I have no idea why I'm doing this. I've already found out way more than I ought to know about the sorry excuse for a person that is Christian Weston Chandler. Now I'm going to dive in and read his "masterpiece" for myself. Since TV tropes has already done a good job of summarizing it
, I won't bother. Instead, I'm going to dive right in and experience the horror for myself, starting from the first issue. Please pray for me to come out with my sanity intact. That includes atheists. I'll need all the help I can get.
Chapter 0, issue 1
So the story starts with a badly-drawn Pikachu looking at what seems to be a city. Christian Weston Chandler's disembodied head is at the top helpfully informing us that he is, in fact, Christian Weston Chandler, "author" of this "comic". He also explains that this is "his story and nothing less". I assume he means the titular character, but from what I understand, the main character is really the manchild himself.
Anyway, some kind of monster that I think was meant to be perfect chaos is attacking. Apparently, this takes place during Sonic Adventure 1 or something. We see Sonic the Hedgehog going Super and going inside the phallic beast. At the same time, despite the city seeming to be miles and miles away judging from panel 1, the pikachu gets there in a single page and just... watches, I guess.
It turns out that watching final boss fights and just standing there like a moron isn't such a smart move after all, and Perfect Chaos fires some sort of beam at him. Sonic decides to take the bullet for the little guy, or at least I think that's what's going on. It looks more like Sonic is leaning over to kiss pikachu. Did I mention how bad the artwork is? I could draw better when I was nine.
Anyway, 15 miles away (Christian said so, so it must be true) a girl raichu (again, because Chris said so) is sunbathing or something. Funny how the pikachu could see the chaos
from what seemed to be 50 miles away, but the raichu doesn't even notice. A plot hole, or an expression of CWC's misogny? You decide!
Anyway, the raichu notices a rainbow and decides to stand in it, or something. I'm pretty sure that's impossible, but whatever. Anyway, on closer inspection, the rainbow's colors are out of order and DEAR GOD I'M ONLY THREE PAGES IN SOMEONE HELP ME!
The next page is... strange. Apparently, Sonic and the Pikachu have somehow fused, or something like that. Whatever. I'll bite. However, that's not nearly as strange as the fact that the rainbow has somehow done the same thing to the raichu.
Seriously? At least Sonichu's origin makes sense by comic book logic standards. Spiderman got bitten by a radioactive spider, therefore spider powers. A raichu got hit by a rainbow, therefore it... turns into a hedgehog-pokemon hybrid.
So the rodent's trainer comes back and sees that a mutant hedgehog is standing there instead, and asks where her pokemon is. The girl hedgehog helpfully explains that she is
her pokemon, and transformed by being hit by a rainbow.
There are several reasonable responses one could take to this. I would have expected her to scream in horror, or perhaps wonder if she's dreaming, or wonder what kind of trip she's on, or at least EXPRESS THE SLIGHTEST HINT OF INCREDULITY GOD I HATE THIS COMIC ALREADY. Okay, so the girl trainer instead exclaims that the hedgehog-pokemon-thing is "as beautiful as a rose", and the anthropomorphic abomination decides, as a "new pokemon" (well, crossed with a hedgehog crossed with your worst nightmares), that will be her name.
Yes, it has nothing to do with the fact that the character is an obvious ripoff of Amy Rose from Sonic the Hedgehog
I'm not even going to get into the fact that Rosechu takes the fact that her entire body has been irreversibly altered into something almost completely different in such stride. I've already written way too much about this one page.
Sonichu's response is at least slightly more appropriate. "I've changed! Huh?" is still pretty bad, but at least he seems to be expressing some kind of normal human skepticism. Noticing that perfect chaos hasn't magically disappeared (which I wouldn't have been surprised if it happened), he says "the battle is on?! I've got to help!", followed by "Time to zap!"
Oddly enough, in the fourth panel, perfect chaos' head looks more like Pacman with weird eyes drawn on it, attached to a blue slug thing. I'm pretty sure his head didn't look like that when I played the game, but it's been a while. But I digress. Sonichu does some running stuff that might actually have looked cool if Chris had the drawing abilities of someone whose age was in the double digits. A stray "meanwhile" appears that I think was supposed to be at the top of the page, and Sonichu either slides down a wall or leaps at Perfect chaos.
Presumably it was both, because Sonichu is now above Perfect Chaos, and uses Thunder *
on it. Perfect Chaos may or may not have dodged it, because Sonichu then exclaims "Almost Got It" and does... something. He kind of flies around Chaos (why did he run around earlier if he could do that) and then there's some kind of thunder whirlpool vortex thing. I really have no clue what that's supposed to be.
Apparently that does the trick though, because then some tennis balls on top of rectangles that look vaguely like people start to should "Sonic! Sonic! Yay!" and I decide that it's a good place to stop reading for now.
Did I really write that much about six pages of material? If I keep criticizing every single mistake like this I'll probably never get done. That's how bad this comic is, people. There is no rhyme or reason why anything happens, the artwork reminds me of the stuff I drew when I was a kid (and I was one stupid, talentless kid), and the plot holes aren't so much plot holes as they are plot bottomless pits that suck the reason and sanity from the rest of the pages.
I have a long, hard job ahead of me.
edited 29th Jan '10 6:02:25 PM by SapphireFlame