In my honest opinion, I would not do a horror, "thriller" or even suspense picture with wrestlers as the stars, unless it was something like see no evil where the Wrestler was the "scary" villain. Even in the case of that
movie, my reaction was to cheer for
Jacob Goodnight and squeal with glee as he gutted teenagers.
If we were in the era where people did not know to the extent professional wrestling was a work and took it more seriously and at face value maybe I could buy this premise but we are in the age where one thinks of a wrestler as a character or persona that comes with their own expectations. This immediately became apparent to me in the trailer where they were hitting the zombies with spikes, knives and all I could think was "What is this crap? Why would you have Rowdy Rodder Piper be doing anything other than hitting people with a coconut?"
Hacksaw had his 2X4, I guess you would really have to be out of it not to include that but where were the chairs, the tables, the kendo sticks (I think there was a ladder at least)? I generally recognized the boys (Sylvester Terkay
!) but who were the other half of them? (Um, high woman from Lucha Libre USA, I think that is who you are). Maybe Gail Kim, April Hunter, Chyna or Amazing Kong were too much to expect but at least I was thinking of somebody with an obvious wrestler look, Haily Hatred, Saturyne, anyone?
Finally, the horde battle nature of "zombie" movies had me skeptical. Professional wrestling largely revolves around drawn out one on one or maybe two on two bouts. The participants are made of iron
to the highest degree to the point blood is generally a shocking sight unless you are watching a death match thumb tack C-4 fiasco. The made of plasticine
mooks just bring forward all kinds of dissonance. How does Kurt Angle, who up to this point has not used anything more lethal than sleeper holds, grow so comfortable with breaking necks so suddenly?
Professional wrestling runs off of extended bouts and feuds between highly charismatic personas, and "zombie" movie just does not say that to me. Maybe something like werewolves? I could see Kurt Angle putting one in a headlock when it tries to bite him, taking it down and keeping it subdued with an ankle lock. Maybe a Lord of the Rings
styled magical land
Kurt Angle is summoned into because he is the only one, the Chosen One
, who can defeat the Evil Overlord
. He can fight the quirky miniboss squad, get in an inevitable tournament
, give rousing speeches in the style of his Impact promos, be followed by bards playing a rendition of his entrance music, fight AJ Styles when it is revealed the evil overlord summoned him to counter Angle's advance, ect.
Maybe a Star Wars
type galaxy far far away Kurt Angle somehow gets stuck in...and you know, why does it have to be Kurt Angle? Carlito Colon would probably be cheaper, cheap enough you could maybe get his brother too if Vince Mc Mahon
can be convinced not to be an ass and let Primo do some work outside of the Diego gimmick. The Colons could use their natural athleticism to make their way through the Lucas esque set pieces and fight laser sword wizards with breath problems, all in Carlito's apple eating
asshole third person person
edited 23rd Nov '13 8:02:19 PM by IndirectActiveTransport
That's why he wants you to have the money. Not so you can buy 14 Cadillacs but so you can help build up the wastes