There was a lot less crime in my neighborhood until those damn Buddhist monks moved in.
At first we where happy because the Catholic nuns had the run of the place. The welts on our knuckles hurt like hell, and anyone would star saying “Hail Marry”s as a Pavlovian responses to a Nun screaming at us.
The monks came and ran them out of course. Those rulers stung like hell, but the Buddhist where packing knifes
Our joy was short lived. The Buddhists started chanting, hitting bells, drums, metal bowls day and night, the smell of incense and green tea was heavy in the night air. People got caught eating meat or alcohol had the items confiscated or just dumped right in from of them and got a lecture about treatment of animals or not altering one’s mind with chemicals. People possessions where stolen or destroyed as we where told “these material things are temporary distractions from reaching enlightenment!” I myself was told that I would be liberated of my body by a Buddhist with a can gasoline.
“Start meditating!” I was commanded.
Thankfully, those monks are SO easy to trick. All I did was shout “Look! It’s the Buddha is walking down the road!” and that monk immediately turned around, pulled out his Kīla, and said, “WHERE?! I’m suppose to KILL that fucker if I see him!”
I escaped that day to tell this tale.
Don’t worry though, it sounds like a new gang is moving in and their protest signs may not be as sharp but they’ve got reach and their really good at intimidation. I think things will be MUCH easier when the Westboro Baptist Church gang moves in.
edited 13th Sep '10 11:30:24 AM by Justice4243