The Neverending Instruction Manual

How to get him into your basement: invite him down for a nice vintage wine.

edited 24th Oct '16 9:19:01 AM by Afterwards

How to make vintage wine: Take a barrel of wine and leave it in the basement for a while. The longer you leave it there, the more vintage it gets.

How to leave something in the basement: Carefully escort it to the basement with an elevator. Place a glass casing around it to protect it. Set up a table tennis table in the basement in case your friend wants to hang out there with you after you show the something to the visitor.

How to Put Something in a Glass Case: Buy a glass case from the nearest glass shop. Check that it's just right for your object to fit in. If not, then just cram the object as hard as you can until the case breaks. So what? You can always buy a new one.

edited 24th Oct '16 10:09:06 PM by TroperNo9001

How to buy a glass case: Go to the nearest glass shop and select a suitable case. Inform the cashier of your choice and offer them money. Return home with case. If case hisses loudly and scratches you, you have purchased a bobcat. Return bobcat. Works best if female.

How to return home: Try to remember where your home is. Once you're done, try to go there; you can ask other people if necessary. If you can't remember where your home is, or if your home becomes unfit for living by the time you arrived, then find another home to live in. Remember, home is where the heart is.

How to Ask for Directions: Find someone you can trust and go to them. Explain to them how you got lost and that you need to find your way. Once they tell you where to go, try to remember it. It's probably best to jot it in a notepad or note-taking app, unless you have photographic memory.

How to find someone you can trust:

• Does the person look pale and have fangs? Not trustworthy
• Does the person tries to conceal their identity (wearing a mask, falsifying ID)? Not trustworthy
• Is the person carrying a weapon (not counting those who carry weapons for non-evil purposes, like a cop, a chef or a samurai)? Not trustworthy
• Does the person grin nearly all the time at you? Not trustworthy
• Check the eyes. Are the eyes yellow with slits? No pupils? Don't blink? Can turn living things to stone if stared at? Not trustworthy
• Listen to how they speak. Do they talk about political promises? False and contradictory logics? Conspiracy theories? Outright Blatant Lies? Not trustworthy
• Does the person look normal, carries no weapons, and doesn't try to conceal their identity? Probably, but try to be careful. Remember, trust no one!!!

edited 25th Oct '16 1:56:05 AM by anza_sb

How to conceal your identity: First, you need a scanner and printer as well as access to and knowledge of reasonably functional photo editing software. Next, scan in an ID of your choice and draw on your photo a mustache of any kind, though a handlebar tends to have the most success. Next, change your name and personal details, again, the most successful options tend to be Unfortunate Names and other plausible yet humorous entries. Print this new ID out and put it where you had your old ID. Conglaturations, you have now successfully concealed your identity! (If anyone asks about the mustache, tell them you shaved. If you're a girl and they point that out, see the post above and respond accordingly.)

How to Draw a Moustache: With Safe Search on, Google pics of staches for reference. Alternatively, look up tutorial videos on YouTube. Grab your favorite drawing tools and get to work. It doesn't have to be perfect though, because real life has imperfections. But if you really want that detailed stache for your OC, just scribble some lines between their nose and mouth and call it a day.

How to create an OC: Take a work you like, and think about what kind of character you would like to see in it. Then, either create an original design, or just recolor a pre-existing character.

How to think: Find a quiet place, and sit there for a while. You'll be thinking eventually. The longer you sit there, the more likely you are to start thinking.

How to Sit: Massage your butt, bend your knees, and hope that no one placed a thumbtack on where you'll be sitting.

edited 25th Oct '16 6:43:42 AM by TroperNo9001

How to place a thumbtack on a chair: Buy a pack of thumbtacks. Place one on seat no one is sitting in. watch the magic happen when an ass sits on it.

How to watch the magic: Place thumbtack as described on page 39. Hide behind a nearby stationary object that can conceal you, like a wall, a bush, or a stick. Then wait for someone to sit, as instructed on page 38. For bonus points, pop out from hiding spot and yell HA-HAAAH! in an incredibly nasal tone at the victim.

edited 25th Oct '16 10:52:29 AM by WilliamRadarStorm

How to yell: Say something, except loudly and angrily. You can yell anything you want, but don't do it in public, or people will think you're mentally handicapped.

How to say something: Think a thought. Open your mouth. Make sounds with your mouth in an attempt to express said thought. If people still can't understand you, say it louder, as instructed on page 40.

How to make sounds with your mouth: For this part, you will need vocal chords. Open and change the shape of your mouth while releasing small quantities of Carbon Dioxide. If no noise is being released, you may need to go see a Doctor, as instructed on page 207.

How to see a doctor: Go to a hospital or medical school. Look at the people there. You are likely to see a doctor. If you do not see a doctor, go to a different hospital or medical school and repeat.

edited 25th Oct '16 6:47:51 PM by Sedmikrasky

How to go somewhere: There are different options. For short distances, it is best to walk. For slightly longer distances, you can ride a bike or skateboard. For longer distances, consider driving a car, or even riding a plane.

How to skateboard: Go outside, Find a store, buy a skateboard. Step up on board with both feet. Keep balance until you crash.

How to Go Outside: Check the weather. If it's raining, bring an umbrella. If it's stormy, stay inside to be safe. If it's cold, wear a thick jacket, cap, and boots. If it's sunny, wear thin clothes and bring water. If going outside is not your thing, though, just close the windows, lock your door, and play video games.

edited 25th Oct '16 7:17:55 PM by TroperNo9001

How to play video games: Buy a console or a gaming PC. Then either get a disc/cartridge or buy a game online. Then read the manual. Finally, enjoy your game! If you like it a lot, you can even draw Rule 34 of it!

edited 25th Oct '16 7:25:28 PM by hamza678

How to read the manual: Do whatever it is you're doing right now, but with the right manual. Learn the language that the manual is printed in, then comprehend each printed word in the order they are printed. Use these sentences as instructions with which to complete your task.

How to Learn a New Language: Think of what language you want to learn and try your best to commit to it. If your school has extracurricular subjects, sign up for lessons about your chosen language. Alternatively, download a language learning software/app, preferably Rosetta Stone, Duolingo, or any game by MindSnacks. Once you're ready, immerse yourself in the community to reinforce your skills.