Jackass Genie- The Forum Game

Benevolent: You become a literal god/goddess among humans. You are able to control every aspect of the universe without any ill effects on yourself, and you always do exactly what you intended to.

Literal: Same as benevolent, except your powers can pose a danger to you.

Jackass: You become an omnipotent version of AM from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream.

I wish there was a new Spyro game that was similar to and as good as the original Insomniac trilogy.

B: Poof! A game is released in the coming months to critical and commercial acclaim.

L: A game is immediately in your hands. Unfortunately, the genie has a very different idea about was "good" about its predecessors.

J: The game is horrible, and now the trilogy sucks to match it!

Benevolent: He's going to stick around until you make a wish, dammit.

Literal: You didn't wish for anything, you don't get anything.

Jackass: You wished for nothing, so you literally get nothing! Nothing is all that's left.

I wish that they would be able to beat Twitch Plays Pokémon successfully.

Benevolent: The players finally get their shit together and speedrun the game so expertly they break it. The resulting footage is absurdly entertaining to watch.

Literal: They beat Pokemon successfully, but they don't beat it any faster.

Jackass: Everyone else leaves the chat and you are forced to beat Pokemon yourself. You lose sleep and call into work late the next day.

I wish I could turn into a ghost.

edited 18th Feb '14 9:29:32 PM by lewattoo

B: Gives you the ability to turn into a ghost at will.

L: Turns you into a ghost, but you are unable to live a normal life.

J: Shoots you in the face.

I wish I had more friends.

B: You become very popular and gain lots of honest, true friends who support you through thick and thin and are fun to be around.

L: You become more popular, and while you gain some good friends, you also gain a lot of fake friends who only want to be around you because of your reputation and don't offer much.

J: You become so popular that everyone wants you all to themselves, and some of them start killing each other for the sake of being your best friend. Eventually one "friend" decides If I Can't Have You… no one will, and they kill you and themselves.

I wish I could eat whatever I wanted whenever and not gain any weight.

B: Here's this banquet! Feel free to eat as you like without repurcussion!

L: Here's this banquet! Feel free to eat as you like, and oh! All dumbbell shipments from now on will be cancelled.

J: A Wafer Thin Mint, Monsieur?

I wish for the next major Steam sale to start NOW!

edited 19th Feb '14 9:35:54 AM by EarlOfSandvich

B: Steam starts its next major game sale now. Get your discounted games when they're hot!

L: Everybody around the world now sells hot steam at a high price.

J: The next major Steam sale starts now... because Valve is selling all its franchises and licenses before the company closes in 5 days.

I wish that everybody's computers would never spoil or become obsolete!

edited 19th Feb '14 9:39:33 AM by ironcommando

B: Everyone's computers are now state-of-the-art and sophisticated enough to last a lifetime. And everyone has one.

L: All the world's computers are now made from honey. Hey, it doesn't spoil, and you'd be hardpressed to find a technological replacement for it.

J: Everyone now has a titanium slide rule, because now the ability to manufacture machines is gone. But hey, they're irreplaceable then, aren't they?

I wish for an infinite amount of money

edited 19th Feb '14 10:01:23 AM by EarlOfSandvich

B: You have an infinite amount of money in all of the different currencies.

L: You have an infinite amount of small change.

J: You have an infinite amount of Monopoly money.

I wish I could travel across the galaxies.

Benevolent: Granted. You now have the ability to travel across the entire universe under your own power at FTL speeds. You can survive in space and live on any planet.

Literal: You win a free trip across the galaxies* from an extraterrestrial equivalent of the Publishers' Clearing House.

*Galaxies include Milky Way and Alpha Centauri only

Jackass: You are thrown in a tiny space capsule and banished from Earth forever. You spend the rest of your days wandering the universe.

I wish I lived in the world of Orions Arm.

edited 21st Feb '14 10:12:08 PM by lewattoo

B: Not only are you there, but you also have a say in it too.

L: You're shrunk and get to live your days on the arm of Orion (as in the mythical hunter)

J: You're there, but have absolutely no say as the collaborators control every aspect of your life.

I wish everyone in the world would stop fighting for once...

Benevolent: Everyone in the world declares a simultaneous truce. A new era of cooperation is ushered in and humanity lives in peace forevermore.

Literal: Everyone in the world stops fighting for exactly ten seconds.

Jackass: Everyone in the world stops fighting and starts ganging up on you.

I wish I had more friends.

Benevolent: You have more good people to help you out

Literal: You have more people

Jackass: You have The Goodfellas kinda friends that wield their own Little friends

I wish for a warm pair of socks

edited 9th Mar '14 12:43:38 PM by terlwyth

Benevolent Genie: A comfortable pair of socks which feels like you're sitting with your feet at a comfortable distance to a fire.

Literal Genie: Either similar to the above, or on fire.

Jackass Genie: On fire and/or incredibly uncomfortable. Or flesh-eating.

I wish for a damn awesome Humongous Mecha (thought I wouldn't say no to a nice set of Powered Armor, either).

edited 11th Mar '14 4:54:31 AM by MicoolTNT

Benevolent: You now have an awesome mecha. You are able to stomp around in it as you please.

Literal: You have an awe inspiring cursed mecha thanks to a Deal with the Devil.

Jackass: As literal, but you're sealed in the cockpit and everyone thinks you're some sort of kaiju.

I wish to be a tomboy for a day.

Your new name is Tom and you are a boy

Krillin: I think 18 deserves a wish.

18: I wish Master Roshi would stop being such a pervert.

J: Granted. He's a mega-prude that disrupts you two when you want to do it.

B: Granted. He is no longer a pervert.

L: Granted. He goes gaga on everyone except the woman.

It would be swell that I am good at programming a computer.

edited 29th Sep '15 7:11:29 PM by TheFarmboy

J: You just programmed your boss's computer to show your NSFW browsing history: L: You can only program your computer, you act like you came out of the 1720s on any other computer. B: Move over Bill Gates and Shigeru Miyamoto, there's a new legend in town.

18. Roshi's interrupted us for the last time.

Krillin: Think before you speak.

18: I wish Roshi was dead and could never come Back

Krillin: Oh Bother

Benevolent: Granted. Master Roshi is not only dead, but nobody seems to miss him much.

Literal: Granted. Master Roshi is now dead.

Jackass: Granted. Master Roshi is dead, But you are disowned by everyone you know.

I wish I could turn into a car.

B: You now have the ability to shapeshift into a car, a la Turbo Teen.

L: You can turn around and find a car (which you may or may not be able to use) any time.

J: You can turn into a car. In this state you are no longer sapient and thus effectively dead. Not to mention it's a Painful Transformation.

I wish I was a natural blonde.

B: you become a natural blonde, a very pretty natural blond.

L:you're now natural blonde, nothing else.

J:You're now a obscure Swedish boy band I looked up on Wikipedia.

I wish to stop a zombie apocalypse.

edited 30th Sep '15 9:28:47 AM by Superjohn

The definition of "Zombie" is taken literally. The possibility of a horde of African black magic revived corpse is now zero.

The possibility of a disease turning people into crazies, parasites controlling their hosts, or a Western version of the dark arts is still a risk.

I wish for world peace.

B: No more violence no more guns just happiness time

L: Just violence bad guys are just assholes now

J: There is no more sound meaning that you are bored, killing yourself

Krillin: I wish 18 would open up more towards me.

18: Fat chance baldy.

B: 18 is more willing to talk to Krillin.

L: 18's face splits open towards Krillin.

J: 18's face splits open and she dies.

I wish I were Lugia