Corrupt-a-wish.

e X, you get the ability to draw in an artstyle that you personaly despise and that clashes with most of your story ideas. You are forced to make a living by selling your talents to people with views you find shocking and horrible, used in stories of no taste whatsoever.

SB, you grow to love yourself above all others. You know that you are the possessor of the one true philosophy, and you must convert everyone to your worldview as their glorious messiah. Best of all, you find the perfect artist to convey your wondrous message...

Edit: Oz, you can make your hair take on an exuberant shade of orange with your scalp-based pyrokinesis.

I wish I could finally pick a philosophy that satisfied me spiritually without conflicting with my current ethical responsibilities.

edited 7th Dec '09 9:44:03 AM by darnpenguin

You are now a soldier in a jungle warzone and all of your teammates are dead. You will eventually become a Hermit Guru, if you don't run out of ammo on the way.

Oh god. Did I just end this thread!? NOOOOOOOOO!!!

I wish I had faster regenerative abilities so that I would not have to endure this massive sore on my lip. people would post again.

edited 8th Dec '09 6:45:47 AM by SilverBlack

Sorry, double post.

edited 7th Dec '09 9:47:14 AM by SilverBlack

Granted, but that poster is me! Bwah ha ha ha ha!

I wish I was a Klingon.

Granted. You are the Klingon equivalent of a Red Shirt. You die in the first ten minutes.

I wish I had Saiyan Armor.

Granted. Too bad the awesome super-tough, super-flexible armor from Dragonball Z wasn't invented by saiyans. In fact, the greatest innovation the Saiyans ever came up with in combat wear was this stylish loin cloth. Enjoy!

I wish I had some standard-issue Freiza Soldier armor.

too bad the Frieza Armor offers no protection when and where it counts.

I wish that I am invulnerable.

Granted. Your invulnerability only works when someone's playing a trombone within five feet of you.

I wish for a cool title.

Your new title is Below Room Temperature Joe.

I wish for a long and happy life.

Stupid sexy double post!

edited 8th Dec '09 7:15:34 PM by darnpenguin

Granted.

You gain one, at the cost of dying horrifically.

I wish I had a COMP from Devil Survivor, and that my having it does not mean that the world is going, will be going, or has gone through or an apocalypse, and that my life doesn't suck because of my newfound control of demons.

edited 8th Dec '09 8:06:09 PM by Leliel

Granted.

It doesn't work, and your life sucks because you can't control the demons.

I wish I didn't have a little chunk missing from my thumb.

You're missing both entire thumbs instead.

I wish I had some pancakes.

And here I get to abuse your use of tense (notice my italics in my last wish):

• You had some, but they gets stolen, and you get shot to death during the burglary.

And, because Darn Penguin 's is so easily corrupted:

• You didn't specify who is made happy by your long life. So, we spend the next few centuries deriving joy from your torture. Long enough for you?

the key to being a good Jackass Genie is in the wording. you've gotta try harder!

I wish I can express my contempt for people without suffering repercussions.

edited 8th Dec '09 8:59:29 PM by wanderlustwarrior

Granted. You are invisible, inaudible, and intangible. You can express your contempt however you want, and nobody will ever notice. You have a mouth, but nobody can hear you, no matter how loud you scream.

I wish you weren't such a pretentious, demanding, nitpicky asshole.

That's what I'm talking about! Let me have it! (also, Power Perversion Potential FTW!)

Granted, I stop being pretentious.

I wish /b/ stopped protesting churches of Scientology

edited 8th Dec '09 9:09:30 PM by wanderlustwarrior

Granted.

Now they dedicate themselves entirely to targeting you.

I wish I was able to go back in time in my own life.

Granted. You go back to the point of your conception and become your own parent.

I wish my wishes wouldn't result in people hating me.

This wish is granted by someone falling in love with you instead. She's a Yandere so good luck with that.

I wish that people would keep my immortality in mind and stop killing me when granting my wishes, and that they wouldn't be granted with A Fate Worse Than Death either.

Okay... let's do it your way, but who'd want to live forever anyway... I wish for a Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator

edited 8th Dec '09 9:34:36 PM by SilverBlack

Granted, but there's no off/reset button.

I wish it was easier to tell the people we love how we feel.

granted however you come off as rat her unappealing in the process.

I wish for Super Drowning Skills

You drown in a shallow pool of water. Durr hurr.

I wish for body armor impervious to all.

Granted. It covers your entire body, it can't be removed, and you can't move around in it.

I wish for the variety armor worn by Freiza's soldiers, specifically the kind with shoulder pads and a crotch guard.

You get a cheap knockoff sold on eBay.

I wish for some refreshing orange juice that is not going to harm me or does not involve squick at all. And it must be iced.