Fanfic Recs Lyrical Nanoha Discussion

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12:31:17 PM May 1st 2012
edited by Telcontar
This recommendation was removed without discussion. The story is rated T on, was recommended by three people (none of whom were the person who removed it), and wasn't removed by a member of the 5P. I feel it should definitely go back, but to avoid misunderstandings/an edit war, please discuss here first. There may be a good reason to remove it that merely wasn't stated, as no edit reason was given.

The White Devil of the Moon, by Bissek
  • Recommended by tennessean, Kazeto, Sithking Zero
  • Synopsis: Fifteen year-old Nanoha isn't just the TSAB's Ace of Aces; she's also the reincarnation of Princess Serenity, and the Sailor Senshi desperately need her power to break a precarious stalemate with the Dark Kingdom that's been going on for over a year without Sailor Moon's help. There's just one small problem; Nanoha is newly crippled and still recovering from her timeskip injuries, but if the Senshi ask for her help she'll give it regardless of what it may cost her. Luckily Fate and Arf are around to stop the Senshi from bothering Nanoha while she's on medical leave, but when Beryl gets wind of Serenity's return and the Senshi mistake Fate for a witch keeping their Princess under a spell... well, there's really only one way this can end.
03:10:42 AM May 10th 2012
It's been over a week and no example has been provided, so I'm putting it back.
08:34:38 PM Mar 21st 2011
Separate section for Crossover, please.

I realize that there's so many crossover stories mixed within the canon-verse, in my opinion, they're all good, but confusing to see except for small tags like "Crossover with Mai-Otome'' for example.

We have a separate page for shipping, why not crossover? As a banned troper, I can just suggest. It's up to you.
01:56:32 PM Nov 3rd 2010

In The Service, Monsters, Numbered Existence.

In The Service is the main Plot with the other two stories acting as side stories. Well written, well characterized. Its a dark fic taking place after JS dealing with a war brewing against a former colony world of the Belkan era recently discovering Mid C.

Due to its very character driven writing style some missed moments can occur since the current POV might not be involved directly in the action. An example being Hayate getting interviewed on TV, nothing is said of the interview since the POV is Signum bodyguarding and ignoring it.
06:35:42 PM Nov 3rd 2010
I'm incredibly flattered to see this recommended.
06:22:53 AM Nov 4th 2010
I thought is was a very well put together story, just wish some of the missed moments of awesome will get filled in later during side stories. Also a readers guide on when to read the side stories would kinda be nice.
05:49:27 PM Jul 25th 2010
Is anyone else bothered by Thraz's review of Shadowfire? I haven't read the fic in question and I agree that deleting reviews without good reason is bad form but he seems to be insinuating that Nano Fate is the be-all and end-all of yuri shipping in this series.
12:42:38 PM Jul 29th 2010
As far as any kind of canonical support goes, he's quite correct. What's your point?
01:32:37 PM Jul 29th 2010
'Any kind of canonical support' is overstating it - though it didn't quite reach 'sharing a bed and adopting a daughter together', Subaru and Teana's relationship was waaay subtexty, and to go into all the pairings ship-teased in the supplementary materials would be an exercise in futility.

The only thing that differentiates Nanoha/Fate is that it's bordering on (and occasionally crossing into) text-text rather than purely existing in subtext... although even then, the more rabid Hayate/Vita shippers might want to have a word with you.
09:33:09 PM Jul 29th 2010
edited by Night
They can have all the words they want, I'm pretty confident I have better ones. :P

True, there is Teana/Subaru, but still. While I don't doubt a lot of people have gotten really sick of Nanoha and Fate fluff (Lord knows I have), that is where you go if you need a yuri fix.
02:11:23 AM Jul 30th 2010
Really? Since when has shipping in other fandoms been restricted to canon and sorta-canon couples?

I mean, just look at all the yaoi fics for Gundam Wing. There's almost five thousand Heero/Duo stories on alone, and good luck on finding the canonical support for that.
12:53:52 PM Jul 30th 2010
edited by Comartemis
Canonical support isn't what concerns me, it's that it sounds like he's saying "NanoFate is the only pairing worth reading about". Speaking as a shipper of Suzuka/Arisa, Arisa/Nanoha, Nanoha/Fate/Hayate, Nanoha/Fate/Hayate/Suzuka/Arisa, Cinque/Anyone, and Caro/Erio/Lutecia, I disagree. Then again, I've never required a "yuri fix" so maybe I'm just misinterpreting his meaning.
02:38:41 PM Aug 1st 2010
No, I'm not saying Nano Fate is the only pairing. I don't mind other pairings as long as they are done believably, which I have to admit my standards in that department are rather high. This whole Vivio/Lutecia pairing didn't come across as believable to me as it was written, that is all. Shadowfire in particular is mostly fluff that doesn't go anywhere, which is true. And that's all fine, but what I tried to say was that if someone wanted yuri fluff, they may as well stick with reading the Nano Fate that's already out there, because the setup is at least more believable. I can look into editing my review a bit to make that clearer.
08:34:36 AM Jun 20th 2010
I hate to ask for recommendations, but anyone got any good fic featuring the reformed Numbers? Because I haven't been able to find much.
06:10:28 PM Jun 22nd 2010
Person With Many Aliases:

I found this a while back:

It's... alright, but it does involve reformed Numbers.
11:10:06 AM Jul 8th 2010
The only one I can think of involving the Numbers as main characters in recent history is my own...and it's about the ones that are currently locked up.

Generally reluctant to recommend myself. :/
09:21:45 AM Dec 5th 2013
As far as fics on the reformed numbers there is a few out there. 5ive, Due , A Christmas for everyone, some one for everyone. These are the only number fics I know of. I know it is a sad fact since there is a lot of potential with these characters but at least we have some.
06:26:48 AM May 25th 2010
edited by
The "Half-Recommended"

Person With Many Aliases: I don't want to sound ungrateful for even having the chance for a story of mine to be mentioned on this section, but I every time I pass by, I get a feeling of awkwardness. On the Magical Enforcer Chrono reccomendation, my G-Gear fic is reccomended as an aside, in relation to it.

So what does that mean for G-Gear? It's reccomended? It's only reccomended in so far as a companion to Chrono? I don't know if there's any other fic in any other section that's characterized by a "sub-reccomendation".

I'd feel better if my story could be properly recognized as either being fully worthy or unworthy for reccomendation, rather than just noted. If anyone is willing, could he or she fully reccomend my story? Otherwise, could Mousou or someone else rephrase this "Half-reccomendation" so it's more neutral? It's really awkward when my story is praised on this section, yet doesn't get a proper blurb with everyone else.
08:33:59 AM Jun 21st 2010
No way to manage audience reactions, dude.

If someone thinks it warrants a full recommendation, they'll give it one.
06:08:51 PM Jun 22nd 2010
Person With Many Aliases: Well, that's fine and all. Even if it never gets a full recommendation, that's fine, but I don't like the position it is now.

At the very least, it should be in a neutral and informative manner: "The Bleach references are from this fiction.", Period, in a neutral and informative manner, rather than "The Bleach references are from this fic, that I say I recommend, yet I haven't bothered properly format such a recommendation on a page on this website created specifically for fan fiction recommendations"

There shouldn't be any ho-hum, aside recommendations on the same recommendation blurb, unless it's by the same author, and if they're somehow in the same series, like the Nanya series of shorts. I could pretend and cite all sorts of professional justifications, but in the end, I particularly don't like the message such a format is sending. On this section of this site, there shouldn't be fics "recommended only so far as". There should be an adherence to the format, and fics either Are or Are Not worth being recommended.
08:43:25 PM May 14th 2010
Controversy regarding Test Dummies:

"Given that this page is normally reserved for the top 10% that everyone recommends, and there appears to be quite a controversy on this one with the majority of commenters not liking, I am suggesting a possible removal. Thoughts?"

I disagree. We have a Your Mileage May Vary disclaimer at the top of the main Fan Fic Recommendations page and I don't think recs should be added or deleted based solely on popularity or lack thereof. "Everyone recommends" is not part of the equation, there's lots of fanfics listed here that only one or two people would recommend, and a few people have stated that they like Test Dummies. I say keep it, no matter what my personal feelings on the fic in question are.
09:48:05 PM May 14th 2010
Agreed, but we might consider trimming some of the natter and leaving only the basic points for and against, though. It's starting to take over the page.
10:57:56 PM May 14th 2010
My two comments are the largest ones in the list, I think I can edit those and trim them down to a single paragraph.
07:56:56 PM May 17th 2010
As much as I don't like the premise (And considering I hit it kinda devestating first.) Test Dummies is still technically and storytelling wise extremely well-written. It may be in the bottom rung of the top ten percent, but it did hold my attention for about ten chapters before I threw up my hands in digust. I vote it stays.
11:01:15 PM May 24th 2010
edited by
Base Delta Zero: Being a military-minded fan of Nanoha myself, I have some seriously problems with the accuracy of the story, and of course, the constant memedropping, but nevertheless, it is a decent story if you can ignore that. I also don't think the fighting is all that good, it's sometimes a little skimpy and hard to follow. It's otherwise fast paced and has a readable, interesting plot - and he at least specifies his 'toys' are heavily modified. It's reasonable they're pretty much TSAB tech, with an American/Earth looking shell. That AK-47, for instance, might have actually been a railgun. I also like some of the technical sections, like noting the different types of cartridge loaders. It's also possible - I don't really know Admiral Tigerclaw, but it's possible - that General whatsisname is just an arrogant prick. That said, I'd have very much liked to see him get his comeppence at several occasions: Hayate, an Earth Native, being shocked at the Soviet Union's nuclear arsenal (and no one pointing out that an Arc-en-Ciel puts any modern nuclear weapon to shame); acting like cheap cliches about combat were astonishing to the TSAB in anything other than their inanity (also, giving what is for some reason thought of as a special forces manual to the FBI-analogue, rather than the military). A few other things bothered me, like his constantly ignoring the existence of telepathy, and (related), the utterly horrible fuckup of a training session; wherein A - Nanoha is an idiot. B - his original characters are wanked, and related to B, C - one of his OC's 'ambushes' Signum while she's monitoring the test, acting as if she wouldn't be wearing her armor/paying more attention in an actual combat situation, and that it would actually do more than annoy her. (Although not calling him on this at least makes sense, considering her personality and that fact that's supposed to be secret.); firing a full-power weapon at people in Training Jackets, and acting as if this is significant (and chalking the dumbfounded reaction to incompetence instead of surpise that the General is doing this stupid thing/unwillingness to fire at someone who's not part of the training and not wearing a barrier jacket; the general nonsensicalness of Crash's armor (considering the questionable effectivenes of armor in this universe - remember the Cradle? and it's wearer's tendency to break things (at least a barrier jacket breaking somehow would only leave him extremely vulnerable, instead of extremely vulnerable and completely immobile); and lest we forget, the inexplicable uses of US equipment as what is being disposed of... (because the Old Era armies were clearly supplied by the modern US... in the 1940s.

Seriously, if you want tanks/mass weapons in Nanoha, take the time to create some that fit (EDI is at least something the TSAB might concievable use). The TSAB canonically uses tanks. They've at least had aircraft. It's not terribly hard to write a military Nanoha fiction.

Actually, maybe I don't like this story. Still, try it, but expect to want to scream at it points.
01:06:23 PM Jun 1st 2010
edited by Oseng
Honestly I would say that MGLN Test Dummies is actually a pretty good fic, though it does have some significant issues that could really do with some work and some re-thinking.

I don't find the technology vs magical technology to be all that jarring though I do think that Tigerclaw does, at times, underestimate the TSAB's tech. The only time where the mage's barrier jackets and other defenses seem weak to me is the scene with Hayate at the power plant. And that can be chalked up to A) they operating inside a fairly powerful AMF, and B) Hayate is not quite a combat mage like Nanoha or Fate instead it seems that she has concentrated on climbing the ranks etc. She is after all pretty much canonically a glass cannon.

I also find it rather hard to believe that the TSAB warships and other facilities do not have defenses against transportation magic. And Hayate's reaction to General Roland's 'nuke report' (along with a few other things with it such as the TSAB's reaction) was a little off as well, though she did leave Earth just after completing middle school. But in truth that is more nitpicking then anything else.

The main problem technology wise is the over the top references to Earth military/conventional technology. For the most part I do not mind all the conventional tech and the conventional weapons versus the TSAB's magical tech and weapons. But frankly the fic would be much improved if they were not running into Earth built weapons systems seemingly every freaking time they turned around. The author could easily come up with some conventional vehicles, weapons, etc from other un-administrated planets, the old era from before the TSAB (though those might be a little too old), and similar things.

You also have General Roland's toys which tie into the above stated issue. We know that Midchilda has airports and as such presumably air planes, and we know that they have tanks. Considering that they have airports and that, in universe, the TSAB is supposed to be competent I would not be surprised if they did not have some sort of military transport plane. If the author needs a transport plane for a scene why not go that route instead of dragging in even more/yet another piece of Earth hardware. In the same vein if Tigerclaw wants General Roland to have a tank why not give him a TSAB one?

However the main issue I had with the fic was General Roland. Yes, Roland does come across as arrogant but in general I like the character concept. Though I do think it would have worked out better if he had been an officer rather a sergeant in the US military. However the problem is that Roland, his attitude, and related issues are at the center of why the TSAB comes across as incompetent in the story. Beyond a few statements, such as that bit about knowing better then the armchair generals of the TSAB because he had been in a real military, it is not all that bad in the first few chapters. However it goes down hill in the later chapters and frankly I would consider this the main problem that the fanfic has.

I'm not going to go into a whole list of scenes where this crops up but the training scene with Erio and the manual is a prime example. Right off the top General Roland should have landed in a great deal of trouble when he took a weapon and opened fire on his fellow soldiers, who were involved in a training exercise that he was not. (Coincidentally, this kind of ambush/assault is one of the problems that shows up later with some of Lyn's crew ambushing Signum and Vita, who were observing a training operation) He then makes some general cliche comments about combat to the Forwards and Nanoha, and they act all surprised about this. He then goes on about a manual that he wrote full of apparently basic combat tactics that the TSAB has apparently classified as special operations manual for Enforcers only. Overall Chapter Eight is the worst overall chapter in the entire fan fic, and the worst offender in making the TSAB seem incompetent. I doubt that was the author's intention though.

Honestly I think that in trying write the story in a fairly 'realistic' manner Tigerclaw forgot that in universe Nanoha and the others are supposed to be competent. The authors and other creators of the anime don't know about how a real life military operates etc so of course it's not going to be perfectly realistic on screen. This is the one scene/chapter that I would honestly suggest a complete re-write to the author.

It does somewhat seem like General Roland is taking/having a little too much command and control over Riot Force Six which is supposed to be a different command etc. But again that is more nitpicking then anything else.

Personally I hope that Admiral Tigerclaw decides to continue the story and I would recommend it, with the caveat that there are issues and areas that need some work and/or a objective second look.

Edited for some grammar issues - Oseng
09:17:31 PM Jun 27th 2010
edited by Moczo
Having made a serious effort to read this, I'm going to say that whatever characterization flaws might have been made regarding the cast (and they exist, don't get me wrong) the quality of the plot and the virtually flawless prose makes up for it. Seriously, five star work.

Shame the author seems bound and determined to chop up his own excellent writing and kill the flow of the story by throwing in all those freakin' references to other works. Yeah, canon Nanoha is full of shout-outs, but they're subtle. The references are made in such a way that you won't even know a reference was made unless you already get the joke. The references in this fic are... less subtle, and all too often the author will actually stop to explain them. I finally just had to quit reading altogether when the villain started dancing around his room to a far-too-slightly reworded version of 'Still Alive' sung by a computer named Gladdis in his company called Aperture Systems. I mean, Portal was a great game, a shout-out is all well and good, but that seriously borders on plagiarism.
06:17:00 PM Jul 4th 2010
Okay this is seriously getting out of hand.

I have attempted to present the arguments of both sides in a concise manner so that one doesn't have a full screen taken up by people arguing over the merits of this story. If I'm overstepping my bounds here, I apologize.
06:39:08 PM Jul 4th 2010
edited by Comartemis
I don't think you're overstepping anything, this has been done at least once before on the Naruto page with the discussion over Chuunin Exam Day and the discussion over Test Dummies was getting similarly long-winded. The only change I would make would be to archive the discussion here so people can look over the details of the discussion if they want.
06:46:45 PM Nov 3rd 2010
In response to the recent addition (which I deleted since nobody commented here first); the bottom line is that Subaru managed to soak what's specifically described as anti-tank fire in Sound Stage X.

Since it blew up, the obvious conclusion is it's a HEAT round. Since they pointed it at Subaru at relatively close quarters, it's likely very similar to your garden-variety shoulder-fired rocket or recoilless rifle (some variety of LAW, RPG-7, Carl Gustav). This is a conservative estimate; after all, it was done on Midchilda and they have starships. A shoulder-fired HEAT round failed to penetrate her Barrier Jacket, which would mean that it was her mage rank and not her Combat Cyborg-ness that is the functional opposing attribute.

A B+ mage can soak shoulder-fired anti-vehicle rounds. And Tigerclaw says SS-rank Hayate can't shrug off 7.62mm from an AK, or S-rank Fate can't take hits from an M 2 HB. I don't care how you slice it, that's not doing your research.
07:23:23 PM Mar 24th 2010
Altering another's review: I'm aware this is probably bad form, but it was clearly factually wrong and I'm trying to avoid my tendancy to conversation on the main page.

If I've screwed up, my apologies are hereby tendered.
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