of this trope?
    • Debatable. They had already been seeing each other and in fact had already consummated their relationship in the backseat of a car.
    • Yeah, that's definitely not an example. All he had to do to get her to go out with him was call and ask her out, which happened in the very beginning of the movie.
07:10:16 PM Sep 28th 2010
edited by Soupdragon
How is this trope different from Did You Think I Can't Feel?. Switch Alice and Bob here and the other trope is this one from Alice's Point Of View.
08:13:39 PM Sep 28th 2010
Did You Think I Can't Feel is when someone acts like a total doormat, until they finally get sick of being stepped on and stomp off in a fit of pique.

This is when someone develops a crush and won't take no for an answer. Type 1 (overt) attempts to get laid via constant badgering and/or progressively larger and flashier attempts to impress their beloved. Type 2 (covert) pretends to be a friend, but only because they believe this demonstration of their dedication and nice-ness will eventually win the target of their affection.
03:12:14 AM Feb 4th 2011
Isn't she acting like a total doormat because she "doesn't seem to mind", because she is a Type 2? If she has a crush on Bob, but acts like his friend isn't she being dishonest? Isn't that a false friendship?
03:38:56 PM Sep 28th 2010
edited by Soupdragon
This trope kind of implies that you can't be friends with a girl first. She has to like you straight away. Thus a 'nice' guy can't even "like a girl for her personality and not her looks".
08:29:53 PM Sep 28th 2010
Nah, it's not being friends that's the problem, it's the dishonesty and the sense of entitlement. The point is that the dogged guy isn't a true friend; he's just hanging around because he expects that one day his "beloved" will magically recognize what a great catch he is and fall into his arms (or, alternately, because he thinks being "nice" somehow earns him Intimacy Points, which can then be cashed in for sex at a later date). It's kinda like a Gold Digger, but in this case rather than "false love for cash" it's "false friendship for sex".
05:18:22 PM Feb 3rd 2011
edited by Soupdragon
I see, so it's the dishonesty and entitlement that's the problem. I have some questions though.

Why do you think it's a sense of entitlement? What makes you think him think he's entitled to it? Why do you think he is expecting instead of hoping that she would like him eventually? Why do you think being nice to someone doesn't earn you intimacy points and what do you think does earn you intimacy points?
11:59:32 AM May 12th 2011
There are two different things going on here.

In the first situation, guy meets girl. They become friends. Guy falls for girl, asks her out. She says no. Guy accepts the rejection and moves on, remaining friends with the girl. Sometimes this may still hold potential, and the guy may even still desire girl... but the major difference is that he's not using their friendship as a means to try and force her into a relationship. Also, he's honest about his intentions, whatever they are.

The second situation is a little more complex. Guy meets girl, is attracted, asks her out, she says no. The guy then starts acting really nice to her, buying her gifts or just constantly being around her, hoping by being nice he can force her to like him.

Now I think a lot of times women are far too suspicious, and see men trying to manipulate them when really they're just trying to be decent human beings, to the point that I know some women who refuse to date a guy if he seems to be kind and gentle. This can cause a lot of frustration and anger. However, a lot of men also seem to be rather masochistic, in that they unerringly run to the girl they already instinctively know will reject them, ignoring all the nice girls who DO want a kind, sweet, caring man.
04:50:55 PM Mar 8th 2012
Soupdragon: of course being nice to someone doesn't earn you "intimacy points" that entitle them to romance/sex with you later. Nothing does. The creepy variety of Dogged Nice Guy thinks so, and that's why he's creepy. Being nice to someone doesn't mean they're morally obligated to date/bang you.
02:18:26 PM Jul 31st 2012
I think most cases where guys are accused of looking for such "intimacy points" are nothing of the sort. I won't say it never happens, but I personally have never seen a clear example of it. I think most of the times such accusations are made are just cases of an extremely cynical person systematically misunderstanding an extremely idealistic person, typically with a side order of mistaking shyness for dishonesty.
03:12:16 AM Aug 28th 2012
(Referring to the first post:) This trope doesn't imply anything of the even general sort, anyway, it's deconstructing or criticising it that does that.
02:35:01 PM Apr 21st 2014
edited by
Maybe Dogged Nice guys get this crazy idea that friendship will lead to romance because so many women these days say they want to be friends with their mate first, or alternately want to "marry their best friend." Or just the general notion that supposedly the best romances start as friendships. Maybe the guy isn't trying to "force" the girl into anything with his niceness but is just hoping that showing the best side of himself might change her mind or get her to see him differently. (admittedly, this is not likely, women can't really help what they're attracted to anymore than men)

This whole recent backlash against nice guys is going to have some ugly fall out if it sticks.
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