Post Your Abridged Series Here!

I abridged Repo The Genetic Opera:

Grave Robber:You can run, and you can hide, but the Repo Man will RIP YOUR STILL-BEATING HEART FROM YOUR CHEST!

Chorus:REPO MAN! REPO MAN!

Messenger:Hey Rotti you're gonna die. *shot*

Rotti:I'll keep those vultures guessing.

Grave Robber:My job is to steal and rob-

Chorus:Things you see in a-

Grave Robber:GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVES

Chorus:Yard!

Shilo:Was I outside?

Nathan:No.

Shilo:It was real dad.

Nathan:Please drop it. You could have d-you scare me to death!

Shilo:Your mom is so stupid she got a negative on the IQ test!

Nathan:Well, YOUR mom died of a blood disease-that you inherited.

Shilo:...

Nathan:She'd be so proud of you. You're the world to me.

Shilo:WHY ARE MY GENETICS SUCH A BITCH? I want to go outside...

Nathan:Shilo can't go outside. Also I kill people.

Shilo:...

Nathan:You didn't hear that.

Chorus:You'll always save a bundle when you buy Gene Co Parts! MARK IT UP!

Amber:I'm a slut!

Pavi:Ditto.

Luigi:I'm a psycopath!

Pavi:Ditto.

Amber:I'm in charge!

Luigi:No, me!

Pavi:Incest is neat.

Luigi:Shut up. I have a stabbing fetish, and because of that I shall inherit Gene Co.

Pavi:I have a face-wearing fetish, so I'LL inherit Gene Co instead!

Chorus:MARK IT UP!

Blind Mag:I'm blind. Except I'm not. Except I would be. Except I have these fake eyes that are really neat. Except I have to sing to keep them.

Shilo:I enjoy this.

Rotti:Hey I actually killed Marni and tricked Nathan into thinking he did. BECAUSE I LOVED HER. I will now procede to leave my corporation to Shilo.

Shilo:Wait why?

Rotti:Because I loved your mother.

Shilo:But you killed her.

Rotti:You didn't hear that.

Shilo:...

Nathan:I'm so deranged that I expect people I just killed to thank me!

Amber:I need some surgery!

Genterns:Sure thing! We're nurses.

Luigi:I need some release! SOMEONE'S GOING TO HANG!

Genterns:Sure thing! We're sluts.

Pavi:I need a new face!

Genterns:Sure thing! We're nurses AND sluts!

Servant:Decaf?

Luigi:I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE FACE!

Servant:Here's some decaf! *shot in face*

Amber:I want Blind Mag dead so that I can replace her!

Mag:Great, because I give up.

Shilo:Huh, I wonder if my dad kills people. HEY! DAD! DO YOU KILL PEOPLE?

Nathan:*killing someone* Uh... no.

Shilo:...

Amber:This is Zydrate. Street Zydrate. It isn't glamorous, or cool, or kid's stuff. It's the most addictive kind of Zydrate, and it can kill you. What's really bad is nobody knows how much it takes. So everytime you use it, you risk dying. It isn't worth it. Look...everybody wants to be cool. But doing it with Zydrate isn't just wrong. It could be dead wrong.

Shilo:What's Zydrate?

Grave Robber:It comes in a little glass vial, and it goes into the gun like a battery, and when the gun goes off it sparks and you're ready for surgery.

Shilo:A little glass vial in the gun like a battery and it sparks and you're ready for surgery?

Zydrate Addicts:A little glass vial in the gun like a battery and it sparks and you're ready for surgery!

Amber:OMG I WANT ZYDRATE!

Shilo:But you said-

Grave Robber:And Amber Sweet is addicted to the knife, so she needs a little help with the agony in a little glass vial that goes into the gun like a battery and when the gun goes off it sparks and she's ready for surgery.

Shilo:Addicted to the knife so she needs a little help with the agony in a little glass vial that goes into the gun like a battery and when the gun goes off it sparks and she's ready for surgery?

Zydrate Addicts:Addicted to the knife so she needs a little help with the agony in a little glass vial that goes into the gun like a battery and when the gun goes off it sparks and she's ready for surgery!

Amber:BIZARRE LESBIAN SEX AND DISGUSTING CLOSE UPS OF SURGERY! Also I hate Blind Mag and the Repo Man will strike and she's going to die.

Shilo:You hate Blind Mag and the Repo Man will strike and she's going to die?

Grave Robber:She hates Blind Mag and the Repo Man will strike and she's going to die!

Luigi:Who ordered pizza?

Rotti:Hey Nathan a while later you're going to have to kill Marni's best friend!

Nathan:Dear Marni, can you forgive me for this?

Rotti:Remember who you are! Remember what you did to Marni!

Genterns:Remember who you are! Remember what you did to Marni!

Nathan:I REMEMBER!

Pavi:Ass!

Nathan:No anaesthetic! I'll give you the Repo treatment! ...I remember...

Mag:Hey I thought you were dead Shilo!

Shilo:...

Mag:Hey your hair looks just like your mother's Shilo!

Shilo:Oh, this is just a wig my dad made me.

Mag:...

Shilo:...

Mag:Hey I'm your Godmom Shilo!

Nathan:NO. NO YOU ARE NOT. GOODBYE.

Shilo:Hey Blind Mag came into my house!

Nathan:No she didn't.

Shilo:But I saw her!

Nathan:WHAT CHANCE HAS A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL to be a reliable source?

Shilo:You're right. Oh wait, no you're not! I'M SEVENTEEN NOW YOU CAN'T BOSS ME DADDY'S GIRL'S A FUCKING MONSTER!!!

Nathan:*slaps*

Shilo:...

Amber:Hey my face is fucked up!

Rotti:Happiness is anyone or anything loved by you! Not a warm scalpel!

Amber:I look like Paris Hilton now!

Rotti:*gasps* That is bad. I was hasty to blast off at you. I'll fix it right up.

Amber:Thank you!

Rotti:GOOOOOOOOOOOLD! IT MAKES THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD GO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUND! Also my children suck and I'm going to give all my money to Shilo just like I said earlier except this time I'm also saying that GOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD! IT MAKES THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD GO ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOUND!

Nathan:Fuck Rotti. He wants to give a multi-trillion dollar corporation to my daughter? I'll show him! I'LL KILL THEM ALL!

Chorus:AT THE OPERA TONIGHT!

Shilo:Will things work out?

Chorus:AT THE OPERA TONIGHT!

Mag:Repo man, come take my hand...

Chorus:REPO MAN! REPO MAN!

The Largos:All debts are paid, Luigi stabs the maid, and Pavi will rape-

Chorus:AT THE OPERA TONIGHT!

Amber:One more hit! Of the glow! Make it fast!

Grave Robber:Take it slow! It's gonna be a bloodbath-

Chorus:AT THE OPERA TONIGHT!

DJ Granny:*D Js*

Composer:TESTIFY! TESTIFY!

Genterns:We're nurses, sluts, AND lesbians!

Composer:TESTIFY! TESTIFY!

People:Gene Co helped me out and they haven't even killed me yet!

Composer:TESTIFY! TESTIFY!

Single Mom:Gene Co helped me out too! Here are my boobs!

Composer:TESTIFY! TESTIFY!

Chorus:Gene Co's surgery magically nullifies genetics somehow!

Rotti:Hey Shilo your dad's a Repo Man and he killed your mom!

Shilo:...

Amber:BLAAAAAAAME NOOOOOOT MY CHEEEEEEEKS! *face falls off* Fuck it! Even Janet Jackson didn't have it this bad!

Mag:Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... I would rather be blind... I'M AS MAD AS HELL AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANY MORE! *killed*

Shilo:Screw you dad! You killed my mom!

Nathan:But- um- err- uh- LET THE MONSTER RISE!

Rotti:Also he pretended that you were sick because he has a likely incestuous obsession with you and he wanted to keep you in the house so that he could presumably-

Nathan:NO!

Rotti:Please shoot him. I'll give my corporation to you.

Shilo:... uh... no?

Rotti:FINE, I WILL, NULLIFYING THE ENTIRE POINT OF FORCING YOU TO SHOOT HIM.

Nathan:But that doesn't make sense- *shot*

Rotti:*dies*

Shilo:I love you, dad, even if you did probably rape me hundreds of times.

Nathan:I love you too Shilo. You're a lot like your mother. I would know... *dies*

Shilo:Yay I'm not sick like my mother! And yay I don't have to kill people or rape/imprison my own daughter like my father! And my father's dead! FREE AT LAST!

Grave Robber:And crawling, on the planet's face, some insects, called the human race, lost in time, and lost in space, and meaning...

Chorus:MEEEHEEANING...

edited 7th Nov '10 5:01:44 PM by OOZE

The Rocky Horror Picture Show

A pair of omniprescent, floating lips appears on-screen. These all knowing, all powerful lips utter a sacred chant about science fictions, as well as double features. Then the lips fade to show a church where some guy is marrying some girl. Then we cut for no reason to a different guy and a different girl getting engaged. The guy keeps saying "DAMMIT" at the girl, who apparantly must have a vulgarity fetish. Then we cut to them driving. The car breaks down. They decide they need to find a telephone. So they go inside a castle (A CASTLE?) and get to see some aliens sing and dance about how history repeats itself. Then the world's sexiest manbeast comes along and sings about how sexy and manbeastly he is.

So then the couple forgets all about their car troubles as they watch the sexy manbeast build a Frankenstein monster for the purpose of having gay buttsex with it. The monster sings about how he feels like something bad is going to happen, which is great foreshadowing because something bad does happen. Then the manbeast sings a song about the Charles Atlas diet. Then we get the celebrity cameo that is required in all comedies. Then the manbeast sings about the Charles Atlas diet again. By this point you've probably forgotten all about the couple, because you've been watching the sexy manbeast and his monster for almost twenty minutes.

Then the sexy manbeast rapes the couple. Then the girl finds out that the guy was raped and cheats on him as revenge for cheating on her, when she had already cheated on him, thus making her a complete and total hypocrite. Then a Nazi in a wheelchair comes in and eats dinner with everyone. He sings a song about the guy we saw get a cameo earlier. Then the monster hugs the girl, which pisses off the manbeast. So the manbeast hypnotizes everyone into putting on a floor show. Then the servants stage a mutiny and kill the sexy manbeast. Then it turns out that the castle was actually a spaceship.

The End

Rocky Horror in a Theater

You get in line with a bunch of flaming homosexuals. Then you see a series of "games" where people get as close to real sex as they can in public. Then the movie starts. Its so loud you can't even hear. People keep acting like they're on Mystery Science Theater or something. Then some jerk squirts a water gun at you. Most people are familiar with this jerk, as everyone brought newspapers to shield themselves with. Then people throw rice at each other. I got blinded by rice hitting me in the eye, not to mention how much rice got in my popcorn. There were also some weirdos in costumes running around in front of the screen acting out the whole movie.

Basically, I'm never going back to that theater again.

http://exclusive-cheese.deviantart.com/art/Rocky-Horror-Abridged-185423305

edited 7th Nov '10 5:39:26 PM by TacoWiz

Thanks, that was awesome. :D I put mine on Deviant Art too. Should I post the link?

Danny Zuk- er, I mean, Troy Bolton meets a hot girl who for some reason everyone thinks is freaky nerd even though she's far better-looking than most girls you will ever have a chance with at a New Years party.

They then go to Ry-dale, um, I mean... where did they go again? Anyway, they both go there. Troy wants to join a musical to hook up with her, but first he must go to basketball practice, where they, like most sports teams, practice by dancing to fake hip-hop and and randomly throwing balls around with no supervision.

After that, he joins the play but destroys the school hierarchy that would come crashing down if if a glasses-wearer speaks to basketball-twirler. Meanwhile, the candy-counter girl and her "special" brother plot to stop the inhumanity of people singing who don't make it look like incest.

Eventually, against all odds, they... sing at the callbacks, and get the parts in their... school's musical. Wow, was there really a plot there? Anyway, everyone apparently got the choreography because there was a party in the gym. Oh, the basketball team won.

And that is my summery of Grease. No, wait...

Yes. Yours was AWESOME!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz6nxPyKA4M&feature=related It gets better.