Bonus points if they're funny or cool in some way.
I'll be using the following shorthand: number in mana cost means any color and letters stand for the color starting with the same letter except U for blue. Single question mark (but only a single
question mark) means a quantity that I haven't decided on yet.
One that I like to show off is this:
, GG, 1/1, Creature - Donkey Sensualist
One I made for fun:
, UBG, 3/3, Creature - Crocodile Pirate Boss (picture: Kaptain K. Rool)
- Spiked Armor (Whenever K. Rool blocks, it deals damage equal to its power to each creature it blocks.)
- B: Flip a coin. If heads, K. Rool deals 1 damage to target creature. Whenever the third tails in a row is flipped, K. Rool deals 1 damage to itself.
- Is that thing a vacuum, a trumpet, or a shotgun?
A pair of cards I made for the two most famous Metroid
Ridley, 5RRBBBB, Legendary Creature - Space Pirate Ninja Deity, 13/13
- If you would reveal cards, you may choose not to reveal them.
- U/2: Look at the top card of your library.
- U: Look at the top card of target player's library.
- tap: Destroy target artifact.
- tap: Ridley deals 10 damage distributed over up to eight target creatures or players.
- "For gods, there is no game like the meta-game...even if it may be a lonely existence where one must watch al tragedies unfold."
- Comments: This card was created before planeswalkers were made, so presumably, they become a valid tap damage target too. Also, the U/2 (half blue mana) ability is to avoid mana burn and also to fend off any strange unglued mana-flaring that might come the way of the controling player. The one idea I have now that I didn't back then is whether it would be interesting to give Ridley the ability to tap an opponent's mana.
Kraid, 5GGGG, 8/8, Legendary Creature - Space Pirate Commander Fatso
- Reach (This creature can block flying creatures.)
- Each non-creature artifact and enchantment is a 0/X creature in addition to its other types, where X is its converted mana cost. They cannot attack or block.
- tap: Kraid deals 7 damage distributed over up to four target creatures.
- UU: Remove target attacking creature from combat; that creature's activated abilities cannot be played this turn.
- Despite its intimidating size and rotund belly, describing its weapons as fingernails and lint makes it depressed.
- Comment: The thing about Kraid being depressed stems from the description of the "Kraid" bot at the Metroid2002.com IRC channel.
Some more assorted cards that I came up with:
Counter Strike, 4, Sorcery
- Remove all counters from permanents.
Counter Confusion, 2, Sorcery - Annoyance
- Put the following counters onto up to three target creatures: a +1/+1 counter, a +1/+0 counter, and a +0/+1 counter.
- Comment: I'm not sure what this would do if there were no creatures. Rules-lawyers, care to tell me?
Ghostbuster, 1W, 1/1, Creature - Mercenary
- tap: Remove up to three counters from target Phantom creature.
Fast Food Restaurant, Land (colorless)
- Each time a creature is played or a creature's ability is used that makes use of mana produced by Fast Food Restaurant, that creature gains a cholesterol counter.
Unhealthy Food Vending Machine, 1B, Artifact
- Whenever a creature attacks or blocks, remove a cholesterol counter from it.
- tap, 1X: Put X cholesterol counters on target creature.
- tap: Destroy target creature with three or more cholesterol counters.
Counter-intuitive, 1U, Enchantment
- Counter-intuitive is a -1/1 red and black robot creature with "Whenever a spell is countered, put two +0/+0 counters on this creature" and "tap: Counter-intuitive becomes a copy of itself until end of turn." It cannot be blocked by token nontoken creatures.
??, ?? ??, Creature - ??
- tap: ?? does something. We're not sure what it is.
Lame Duck, UW, 2/3, Creature - Duck
- Creatures from editions newer than the edition of this Lame Duck have protection from Lame Duck.
Comment: This card is blamed on the following player.
[real-life person's name], WWWU, 0/20, Legendary Creature - Dogmatist
- Whenever a player plays a card from an edition you disapprove of, remove that card from the game.
- Whenever a player applies a rule or rule interaction from an edition you disapprove of, that rule or rule interaction is declared illegal or inapplicable in the current game.
- If player refuses to remove a disapproved card from the game or to agree to reject disapproved rule or rule interaction, then remove player from the game.
- If player refuses to be removed from the game, then remove yourself from the game.
- "They banned my cards, so I banned theirs!"
Comment: The person referenced here is a friend of mine. Yes, he did say that quote. Yes, he refuses to play newer editions.
Intimidating Glare, U, Instant
- Remove target attacking creature from combat; that creature's activated abilities cannot be played this turn.
Edit (2014-04-16): fixing That Ass link. none of the other cards have been updated; some of them may still continue stupid ideas.
edited 16th Apr '14 12:17:23 AM by GlennMagusHarvey