Follow TV Tropes

Following

Relationship Critique Thread

Go To

Voltech44 The Electric Eccentric from The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines Since: Jul, 2010 Relationship Status: Forming Voltron
The Electric Eccentric
#126: Nov 26th 2015 at 9:20:56 PM

[up]Personally, I thought it was more than just a good series; it's shot up to one of my favorites ever. That's an accomplishment. Granted I prefer the first season to the second, but they're both strong. And that soundtrack, man. That soundtrack.

But let's set that aside for now. I’m pretty sure I promised that I’d toss up my relationship earlier in this thread, so I guess it’s time to stand in front of the firing squad.

So in the blue corner, we’ve got the leading man, Arc. In a nutshell? He’s a fifteen-year-old with a sharp tongue and sharper wits. As you can guess, he’s not exactly Mr. Popular; he puts on airs of being cool and level-headed (and a pain in the ass), but it doesn’t take much for him to show how freakishly passionate he can get.

And in the red corner? Kaylee, AKA Little Miss Counterpoint. She’s got a bright and friendly disposition, and she puts a LOT of stock in things like her friends and family. As cheerful and idealistic as she can be, Kaylee’s no pushover; she stands strong in the face of danger, all so she can protect her home and the people in it.

It’s a good thing, too, because the story starts off with these two trying to figure out why their school turned into a metaphysical graveyard. And then they get involved with a dimension-hopping serial killer. And there are killer ghosts on the loose. And the people of their beloved New Line City run the risk of being corrupted into insane nightmare creatures…or just go insane. AND their city is ostensibly collapsing, with the rest of the world to follow thanks to the antics of the sealed-away lord of the dead. AND they’ve got about three days to fix the situation before everything turns to crap. (Spoilers, but not really: everything turns to crap. Then the REAL story starts.)

Sooooooooooooo yeah, lot of stuff on their plate.

It’s worth noting upfront that this is my "Round 2" with these characters — that is, I completely started over after I deemed Round 1 a failure. (And with good reason.) So the important thing this time around is to make sure that, even if Arc is THE main character, Kaylee’s not far behind as the second banana. Part of that is, most likely, going to come from me going in-depth with their relationship. On the other hand, the focus is on trying to prevent the worst-case scenario, so I guess that means I need to strike a good balance between the plot and their bond. We’ll see. But let's move on.

The two of them call each other “partner” liberally throughout the story, least of all because they’re playing detective. Arc and Kaylee have known each other for a good while, even before the opening pages; it’s only natural that they trust each other and confide in one another. Both of them are willing to throw out the jokes and nag about bad habits, but on the other hand? They’re there to comfort one another when the whole world’s pressing down on them. Arc is there to hold Kaylee tenderly (and be held in turn) as they both try to get in what might be their last night of peaceful rest. When Arc starts to doubt himself and his worldview, Kaylee’s right there telling him that he can change — or “git gud”, as it were. They play together, work together, and even fight together. (For the record? He’s got speed and skill, while she’s a good mix of offense and defense.)

But is their relationship genuine? Some days, I can’t help but wonder. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m playing the long game with these two in terms of their developments, but my guess is that I’m missing a lot of important elements as a result. Are they likable? Is their relationship genuine? How much time should go towards developing that relationship when — as noted by the characters themselves — doomsday is practically around the corner?

I guess the biggest thing about these two is that there’s an underlying problem that’ll test their relationship: they’re a case of “opposites attract”, but that’s not always a good thing. Arc is pushing hard for change and the pursuit of his ambitions, and when given a chance to leave his home — “the city of broken dreams” — behind, he genuinely considers it. That puts Kaylee in a tight spot, because A) she cares about people and places, and B) as Arc’s partner, she feels like she HAS to follow him or lose a big chunk of herself as well as ensure his self-destruction…and thanks to him, she wonders if what she loves genuinely matters to her, of if she’s going through the motions. So in a lot of cases, they want different things even if they’re on the same path.

That’s not to say Arc doesn’t have his concerns. Wits and passion alone have barely solved any of the city’s ails. He’s forced to face his weakness and the futility of the situation again and again; more importantly, Kaylee ends up saving his life more often than he saves hers. It’s not as if he feels like he has to protect her, but he DOES want to protect her happiness — you know, make sure she can keep smiling day after day. As the story progresses, he feels like he’s getting worse and worse at it. In that sense, he feels like he’s unworthy of having someone who cares so deeply about him, especially since she helped him out big time in the past. So with the situation as dire as it is, neither one feels like they can be 100% honest with the other. They’ll say some stuff, but there’s a LOT that stays buried under the surface. Both of them know it, too.

So that leads to the big issue with their relationship: how often do they fight? And should they fight? There’s a character early on that calls Kaylee out for not being willing to chew Arc out for his reckless ambition (and myriad other issues), which in all fairness is true. In the first part of the story, Arc and Kaylee work together and only have brief-ish moments of dissent. In a sense, it’s like they’re handling each other with kid gloves to spare feelings, or put on airs of harmony. But as the story progresses, that gets a lot harder.

In a way, Arc and Kaylee actually switch — and flanderize — personalities. Arc’s a smart-aleck with a cynical streak, but thanks to developments in the plot and his character (including him working on some EXTREME trust issues) he opens his heart to others and puts incredible value in the people around him — to the point where his good intentions and efforts to ensure their happiness have nasty results. Meanwhile, Kaylee ends up getting hurt by the people she trusts, which makes her less naïve and emphasizes her sense of wit…but when the two of them find out there’s a traitor among the cast, she turns the idealism down one notch at a time until she’s practically a different -- and scary -- person. So when they actually have a big fight, it’s a real slobberknocker. Eventually, in more ways than one.

I’ve got more to say, but I’m already more than a thousand words into this post, and I don’t want it to absorb TV Tropes. So I’ll cut it off here and see what you guys think. Ask me questions to get my brain going; if there’s something you need cleared up or concerns you have, I’ll provide more info or acknowledge those faults as needed. I’d imagine I wouldn’t be a man — much less a writer — if I couldn’t.

edited 26th Nov '15 9:21:19 PM by Voltech44

My Wattpad — A haven for delightful degeneracy
Novis from To the Moon's song. Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: I won't say I'm in love
#127: Nov 27th 2015 at 1:08:48 AM

[up] I legitimately don't know if they'll still even be on the same side at the end, and it sounds like that's the intention. Does your story threaten the readers with the possibility of one making a Face–Heel Turn (even if they ultimately don't)?

~~~~~

So I finished the backstory for mine, if no one minds I'll post it here and make a latter one summarizing their state when the front-story starts.

Caleb and Zane: Some background: These two are "skylings", originally "sylph" from the world of Lina, but transmuted into human-like bodies when they went to the world of Yula. The sylph shared all their thoughts and essentially had one government, but a group of them began to see only Yula's dependence on Lina without noting that Lina also needed Yula (they're like a nervous system, Yula is the cells and Lina is the electical currents). They built ships to invade Yula and assert their dominance, but were changed physically and lost their species' telepathy.

The rest of the sylph were in a panic at the though of how the Yulan species might respond, and decided to punish the skylings. Earlier the sylph government found and contained a strange being, who could twist the nature of living organisms to his, her, or its design; a power thought to be lost in the distant past. They unleashed this being upon the skylings, but their control of it was loose at best. A group known as the Conglomerate was formed to carry out the sylph government's plans on Yula under the leadership of the Director. And that's where Caleb and Zane come in....

How did they meet? A Director was selected immediately, but it wasn't long until the sylph government realized that the Conglomerate's use would last far longer then they suspected. So they decided to raise a replacement Director from infancy. Caleb was they're first choice, but his parents would have none of that and fled to Yula. So the government took Zane instead, before holos family could do the same.

Fourteen years later, and Zane was considered ready to go to Yula under the current Director's careful tutelage. But they were separated, and Zane ended up at town Caleb's family stayed. Shortly thereafter, someone extremely unusual showed up: Nicolette, a person with the physical mutations of a wendigo, but with her mind intact. She was unfortunately feared and hated by the town, but the three of them managed to form a friendship.

Six months later, the sylphs' captured being arrived, which the three dubbed "Half". Half attacked the town, turning many into wendigos and cursing others to become them in later years, including Caleb. Zane initially blamed Nicolette for bringing Half there, but she denied any involvement and left. Zane tried to follow her to get answers, and Caleb chased after Zane to calm him down and keep him putting either Nicole or Zane himself in danger.

Zane never found Nicole, but he discovered that it was the sylph government that led Half to them. Using a method I'm still working out the details on, Zane managed to take a piece of Half's power. Caleb and Zane met again a bit before this (Caleb does not know what Zane found out or what he did). This revelation came when they tried to follow Nicole into Wirgir, a region tainted millennia ago to be hostile to the people who come in or near it, so they came close to death many times getting in and out. At the end of it all, the two made an agreement to always look out for the other.

They went from city to city, trying to find a place to stay, but Caleb was turned away because of his condition. Eventually they found a NGO camp for skylings becoming wendigo to live out their final days, which has been fixed up into a functional town. Zane, however, did not forget what he found out, and he though that the Conglomerate might know of a way to cure the future wendigos. In secret, he began attempts to regain contact with them.

And that brings us to the present day.

You say I am loved, when I don’t feel a thing. You say I am strong, when I think I am weak. You say I am held, when I am falling short.
KazuyaProta Shin Megami Tensei IV from A Industrial Farm Since: Jan, 2015 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Shin Megami Tensei IV
#128: Nov 27th 2015 at 7:18:33 PM

[up] Poor guys, specially Caleb. I like Zane choice to still travel but keep the contact with Caleb. But the issue is...i don't know much of them. More details of their personalities.


Now, i made a rewrite for my work (I made a lot of re-writes, is good for me. I want made this a comic...if i find a editorial. And someone who actually know draw).


Type of relationship: Friendship, but wait a good amount of Ho Yay.

Names: Brandon Harlaw(15/16) and Alex Leone (18).

Bran is a Nice Guy with Telekynesis. Has two loving, flawed but still Good Parents who put him a good moral code. He has self esteem issues and want help other to feel "useful". He is a moral guy with a kind heart with some social issues. He has Character Development related to his relationships with the cast. He think himself as boring.

Alex is the son of two scientist called Arturo (spanish for Arthur) and Maria. Arturo always was distant with Alex but after Maria's death in a experiment (a very awful death, Alex don't know the details) he become straigh abusive. He left his son to "get a new job" after he was fired of his job. Actually Arturo want revive his wife and join to a secret organization named the "Circle of Revelations". Arthur come as a distant man trying to become reconciled with his son, but all is a act to try to use Alex as a medium to revive Maria. The experiment fails and Alex survive the experiment and develops a power (he can deploy fields of PSI -think in a AT Field- and a cool knife made of Energy).

Brandon found a moribunde Alex and help him, when he found Arturo ended in Brandon first fight. Brandon and Arturo beat the crap of each other and Alex cut Arturo hand.

Was a very exhausting fight. Arturo try to murder Alex and is stopped. Bran say who he never forgive him by hurting his own son.

Brandon: You're his father"!, you must protect him.

Arturo: Who tell you that, you're copying dad and mom?

Brandon: ...Yes...you asshole!!! I..I...NEVER FORGIVE YOU

When thanks to other oficial help the heroes and Arturo is captured he is tortured by one officer. Alex please the officer who he let his father live.

And that happens in the first Chapter, a dark start? Right?.

Personalities

Bran is a soft and kind young with a warm smile, but he has a good bunch of social issues, like some anger issues and serveral Berserk Buttoms. He is a good guy both in his core and in his exterior. He is a noble man with a good heart. He also lack some social skills and can be unintentionally rude with others.

Alex is a nearly hikkikomori. Just go to job and spent most of his time playing videogames (Bran too but Alex take it Up To Eleven). He is a male Shrinking Violet. He is a good guy with social issues, unlike Bran who his typical impulse is "help others" Alex impulses normally say him "Stay away and be safe". He get over it. He just want be happy and get over all the trauma and his illness thank to the experiments (he start to lose the mobility of his left arm) and also the feels toward his father.

How They Meet?

In Internet. They was friends online and Bran go to like to Alex's apartament when he moves to Bachilea, the city of victory. They become friends thanks to his common lack of social skills and similar personalities.

Bran know who Alex has a bad relationship with his father. He never imaginate who was so bad.

Bran want help Alex to get over his issues, and also want Alex to recover to his illness and still be his friend.

Alex?. He just want get over all the crap who has to pass.

Opinions?

This is just the start who i think who is the most important part.

Watch me destroying my country
Voltech44 The Electric Eccentric from The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines Since: Jul, 2010 Relationship Status: Forming Voltron
The Electric Eccentric
#129: Nov 27th 2015 at 9:11:14 PM

[up][up]That is indeed the intention. The "rival battle" is a pivotal part of the story, and there's a lot of lead-up to the inevitable clash. By that point, both of them have shown signs of going off the rails — and have pretty much done so already by then, to the point where one member of the cast has legitimate reasons for thinking Arc and Kaylee should get booted out of their group.

Here's the funny thing, though: you're right to guess that the story threatens a heel-turn from one of them (or at the very least, that he, she, or both will go rogue). But there's more to it than that; one of the characters says flat-out that any given member of the core cast (of eight) has a good reason to turn heel. And he's not lying. Like I said, there's a traitor in the midst, and Arc and Kaylee are trying to sniff him/her out. That causes more problems than it solves — as one would expect.

I won't say who'll end up on what side in the end — or well before that — but let's just say there'll be some sparks flying.

[up]Sounds like these two are birds of a feather. That's cool; if they've got shared interests and issues — and some history together, even if it's online — then it'll be that much easier for an audience to believe that they've actually got chemistry. I also find it interesting how one of them goes out of his way to be a hero, while the other prioritizes safety. That's a good tool for you to use; it could be a point of conflict between the two of them, and make for some good beats in the story. How far is Brian willing to go to satisfy himself and his desires, especially if they're at the expense of his closest companion? If you can show off an answer in your story, then I'd bet you'd be in a good place.

Now that I think about it, though, there's a part of me that imagines Alex resenting Brian's heroics and advances. If Alex is the type to shy away from the world, then coming in contact with Brian and opening up to him could cause some friction. Sure, Alex could say he wants help, but when it's actually offered? I can imagine him putting up even more walls to protect himself — walls that Brian could smash through with his good intentions.

Well, I'm just throwing some ideas out there right now. Regardless, it sounds like you're off to a good start.

My Wattpad — A haven for delightful degeneracy
KazuyaProta Shin Megami Tensei IV from A Industrial Farm Since: Jan, 2015 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Shin Megami Tensei IV
#130: Nov 27th 2015 at 9:51:07 PM

First of all, is Brandon.

And actually Bran is careful. He want help others but he want survive too.

If Bran has choose help others or help Alex... He probably let it un hands of the Metahuman Police. But Alex would be the one who stand up and try to fight.

Actually is Alex the one who show more desires of be a hero, Bran want be one but Alex try more, he want use the only good thing who let the experiment.

Alex is desesperate for find a place, so much who he forgot who he actually has one.

Brandon: I am your friend and I live in your apartament. I am your family. My parents invite you to the house for the Gift's Memorial. I'm your friend. Don't forget it.

Watch me destroying my country
Novis from To the Moon's song. Since: Mar, 2011 Relationship Status: I won't say I'm in love
#131: Nov 28th 2015 at 12:27:43 AM

So there's a bit of Bran in Alex and a bit of Alex in Bran. There's definitely some great potential for making eachother more interesting through comparison, how they succeed and fail to live up to each other's goals. If I must through out a caution, be careful not to have them become too much like the other as the story goes on, but I don't think you will.

~~~~~

I intended to tell their personalities in the "present day" section, but that was a bit unclear.

On the surface, Caleb is a recluse. While he gets out because his job in the town is a postman, he's very quick about it. The response he takes to his sense of alienation is to place himself below the rest of the people; trying to focus attention away from himself, despite some significant skills. The exception to this is his puppet shows, which allow him to interact with the outside world without putting himself in view.

In his surface thoughts Caleb is prone to despair, but when people need him he proves that there's more to him than these thoughts.

Zane on the other hand, takes an aloof, but more dominant persona. Seeking to be seen as the one others can look to for protection and guidance (especially Caleb), he's actually very conflicted about what the right thing to do is, and act's out of desperation throughout the story.

While he often thinks like a misanthrope, there's still some regard for other people. Zane sees Caleb as an example of sorts of how people are still worth caring about, even when they start to have serious disagreements on how best to help them in regard to the conflict between the two worlds.

edited 23rd Dec '15 4:27:48 AM by Novis

You say I am loved, when I don’t feel a thing. You say I am strong, when I think I am weak. You say I am held, when I am falling short.
Voltech44 The Electric Eccentric from The Smash Ultimate Salt Mines Since: Jul, 2010 Relationship Status: Forming Voltron
The Electric Eccentric
#132: Nov 28th 2015 at 9:39:40 PM

[up][up]Oh crap, it IS Bran. Why did I start calling him Brian, then? I don't know, I do dumb things sometimes.

Sorry about that mix-up. Maybe next time I'll have better reading comprehension than the average waffle.

My Wattpad — A haven for delightful degeneracy
AmbarSonofDeshar Since: Jan, 2010
#133: Mar 17th 2016 at 7:40:47 PM

Thought I'd give this thread a reboot since I'm the one who started it up in the first place. So, meet the main couple from a piece of historical fiction I'm kicking around.

Names Dieter Storch and Hannah Rosenberg

Who are they?

Dieter's a member of the Hitler Youth, one of the last kids to be drafted into its ranks during the dying days of WWII. Given a couple of weeks training on a glider, he was stuffed into a Heinkel He 162 Salamander jet (this really was a thing that happened), and sent to fight bombers in the skies over Berlin. While he has received the standard levels of indoctrination one would expect from a Hitler Youth member, Dieter's really just a scared kid, who knows he is in way over his head, and has very little idea of what he's doing. Shot down over Berlin, Dieter crash lands behind Soviet lines, in one of the few neighbourhoods that has avoided falling totally under their control. It's here he makes the acquaintance of both Hannah, and the story's main villain, Luigi Capreotti.

Hannah is a Jewish survivor whose parents saw the writing on the wall before the SS came to round them up. Approaching a set of family friends whose own daughter had died in a bombing raid, they persuaded their friends to take Hannah in and pass her off as their own daughter, shortly before the SS arrived for them. Hannah survived several years this way, only for her foster family to be shot by the Red Army during their advance into Berlin. She's been hiding out in the ruins for weeks now, scavenging for food, and taking shots at Soviet and German soldiers alike with a stolen rifle, all while doing her best to avoid being spotted by anybody, be they German, Soviet, or the lunatic Italian contingent that answers to Capreotti.

How did they meet?

Hannah and Dieter meet up shortly after his plane crashes. Having discarded his uniform (it was on fire), Dieter is not recognized as Hitler Youth by Hannah and, for his part, has no notion that this fellow survivor is Jewish. The two escape from a Soviet patrol, and end up hiding out together in one of the abandoned buildings that Hannah has been using as a refuge. Eventually pushed from there by the ongoing battle, the two find themselves trapped in the few blocks of real estate that are under the control of Capreotti, an Italian officer turned Wehrmacht tanker who has lost all grip on reality.

What is the status of their relationship when the story begins? When they first meet Dieter and Hannah are enemies, though neither one knows it. Trying to live through the violence around them causes them to bond quite quickly, and even after Hannah finds out that Dieter was a member of the German military, she refrains from taking action against him, figuring that he's not hurting anybody while with her. Dieter for his part doesn't have a clue that Hannah is Jewish (he's expecting them to look like the caricatures from Nazi propaganda and not the pretty girl in front of him) and it doesn't take long for him to develop a crush on his tough, resourceful new friend.

Problems? When Capreotti captures the two, Dieter is thrilled to have someone to take orders from again. Unfortunately Capreotti, unlike Dieter, guesses Hannah's ethnicity, and tries to force Dieter to shoot her as a test of loyalty. Dieter doesn't, but the fact that he even thought about it for more than a second puts a massive strain on their relationship, even as they make their escape from Capreotti's clutches. Their budding romance is pretty much destroyed and they're left trying having to start all over again, this time without any illusions about who the other one is.

What do they want? Out of Berlin. The city's about to fall to the Red Army and neither one has any delusions about what the Russians will do once they take the city (for those who don't know, there's at least one case of Soviet troops raping concentration camp survivors. An army of liberation they were not). To do that, though, they'll have to run not only the Soviet blockade, but Capreotti's. The Italian has decided that if he's going to die, then every civilian in his sector of Berlin is going to die as well, and has effectively made the neighbourhood into a giant prison cell, patrolled by his men, and conscripted civilian "volunteers". To get out they'll have to face Capreotti, and to do that they're going to have to not only work together, but get some of the other civvies to follow them.

Resolution? Dieter and Hannah manage to form some of the civilians into an ad hoc militia, forcing their way out of Capreotti's mini-dictatorship (though not before a final, deadly confrontation with the man himself), and running the Soviet blockade, escaping towards the West. Whether they end up together I'm unsure of; I might have it obvious, I might leave it ambiguous.

Thoughts?

edited 17th Mar '16 7:41:10 PM by AmbarSonofDeshar

KazuyaProta Shin Megami Tensei IV from A Industrial Farm Since: Jan, 2015 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
Shin Megami Tensei IV
#134: Mar 27th 2016 at 7:33:09 PM

[up] Interesting, the story sound good, the situation is really hard for them, i´d have no complain and they sound as a really interesting couple [tup].


You know, my project for a webcomic going for a Genre Shift, honestly, i´d thing who all the changes make the story better. A lot of the concepts are similar and the characters are the most altered, they still be recognizible, some backstories are be altered and some characters (specially minor villains) were be deleted, Brandon Harlaw and Makoto Takeyama were The Hero and the Big Bad in the original script and they still, but the circunstances were changed.

The story is named Theology, is in a Crossover Cosmology Fantasy Kitchen Sink in a Order vs. Chaos Forever War, is heavily based in the Shin Megami Tensei series. In a World… where:

YHVH, the Angels are the main leaders of the Order side, with Odin, Vishnu and Zeus as His new servants after being convinced (forced in Zeus case).

Lucifer and the demons as the main leaders of the Chaos side, with a lot of fallen deities as Baal in their side. The Plot Twist? They are in a civil war because while Lucifer just want beat YHVH and "be truly free" he forgot the needs of the Fallen Deities, who are start to think who the mysterious Mothers (a aliance of mother godesses) are a better alternative. The common hate towards YHVH is the only thing who keeps the group united.

And humanity is in the middle (No, they have a lot of human deities, the shinto gods and some humanistic deities are friendly).

Law want the world in the control of YHVH, create a Utopia with the survivors of the war and maximate the happiness in the world, they are basically Judeo Christianism mixed with Utilitarism, with the good and the bad of both ideals, while in SMT they are full assholes and every Law demon is a hypocrite puritan charicature, in Theology, they are trying to help mankind (or the survivors of mankind) with genuine good intentions, they are flawed, they know it and want mankind to stand up in their own feet. Unlike SMT, where Law is Lawful Evil, in Theology, Law is Lawful Good with heavy Lawful Neutral tendencies. They are showed as Light Grey in the Gray-and-Gray Morality set up of the Theology verse. (Chaos is Dark Grey, Social Darwinism + Objetivism + Nietzsche read for a 14-years old= Crapsack World, they have good points, but is easy say who they are the worse side, The Mothers are better, but not so much).


Now, the characters in this bizarre world: The Prophet and the Antichrist. Brandon Harlaw and Makoto Takeyama.

Who are they?.

Brandon start as a 15 years old teenager, In Nova Lando, the last country in the world after the cataclism knowed as the Erasure, 150 years before the story, living in the capital Bachilea, Bran is a teenager with poor social skills, while most of people think in him as shy Bran is actually very direct, even harsh, He is a Nice Guy who just to make everyone happier, obviously this will backfire. Bran had low self esteem and he think in himself as inferior, he is very autocritical. Brandon`s life goals are simple, he want grown, get a job, be a succeful writter and be Happily Married, he want make people happier but he know who he can`t do a big change by himself.

Makoto had Bran`s same age and he is very similar, both lacking social skills and be very critical with all, while Bran act as Lawful Good in his views, Makoto is Chaotic Good, being way more cinical than Bran, Makoto is a cynical, in the sense of a 15-years old (because he IS a 15-years old) he think who he know how the world works, he is very naive, even more than Bran in some things, who say a lot.

I`d make Bran and Makoto Foils to each others in the Sliding Scale of Idealism vs. Cynicism, Bran look very idealistic, but he is actually pessimist, realistic and sometimes misanthropic, Makoto looks cinical but he is emotional, had a White/Black worldview (even if he don`t acknowledge it), blame some few for the problems of the world and show a very humanist worldview, for the good and the bad. Brandon and Makoto are Law and Chaos, they are very different, but if you look both enough, you realize who they are very similar.

What is the status of their relationship when the story begins?

Brandon meets Makoto some weeks after he discover how use the Demon Summoning App in his COMP (basically, the same of the SMT ones, a portable ordenator conected to your arm, usual stuff in the Theology world), along with his Only Friend Alex Leone, while Makoto is more experienced than Bran, Bran show a lot of talent, Brandon and Makoto become close friends while they try to discover why demons are breaking the barrier between worlds.

Things goes From Bad to Worse, the Barrier eventually become unuseful and demons start invading Bachilea and around,a military leader make a coup d`state and declare war agains both Demons and Angels, the angels finally start to act in a real role, not as watchers, but as judges, they lock Bachilea and menace with blow up the city with God´s Thunder unless the demons were killed, a civil war start between people pro angels and anti angels, Bran and Makoto are in the middle, they try to survive and keep themselves neutral and heal the barrier by themselves, but eventually, they can`t keep the neutrality, Bran finally agrees with the angels and Makoto decide start his personal war against the Heavenly Host, who he see as "the true root of evil".

edited 2nd Apr '16 4:31:52 PM by KazuyaProta

Watch me destroying my country
UltimateLazer Since: Apr, 2016
#135: Jan 26th 2017 at 1:51:28 PM

[up]

This never got an answer, so I'll answer it and post one of my own. This is interesting enough, them being foils to each other in terms of personality and idealism can be fun to see, especially in the Constructed World this takes place in.

This one is from Protectors, a story that serves to play with the Superhero genre. With many named characters, this one in particular is one I chose for this. It's a same-sex relationship set in the future, where there's almost no stigma for it.

Names: Zeena Steyn / Amazon & Madison Mei Miyamoto / Wingspan

Who are they?

Zeena is a 34-year-old supermodel born in Cape Town, South Africa of German descent. Standing at 6'2" and having a truly generous figure, she has become quite the eye candy for people around the world. However, she was never open to be dated by men. She swings the other way. Outside of being a model, she became a hero and a member of the Protectors when she discovered her Superpowerful Genetics. Because of this, she inherited abilities that makes her truly dangerous in combat. She can transform into a second state where she grows a foot taller, her skin becomes blue and her hair red. In this state, she has Super-Strength, Super-Senses, and Eye Beams. As Amazon, she faces her problem head-on by charging straight at her enemy, however she is careful to avoid collateral damage, hence she rarely uses her eyes beams. Outside of heroism, she is a confident yet very friendly person to be around and is always open to talk to someone.

Madison is a 19-year-old scientist born in Oakland, California, United States to a Chinese mother and a Japanese father, and currently resides in Manhattan. She's only 5'4" and prefers more modest attire, not wishing to draw unneeded attention to herself. She dates women, but for the record, she is not a lesbian. She is bisexual. Since she was a child, she possessed a mind far greater than that of a normal person. Because she could invent things, she was inducted by the Manhattan-based school for the gifted, Monolith, where she could create without monetary restrictions. She had always dreamed taking to the skies like a bird, and so she invented a wingsuit that allowed her to fly. When she graduated from Monolith, she applied her skills to the Protectors. She works as a scientist and a hero. When on the field, she is known as Wingspan and applies her wingsuit and her weapons/gadgets to good use. With prep time, she becomes a threat as she can take to the skies and use her gadgets to counter enemy weaknesses. Most of the time, she is quite timid though she's always polite.

Zeena and Madison contrast each other in many ways. Zeena is tall, sexually confident, and has legitimate powers that involve using muscle. Madison is short, timid, and possesses no real powers other than being very intelligent and having her gadgets. Additionally, Zeena is only interested in women whereas Madison is open to dating both women and men. Still, both share the fact that they're Nice Girls in common, and will protect the innocent the best they can.

How did they meet?

Zeena and Madison met in New York at a Protectors meeting where agents from all over the world attended. Pretty simple enough, both were single and interested in women, so they hit it off right away and began dating. Despite the fifteen-year age difference between them, they viewed that as nothing more than a number, despite some questioning it.

What is the status of the relationship when the story begins?

They're already dating, having been together for about six months. However, Madison is based in Manhattan while Zeena travels around the world (with a place in Johannesburg) due to a combination of her commitments. The separation they get means they have to make the most of it when they're together.

Problems?

The first obstacle is their age difference. Zeena being fifteen years Madison's senior, some have thought them romantically dating was rather strange. However, that's not the hardest part. The fact that they're often separated from each other due to commitments means that it isn't easy to work with. Each wishes the other would move in with them, but are reluctant to actually do so. Still, Zeena make frequent trips to Manhattan to see Madison, and are happy whenever they do see each other.

What do they want?

The most they want is to continue the relationship under hard times. Both risk their lives in their work, and are often thousands of miles apart.

Author.
ewolf2015 MIA from south Carolina Since: Jan, 2015 Relationship Status: I-It's not like I like you, or anything!
MIA
#136: Jan 28th 2017 at 1:57:47 PM

[up] seems simple enough. I don't have much to add but the age difference. I never understood the age difference.

Names: Silvas Despio and Archie (archer) Davis Who Are They?: Silvas Despio is a genetically engineered human, or a bio android, that was part of a project called project sin alongside his "siblings". after he lost his physical structure from being burned alive, his remaining DNA was unknowably used to cure a sick boy from a fatal illness. Flash forward to 2120, and the boy shares a body with him, but he at first doesn’t know of it. After becoming involved in a rouge A.I hunt, his system kick starts silvas’ DNA, transforming into him. Straightaway, he and the boy have be recruited to became a spy or assassin. Archie, on the other hand, held a relatively normal life. Years of living along the farm had not mentally prepared him for the new life in little Akihabara, one of the most technologically advanced district. Having to leave his farm after business corporates replaced them with factories, he and his 2 sisters try to establish a new life in this district. But, because of his paranoia and fear of change, life didn't look too kindly for him. He did mistake after mistake, tarnishing his reputation even more. Eventually, riot at the repair shop ensues and police nearly try to arrest for doing offensive acts against the people (which were simple errors on his part.) Fortunately, he is saved by Ellenora mane, who clears up the mistakes made. After that was over , she offers him a place in the mechanic branch for her squad, the mathes of freedom. Archie accepts, believing it could aid his family.

How Did They Meet?: It's a odd story but they first met when Silvas ' hoverbike gets broken in a middle of a chase with one of his targets. Ellen suggested to him to check out one of the repair shops nearby to get it restored. He goes there and presents himself to Archie, who owns this place. When Archie says that the repair would be expensive, Silvas tries cox him to lower price for him by flirting with him. He lowers the price and gets the hoverbike done in an hour. Silvas drives off without a thought.Then, Archie realizes he'd been screwed over and trailed after him. The chase ends in them crashing right at the target in time, killing them in the ensuing crash. Ellen sees this and makes them partners until further notification.

What Is The Status Of Their Relationship When The Story Begins?: It's your usual teeth clenched team up. Silvas'keeps on being flirty with him while Archie wants nothing to do with it. The two of them try to get along, but it all toppled over them when they screw up.

Problems?: I’m separating this into in universe problems and out of universe problems.

  • In universe
    • Archie is coping with the fact that he isn't getting his old arm back. On top of that, he has to deal with silvas' psycho for hire tendencies when their on the line of business. Silvas' liberal mindset sometimes squarely clashes with the conservative values that Archie grew up with. He doesn't want to change himself for the sake of conforming to this crapsaccharine world they exist in. On Silvas' part, he has difficulty understanding certain human concepts; like love, happiness, friendships. His upbringing has taught him to exploit this in order to live for the kill, rather than seek them in a relationship. As an effect, His knowledge of being in a relationship is putting major strain on each other. Another problem is Archie's body issues. He always wears a corset to make himself look skinny, but as a drawback, it's extremely impractical in most instances.
  • out of universe
    • I'm a bit scared that Silvas and Archie's relationship comes off as too heteronormantive appearance wise. For one thing, Silvas is skinny, but well built, whereas Archie is short, a bit beefy, hairy, and chubby. With their personalities, Silvas is seductive, cold, but humorous, with a touch of deadpan in his path. But on the battlefield, he's an all out madman, gleefully killing anyone who crosses paths with him. But on the orbit, he's an all out madman, gleefully killing anyone who crosses paths with him. His traditional viewpoints are commonly challenged by tolerated so as long as he doesn't disrespect his teammates.

What do They Want?: Silvas is searching for the rest of his siblings after being parted from them for so long. If he finds them, they could help figure more about project sin and its intentions. Another want he needs is to understand human nature due to How he doesn't understand it, although he mimics it flawlessly... save for a few hiccups. In their relationship, he wants to try his best to find down his psychotic tendencies. Archie, later on, tries to teach him how to better himself as a person, since he feels that there's more to him than being a killer. (More suggestions on this welcome)

Resolution: (you mean by how it might end? Well, I really hate spoiling it.) Alright, Silvas asks Archie if the two of them would like to go out this evening. He agrees and the two of them sit on a rooftop to see the scene from up here. They begin to share a piece of a heartfelt moment, sharing each other secrets and lives and everything. Their date is cut short when biogenix soldiers tranquilize Silvas with a dart and shove Archie aside. Archie, distraught, gets a few members of the manes of freedom on a rescue mission. They infiltrate one of biogenix's facilities where Silvas is being held. Approaching the entrance, screams and sounds of gunfire alert the team to burst through the door to see Silvas, covered in blood, guilt riddled on his face, sobbing. He tells him he'll never be human for the things he's done, but Archie tells him he's no monster. The two lead off to hug each other, calming Silvas down.

Other Things to Consider: as stated before, I'm frightened that my same gender couple might come off as heteronormative to most people especially amongst gay and bisexual individuals. Lastly, What changes should I make of this?

MIA
Stegomasaurus Prehistoric Dinomasaur from 78 million years in the past Since: Feb, 2016 Relationship Status: Is that a kind of food?
Prehistoric Dinomasaur
#137: Jan 29th 2017 at 1:10:04 AM

This thread has a really good concept, I have no idea why it almost died. Glad to see the ball's finally rolling here!

[up]

Okay, first point I'd like to get out of the way, and I speak from the heart here, is don't get so concerned over "heteronormativity". Think of your couple as a couple first, and gay second. Honestly, if you go into this kind of thing focusing so much on "representing" gay people, there's no way it's going to work, and it's going to have the opposite effect you probably want and put gay people in a secluded box.

On to the meat of things. So, if I understand this right, the two first got together after Silvas ripped Archie off. Then Archie chased after him, and they happened to both crash into and kill the target Silvas was after... which this Ellen person observed, mistook for good teamwork, and saw as reason to pair the two up? I'd assume that at the very least Archie would be one to try and instantly correct Ellen and try to back out, and I don't quite see why Ellen would force the partnership if she was told the full story and saw that there's a conflict between the two that would be a detriment to teamwork. Is Archie even a member of this group Silvas is in before they meet? Because if he's not, being forced to work for that group seems a bit screwy. I'd try to rethink this meeting a bit... maybe have this target of Silvas' come in Archie's direction, force Archie to get involved somehow, and then make things play out so Silvas and Archie have to work together to eliminate the target?

The idea with Silvas of a psycho trying to learn not to be a psycho is rather interesting, but I don't know how much would reasonably be tolerated by Archie. I mean, right after the two are paired up you say Silvas is still being flirty, which strikes me as something that would really piss him off since Archie's just been forced to work with a guy who ripped him off and that guy's essentially taunting him after the fact. Then Archie would have to learn that Silvas is a gleeful killer in the field... so what does Silvas do to convince Archie that he's worth helping, let alone convince Archie that he's a good relationship partner? If I were in Archie's position it would take an awful lot just to get to a point where I would see Silvas in a sympathetic light.

I think something you should consider more closely is the actual chemistry between these two, because for me things don't seem to fit into place. What is it about their personalities that blend, what are their common interests? I don't believe this is mentioned. Also, I think making Silvas less happy about his psychotic actions might make it easier for people to believe that Archie would give him a chance. Maybe instead of gleeful psychopathic tendencies Silvas could just do things like his killings without changing his usual mood and justify it with hard logic, as it seems to follow that if he isn't in tune with human emotion he wouldn't get why it's really bad. Then maybe Archie could contribute and convince Silvas it's really bad, and then Silvas would learn remorse. If it's clear that Silvas has no bad intentions and he's trying his hardest to learn then I can see things working.

I don't know, I think other than that you should focus on streamlining this concept— taking all the clutter, cutting out what isn't essential to your narrative as a whole (are the liberal and conservative viewpoints they have important to the plot at all?), and putting the pieces together so you have a focused and compelling progression for this romance.\\\

Stegomasaurus Prehistoric Dinomasaur from 78 million years in the past Since: Feb, 2016 Relationship Status: Is that a kind of food?
Prehistoric Dinomasaur
#138: Jan 29th 2017 at 1:16:46 AM

Now then, on to one of my own relationships.

Names: Lilly Ashberry and Walter Hanford

Who are they?

Lilly is a 14 year old girl who left her home in the Amaryllis Forest far to the north and came to the Canterbury Desert to rescue her brother, who was kidnapped by an enormous Anarchist terror group known as The Liberated. She's very inexperienced as an adventurer to begin with and she's terrified of The Liberated, but nevertheless she's completely resolute and won't give up until her brother is safe. She's nothing if not selfless, and a goody-two-shoes to her core. She's polite and friendly with everyone and has exceptional levels of patience and self-control. However, she's also a bit too passive and holds an extremely damaging amount of self-hatred centered around a belief that she's an incompetent failure.

Walter is a 15 year old boy who comes from a town northwest of the country's capital called Beryl Ridge, and he works under archaeologist and historian Doctor Seamus Heller as one of his field workers. He's a hard worker, pushing himself to his limit every day at his job, but it's taken a toll on him. He sees himself as being at a kind of dead end, and as a result he's rather pessimistic. He's likely to express this pessimism in the form of dry, often self-deprecating humor. Despite this, he's quite charitable and will go out of his way to help others if he thinks they need it. He wants nothing more than to be able to make a recognizable contribution to the world, but, similar to Lilly, he doesn't hold himself in the highest regard... although for slightly different reasons than Lilly.

How did they meet?

Lilly and Walter first meet when Lilly and her two travelling companions come across a campsite run by Doctor Heller as they traveled south. The people at the campsite offer to let Lilly and her friends stay the night if they do a bit of work as assistants in the archaeological dig they're doing. It's at the dig site where Lilly and Walter first see each other and make their introductions.

What is the status of their relationship when the story begins?

Nonexistent. Neither knows the other exists until they meet at the archaeological campsite. Even after they meet though it takes a bit of time before they see each other as possible romantic partners. In their first encounter they mostly just have casual conversations and ask each other about their lives, and make a few jokes as they work. It's only when the two bring up the topic of their respective siblings that things begin to get more personal between them.

Problems?

Probably the biggest thing hindering their relationship is the limited contact they have throughout the story. Walter works with Doctor Heller, and so has to stay with him, while Lilly's travelling the country to try to locate and rescue her brother. The archaeological team Walter works for also travels frequently, and Lilly and her friends run across this team in their travels more than once (not by coincidence, Heller has other goals besides research...), but this definitely makes it hard for the relationship to flourish. Aside from that, both of them are rather reserved and hide things from each other, especially early on. Mostly because they're both unwilling to reveal their insecurities to anyone.

What do they want?

In terms of their relationship, the driving force behind it is how they help each other overcome their inner demons. They come from two sides of the same coin in regards to the sources of their self-esteem problems. Lilly is the older sibling in her family, and a large source of her insecurities stem from her desire to be a good role model figure to her little brother and her inability to live up to her own expectations. Walter is the younger sibling in his family, and the source of his feelings of inadequacy stem from an inability to match the success of his older brother. This allows them to see perspectives within their lives that they hadn't considered before, and allows them to slowly but surely grow past their problems together.

Once they fully realize how important they've been for each other, they both see each other as a source of comfort they can go to and they form a unique understanding that nobody else can provide in the same way. Their goal together, in a nutshell, is to improve as people and work to find their self-worth.

Resolution?

I'd actually like to keep this a secret. I'm going to be arrogant and say I'm pretty sure what I've got is the right way to go, but it's also a bit of a twist.

So, does anything stand out as a problem here? Anything to add or take away? Rip it to shreds if you see fit.

ewolf2015 MIA from south Carolina Since: Jan, 2015 Relationship Status: I-It's not like I like you, or anything!
MIA
#139: Jan 29th 2017 at 7:09:59 AM

[up][up] thank you so much. I'm surprised no one else jumped on this. Though, I'm not exactly sure how I might go about giving them interest that are shared between them. but, I guess its how they lost the things that mean so much to them that brings them together eventually, like Silvas not being able to get his body back and Archie longing to get his old arm back to him. otherwise, if you mean by normal interest like hobbies....I can't think of any to be honest. Like, I'm not even sure if partying would be something they like.

[up] also your relationship seems pretty good so far but might ask about their inner demons? And why would they go to a campsite?

edited 29th Jan '17 7:17:53 AM by ewolf2015

MIA
Stegomasaurus Prehistoric Dinomasaur from 78 million years in the past Since: Feb, 2016 Relationship Status: Is that a kind of food?
Prehistoric Dinomasaur
#140: Jan 29th 2017 at 1:07:28 PM

[up]

The "inner demons" I speak of are basically the fears and doubts Lilly and Walter have about themselves which hold them back from self-improvement. There's Walter who believes he doesn't have any real talent and thinks he doesn't have a future worth looking forward to. Then there's Lilly who thinks she's a burden to everyone and treats every mistake she makes as further proof of that idea. The two work together to stop these insecurities from holding them down and learn to have some pride in themselves.

As for why Lilly and her friends would go to the campsite, well the setting of the story is the wild west and the available technology is that of the late 1800s. Also, Lilly and her friends are walking all over the country, and there's some large distances between towns. So when they happen to come across this big campsite on a road between towns late in the day, it's beneficial for them to stop there and stay a night.

ewolf2015 MIA from south Carolina Since: Jan, 2015 Relationship Status: I-It's not like I like you, or anything!
MIA
#141: Jan 29th 2017 at 3:09:12 PM

[up] thanks for clearing that up.

MIA
UltimateLazer Since: Apr, 2016
#142: Feb 2nd 2017 at 2:36:22 PM

@Stegomasaurus

Interesting. Them having limited contact with each other and them building their relationship over time makes it sound natural to me.

Another one from Protectors.

Names: Tetsu Hirano / Shirokage and April Watkins

Why are they?

Tetsu Hirano is 22-years-old. He was born to the elite Hirano family in Tokyo, who own a business conglomerate aptly named Hirano. While he grew up in an affluent background, he was the opposite of spoiled. As the oldest of five, he was tasked to take on an important family legacy. The Hirano pass down the mantle of Shirokage from father to son, dating back to the feudal era. His father, Taro Hirano, was one of the original members of the The Seven that defeated the Splisen during the war for Earth over twenty years ago. As a result, he undertook training his whole life to become the next Shirokage. When his training was complete, he joined the Protectors while taking a secret identity from the public. He requested that he transferred to New York City, wishing to see the world while living a normal life. He attends college at New York University in Manhattan (while refusing money from his parents, wishing to live as a normal person), and unbeknownst to most outside the Protectors, he acts as the new Shirokage.

April Watkins is also 22-years-old. In comparison she is fairly normal. She was born and raised in Brooklyn to a middle class family. She always was pleasant to be around, and made friends easily. April always admired the acts of superheroes, but she herself isn't one. Soon after graduating from high school, she moved to Manhattan with her friend and enrolled in New York University. Still not having an idea of what she should do, she's nearing her graduation where she'll make that decision.

How did they meet?

They met in class at NYU. April thought Tetsu was charming with how polite he was to her, so they quickly began dating from there.

What is the status of their relationship when the story begins?

They're already dating, but at first April isn't aware that Tetsu is actually Shirokage. After he stood up April the second time in the same month as a result of his duty, Tetsu reveals his secret identity to her, making her his Secret-Keeper.

Problems?

The first problem was that April didn't know that Tetsu is the Shirokage, which made their relationship needlessly difficult. However, Tetsu quickly reveals his identity to her his identity in order to maintain their relationship. It makes it easier for sure, but April still finds it difficult dating a superhero in secret, and this becomes a point of contention.

What do they want?

They want to continue their relationship under hard times, as Tetsu often has to be away due to his duty as the Shirokage. April, being a muggle, can only go about her life and be there with him in spirit.

Resolution

Eventually, Tetsu moves back to Japan and takes April with him. They have a daughter together named Ayane Emily Hirano, and everything seems happy. But it still isn't the true end. Tetsu has to fulfill his role as the Shirokage and a member of the Protectors, while still looking after his family. This still means that Tetsu must often leave their home to go on dangerous missions to keep the people safe from harm, while leaving April to take care of their daughter herself.

edited 3rd Mar '17 10:01:55 PM by UltimateLazer

Author.
UltimateLazer Since: Apr, 2016
#143: Mar 3rd 2017 at 10:02:44 PM

Sorry to bump this, but could I please get some feedback for the relationship between Tetsu and April?

Author.
Ikedatakeshi Baby dango from singapore Since: Nov, 2015 Relationship Status: Singularity
Baby dango
#144: Mar 3rd 2017 at 10:24:02 PM

I'm surprised Tetsu has the social maturity to maintain a relationship, considering child soldiers usually are emotionally stunted due to their limited social interaction. Think Batman, who can't maintain a relationship and more often ends up in destructive ones. It's difficult to imagine two individuals who have nothing in common to progress to the point of marriage, especially someone who isn't there all the time and is also constantly in danger of dying. How does April react to Tetsu's identity? Admiration, plain awe or perhaps even jealousy for not being able to become one herself? How much does she try to join in on the action, either feeling left out or out of concern for Tetsu? Does she get disillusioned by Superheroism after learning about Tetsu being treated as a child soldier?

UltimateLazer Since: Apr, 2016
#145: Mar 4th 2017 at 4:33:23 PM

Tetsu may have been trained to be the next Shirokage, but that doesn't mean he lived in complete isolation. Also, he wasn't a child soldier. Tetsu was trained to be the Shirokage, but never did he fight crime before he was an adult. Rather, he was trained to be the next in line, as with all of the oldest men in the Hirano family. He knows the danger that comes with being a hero, but it's a job he must do. Also, they do have things in common, being that they can agree on many things and enjoy each others' company. As for how she reacted, April understood why he couldn't always be there, though she was understandably worried about him due to his line of work.

Author.
Stegomasaurus Prehistoric Dinomasaur from 78 million years in the past Since: Feb, 2016 Relationship Status: Is that a kind of food?
Prehistoric Dinomasaur
#146: Mar 8th 2017 at 9:34:27 PM

Okay, I have a relationship which I need to be interesting as it's probably the biggest focus of this particular story I'm working on. Just some quick introductory information, the story takes place in the same universe that the relationship in my last post does, only 50 years in the future. The idea of the story is to see what happens when an ordinary couple (accidentally) gets involved in the world of crime. With that out of the way, here's the couple.

Names: Glen and Agnes Lerais

Who are they?

Glen is a 28 year old man who was born and raised in a city in the Canterbury Desert called Easton, but moved to the small town of Cassowary Hills in the northwestern prairies as soon as he became an adult. He makes his living as a writer for his town's newspaper... or rather he did before the company he worked for went bankrupt in the midst of an ongoing depression and the subsequent events turned he and his wife's lives upside-down. Glen is a very clever man, excelling in taking full advantage of most situations good or bad. He is also extremely good with his wordplay, making him a great negotiator... as well as an effective manipulator, if need be. However, at least at the start of the story, he is not malicious by nature. He has some very strong opinions that he can go into heated rants/arguments about, and he's not really interested in associating with other people outside of a small group of friends (he doesn't care for crowds), but overall he is quite meek and doesn't want to make enemies. Yet, the events of the story prevent Glen from avoiding constant confrontation with danger, and as such he has to change himself to gradually become cold, scheming, and decisive in order to survive. He even learns to treat other people disposably for he and his wife's benefit, becoming willing to stab people in the back and even guide them to their deaths if he thinks they're a liability. No matter what happens though, he's going to make sure that he and his wife survive and find a way out of the criminal underworld they were accidentally sucked into.

Agnes is a 26 year old woman who lived in Cassowary Hills her whole life. Her plan after marrying Glen was to enjoy a good two or three years on their own, in which time they'd properly prepare to raise children. However, the depression that hit not long after the marriage made this preparation difficult as the couple was thrown into poverty. Agnes worked at many small jobs in those years (including being a tailor, a nanny, and a telephone operator) in order to help, but the two still barely got by, and then everything collapsed once Glen's newspaper company went under. Personality-wise, Agnes is sweet, patient, and honest. Like Glen, she doesn't want to make any enemies. She treats other people with politeness and respect, and she makes an effort to always maintain her calm. She's also a big fan of literature, even playing at writing books of her own. However, there is a side of herself that she suppresses which she can't contain under extremely high stress. If she's pushed to the breaking point, she can lose her composure completely and go into an almost psychotic breakdown. In the situation she finds herself in with the criminal underworld, she can become dangerous and violent... and as life-threatening danger becomes a norm in her and her husband's lives, she begins to start tapping into this side of herself more as a sort of release. In fact, she starts getting thrills off of overcoming the threats that come her way and she begins to enjoy violence, which is something that horrifies her. Nevertheless, her goal is the same as Glen's: to get out of the crime world and return to a normal life.

How did they meet?

Glen and Agnes met not too long after Glen moved to Cassowary Hills at age 19. Glen had recently secured his job as a newspaper writer there, and Agnes was just about to finish her years at school. His route home always passed right by Agnes' family's house, and on one spring day, a car hit Agnes' young sister on the street outside her home. Glen came upon the scene, where Agnes ran to him and asked him to get help, which he did by finding a house with a telephone (Agnes' house didn't have one) and calling the paramedics. He then oversaw the scene until they arrived. The next day, Agnes waited for Glen to pass by on his way home in order to properly thank him, and after telling Glen that her sister was going to be okay, they began to have some small-talk. They found some common interests (and had a fun little disagreement over whether a book they both read was good or not), and so they began to make their talks a regular thing when Glen made his way home every day until they decided they should start dating. Everything else went naturally from there.

What is the status of their relationship when the story begins?

At the beginning of the story Glen and Agnes have already been married for four years. They're struggling financially, but neither of them doubts they made the right choice in life partner.

Problems?

They have financial problems for sure, but at the beginning of the story there's not a whole lot of personal issues they have with each other. However, that changes when the plot starts and the two get dragged into the criminal underworld. They both panic and argue with each other a lot when they're suddenly brought into the new, dangerous environment, and as both of them slowly adapt in different ways they begin to hate and even fear what they're becoming. Glen sees Agnes' growing tendency towards irrational outbursts as extremely detrimental, and Agnes despairs over how apathetic and staunchly pragmatic Glen becomes. They both know their only hope is to keep going together though, so they try their hardest to make sure they don't turn out to be their own worst enemies.

What do they want?

Before the plot really gets underway, they had a simple plan: to gather up the funds needed to run a stable household and then start a family of their own. Now that they've been trapped by the criminal underbelly of society though, their primary focus is to find a way out. Once they find this way out, they want to go far away and start anew in a place where nobody knows them, and eventually return to their original plan of raising children. However, this is a task which turns out to be much easier said than done.

Resolution?

Just like with my last post here, I'd like to keep this a secret, as saying how it all ends here would completely spoil the story.

edited 8th Mar '17 9:40:02 PM by Stegomasaurus

StrixObscuro from Somewhere in Massachusetts Since: Oct, 2011 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
#147: Mar 29th 2017 at 10:33:44 PM

@Stegomasaurus: It sounds like Glen and Agnes have a pretty healthy relationship and they are at least aware that they'll have to work in order to stay together through their misadventures in the underworld.


I'm re-submitting a couple, as they've changed quite a bit from the last time I submitted them.

Names: Nioba Agavis and Lihiri Darvisha.

Setting: Baystone, a major city on an eighties-noir-fantasy world where humans are in a Cold War with the elves. It's sort of like The Americans meets Dragon Age.

Who are they?: Nioba is a former Liberatrix from Zynobia. Her homeland got invaded by the elves, and the Macerian government flooded the resistance with cash, weapons, and training assistance to make sure the occupation failed. After the elves withdrew, the Zynobians undertook a secret project to make the elves pay by attacking their foreign projects. Nioba was part of those efforts, but during a mission in Maceria, one of her compatriots set off a massive explosion and Nioba lost her hearing. Zynobia disavowed her, and she became stuck in Maceria, eventually ending up in the city of Baystone and taking a job as a grocery clerk. In terms of appearance, she is a tall and very muscular dark-skinned woman with pointed ears and a hardened brow. She longs to Fight the Good Fight again, but for now is struggling against the loneliness and isolation that come with being a deaf, lesbian immigrant in a large and largely-indifferent city.

Lihiri is an elf. Originally from the repressive dictatorship of Kralluk Kurnoz (basically, an alternate-universe version of the Soviet Empire, except Turkish and Albanian-flavored rather than Russian) where she belongs to an underclass caste due to ostensibly being impure-blooded. The fact that she's also a trans woman doesn't help. In order to escape persecution, provide for her family, and receive help in transitioning, she became a translator and personal assistant for one of her country's older ambassadors. She is brown-skinned and androgynous, with short black hair, grey eyes, and mouse-like ears. She also wears glasses. She feels a lot of guilt over the fact that she collaborated with a repressive government, but holds out hope that at least her parents and siblings are provided for.

How did they meet?: Lihiri's work brought her to Baystone, where her boss was ostensibly working at the equivalent of the UN. In reality, he was planning to defect. The Kurnozi government caught wind of it and sent a hit squad. Lihiri barely managed to escape and by sheer dumb luck, found her way to Nioba's apartment. Luckily for her, one of the languages she knows is sign language.

What is the status of their relationship when the story begins?: In The Translator, their first story, they're just two lonely people who reached out and discovered each other. Over the course of the story, they fall in love. Later stories will have them as lovers who've been together for a while.

Problems?: Their homelands were at war with each other until relatively recently, but by the time they meet, Nioba's been in Baystone for five years, so her attachment to her homeland is rather jaded, and Lihiri has no special love for Kralluk Kurnoz, so that's not much of a sticking point. The main problem is that both of them are re-learning how to trust people and let people in. Externally, they also have the problem that the guys who killed Lihiri know that she witnessed them, and they're eager to tie up the loose end.

What do they want?: In the beginning, their goals revolve around individual survival - Nioba wants to hold down her job, and Lihiri wants to maintain the few privileges afforded by her work. Then their goals intertwine as they seek to not get killed. If they survive, they'd like to enjoy a stable, lasting relationship.

Resolution: In the short term, their very simple goal of not getting killed by the hitmen makes it easy for them to come together, though obviously, in the long term, communication is key to any deeper relationship between them.

Other things to consider: Those who read my previous submission will note that this couple have changed a lot since then. I'm still adjusting everything to the changes, so the details are a little sparser than before.

edited 1st Apr '17 6:30:51 PM by StrixObscuro

By now, it should be clear to all except the most dense of us that sheep are secretly conspiring to kill us all and steal our pants.
StrixObscuro from Somewhere in Massachusetts Since: Oct, 2011 Relationship Status: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
#148: Apr 1st 2017 at 6:39:15 PM

... Did I kill the thread?

By now, it should be clear to all except the most dense of us that sheep are secretly conspiring to kill us all and steal our pants.
ewolf2015 MIA from south Carolina Since: Jan, 2015 Relationship Status: I-It's not like I like you, or anything!
MIA
#149: Apr 1st 2017 at 6:43:04 PM

dude. [up] i do this sometimes but come on.

MIA
ilili GlUtToNoUs GiT from An AtTiC iN aUsTrIa Since: Sep, 2011 Relationship Status: You cannot grasp the true form
GlUtToNoUs GiT
#150: Apr 2nd 2017 at 10:00:59 AM

[up][up]Naw, it was asleep for a about a month before you came around.

I don't feel qualified at all for this, but I'd feel bad leaving you hangin' here.

So, Lihiri is hiding out at Nioba's place? I imagine she'd have to, given that the government is bound to know where she lives. How does that affect her aforementioned family?

It appears that necessity is what brought Lihiri and Nioba together (though that brings up the question why Nioba doesn't just sell Lihiri out if her work is really her number one priority, though her conscience simply getting the better of her here wouldn't be weird at all). What happens when that necessity suddenly disappears (when their lives being threatened is no longer an issue)? I'm not trying to say that they'd end their relationship, just that having a relationship on the run from the government, with only each other to care about, seems far less socially complicated and more of a romantic adventure than having to deal with each other's families and other social factors.

FeEeEeEeEeD mEeEeEeEeE mY bLoG

Total posts: 160
Top