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Insecurity, Sadness, Anxiety, and such matters II:
You know how my stepdad has tumors on his kidney? The other day he was peeing blood and his feet were swollen? :(
LesbarianCan't sleep. Hate being alone in the wee hours.
Mura: -flips the bird to veterinary science with one hand and Euclidean geometry with the other-
Need someone to talk to, Exe/Tidal?
Wizard BasementI should really avoid reading news stories related to global warming. Because I get stuck in a loop of looking for more of them and my brain gets high off the sadness and despair. And yesterday I got caught in a vicious cycle of updates on whether we're all doomed or not.
Hell Hasn't Earned My Tears
bla bla bla(edited because I don't know what to say here now)
edited 13th May '13 1:06:16 AM by SimplyWhatever
edited 13th May '13 1:06:52 AM by TheJinny
bla bla blaYou could have just told him "no, I don't mean you", or something.
Thumped because, duh.
edited 13th May '13 1:07:47 AM by TheJinny
I fucking dreamed my sister killed herself.
Lap ChapWell, everyone on my course was and still is laughing about sexual abuse, rape, assault, PTSD, man, some of them even know about someof my shit. I'm sat here with a fake fucking smile on my face.
Indecisive pumpkinI can't fucking deal with my ex friends who sit near my locker before classes start. I think I heard one of them making fun of me today. I'm not sure I heard right, though, so I'm not gonna talk to the administration about it yet. I will if it keeps happening. I'm going to have to start putting my stuff away between first and second block. God, I hope the worst of them end up foreveralone in dead-end jobs.
edited 13th May '13 5:10:15 AM by Haldo
‽‽‽‽ ^These are interrobangs. Love them. Learn them. Use them.
Blah I'm awake now. I have class. I need to complain about that stupid dream I had. So I was trying to talk to a friend last night about fun stuff but I got so overwhelmed about things like the housing situation and worrying that I don't actually have any friends in real life that I kept crying and couldn't talk to the friend at all. I went to bed and proceeded to get tears and snot everywhere because I had a cold. I figure I'm not actually going to sleep, let's try writing something. (spoilers because triggering.) I decided to write a what if scenario where one of my characters commits suicide and the reaction to it. It's fucked up by my standards. I have no desire to do anything like that for various reasons. At times I wish to not exist, but I wouldn't actually hurt myself. Writing it wasn't an act of catharthis at all. I finish writing it and go to sleep. It's around two when this happens. At five I slowly wake up. I'm not sure if it counts as a nightmare. Is it a nightmare if you don't wake up directly from it? It only faded out gradually as I realized with a sense of relief that it was just a dream. What's stupid is that it was the same scenario I'd just written about. That's probably why? The methods were different though. In the dream my sister apparently drank chemicals where as the character hung themself. Logically I know that my sister wouldn't do anything like that. She's never been depressed in her life, and if she did get that bad, I think she'd get help for it. Our dad committed suicide when we were both little so I don't think she'd want to die the same way. Eh the good news is that my cold is mostly gone now. The bad news is that I'm tired as fuck, I don't feel prepared for my final in this class at all, and I still have shit to worry about like housing and my paranoia that everyone here hates me. Lesson learned though. If I feel that shitty, don't take it out on my fictional characters. Because apparently my subconscious will take it out on me.
The WandererI did something similar once.
Hugging a Vanilluxe will give you frostbite. It's typed rmctagg09.
Insert titleSo more complaining that nobody cares about: Fricking math, why does it never leave my life? Now I need to study math for entrance exams, but this is so fricking useless since I suck so hard in math...
Time to change the style, for now
"Boop beep"Entrance exams for what school?
Insert titlePolytechnic, I'll google you minor details since I don't want to think about translating it
Time to change the style, for now
@Tidal: Has anyone talked about rescheduling the surgery soon? @Haldo: Try not to let them get to you. Summer's coming up soon, and you won't have to deal with them during vacation.
So somehow I have a doctor's appointment today. Which is normal because it's a weekly appointment. Then I'm seeing a new doctor tomorrow. Which is not normal and involves a lot of paperwork. Another doctor I see weekly wants to see me directly before that appointment. My normal weekly appointment with him the following day still stands. And then the day after that I see my psychiatrist. That might seem incredibly appropriate on the surface, except there's a very decent chance she's going to be really unhappy with me for having to try a certain type of medication I haven't had in months, and she'd been telling me to stop for the last year before that because of— Aaaah. It seems like every route that gets tried to fix me just goes sideways. I really don't know what I'm doing, and my body's general defiance of normalcy is doing an exquisite job of keeping anyone else from knowing what to do. I don't know what to do. I think I'm too burned out to make any progress with... anything, but at the same time, I can't just sit down and do nothing. Doing nothing turns into backsliding, and I wouldn't call my current position sustainable to begin with.
No logic can defeat our purpose! PM box is always open.
My college made a mistake in my favor. Or maybe it's not a mistake. I don't know. I went to the housing office and before I got there I saw lists. One was underclassmen with housing, the other was upperclassmen on the waiting list. I'm on the underclassmen list because, technically, at 43 credits, I'm a sophomore. Juniors are defined as having 45 credits or more. I've been at the college for two years, but I withdrew from a course freshmen year and I have to make up the credits at some point during a summer to graduate on time. I don't know if I should correct this or not. If they define class standing by credits then holy shit. I'm okay. I'm getting housing on campus next semester. I'm okay. (I realize though that I technically didn't register properly if I am a sophomore. Sophomores were supposed to go wait for registration day specifically to sign up for classes with freshmen in a group. Juniors and seniors get to hand in class registration forms after consulting with a class advisor. I consulted with the class advisor, then handed my form in. That technically gave me a head start on the sophomores that I shouldn't have had. OH WELL. Like I'm gonna complain about that!)
BFS EnthusiastI am honestly getting to the point wherein my frustration at this country and our system at large is...overwhelming. While failure and lack of ability are punished severely, successful people are made into deities and false idols who demand our worship. Asking for them to pay for their success is turned into a statement that lets their allies vilify you. Money? Sports? Music? Games? It doesn't matter what you succeed in. Others suddenly turn any statement against these elites into treason of some sort. I am sick and tired of seeing yet more evidence that succeeding in some area deemed most high gives you these excessive rewards. Sports stars and rock stars and how they are never wanting in terms of love nor money. I am nauseated by their nonstop ride through life while others such as myself are empty vessels unable to become full. It is viewed as a twisted belief that I wish for nothing more than the successful to be punished, punished for their elite ability and their oppression of the existences of countless other people. They oppress countless people with their very existence. Yet I am viewed as a bad person for thinking that they deserve to be punished for their ability. So I ask, why?
Ally of JusticeWhy should they be punished? They are not responsible, nor is it their problem that the system works in their favour. It's only natural to want success and money.
Give light, and the darkness will disappear of itself.
BFS EnthusiastThey could expend all of their effort to changing the system toward a more benevolent one. Instead, they are elites, people who are simply naturally talented in something or another, and not moderating their success with humility or showing the humanity of failure. In as far as it not being their problem, I believe it is. They could choose to simply not become the veritable demi-gods, dwelling in their hubris and money, but instead, they adhere to what you describe, a natural desire for money and success. And in this case, natural desires are something I believe we must overcome. Successful people are awarded the adoration of the masses, a sudden forgiveness of sins committed, and no obligation to mix with the masses. And while I and countless others have bad days and days of want and nothingness, they have everything that they could ever want or need. They never have to ask whether they can afford something.
Ally of JusticeExpecting successful and talented people to stop being good at what they're doing just because of your envy is petty and ridiculous. Not to mention that things aren't that simple. Some people work very hard for their success; it doesn't magically fly into their hands. Others are very humble and generous in spite of being part of the rich and powerful. Etc.
Give light, and the darkness will disappear of itself.
@Immi: No one has said anything about it. :(
Creepy adorable little girlI'm gonna fail this class. I'm gonna fail this class so hard I have no idea what to do. I know part of it is because I'm lazy, but the instructor expects so much from us in one semester that I'm not sure anyone can do it one semester, not even the doctorate student in the class who's been studying this stuff for years (who hasn't finished his term paper either), let alone me, who's just started his master's degree. I don't know what to do. I hate this class, and I didn't even want to take it in the first place. I'm not sure what to do now that I missed the withdraw deadline.
"Be mine, dear big brother."
I hate having such a sharp mind at times. FUCK YOU BRAIN I WANNA COMPLETELY FORGET ABOUT MY EX AND LISTEN TO MY FAVORITE BANDS THAT I HAPPENED TO SHOW HER WITHOUT REMEMBERING US DAMMIT
For anyone feeling the feels, PM box is open.
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