> Introduce Liveblog.
Greetings, everyone! It's TV Tropes's resident computer hardware (not software
, even if he tells you otherwise), Color Printer! I'm here liveblogging an epic for the ages: A Webcomic/Interactive Fiction/Flash game masterpiece called Homestuck
. This is done mostly
blind: I've only gone less than maybe .005% into the story.
So let's jump right in
> Begin Liveblog.
So we begin with our hero: a young boy, 13 years old. It's his birthday, today, April 13. Today, he'll be given a name! How totally not weird at all!
> Enter name.
ZOOSMELL POOPLORD? TRY AGAIN, SMARTASS.
Fine! Jeez. But hey, I didn't choose it, you did.
> Try again.
John Egbert? Ding!
I liked Zoosmell better. At least John seems happy about it.
> Examine room.
So our hero's name is JOHN, it's his BIRTHDAY, and there's a bunch of CAKES around in his room. By the way, he has a variety of INTERESTS, including a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES
, computer programming skills (but he's NOT VERY GOOD AT IT), and PARANORMAL LORE. He's also an AMATEUR MAGICIAN. Oh, and he likes to play GAMES sometimes. CAPITAL WORDS are IMPORTANT
> John: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer.
Oh...um...What a totally-not-arbitrarily-random idea!
Well, John does have no visible arms. Sad but true.
Oops! Our ARMS are in our MAGIC CHEST. Well, aren't we silly? Oh, and we're called pooplord. Oh, so you can say it, but it's not a proper name for a young boy?
> Remove CAKE from MAGIC CHEST.
Oh! The cake's on top of the chest, and we remove it for him and put it on his BED. Apparently, we wield some power in this world. Neat.
> John: Quickly retrieve arms from MAGIC CHEST.
John retrieves his FAKE ARMS (oh.) from the chest, which he uses for HILARIOUS ANTICS.
We CAPTCHALOGUE them in our SYLLADEX, but...um..that doesn't mean much to us right now. But hey, there's other stuff in this chest!
> John: Examine contents of chest.
In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER.
You are neither of these things.
lol u so funny
Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE (1) STUNT SWORD, ONE (1) MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE (1) COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY.
Yikes. We don't need all that stuff right now. Let's just get some smoke pellets.
> John: Captchalogue smoke pellets.
We put one of the SMOKE PELLETS on one of our CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in our SYLLADEX. No idea what that means, but at least we know how to say...what we don't understand.
We have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining, whatever the heck that means.
> John: Equip fake arms.
Oops! We can't use those. They're underneath the smoke pellets in our sylladex, you see. It apparently works like a stack; in order to use them, we have to use the smoke pellets first.
Only 10 pages in, and already things are...interesting.
We're in for a wild ride, folks.
> End post.