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Insecurity, Sadness, Anxiety, and such matters II:
If that's what you feel comfortable with, go for it. And as for your mom, ignore her. She isn't you, and it sounds like she doesn't know what you need. I remember when my mom got like that when I left the Church, and it's really tough, but it'll be for the best in the long run.
"I don't know how I do it. I'm like the Mr. Bean of sex." -Drunkscriblerian
Insert titleYou know that illusion of invulnerability thing where people usually assume that bad things happen only to other people? Well, I have almost opposite thing I believe that everything that is bad can/could/might happen to me. For example, I noticed something weird white thing on my closet and scraped it off with my nails and now I'm feeling paranoid about "What if it was something poisonous on touch? Or something that is poisonous once breathed and now that I broke that thing I breathed whatever was inside it and am gonna die soon?". Its especially annoying because of that thing where you imagine stuff and you start feeling random symptoms... Yeah, sounds silly. Each time I pass street with cars on it I get shivers and think "If I might have gotten run over by car if I had not payed attention". Heck, before I convinced myself that sexual diseases can only be gotten through sex or blood transfer, I was kind of afraid of getting something from public toilets.(not to serious extent, like none of other stuff I listed, but to overthinking way.) Now I'm kind of paranoid of somehow getting STD without knowing it, like being drugged or getting blood transfer or something =P It also applies to relationships and such so I'm slightly paranoid of people just being nice to me because they are polite and such. This paranoia like thing is kind of annoying I over think about stuff too much, its not really serious as it doesn't affect what I decide to do nor does anything to me, but its annoying.
So what to do now?
The Doer Of StuffSome of that has happened with me a few times. I feel it's more common than we think.
Mildly bothered with life.
Be evilI get moments of massive paranoia like that all the time. I have gotten the slightest bit better about it over the years though. At the very least take comfort in the fact that you are not alone in your paranoia.
Through the eyes I have known you.
TerradorablyfyingI dreamed about running away last night. It was long, and realistic as dreams go. I woke up wanting to do it, thinking about all the plans I used to make, longing to escape even though things are fine now. Seriously, I haven't wanted to run away since I was 11, I thought I didn't have to deal with it anymore. Then again, I thought that about suicide ideation as well, and had my first horrible experience with a trigger for that two weeks ago. Why can't I get free of any of these feelings? I thought I was over this.
Vivé la cuddlevolution!I hate the country. Especially the conservative atmosphere. I hate conservatives. I hate the idea that it's okay to define what someone can or can't do by sex, or that it's okay to discriminate based on sexual orientation, and I hate that it's so prevalent. I hate that people seem to think living somewhere insignificant means they don't have to move with the world.
Nertom woloutom que Etsi snis karamos-e
Be evil@Exelixi: One of the many reasons I vastly prefer living in big cities. I know that feeling.
Through the eyes I have known you.
edited 7th Oct '12 10:01:07 PM by Sixthhokage1
[insert quip here]Something on your mind, Sixth?
CatalyticExe: Trust me, there are some good parts of America. But I get where you're coming from. I had that rage all summer this year.
"Lock up your girlfriends, lock up your wives, Grim's on the loose so run for your lives." - Pyrite
Actually FriendlyDoes a healthy level of self-esteem even exist?
No, honey, I'm literally a cat and you're just going to have to accept it.
Hopefully I can get some sleep and go back to believing the lie that I'm a good person
Recently, I've been believing that I am easily replaceable and that of you take me out of the equation of life, nothing changes.
-Hugs Poppy- I'm sure that's not true.
Severely ConfusedMinor venting. I have an addiction. Well, probably more, but only one is relevant right now. It's something that I've had to cut down on due to circumstances. It's been slowly diminishing to the point where I thought it was gone. But it isn't. And now I just feel like indulging in it for several hours, even though I can't if I wanted to. I just needed to get that off my chest.
[insert quip here]@ Sixth: Have you ever considered that maybe it's not a lie? @ Pocky: Tidal's right. You know it's not true. (hugs) @ Ratzoup: Well, recognizing you have an addiction is the first step to beating it. And if you don't mind me asking, how severe an addiction are we talking?
Be evilA minor worry, I realized I have all but lost two of my closest friends. To what? Relationships. I helped them find someone and then they all but dropped off the face of the earth. I suppose I should be happy for them, and proud that I am apparently pretty good at matchmaking (however my powers are useless if I try to use them on myself), but I still can't shrug off the sense of loss from having two long time friends who I could confide in all but vanish. I lose even more by pairing off a close friend and a not-as-close friend. Man I am never pairing up a friend unless I want to never see them again. And all of this does nothing but worsen the feeling that I am slowly but surely losing the many friends I had gained. Then again its not so much a feeling as it is a fact, and one I can't do a whole lot about. I suppose it won't matter a whole lot once I get that hard reset on my social life in two years, but until then I still regret losing friends...
Through the eyes I have known you.
Dreaming out loud.Worrying that I get less focused and/or motivated without frequent contact with more than a few people.
Equipped with his five senses, man explores the universe around him and calls the adventure Science.
Vivé la cuddlevolution!I know the feeling; I wouldn't worry.
"We are Libris. We will add your literary distinctiveness to our own. Collection is imminent. Resistance is futile." -Tuefel PM box ope
Ahr riverSo, I have a friend. We're good friends. I love the guy, and we can bond like no other sometimes. The problem is, I sometimes get the feeling he's a massive hypocritical douchebag. I am, at times, rather elitist with my tastes. I make it a point to not judge people by their tastes. And he's an odd one. (for example, he likes Matrix 3 more than the original Matrix). Obviously there is nothing wrong with that, but for someone who studies the media and is very opinionated, I did have to focus on being very respectful. That being said, I have made the occasional jab at his tastes being stupid, but I've done that with everyone, as a joke. Him on the other hand, has no such reservations. He constantly judges others by stuff they do (usually based in video games, he's a huge gamer, for instance, he automatically hates anyone who EV trains in Pokémon, even though his crush and I both do it just for fun) and then turns around and claims I'm the judgmental one, even though I've made it very clear that if I was judgmental about them, I wouldn't be hanging out with him. Baaaah. Petty whines.
Yep Completely alone now
Gradin' since 2012!Pocky, you are NOT alone! Remember what your badge says?
"Last Christmas" becomes funnier when you replace "heart" with "butt" ~ Peaceful Apocalypse PM Box is open, if you wanna talk.
Severely ConfusedIt's not very severe, and will likely fade in a few weeks. I just don't want to have to deal with it on top of everything else.
Had a meltdown last night. I've been arguing with my mind for months now, and it keeps telling me toxic things and I try and convince it that they are all lies. But last night, it told me a particularly evil thought about some of my closest friends... I didn't want to say it, but I said it anyway. I then spent about 20 minutes just crying and shaking, wishing the thoughts would stop...
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