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Favorite lines from your own writing:

 876 Last Hussar, Sun, 2nd Dec '12 5:59:30 PM from the place is here.
The time is now,
I like the opening I have planned for 'Leaving Scars' (a relationship novel), to be started when 'Promises' is finished. Does this work as an opening paragraph, does it hook?

"It wasn't love at first sight. It wasn't even, Jack was surprised to realise, lust at first sight; not with Amy. Mousey, freckled Amy, in her too baggy jumper and slightly old fashioned glasses. He did not know what it was that first attracted him, what it was that would keep attracting him, like a moth to a flame, but burning them both, time and time again. Je ne sais quoi at first sight, perhaps."
Do the job in front of you.
Dapper Gentleman
[up]I like that one. It manages to be lyrical and literary without being too overwrought, and makes me want to read more.
"And every life is a special story of its own." —The Stargazer, Mass Effect 3
 878 Teraus, Tue, 4th Dec '12 10:41:14 AM from The Origin of Dreams
Awesome Lightning Mantra
[up][up] I like it, too. It feels like there are too many commas, though. Can't you rearrange your sentences in a way that tones that down a bit?

edited 4th Dec '12 12:26:06 PM by Teraus

"You cannot judge a system if your judgement is determined by the system."
 879 Last Hussar, Tue, 4th Dec '12 11:29:09 AM from the place is here.
The time is now,
Alternate in response to above post:

"It wasn't love at first sight. It wasn't even, Jack was surprised to realise, lust at first sight; not with Amy. Mousey, freckled Amy, in her too baggy jumper and slightly old fashioned glasses. He did not know what it was that first attracted him, what it was that would keep attracting him. They would be like moths to a flame, both burning the other time and time again. Je ne sais quoi at first sight, perhaps."

edited 4th Dec '12 11:29:38 AM by LastHussar

Do the job in front of you.
Easily entertained
A variant on an old trope:

<I would call myself your worst nightmare, but that seems unlikely. If your nightmares contained monstrosities such as I, you would have already ended your own life rather than suffer the horrors of sleep.>

edited 4th Dec '12 11:35:54 AM by KillerClowns

There's a lot of very, very cliche lines in this thread. I think if there's anything to be learned from this it's that "Troperiffic" (Good Lord I hate that word) =/= "Good". Come on people, I know you can try harder than this.

Easily entertained
[up]Part of it's the fact that a lot of works in their late stages simultaneously get better and more intricate, so lines become more powerful in context... and less powerful out. A Precision F-Strike is powerful if used properly, but worthless if it hasn't been long set up by soft words and a deserving (or not) cause.

And yes, I am completely aware my attempt to put a new spin on an old cliche may have helped to earn your reaction. Wouldn't be the first time someone in this thread reminded me what things like drafts and alpha readers are for...

edited 4th Dec '12 5:20:12 PM by KillerClowns

 883 Nick The Swing, Tue, 4th Dec '12 6:05:43 PM from Ya really wanna know? Relationship Status: Dating Catwoman
BFS Enthusiast
Another funny little moment:

Samantha has just announced her decision to seek Matthew's hand in marriage. We now cut to Ein Woe and an increasingly deranged Cayna, watching the event through a "scrying pool". Woe immediately quips, "Well, looks like your man is pretty much taken." Wrong thing to say. Because Cayna explodes in anger and slaps him around, and says she has a plan. Ein helpfully tries to offer one: "I say we kill Matthew. Simple and effective."

Cayna shakes her head and giggles a little, showing a Slasher Smile. Oh no, she's not happy with such a basic scheme. Instead, she craps out her most ridiculous scheme yet, "Woe, we're going to destroy their entire group. I trust you can bring me shapeshifting zombies, six bracelets I can set a spell into, water from the River Styx, Lust Demon Pheromones, a ring that brainwashes its holder, a magic sword that must kill once drawn, and that Tome of Eld you were talking about?"

Ein just stands there, utterly baffled. "...While I can, I must question why everything you do is...well, like that! For half these schemes to work, you'd need six psychics, a super-computer, and at least one Minor Deity!"

After that, she just slaps him around again, and he gets going. The initial villains of the interquel are not the sharpest tools in the shed. Well, except Woe. He gets to be the Hyper Competent Side Kick.
 884 Night, Tue, 4th Dec '12 7:25:24 PM from PSNS Intrepid Relationship Status: Drift compatible
Who you are does not matter.
Old, abandoned work. Still fond of this bit.

She took a step forward, hands forming fists, another longer step, foot coming up for another…

She’s headed for a run…Stop her, stop her now, or you’re never going to be able to! He reached out and grabbed her wrists, pulling her back against him, pinning her arms to her sides with an arm around her waist. His head was next to hers, and he could whisper right into her ear; he did so, fiercely. “No! Calm down, Amara. Kicking his ass isn’t going to do you any good, calm down.”

Amara didn’t fight him in much more than a perfunctory manner, and for that he was grateful. Micheal wasn’t sure that positioned like this he could stop her if she genuinely tried to break free. He could smell her hair, feel the heat of her body and the tense strength in her lithe muscles as she literally shook with rage. The whole thing was wierdly intimate, but in a way that was fundamentally wrong. It was an intimacy that was neither earned nor wanted.

Micheal felt like he was engaged in some kind of violation of Amara, and thought he might be sick. But he didn't dare let go.

edited 4th Dec '12 7:28:30 PM by Night

"Let us look less to the sky to see what might fall; rather, let us look to each other...and rise."
 885 Eagal, Tue, 4th Dec '12 10:27:40 PM from This is a location. Relationship Status: Waiting for Prince Charming
This is a title.
"This is why I am erhaben and you are just a silly little queen with delusions of grandeur."

A hero talkin' shit to a bad guy. [lol]
The madness is catching.
As a general rule, Hector despised other rapists. Most were predators of the lowest sort that preyed only those weaker than themselves.

But Hector was different.

Hector choose to prey on the strong.

And on the day he managed to travel back in time and gang rape a T-rex with his clone army, would be the crowning moment of his life.
 
 887 nrjxll, Thu, 6th Dec '12 4:28:48 PM Relationship Status: Not war
"Cliche" is a fairly useless term.

 888 Jaqen, Thu, 6th Dec '12 5:15:52 PM from gimbling in the wabe
Citizen
D And D: villain rides away, Adventurers have a smelling-nose dog.

Adventurers comes to a fork, dog goes left until the trail goes cold. Later, they come back with the Butler and notice 2 bottles on a shelf. One bottle smells of dust, the other smells of horse.

Villain rode right, then he doubled back and scattered dust scent on the right-hand track and horse-sweat on the left-hand track.

Adventurers: "Butler, why is there a bottle of horse-sweat on this shelf?"

Butler: "Who would steal it?"
What if there were no hypothetical questions?

There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand Binary and those who don't.
 889 Teraus, Fri, 7th Dec '12 5:55:01 PM from The Origin of Dreams
Awesome Lightning Mantra
@Edric Snow:
There's a lot of very, very cliche lines in this thread. I think if there's anything to be learned from this it's that "Troperiffic" (Good Lord I hate that word) =/= "Good". Come on people, I know you can try harder than this.

Care to be more specific? I don't know whether the "cliches" you're complaining about are truly cliches or merely tropes you don't like.

I don't know if you were also referring to the lines I posted; but, in my defense (just in case), the most notable trope there is the Badass Boast in the end, which is, in my opinion, far from being a discredited trope.

In general, this type of feedback is not particularly helpful.

edited 7th Dec '12 5:56:08 PM by Teraus

"You cannot judge a system if your judgement is determined by the system."
 890 drunkscriblerian, Sat, 8th Dec '12 12:29:53 AM from Castle Geekhaven Relationship Status: In season
Street Writing Man
[up]I wouldn't worry about it. If he really knew how to avoid cliches he'd be too busy being famous to bother the likes of us.

Anyhow...not precisely funny or dramatic but I did like this character description. Story is first-person from a woman's perspective.

Sheriff's Lieutenant Julius T. Stone was the sort of archetypal lawman departments loved to put on recruiting posters. I looked him over. He stood six foot five, brawny-armed and barrel chested with skin as black and tough as a biker's jacket. A bristly Burt Reynolds mustache and sideburns. Even teeth and hands that could palm a bowling ball.

He smiled at the waitress and she almost curtsied. I didn't blame her. Stone had the salty charm hard men over forty sometimes luck into. The sort that made teenage girls giggle and women of my vintage check their grooming in the nearest mirror. Which I did. Briefly.

If I were to write some of the strange things that come under my eyes they would not be believed.

~Cora M. Strayer~
 891 nrjxll, Sat, 8th Dec '12 1:47:32 AM Relationship Status: Not war
If he really knew how to avoid cliches he'd be too busy being famous to bother the likes of us.

That's a flawed assumption no matter which way you look at it.

I actually don't think very highly of a lot of these lines myself (although I'm not going to criticize any of them in particular because I don't like criticism without context), but not because they're "cliche".

 892 Collen, Sat, 8th Dec '12 6:30:06 AM from it is a mystery
vilent waler
I like criticism in here, especially considering this is a thread for favorite lines. We're all a bit biased here, so sometimes it takes other people to see our writing isn't as good as it could be.

I agree about the context thing, I don't want to make people second-guess lines they're proud of with such a limited grasp of the significance, context can easily make the difference between clicé and awesome so I prefer to just give people the benefit of the doubt for things like this.

Still, if you do think you've noticed a particular flaw that you can offer meaningful criticism on then it's better to go for it than miss an opportunity to help someone improve.
 894 Teraus, Sat, 8th Dec '12 10:29:03 AM from The Origin of Dreams
Awesome Lightning Mantra
[up][up][up] Honestly, the feeling I get is that, without the context, most people simply assume the worst about the rest of the story. I don't know, it's as if many people in this forum have, by default, a disdainful view of every writer that posts here other than themselves (maybe a subconscious feeling that they "could do better", or something. Even if it's not true).

edited 8th Dec '12 10:31:34 AM by Teraus

"You cannot judge a system if your judgement is determined by the system."
 895 nrjxll, Sat, 8th Dec '12 1:56:11 PM Relationship Status: Not war
[up][up]I don't believe I can offer meaningful criticism on isolated bits of a story. Like Killer Clowns said earlier, context can make lines - or anything else - much more effective than they are without it.

Pronounced YAK-you-luss
[up]Though glaring errors with spelling and grammar can and should be pointed out.

For instance, without touching on the... larger issues with your entry, Natasel, you're using 'choose' rather than 'chose', and you've got a bad comma in your last sentence.
Freedom of speech includes the freedom for other people to call you out on your bullshit.
The last sentence would need to lose both the "on" and the comma for the structure to work, I think, but grammatically it would be better for the sentence restructured. Currently, it sounds like the whole day is a single crowning moment, when it should be the, er, event.

Pointing out spelling and grammatical errors here mostly equates to "you should probably get a beta", though. They're generally indicative of similar errors through the rest of the work.
You will not go to space today.
Pronounced YAK-you-luss
[up]True, though 'you should probably get a beta' is good advice if they likely need it, so why not mention it?
Freedom of speech includes the freedom for other people to call you out on your bullshit.
Teraus, to be fair, Sturgeon's Law. Regardless of whether we personally can do better, most of the stuff here IS pretty mediocre at best, so it's not altogether surprising if some people end up with a 'garbage until proven entertaining' mentality. I actually think we're a pretty friendly and forgiving bunch compared to some writing forums.
The Optimist
James: "We're not gonna starve."

Tobias: "Really? I don't know about you but I'm currently trapped on a 3 square foot floating rock with nothing but the clothes on my back and an optimist, and I don't know which of those things I'm gonna start eating first!"

James: "I mean we'll likely to fall to our deaths long before we starve."

Tobias: "You're a good guy James, but you are not helping your position on the menu."

edited 9th Dec '12 6:54:29 AM by Thaycon

I heard about your loss. I just wanted to say how sorry I am that I missed it.
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