Let's Watch the Watchmen: I haven't read the comic.

the blood on the sail is a Rorschach blot.

Huh, I didn't notice that.

The Dr. Manhattan flashback is probably my favorite part.

They interrogate Laurie. He pretty much calls her a whore, and she slams him for her.

The map burns, a flashback.

She though he was cool, he kinda creeps on her. Rapist. Mama Bear saves her, via an awkward exchange.

They find him on mars.

We see Henry Kissinger telling Nixon the news about Manhattan. Nuclear war is getting closer. Nixon gets all angry about everything. They actually seem to think losing the East Coast is not big deal.

edited 14th Nov '10 10:44:28 PM by NotADuck

Rapist.

Waahahahahahaha

Carry on.

They put a bunch of photos on the table. Looks cool. Laurie kicks some ass and escapes.

Some Corrupt Corporate Executives lecture Adrian on the evils of Alternate Energy. "Why free energy? Free is just another word for socialist." In a Texan accent. This guy isn't a Strawman. People say things like that ALL THE TIME, nowadays.

He lectures them on Alexander the Great and what he accomplished, and what he plans to cure in the human race.

He can buy and sell everyone of them. Oh, if only.

An assassin appears out of the elevator. The woman there gets fingers blown off, and one of the executives gets shot right between the eyes.

Cyanide pill happens. Who agrees to take these? Prison is better.

Laurie and Dan discuss the assassination attempt. Dan invites Laurie to move in, in an awkward fashion. She agrees. We see Rorschach, unmasked, from behind. He keeps his costume in a dumpster. His mask is his real face.

He stops a rape.

Breasts. He is in the assassins apartment. Something about a company called Pyramid. He goes to Moloch's to investigate. Moloch isn't moving, probably dead.

Yep.

The police surround him. He kinda panics. He's been set up.

He waits for the police.

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AWESOME. Pyromaniac.

Gotta feel sorry for the police. He goes out the window.

They grapple him, he's really short.

It's the red-headed doom-sayer. That actually makes sense.

Walter Kovacs.

He's in prison now.

They're gunna fuck him like they fucked his mother.

He's ugly and attractive at the same time.

Bernie and the kid react to the news.

The pirate is vomiting up seagull. He begins to drink the water. Ridley is "speaking" to him. He's crazy. Ridley bitches at him for trying to reach his family. Ridley announces the Black Freighter is already there. How do you know Ridley? Shut the fuck up.

The Black Freighter crew appears to be undead.

Walter is with a therapist. He wants to get him in a hospital. An honest to god Rorschach test happens. Really, therapist? Really?

We see a dog with it's head cut. Okay...

Then we see the boy from the opening montage, now revealed to be Tyke!Rorschach. He learns his mother is a whore, she slaps him and says, "I should have gotten that abortion!" I kinda laughed.

He bites a kid's cheek open. FFFFUUU

He doesn't like the therapist, because he's fat. Also a liberal.

He calls the therapist out on trying to cure him because he is not as extreme as the others.

He is looking for a little girl in a flashback.

This stuff is creepy, with the tatters and the axes.

Holy Shit the dogs are eating her foot!

Honestly, I feel little sympathy for this guy here. Although watching an axe go in like that is really difficult. Too bad about the dogs though.

!

Are you watching the Director's/Extended/Whatever Cut?

The therapist can't help him. Lunch line time. Tee Hee, he's short.

HOLY SHIT HE POURED COOKING OIL ON HIS FACE.

"I'm not locked in her with you, you're locked in here with me!" Bad. Ass.

Laurie's snooping around, in the Owl Cave, like a woman. Kidding, she does so in a gender neutral way. She fucks around with the airship controls, and starts a fire. Dan gets a fire hydrant and puts it out.

He's named it after Archimedes from that old Sword in the Stones movie. THAT IS ADORABLE.

So he pretty much talks about how he is a superhero because he is a campy nerd.

She tries on his night goggles, they can even identify her by here fingerprints. She says "This must be how Jon sees the world."

Smmmoooooth...

Then she makes up for it by saying "Jon sees a lot of things. But he doesn't see me."

They make-out and take their clothes off. It'll be nice to see a pivotal sex scene in something by Alan Moore that doesn't involve an old man.

He can't get it up, for some godforsaken reason. Seriously, look at her!

There is an evil midget. When the man Rorschach poiled oil on dies, Rorschach dies. Or so they say.

We cut to a dream. Dan and Laurie are naked. Naked. Then they peel their skin off, to reveal their costumes beneath. A nuclear explosion happens and they are reduced to creepy embracing skeletons.

Cut to Pirates. As I predicted earlier, sharks. Really creepy looking sharks. That roar. He stabs one in the eye. One takes ridley except for the eye.

There is so much blood and it looks SO STICKY.

Some crazy vision quest shit occurs, like a vortex through watery hell. He sees demon pirates return from Davidstown. He is too late.

His families' heads plead for him to save them.

He says a lot of really depressing things, tries to drown, hits the bottom of the ocean.

Thugs menace the kid, Bernie tells them to screw off. Doesn't work.

Laurie finds Dan sitting naked in front of his costume. He's tired of being afraid.

They decide to go be superheroes again.

We get a great suit up scene, and Laurie looks fantastic, gotta say.

I want my own Archie.

They are going to go save people from a fire. He destroys a water tower to douse some of the flames, so Laurie can smash through the roof unharmed.

A little girl asks if Dan is Jesus. Yes, little girl, Jesus has goggles, and airship, and Mary Magdalene is a sexy brunette in spandex. You know nothing of theology, bitch!

Slow-mo explosion hair flip. Because that's what hair is for. No other reason.

I wish this was a bad movie, instead of a REALLY GREAT FILM, because then I could say "And as I heard the opening chords of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah, I knew my descent into hell was complete."

Instead, as awkward as it is, it works. Think about what the characters are thinking. They just found out that their sexuality is defined by their identity as superheroes. It's like finding out your gay, it's a really pivotal moment in your life.

The camera gives about equal love to Laurie's tits and Dan's ass. Laurie wins.

The flamethrower. Do not tell me, that if you were in an airship, having an orgasm, that you wouldn't activate the flamethrower. If you claim that, you are lying.

The oil-man dies. A riot begins.

Rorschach has nice, freckly arms.

They cut off a mook's arms to get to Rorschach. It's great.

The other mook continues to saw.

Post-coital, Dan and Laurie put the pieces together, and decide it would be fun to spring Rorschach.

Rorschach kills a mook with a wire and a toilet. The midget runs.

Archie flys in.

Dan and Laurie take out a whole hallway of criminals and Redshirt cops.

Rorschach takes his mask back, and makes the therapist look into it. Rorschach goes to the bathroom, but actually just kills a midget. Dan and Laurie wait patiently.

Blood-water flows from the bathroom. WHAT DID HE DO?

Rorschach criticizes them for sex and stuff.

Upon return to the Owl-Cave, Manhattan appears. To take Laurie to Mars. She needs to convince him to save the world. Off they go.

He forgot to give her a BREATHABLE ATMOSPHERE. He fixes it.

"Oh my God, I'm on Mars."

The gangsters mistake the antics of Nite Owl I for Nite Owl II. They go to his house to fuck him up.

Sally and Hollis discuss the news that they successors are superheroes again. They have a pretty amicable chat, I bet something happened between them.

The gangsters burst in, and he flashes back to fighting villians as he does surprisingly well against them, but in the end they smash his face in. It's a surprisingly poignant scene for such a small character, and I feel real anger at these fucking thugs.

Rorschach and Dan have a little argument, Rorschach apologizes and says Dan is a good friend. It's all oddly gay.

They go to a bar, fuck shit up, and find a lead on Pyramid. Slater unwittingly hired the assassin.

Dan learns that Hollis has died, and takes it out on some random gangster. Rorschach stops him. "Not in front of the civilians." He seriously freaks out on the guy.

Meanwhile, on the crystal palace of Mars. Manhattan does some infuriating logic about how he sees the future, because time is locked into the way it is.

Basically, because she is no longer with him, he doesn't care for humanity. He cares more about the red world than the blue one.

Holy shit, the crystal palace can fly.

Nixon is ready to nuke some Russians.

Dan and Rorschach are in Adrian's office, snooping around.

Rorschach pretty much sums up everything they know.

Dan gets into Adrian's computer.

I am in no way surprised to see that Adrian is the villain. But why? What does he have to gain from the end of the world?

A file on his computer says "Boys."

BODIES BEYOND YOUR WILDEST IMAGININGS

Adrian, in Antarctica, kills his scientists. Dissolves their bodies. Also, he likens them to the servants of the pharaohs.

He has a cat thing. Why? How? It's too late in the movie for an explanation.

For that matter, I know there was a squid involved in the process. I know it isn't in the movie. But where the fuck would it factor in?

Bernie sees a paper about the Soviets invading Afghanistan, and knows they are going to die. Or at least think's they do. He let's Bernie keep it without paying.

The Pirate reaches the beach. He is outside Davidstown. He prepares to get revenge. He finds a collaborator and his whore. He kills them.

Two had ridden to the beach. Two had to come back.

So pretty much, Davidstown was untouched. He's gone mad.

So he's attacked his own family. I'm not surprised.

CRAP NOW I HAVE TO GO TO BED I WILL FINISH IN THE MORNING, SORRY.

I'M GOING TO BED TOO AND I FIGURED OUT YOU WERE WATCHING THE EXTENDED CUT EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T BOTHER TO TELL ME. GOOD NIGHT.

edited 15th Nov '10 12:31:42 AM by melloncollie

I figured out where Black Freighter was going to end up about the time he landed on the beach.

I have no idea why Bubastis the purple mutated lynx was kept in, as she only makes sense in relation to how the squid factors into Adrian's plan, which was cut out. Plus, with the loss of another squid-related factor of the plan, it's left pretty vague why he killed the Comedian.

Though I do still love the movie; all the fans complaining about it should take a look at what it was going to be like before Snyder got involved and be thankful for what they got. In fact, Snyder himself doubted his ability to do justice to the graphic novel, and only took the job after realizing he had a chance as a fan to give the other fans what they wanted, and not let someone who didn't understand the fans take over the movie.

edited 15th Nov '10 2:49:16 PM by Eegah

I didn't think it was vague at all, the cancer list was still in the movie. And Ozy finally got a chance to get back at Comedian for breaking up his little Crimebusters project.

I did hear of an alternate script that involved time travel at the end... urgh.

Is that Fan Wank? I thought Ozy explicitly stated that as the reason he personally killed the Comedian. Or some resentment along those lines.

I don't remember if it was ever explicitly said in canon. o___O

CRAP NOW I HAVE TO GO TO BED I WILL FINISH IN THE MORNING, SORRY.

You're a lying liar and a terrible person!