We try to kill SCP-682

Result: Failure. SCP-682 refused to read it, and on top of that the tomato NPC pelted the D-Class that wrote it to death with tomatoes.

Test: Summon Kyubey, then have SCP-682 make a contract with her.

“Now! Let us engage in the art of deduction!”

Result: Apparent failure. SCP-682 began roaring in annoyance at an entity that kept suicidally entering its containment and bugging it.

Dr. DeRegio: Who keeps feeding 682 marshmallows? And how do these weird cat-ferrets keep getting in?

Test: Put a sample of SCP-682 into a Blend Tech blender. Will it blend?

edited 18th Jul '17 3:18:50 PM by WillDeRegio

Result: Failure 682 reassembles it's self after being thrown in the blender

Test: we feed SCP-682 burgers til he gets super fat and has a heart attack

edited 18th Jul '17 5:15:58 PM by Hydraloonie

Progress has it's stepping stones.

Result:Failure 682 is seemingly unable to eat food ment for human consumption, we will research this further later.

Test: We have gotten the assistance of lelouch vi Britannia, he will (from a safe distance) use his geass to make SCP-682 kill himself.

edited 18th Jul '17 6:15:37 PM by vjoi

Cornelius, but do not waste in useless pity the few moments left in which to escape from the hands of the enemy.

Result: Success. SCP-682 stopped breathing and went into cardiac arrest. Unfortunately, thirty-seven minutes later, SCP-682 restarted its heart and revived itself. Now it is immune to further Geassing.

Test: Stone SCP-682.

Result: Failure, even SCP-682 doesn't know how to die

Test: We can't use a nuke on SCP-682. However we can look into a parallel universe where the Tsar Bomba was used to terminate SCP-682. Let's see a universe where that happened, what was the result and determine if we can finally use the nuclear option based on what happened to the alternate SCP-682.

Result: Success! Unfortunately, when we opened that cross-universal portal, a parallel SCP-682 escaped and we're back at square one.

Test: Steal SCP-682's (should we call them something else since they're from another dimension?) party hat. Perhaps it is connected to his life source.

hey

Result: Failure. That accomplished nothing.

Result: Transport SCP-682 to an extremely large containment bay, enlarged by SCP-184. Then, utilizing ███████████, an anomalous programming language that is only operable on advanced Foundation quantum supercomputers, as well as ███████, a program developed by the Foundation for use with the aforementioned programming language, in order to create a series of anomalous filaments made up of reality itself (and being, by nature, immutable).

These filaments are to be set up inside of the containment bay in a fashion where they connect to each other in a field around SCP-682; these filaments are programmed to, once organized is such a way, create a series of dimensions that, in all directions, only lead to another dimension, which in turn lead to another dimension due to additional filaments they will generate within themselves. These inner filaments will, upon contact, only lead to another generated dimension (they are one-way, however). As these filaments will not be composed of nor create any actual physical matter, SCP-682 will be forced to inefficiently struggle its way through the initial dimensions until such an adaptation allows it to propel itself in various directions; an act that, in itself, will likely take an unfathomably large amount of time.

These dimensions will also be set to contain an extremely large amount of one dimensional topological defects known as cosmic strings; should SCP-682 come into contact with any of these cosmic strings (as they will span the entirety of these dimensions, of which there is an infinite loop of, is statistically certain to happen eventually), SCP-682 will be annihilated and drawn into the string. Should SCP-682 manage to somehow adapt to that, it will only once again be in the filament-created dimension, and only be back where it started.

Should the filaments show any signs of failing, Procedure 986-Madrid is to be enacted.

Procedure 986-Madrid entails the activation of an emergency program within the previously mentioned quantum supercomputer, which will alter the filaments in such as way that the dimensions they have generated will immediately be forced to reduce all thermodynamic energy to a value to any value lower than zero, in essence making it impossible for SCP-682 to even support any of the processes needed to actual accomplish any sort of action.

It should be noted that, even upon destruction of the supercomputer that has generated the filaments, the filaments will remain extant, as their own existence is only contingent upon the computer until their creation.

edited 14th Aug '17 7:41:38 PM by PastryPerson

Result:SCP-682 uses the filaments' ability to travel between dimensions to come back. How it was able to copy a power only made possible by the fabric of reality itself is under review, but the implications are worrying.

Test: Use the above tools to build six indestructible, unbendable walls out of reality itself that can pass through each other, but nothing else can, and arrange them in a cube to completely contain SCP-682. Then, have the cube contract until all walls simultaneously pass through the opposite walls at the center, making it impossible for SCP-682 to be anywhere in existence.

edited 14th Aug '17 7:44:19 PM by ZeroL

My new plan is so secret that even I cannot understand its full scope!

Result:It got teleported into the D-Class quarters and killed 42 of them before containment.

Test:Send to the end of a universe.

The Prodigal Son returns.

Out of curiosity, why a cube? A pyramid would accomplish the same thing. Anyway...

Result: SCP-682, try as he might, was unable to break through the walls or adapt any sort of function to escape in time; it was effectively crushed, with life signs confirmed to have ceased. Just in case, though, we're not turning the goddamn things off.

...

...

Holy shit. Holy shit, we did it. -Dr. Atspry

Researcher Zero L has been promoted to the highest possible ranking with the force of a thousand suns.

Success.

---

MEANWHILE, ON EARTH-2

---

Result: There isn't actually anything there; SCP-682 glided back to Earth on solar winds.

Test: Dump it into a time capsule and punt it to the nearest inhabited planet. It's their problem now. Suckers.

Zero L didn't mention teleportation, by the way.

edited 14th Aug '17 8:07:36 PM by PastryPerson

Result: It came back. It just did.

Test: Use SCP-2599, but order it to tear out SCP-682's vocal cords out first.

Insert something clever here

Result: SCP-2599 ripped out SCP-682's vocal cords, but SCP-682 just grew them back and escaped.

Test: Have SCP-682 be part of a human centipede with some D-class and possibly some other SCPs. If that doesn't kill it, it'll probably wish it was.

The League of Heroes

Result: Failure. It quickly devours the D-Class in front of it, and leaves the D-Class behind it to suffer being unable to hold in the amount of waste 682 can produce, and ripping at his seems. This was a horrible crime of nature.

Test: Get Johnny to best it in a Fiddling contest, with the stakes being whoever loses must leave forever.

Huzzah

Result: Failure. The following is a transcript of the events.

Johhny: Hey, 682; I challenge you to a fiddling contest, and the loser has to leave forever!

SCP-682: ...No.

Test: Discuss it's feelings over a cup of coffee, and see if we can reach an understanding with each other.

Result: SCP-682 seemed to be delighted at the prospect of coffee. Unfortunately, researchers were unable to procure a beverage that met 682's definition of "coffee". As a result, 682 went on a rampage, killing two dozen D-class personnel.

Dr. DeRegio: Apparently, 682 really doesn't like instant coffee, nor anything that comes from 294. And yet it's still demanding coffee...

Test: Subject SCP-682 to incredibly high pressures and incredibly low temperatures, thereby encasing it in ice.

edited 15th Aug '17 9:46:24 AM by WillDeRegio

Result: Well, we got a Scp-682 popsicle for a bit. However, it eventually adapted to the the pressure keeping it how it was, and bust out of the machine. Lucky for us, it's legs were frozen enough that it only killed seven people.

Test: make it go through highschool. The pressures of highschool and sadness of being a "teenager" will kill it.

"I can tell, it will not kill anyone since the highschoolers desire to die will make him want to keep death from them as a form of torture " - Docter Squid

DO SCIENCE FOR THE SCIENCE GOD

Result: 682 proceeds to eat every single human being in the school.

Test: We summon Over Heaven DIO and make them fight each other.

edited 17th Aug '17 5:45:35 PM by Gehayadren

Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark.

Result: Why am I even saying it? SCP-682 turned out to be a hamon user. RIP DIO.

Test: Do absolutely nothing and release SCP-682, maybe he'll just tire himself out. (If people find out, just classify it as a malfunctioning robot attack and say that it was melted down)

Why destroy a country when you can destroy a planet. Why destroy a planet when you can destroy a universe? Destroy the Omniverse, then.

Result: [REDACTED]

Test: Use SCP-1575 to turn SCP-682 human & feed it to SCP-3000.

Peace is the only battle worth waging.

Result: Turning 682 human didn't affect it's regenerative properties.

Test: Rub SCP 447 over a corpse. Explicit 0-5 approval, and it cannot be redacted, data expunged, or deleted in any way or another.

“Now! Let us engage in the art of deduction!”

Result: This did absolutely nothing because the creator of that post forgot to use it on SCP-682.

Test: Just. just slap it and tell it to go away. PROBLEM SOLVED.

Why destroy a country when you can destroy a planet. Why destroy a planet when you can destroy a universe? Destroy the Omniverse, then.

Result: Failure, The d class sent to do the deed has now lost his arm.

test: I have created device that when activated disables all paranormal powers within a thousand mile radius, excluding mine of Corse. I have also created a dead mans switch and rigged it to the heart of a d class. I shall hide the device so 682 doesn't realize the plain and adapt to it, then we shall send in the d class and his death shall cause the device to fire, disabling his ability to heal and adapt. once that is done well shall eliminate this monster with an all out assault, no weapon is off limits and both the alucard and 239 power granting formulas are freely available to use in this attack!

edited 24th Sep '17 12:46:28 AM by vjoi

Cornelius, but do not waste in useless pity the few moments left in which to escape from the hands of the enemy.

Result: Okay, this almost worked.....but somehow, SCP-682 managed to adapt to that! Judging by the footage, it seems the device may have also disabled the formulas as well, meaning we weren't at full strength. Furthermore, SCP-682 seems to have figured out what was going on the moment it saw the d class, leading to suspicions that its adaptive abilites are beyond what we had originally thought possible.

Test: Forgive me.....this should be considered a proposal more than anything else, don't take this too seriously......this is low, even for us. I propose we expose SCP-682......to Chris-Chan himself. Please don't touch him/her when you go and get..... Chris-Chan, you might get sick from mere contact with him. I foresee three possible endings to this:

• Chris-Chan's sheer toxicity and vileness results in SCP-682 dying upon contact.
• Chris-Chan is absorbed by SCP-682, leading to who knows what....
• SCP-682 kills Chris-Chan. It may also be possible SCP-682 will just refuse to eat him/her, actually, now that I think about it.

Please allow me to introduce myself, I am a man of wealth and taste. Nice to meet you, hope you can guess my name.

Result: Chris-chan released versions of SCP-682 upon the inter— it's crawling out of my laptop— ohgodno *feed error*

*feed restored*

Multiple instances of 682 were summarily rounded up and put into containment where they reformed into the original. Chris-chan has been taken into custody for further questioning as to how he manged to do that.

Test: Sic the Cylons on SCP-682. Or vice-versa.