Favorite Simpsons Quotes?

Mines:

Krusty: "And here's a clip of Sideshow Mel whacked out on wowee sauce!

(Rolls a clip)

Sideshow Mel (drunk): Everyone's always kissing your ass...! We'll I'm not afraid to tell you, you're a *bleep*"

LISA NEEDS BRACES

edited 5th Nov '09 11:07:22 AM by Electivirus

• "Fire makes it good!"
• "My cat's breath smells like cat food."
• "I find it ironic that dad's butt prevented the release of toxic gasses."
• "Are you going to send the dogs after me? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you?"

Draconomicon: Seconding the Dogs with bees in their mouths one. Does that one count as Ninja Pirate Zombie Robot?

another one:

Homer: It's just a little airborne! Its still good, it's still good!

Bart: It's gone, Dad...

edited 5th Nov '09 1:53:03 PM by Schitzo

"Can't sleep, clown will eat me."

I don't know if the dogs/bees one qualifies for that trope, since it's basically just two things. If they were dog/bee/cyborgs, then maybe...

When i heard the Dogs w/ bees in their mouths line for the first time, I thought to myself "how do they come up with this stuff, and why wasn't this in the arcade game?"

When you think about it, Dogs shooting bees when they bark at you sounds a lot like a video game trope.

Oh, another line:

"Come on, man! Fugu Me!"

edited 5th Nov '09 3:04:52 PM by Schitzo

"Well, giving him a kidney is a wonderful way of showing him how you feel." - Marge
"You're right, Marge. I'll do it! But if I die during the operation, will you do one thing for me?" - Homer
"Ohh, anything sweetheart." - Marge
"Blow up the hospital." - Homer
"Hmm...well...I said I'd do it, so I guess I'll have to." - Marge

"Now this is a Joseph Turner. In an era when everyone else painted portraits, he broke away by painting the Venetian canals." - Marge
"It's glorious, the streets are paved with water! You could ride a walrus to work!" - Homer

"Leprosy! I can't believe it! That fortune cookie was right!" - Homer

"You promised to take us to the lake." - Lisa
"I promise you kids lots of things. That's what makes me such a good father." - Homer
"Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father." - Lisa
"Nah, that would make me a great father." - Homer

"Remember the time [Santa's Little Helper] ate my goldfish, and you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish? But why'd I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?!" - Milhouse

"I will now read the special vows which Homer has prepared for this occasion. Do you, Marge, take Homer in richness and in poorness - poorness is underlined - in impudence and impotence, in quiet solitude or blasting across the alkali flats in a jet-powered, monkey-navigated—[pause]—and it goes on like this..." - Reverend Lovejoy

edited 5th Nov '09 5:06:28 PM by Zephid

(Bart and Lisa hear a "female" voice singing Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring. Bart thinks it's the reverend's daughter, Jessica)

Lisa: "Bart, Be strong! You don't need that little hell cat!" (referring to Jessica)

Bart: "Too late, Lis. I'm already drawn in by her siren song."

Bart walks into church and finds that the voice belongs to Flanders

Bart: (Shuddering) "That's very disturbing..."

edited 5th Nov '09 8:14:48 PM by Schitzo

Grandma: How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?
Homer: Seven!
Lisa: No Dad, it's a rhetorical question.
Homer: Rhetorical? Ok, eight.
Lisa: Dad, do you even know what rhetorical means?
Homer: Do I know what rhetorical means?

edited 5th Nov '09 11:16:15 PM by jebuz

Mr. Burns: "Alright Simpson! You can keep your dental plan, on one condition:

You must resign as head of the union!"

Homer: "WHOO HOO!" Collapses and Spins on the floor, whooping like Curly

Mr. Burns (disappointed tone): "Smithers... I'm beginning to think that Homer Simpson is not the brilliant tactician I thought he was..."

edited 5th Nov '09 11:42:06 PM by Schitzo

MAI EYUZ! ZE GAWGULZ DU NASSING!

• Homer: It's just like David and Goliath, only this time, David won!
• Lisa's Brain: I know. I heard it, too. Here's some music. *Für Elise* ( Faw, help a pretty lady in need? Thanks, Auto-man)

• Martin: My mom shoplifts all the time. Stuff she doesn't even need.

• Fired Harvard-Educated Writer: You, sir, have the boorish manners of a Yaley!
• Roger Meyers: Here's a witty rejoinder for ya! *chucks nameplate at writer's head*

And, of course: "Daddy."

edited 13th Nov '09 11:58:50 PM by FurikoMaru

Homer: (in odd accent) Hello, my name is Mr. Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.
Clerk: Okay, Mr. Burns, ah... what's you're first name?
Homer: ... ...I don't know.\

"I'm going to the backseat of my car, with the woman i love. And I won't be back for ten minutes!!"

• Bart: Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders!
• Homer: He was a zombie?

• Lady watching Barney's film: He has the soul of a poet!
• Barney: You're very kind.
• Lady: *glares* Excuse me, did something crawl down your throat and die?
• Barney: It didn't die!

This is my sister's favourite:

• Bart: Knife goes in, guts come out, knife goes in, guts come out -
• Talking Fish: Spare my life, and I will grant to you - augh!
• Bart: - knife goes in, guts come out, knife goes in...

Incidentally, any of you guys remember that Don't Cry For Me, I'm Already Dead comic? Sad as hell, but damn if the art wasn't right smack dab in the middle of the Uncanny Valley.

From one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes:

"We must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."

It gets a lot of gratuitous use in our apartment.

• Rev. Lovejoy: Uh, this is very sad news. And it would never have happened if the wedding would've been inside the church with God instead of out here in the cheap showiness of nature.

• Comic Book Guy: No! Freaking kids! I do not need this - I got a Master's degree in Folklore and Mythology!

Tryouts for the part of Mr. Burns:

• Bumblebee Man: *wiggles eyebrows* Excellente!
• Spielbergo: *shrugs at Burns* Es muy bueno.

• Homeless Guy: Got any spare change, man?
• Grandpa: Yes, and you're not gettin' it!

• Roger Myers: You're a comedy writer? My god, you're so old.
• Grandpa: I want my check!
• Myers: You're a writer, all right.

A bunch from one of my favourite episodes (which is weird, since I've never really liked Thelma And Louise):

• Man: Homer, this is never easy to say. I'm going to have to saw your arms off. *brandishes a buzzsaw*
• Homer: *panicky* They'll grow back, right?
• Man: Oh, er, yeah.
• Homer: Whew!

• Bart: Dad's right, Lis. We don't need a babysitter.
• Homer: Wait a second... *pulls a card out of his pocket reading: Always Do Opposite of What Bart Says* You kids do need a babysitter!
• Bart: Blast that infernal card! *pauses* Don't give that card to me.
• Homer: Here you g- NO!

• Lisa: Mr. Hutz, why are you burning all of your personal papers?
• Lionel Hutz, Attourney at Law: As of this moment Lionel Hutz no longer exists. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

• Lisa: *with great satisfaction* I always knew mom would one day rise up and cast off the shackles of our male oppressors.
• Bart: Aw, shut yer yap.

• Ruth Powers: *sees that they're surrounded on all sides by police cruisers closing in, sighs* A single mother can't win in a man's world.
• Marge: Hrmm, Ruth, that's a lot of hooey! It's not over til it's over *grabs steering wheel and sharply turns them right* I'm sorry, I should have asked first.

From the Marge On the Lam episode:

Kent Brockman: "At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to an anarchy of biblical proportions."

There's an awkward silence as his studio coworkers stare at him.

"It's in 'Revelations', people!!"

Brockman is cut off by a title card with Brockman in a straight jacket that reads Technical Difficulties.

I call the big one "Bitey".

Posted as best I can remember them:

Homer (in a fantasy Marge is writing): ...I'm back from Portsmouth, now it's time for a taste of Yarmouth! (pronounced Yer Mouth, before stealing a drunk kiss from Marge).

Grandpa (in a Treehouse of Horror Special): "We have to kill the boy!" (runs in Bart's room with wooden stake)

Others: How did you know he was a vampire?

Grandpa: He's a vampire?! *runs out screaming*

(Another Treehouse of Horror ep) Homer: Maybe a little friendly punching will move your ass!

Groundskeeper Willie: "All right, loonie! Show me what yew've got!" (is axed in the back by Homer) —GAAAAAH!

Willie: "Is that the best you can dew?" (Falls over, dead)

Marge: "Gee... i hope that carpet was Scotch Guarded."

edited 13th Nov '09 11:01:55 AM by Schitzo

The episode where Bart switches places with a rich kid who looks just like him, only to find out that the rick kid's step-siblings are planning to kill him for the full inheritance. Mr. Burns shows Bart a picture of his family (with about 20 kids), and explains how each one of them died— about 6 died from eating a poisoned potato.

So, the episode continues and the siblings push Bart down an expert-level ski slope...

Brother: "Soon, he will be dead, and then we can split the inheritance!"

Sister: "Yes... split. [holds up platter with a certain steaming vegetable on it] Potato?"

*Fur Elise* (Faw, help a pretty lady in need?)

I get my most Simpsons quotes from german dub.

Homer: "Heimlichkeiten und Lügen! Es gibt immer nur Heimlichkeiten und Lügen!"

"What I wouldn't give to hear Lisa play another one of her jazzy tunes.

Saxamaphoooone! Saxamaphoooone!"

Lisa! Quit blowing my sex--- I I mean your sax, your sax, stop blowing your sax, stop it!