Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, it blows up the whole planet, causing a huge meteor storm to strike Earth.

I wish I knew what to do.

edited 1st May '16 9:37:22 PM by The_Dag

Granted: you know that you must continue to corrupt more of our wishes.

I wish for 's corruptions to be absolutely hilarious.

Granted. It's only hilarious to you, and it's so hilarious to you, you laugh yourself to death.

I wish that my corruption was actually funny.

Granted, it's hilarious, so hilarious that it gains the attention of an agent and you end up becoming a famous stand-up comedian. However, fame goes to your head when you get your first movie gig and become infamous for being a terrible actor.

I wish I had a pet octopus.

Granted, and it loves you; It loves you so much that it refuses to get off of your face, resulting in your unfortunate death through asphyxiation.

I wish that I could summon Cthulhu.

Granted. But, due to the high intelligence of octopuses, it has developed a fixated vendetta against you and constantly attempts to spurt ink onto your clothing, all the while stoically attempting to escape any habitat you place it in-

...

Darn. Right before I post this, I get ninja'd. Grrr... let me try this again.

Ahem

Granted. Unfortunately, though you technically have the ability to summon Cthulhu, you lack the knowledge on HOW to conjure said summon.

I simply wish for the L and R buttons on my 3DS to work so I can continue playing Monster Hunter.

edited 2nd May '16 5:54:05 PM by GreenWiwerna

Granted, you have to buy a new 3DS.

I wish Attack On Titan season 2 would come out.

It's directed by the people who made Boku no Pico.

I wish that Incest Yay Shipping would stop.

Granted, now it's actual incest.

I wish people would stop asking me to help them move,

If you knew me you'd know that is actually my greatest wish come true.

edited 2nd May '16 7:41:18 PM by Avenuewriter

Done. When your parents are too feeble to move on their own and they fall down breaking some bones while over a railway about to be run over by a train, you coldly refuse to help them and die a little inside when they get run over.

I wish your parents would haunt you forever.

Granted, he decides to ignore them.

I wish I had Psychic Powers.

You gain telepathy. Unfortunately you can't turn it off, so you are always annoyed by the thoughts of others.

I wish to have the power to predict the future.

edited 2nd May '16 9:49:33 PM by AHI-3000

Granted, but you can only see the literal end of the universe.

I wish I could eat Chinese food without the usual results.

You can now eat nothing but Chinese food. Everything else brings the usual results.

I wish that I lived in Gravity Falls

Granted. You have the memory eraser used on you too many times and now have brain damage

I wish public transportation wasn't so freaking expensive

Granted, now public transportation has been completely removed.

I wish for my own washer and dryer.

Granted. They're 19th century washers and dryers.

I wish my microwave was working.

Granted. Now it's better than working; it's alive and can will cook any food you want it to. However, it can't go more than 20 minutes without cooking something or it will attempt to cook you.

I wish I could fly AND shapeshift.

Granted, you shapeshift into a bee and get swatted.

I wish I was a human spider.

Granted, but Bruce Campbell constantly makes fun of your stupid name.

I wish I had a decent paying job that also allowed for me to pursue my real passions.

edited 3rd May '16 8:28:50 PM by Avenuewriter

Granted. Your passion is to become a serial killer.

I wish I can control water.

Granted, the water came after you and... YOU DIED

I wish to become a Magical Girl.

Granted, but your "civilian" persona is widely known, and you're constantly hounded by the paparazzi (despite privacy laws intended to prevent such things), and get no sympathy for it ("It's your career choice!").

I wish I woke up with my makeup and hair already perfectly done every morning.

Granted. It's tatooed on.

I wish that the new Ghostbusters, regardless of what it's actual quality is, will definitely be well recieved by fans and critics alike.

Granted, and a civil war breakout between them and non-fans. Which becomes the catalyst for World War III.

I wish for a bowl of chocolate chip cookies.