I went and clicked this thread again.

^ Only if you wangst about it instead of making an effort to better yourself.

Bobby, I'm hopeless. From Day 1 I've been an unlikeable jerk pushing his ideas at people who don't care. I've alienated everyone around me and only just do worse things. I never try to apologize, but when I do, I go around sharing the blame. I'm a disgusting mess of troll, anger, and insantiy who refuses to let up.

edited 3rd Nov '09 3:02:03 PM by TropeKira

So, take a good long look at your posts first?

And tone down the caps lock amd kneecap shooting? And stop melting down when things don't go your way?

Kira, I like you. Okay? You're not the worst person on this forum. I don't know a Worst Person On This Forum.

Stop worrying about it. You're NOT a bad guy, okay? You get a little outta hand sometimes, but I know you mean well. You're like my attendant Asuka. Sometimes you go overboard, but you have good intentions.

I'm doing better now. Just had the angst scared out of me... yeah, that's possible.

You're a funny dude, Kira. I like your exuberant ways.

It's fine. You just need to know when to stop, that's all. I don't think I've been annoyed by any single post of yours, it's just you tend to post a lot, sometimes just to say something you've already said because people missed it. People ignore my posts a lot, I just assume it's because they're not actually very interesting, or speak for themselves. You can't hit every time.

In short, You're not the most hated person on this forum by a long shot- you just need to "cool it".

You say all this like it's a bad thing.

Yeah, I need to take my own advice too.

I'm feeling torn. No really. There's the part where I hide my personal beliefs in order to relate with you, and then there's that little devil looking at me for being a dishonest, evil guy.

I also feel dirty for not being a freethinking, liberal person like you guys are. I also feel like a traitor for being not true to who I am.

Yes, pillory me.

People have different thoughts. A calm voice is always preferred over an angry one, from any side of any issue. I doubt you'd be angry any more than most of us would.

I'm still in a bit of a bad mood, and it's frustrating.

I'm not even gonna go in depth this time 'cause you're all probably tired of my wangsting.

But basically, I've come to the conclusion that God created me as his way of trolling Earth.

You know that people often put a lot of effort into trolling, so you must be one of this God's favourite creations.

Being God's holy vengeance upon the world in the form of a troll also sounds awesome.

I feel really bad about the future. It's all obsessive-compulsive stuff, but I can't shake it. What's worse is that I thought I'd beaten this ages ago.

Sometimes, I start thinking. I'm not quite sure what this post will turn out to be, so skip it if you wish.

I've mentioned before, I'm a bit of a Stepford Smiler who doesn't feel sympathy/empathy most of the time. I'm apathetic, and I don't care about most things. I don't react to some things like most people do. For example, like suicide. Sometimes, I wonder what it would be like. Most people are like "ohmygodIwouldneverdothat!" and be done with it. It's unthinkable to them. But not me. I'm not unhappy, or anything, I just... don't care. Sometimes, I think about it. Not usually when I'm depressed, because that doesn't last very long. But sometimes, I'm bored and not enjoying life. But not depressed, remember that. And sometimes, life is harder, and I wonder "Why should I keep bothering with this thing that is difficult, boring, and unrewarding at the same time when I can be done with it and have no consequences because that'll be it?  ^*

^{Yeah... I'm not the most religious person.}

" And I know people would be upset, but I honestly can't understand why. I'm nothing special. There are more people in the world, and most more likable than me. I mean, you guys would never even know. So... why should I bother?— that's what I think to myself. Then I shrug, and keep moving on. But I'm not happy. I'm never happy. Never sad. Just bored and going on with life.

I was in an odd mood when I wrote this post. You should probably ignore it.

That sounds a lot like I've felt at times in the past (and still do on occasion, though not as strongly or as often as I used to). Turned out it was mostly coming from chronic sleep deprivation, which has very similar symptoms to depression – except somewhat less consistent. It's entirely possible that sort of feeling is coming from some mild depression or other depression-like issue.

If you feel like that commonly, it might be worth speaking with someone about it, to see if they have any insight. It doesn't sound terribly serious, but, for me at least, things tend to be much nicer overall the less I feel like that.

So, you don't feel and this worries you? Well, I can relate to that. Normally, I feel like that when I'm in the middle of an episode...

Yeah, I'm not sure what I was trying to accomplish here.

Just...eh...something about ennui and immortality and how if you're bored with life you're probably not doing it right and college is cool and stuff.

I'm not good with this advice thing.

Broken Chaos has a point. There may be some solution here that would let you feel happy and stuff. Make life less of a big boring thing, ya know? You should look into that before toying with the idea of suicide. I mean, you want to be happy, right? Or less bored, or be able to feel things more...

This won't apply to everyone, but I find that something that always gets me in a good mood is getting outside and just walking for a little while, preferably in a quiet neighborhood. Lately I've taken to walking for an hour to 90 minutes after dinner in the evening, a few times a week, and its real nice. There's almost no one around, the air is cold and crisp, and there's far less traffic around. Sometimes all it takes is a little silence. If you ever feel like your in a rut or just feel in a real crappy mood, give it a try. Or not.

Edit: Your in a rut, not a root. Argh.

edited 4th Nov '09 6:30:48 PM by Bill

I'm not considering suicide, Katrika. I'm just thinking about it. (That... sounds the same. It's not!) Like how you might think about Hitler sometimes. That doesn't mean you're going to become a Nazi.

But yeah, being happy would be nice. But eh, life goes on. We'll see how it goes.

One thing that bugs me greatly: I tend to scare women, but get hit on by gay/bi men. Am I really that girly? It bugs me because I'm not really attracted to men...

*drags Kris to the Hague*

I've thought similar things in the past. My advice is, if you really think you don't have a reason to keep going, live for other people. Go out and volunteer, make a difference. Or just be a good friend, make an effort to be kind...if nothing else, after a while, you'll have an answer to the question "why do people care": because you're doing good things.

Or are you doing these things, and it's not helping? In which case sorry for the presumption.

The difference is between wanting to die, and just not having much motivation to live. Correct?

If so, then I've certainly felt that way in the past. I'd definitely recommend speaking with someone, particularly if the opportunity presents itself, as not feeling this way is a nice thing in the end. Those sort of mild depression symptoms are often very treatable, particularly depending on the cause (i.e., sleep deprivation, seasonal affective disorder, actual mild depression, etc.).

I've had suicide in the back of my mind, as a sort of backup solution, for years and years. Never actually tried it, though. Something keeps pushing me on, like there's something I need to accomplish before I check out.