Get Out of Jail

You awaken with a groan, struggling to sit up. Your head throbs with pain from your major hangover.

You look around and find yourself in a concrete cell.

You are completely naked, save for a pair of tighty whities firmly secured around your groin, and a pair of cargo shorts affixed to your head.

You swell with pride at the storage potential of the beauteous garment, marveling at all the things you'll be able to...

Oh.

The shorts are full of holes, especially in the pockets. Unfortunately, this means that they currently only possess the storage potential of a normal pair of pants.

You don't remember much about how you ended up here. You vaguely recall being drugged and kidnapped. Or just really, really drunk. You do have an affinity for alcohol after all. You were definitely kidnapped, either way.

On the side of the room farthest from you is a metal door. On the opposite wall, and the one you are nearest to, is a barred window.

You assume that this cell must be part of a jail of some kind. You are overtaken with the sudden urge to get out.

What will you do?

>

((Standard interactive fiction. You input commands, things happen. One command per poster until the update after. Go nuts.))

edited 1st May '15 6:23:30 PM by Redisokay2803

>Punch the walls, kick the door, scream with fury.

>When I'm done freaking out, and once I'm sure I'm alone, check around for anything on the floor I could possibly use as or make into a tool or weapon.<

edited 1st May '15 5:32:00 PM by GhostElm

>Remove the cargo pants from my head and put them on properly, then check the bars on my jail cell window.

>Examine myself and my memory: what is my sex/gender, build, etc. & what are my skills and talents?<

edited 1st May '15 5:54:43 PM by GhostElm

>Eat one of the bricks. It doesn't matter how, just do it!

>Pray very hard that the bricks are stuck fast in the wall or are made of something quite soft and edible.<

>Punch the walls, kick the door, scream with fury.

You proceed to flip the hell out, bloodying your knuckles on the concrete walls and making quite a ruckus shouting and banging on the door. This little burst of activity causes your massive hangover to flare up, and you are temporarily stunned.

>When I'm done freaking out, and once I'm sure I'm alone, check around for anything on the floor I could possibly use as or make into a tool or weapon.

Your cranium continues to throb with intense pain.

You're really going to need a minute...

>Remove the cargo pants from my head and put them on properly, then check the bars on my jail cell window.

...minute taken. You remove the pair of shorts from atop your head, and an object falls from the front left pocket. You have received Ye Flask. After properly donning the cargo shorts and concealing the indignity of your... slightly yellowed tighty whities, you retrieve the flask. The flask now occupies your left hand.

>Examine myself: what is my sex/gender, build, etc.

You give yourself a good once over, making sure everything is where it's supposed to be. You run your hands over your fairly average body and readjusting your... *ahem*, manhood to fit more comfortably in your shorts and underwear.

You grasp for memories amongst the haze of your massive hangover. The information does not come easily. What a party that must have been. You recall that your name is Joseph... you think.

You continue to search for details about how you got yourself into this mess when suddenly you hear footsteps coming down the hallway outside, and two men talking to each other. Someone must have noticed your ruckus.

>Eat one of the bricks. It doesn't matter how, just do it!

Unfortunately, the walls of this cell are solid concrete slabs. Still if it doesn't matter how...

You slam your face into the concrete wall, bloodying your nose and scraping up your face.

Your condition is now battered.

You are momentarily stunned.

The footsteps draw closer.

>Pray very hard that the bricks are stuck fast in the wall or are made of something quite soft and edible.

The throbbing in your head is too unbearable at the moment to process this thought.

>What will you do?

((Well, this is getting some attention... I'd like to make an addendum. One command per person until the next update. I will be adding this to the first post so others can read it. I will also be limiting the update schedule to one or two per day, so make the most of your commands.))

edited 1st May '15 6:46:12 PM by Redisokay2803

>When I'm no longer quite so stunned, frantically search for something to use as a tool or a weapon. Simultaneously try to recall what skills/talents I have.

Sorry, should've known better than to post so many at once... won't happen again.

edited 1st May '15 6:34:13 PM by GhostElm

>Examine window bars.

>Swear.

>When I'm no longer quite so stunned, frantically search for something to use as a tool or a weapon. Simultaneously try to recall what skills/talents I have.

You search as frantically as you possibly can, but the cell appears to be completely empty. All that you have available are Ye Flask, the contents of which are currently unknown, and your cargo shorts, the front right pocket of which may also hold something, as previously alluded to.

You suddenly remember that you had already thought to contemplate your skills, but forgot to do so. Perhaps this lapse in thought was caused by your massive hangover, turning your brain to mush not unlike the brain of an incompetent adventure game composer... wait, what do adventure game composers have to do with this situation? God, your head hurts...

You proceed to contemplate your skills, though your massive hangover continues to make recollection difficult. There is your affinity for alcohol, of course. You vaguely remember that this skill allows you to interact with alcohol in various positive and negative ways. Ironically, the massive hangover that is causing your memory on the subject to be so foggy is incidentally one of the skill's interactions. You also remember... consuming certain types of alcohol does something. And something about sobriety... You feel another momentary stun coming on from all this rampant recollection, but you suppress it. You would wager that that is one of the skill's interactions as well.

>Examine window bars.

Again, you recall having had this thought before, but forgetting it. Odd...

The window bars are just within reach, but only just. The barring on this window consists of three simple metal rods. You try pulling on each of them in order, but their distance away from you prohibits any significant leverage on the rods from being gained. The first two rods hold fast, but the third gives a little. The bottom of the rod comes loose from the window's frame, but the top remains in place. You think you might be able to pull it free if you could just rea-

>Swear.

Damn it! You're out of time!

The men from the hall emerge through the metal door. Except... they aren't men. In fact, there aren't even more than one of them.

Standing before you is a mountain mutant. As everyone knows, and as you can clearly see, mountain mutants have two heads. They are also quite large, grey skinned, four-armed, and probably aren't very polite to people who make loud ruckuses.

Each of the creature's heads regard you angrily, snarling and staring you straight in the eyes.

The head on the left says something in an unknown tongue, and the mountain mutant begins to approach you slowly.

>What will you do?

> Pour a minuscule amount of the contents of the flask into my mouth, if it's alcohol (or confirmably non-toxic/non-damaging), chug half of the contents of the flask; if it seems to be potentially toxic or otherwise damaging, spit the tiny amount out and splash the intruders (if they remain antagonistic) with the contents of the flask (preferably toward as many of their faces as possible).

edited 1st May '15 9:24:35 PM by GhostElm

bump

bump ... again...