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Total posts: [21]
1

Pro Wrestlers versus Zombies:

 1 Fuzzy Boots, Fri, 22nd Nov '13 1:39:40 PM from Pittsburgh, PA
Wanderer
Music Video Trailer Regular Trailer

My wife and I are headed out to see the U.S. premiere tonight in Uniontown, PA. Stars Roddy Piper, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, Kurt Angle, Facade, Ashton Amherst, and probably a couple others I'm not thinking of at the moment. Looks like it will be some good silly fun (honestly, a wrestler is kind of the worst possible person to attack zombies, which can only kill people at close ranges). I'll try to post a review tonight of how it turned out.

 2 Indirect Active Transport, Fri, 22nd Nov '13 2:22:24 PM from Chicago Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
Mayday Mayday
honestly, a wrestler is kind of the worst possible person to attack zombies
You don't say.
That's why he wants you to have the money. Not so you can buy 14 Cadillacs but so you can help build up the wastes
 3 Fuzzy Boots, Fri, 22nd Nov '13 7:27:14 PM from Pittsburgh, PA
Wanderer
Alright, and it was worse than I thought, but falling into that So Bad, It's Good category. The plot is fairly simple. Early in the movie, we see Shane "The Franchise" Douglas execute a piledriver on a wrestler during a match, seemingly not noticing that he actually broke the guy's neck. Shortly thereafter, Ashton Amherst's character, Angus, arranges with a promoter to have a number of wrestlers show up for "a private show". Somehow, for what looks to be maybe $5000 at most, the promoter is able to pull together a fairly star-studded cast. Shortly thereafter, Angus kidnaps a nurse and kills her in some sort of ritual where he slices her chest open and removes her heart and chows down on it. The nurse kills three wrestlers (no idea who they were, or if they were unnamed extras) and the four of them kill off Shane Douglas's extended family. Cue the wrestlers to arrive at their destination, a penitentiary. Not long afterwards, Kurt Angle shows up and defeats a few zombies before getting bit. After that, it's your usual zombie movie where the survivors turn on each other, split up, and make incredibly stupid decisions. There is theoretically dialogue, but most of the wrestlers are more than a bit mealy-mouthed in their delivery, and honestly, the less dialogue there is, the better their scenes are. We establish some degree of backstory involving various wrestlers sleeping with the girls present (as far as I can tell, Piper is established to have dipped his wick in everyone but Sarah Schuman) and rivalries thereby. Twice, we get wrestlers being left to die as a sacrifice to slow the hordes. Ultimately, Douglas gets to rekill his zombified family and then gets killed. Sarah manages to kill the two zombies who'd had the ritual done to them and it somehow hurts Angus or the Devil or something... (frankly, as best I can tell, the cutaway shots to someone screaming in flames each time looks like the bus driver from earlier in the film) and after they die and Piper beats Angus to death, all of the zombies disappear (no, really, they do a panning shot to show Piper and Sarah triumphant and all of the zombies were gone, not just back to dead bodies, but gone) and we get a shot of Piper against an American flag and the movie is over.

Honestly, this movie is barely ready for DVD release. The music periodically drowns out the dialogue. There are some embarrassingly obvious flubs like Angus slicing the nurse's chest vertically to get to her heart and then immediately cutting to her rising as a zombie with head wounds and a horizontal slash across her stomach. Several times, instead of using tracks or even a cheap steadicam, they apparently do their pans by having a guy run with the camera. Heck, the intro title graphic is horribly pixelated and is obviously a zoomed-in version of the logo they use on their website. But hey, if it makes it onto Netflix, people will probably watch it. I'd be willing do it as a Redbox rental. I might even be tempted to buy it as a $5 DVD. Past that, probably not worth it.

 4 Fuzzy Boots, Fri, 22nd Nov '13 8:31:30 PM from Pittsburgh, PA
Wanderer
Went ahead and wrote up a page for it:

Pro Wrestlers Vs Zombies

 5 Schitzo, Fri, 22nd Nov '13 9:29:21 PM from Akumajou Dracula Relationship Status: LA Woman, you're my woman
HIGH IMPACT SEXUAL VIOLENCE
Does this have El Santo?
ALL CREATURE WILL DIE AND ALL THE THINGS WILL BE BROKEN. THAT'S THE LAW OF SAMURAI.
 6 Fuzzy Boots, Sat, 23rd Nov '13 6:39:49 AM from Pittsburgh, PA
Wanderer
Nope. Actually, no masked wrestlers at all... their faces are front and center.

 7 maxwellelvis, Sat, 23rd Nov '13 6:48:41 AM from undisclosed location Relationship Status: In my bunk
Mad Scientist Wannabe
Although I wouldn't be surprised to see him with all the other dinosaurs on display here.
Of course, don't you know anything about ALCHEMY?!- Twin clones of Ivan the Great
Looks like just the kind of low-budget trash for The Synchtube Coven to watch, be disappointed by, and quickly try and forget.

Is the movie itself as dark as the trailer?
 9 0dd1, Sat, 23rd Nov '13 7:49:17 AM from Nowhere Land Relationship Status: And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Still just awesome like that
Wait, this is a real thing? At first I thought this was just another thread started by [REDACTED]...but this is an actual movie? What? Why?
Insert witty and clever quip here.

New handle, same name.

My music.
 10 Indirect Active Transport, Sat, 23rd Nov '13 7:51:17 AM from Chicago Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
Mayday Mayday
In my honest opinion, I would not do a horror, "thriller" or even suspense picture with wrestlers as the stars, unless it was something like see no evil where the Wrestler was the "scary" villain. Even in the case of that movie, my reaction was to cheer for Kane Jacob Goodnight and squeal with glee as he gutted teenagers.

If we were in the era where people did not know to the extent professional wrestling was a work and took it more seriously and at face value maybe I could buy this premise but we are in the age where one thinks of a wrestler as a character or persona that comes with their own expectations. This immediately became apparent to me in the trailer where they were hitting the zombies with spikes, knives and all I could think was "What is this crap? Why would you have Rowdy Rodder Piper be doing anything other than hitting people with a coconut?"

Hacksaw had his 2X4, I guess you would really have to be out of it not to include that but where were the chairs, the tables, the kendo sticks (I think there was a ladder at least)? I generally recognized the boys (Sylvester Terkay!) but who were the other half of them? (Um, high woman from Lucha Libre USA, I think that is who you are). Maybe Gail Kim, April Hunter, Chyna or Amazing Kong were too much to expect but at least I was thinking of somebody with an obvious wrestler look, Haily Hatred, Saturyne, anyone?

Finally, the horde battle nature of "zombie" movies had me skeptical. Professional wrestling largely revolves around drawn out one on one or maybe two on two bouts. The participants are made of iron to the highest degree to the point blood is generally a shocking sight unless you are watching a death match thumb tack C-4 fiasco. The made of plasticine mooks just bring forward all kinds of dissonance. How does Kurt Angle, who up to this point has not used anything more lethal than sleeper holds, grow so comfortable with breaking necks so suddenly?

Professional wrestling runs off of extended bouts and feuds between highly charismatic personas, and "zombie" movie just does not say that to me. Maybe something like werewolves? I could see Kurt Angle putting one in a headlock when it tries to bite him, taking it down and keeping it subdued with an ankle lock. Maybe a Lord of the Rings styled magical land Kurt Angle is summoned into because he is the only one, the Chosen One, who can defeat the Evil Overlord. He can fight the quirky miniboss squad, get in an inevitable tournament, give rousing speeches in the style of his Impact promos, be followed by bards playing a rendition of his entrance music, fight AJ Styles when it is revealed the evil overlord summoned him to counter Angle's advance, ect.

Maybe a Star Wars type galaxy far far away Kurt Angle somehow gets stuck in...and you know, why does it have to be Kurt Angle? Carlito Colon would probably be cheaper, cheap enough you could maybe get his brother too if Vince Mc Mahon can be convinced not to be an ass and let Primo do some work outside of the Diego gimmick. The Colons could use their natural athleticism to make their way through the Lucas esque set pieces and fight laser sword wizards with breath problems, all in Carlito's apple eating asshole third person person demeanor.

edited 23rd Nov '13 8:02:19 PM by IndirectActiveTransport

That's why he wants you to have the money. Not so you can buy 14 Cadillacs but so you can help build up the wastes
See No Evil, at least, had a budget and far more experienced talent working behind the camera. Joke all you want about Gregory Dark's past directing music videos and pornography, but I'd trust him to helm a film of my own a hell of a lot more than an utter nobody who can't even get his showcase abandoned prison properly lit for filming.

For what it's worth, if I wanted to see aged pro-wrestlers in a shitty horror movie, I'd stick with River of Darkness, if only for that glorious, unintentionally hilarious look of awe on Kurt Angle's face as he takes notice of the grisly sight of a crucified woman and her intestines hanging out. Also, Kevin Nash and Sid Vicious with shit-covered faces.

edited 23rd Nov '13 11:03:54 AM by SeanMurrayI

 12 Fuzzy Boots, Sat, 23rd Nov '13 1:03:07 PM from Pittsburgh, PA
Wanderer
There's also Wrestlemaniac, starring Rey Mysterio, Sr.

As regards, "why wrestlers, " the words of the director are, "You can interpret them as they appear to be: very obvious, small minded morons who talk a lot of nonsense. However, sometimes they resemble gladiators living by an archaic code of masculinity and honour... at least until they start sleeping with their friends’ girlfriends. At the very least, the film gives you a sense of how complex and confused they all are." Or, another quote: “I have a 14-year-old son, he was 12 at the time, he likes zombies and wrestling, and I looked at cable ratings, and what was on top, zombies and wrestling, ” said the movie's writer and director Cody Knotts. “It made sense from a business standpoint and it made sense from a creative standpoint, so I guess I have him to blame.”

For all the "sense" it made as a business standpoint, it's pretty disappointing that he couldn't get a larger investment from his producers and financial backers to put more money into this and make it look even better so it could actually stand a chance of doing better business. Even if all they could approach were retirees and guys working outside the McMahon Machine, there's no excuse for why everything else looks so dark, drab, and depressing.

edited 23rd Nov '13 7:38:54 PM by SeanMurrayI

 14 Fuzzy Boots, Sat, 23rd Nov '13 7:37:42 PM from Pittsburgh, PA
Wanderer
{nods} True. They could have taken it the other direction and portrayed the wrestlers as their characters, paragons of virtue or vice. I could see it being like the El Santo movies where he effortlessly blasts his way past foe after foe and always has a bon mot for the camera (I'd use the Spanish phrase for "witty words" except I never really learned Spanish). As it is, they portray the wrestlers as people, perfect or imperfect. Put into a crisis, some of them choose to stand and fight. Some of them run. And they vary back and forth on how much they feel their wrestling moves actually make sense in a pitched fight.

As regards the darkness of it, I'd argue that most zombie movies fall under that category. One of the central themes is the same as with the Cold War movies, that given an overwhelming enemy force, we'll always wind up finding reasons to weaken ourselves with petty feuds rather than uniting to fight the enemy. The gradual death of characters (and them returning later as more undead to fight) creates that crushing inevitability that zombies tend to evoke. Anyone can kill the zombies pretty easily because of how slow they are — you can literally run circles around them for a while — but eventually, the numbers and the fatigue gets to you.

Personally, if I'd had a chance to script it, I probably would have had Angus have a more focused idea of his revenge. The zombies might go after the odd wrestler who chooses to attack them (because frankly, a number of the wrestlers probably are the sort to punch first and ask questions later) but primarily be after Shane Douglas, leading to the other wrestlers having to make the tough choice whether to give up one of their own to save so many other people. I also would have preferred fewer continuity errors and some reasoning for how Piper and Schuman wind up outside all of a sudden, but that might be asking too much...

I wasn't actually talking about anything like that. I'm talking about the grossly subpar production values. Even the dialog sounds shitty, like it was recorded from a camera-mounted microphone like an amateur.

When I said this looked "dark, drab, and depressing", I literally meant this looks like a dim, poorly lit, abandoned prison, complete with lots of boring, gray cement walls, and packed with zombies who look like the director's friends covered in a light application of syrup. Apparently, no effort went into production design apart from a basic ring setup, an entire TWO ROWS of folding chairs, two futons and an unplugged computer for a promoter's office, and an 8" x 10" printout flier taped to the promoter's cement wall.

It's cheap, it shows, and it doesn't look good doing it. The only draw here is a handful of "name" wrestlers who are so past their time in the limelight the old dogs would do most anything for a bone, which is depressing, in and of itself. And no other basic filmmaking qualities do anything to justify why anyone should want to be drawn in by that one thing, anyway.

It's a piece of trash, period. It's is nowhere near the realm of So Bad, It's Good, and I can assure you that after all the crap movies I've seen over the past year with fellow tropers, this is one that would rank pretty damn low with all of us.

edited 23rd Nov '13 8:20:17 PM by SeanMurrayI

 16 0dd1, Sat, 23rd Nov '13 8:35:09 PM from Nowhere Land Relationship Status: And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Still just awesome like that
directing music videos and pornography
Anyone ever combine these two art forms?
Insert witty and clever quip here.

New handle, same name.

My music.
 17 Tam H 70, Sat, 23rd Nov '13 9:09:49 PM from 合計虐殺 Relationship Status: [TOP SECRET]
War ALWAYS changes. Man does not.
Rammstein, in the Red Band video for Pussy.

Quite good if you like that kind of German rock music as far as the song goes.
 18 Indirect Active Transport, Sat, 23rd Nov '13 10:10:52 PM from Chicago Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
Mayday Mayday
River of darkness does look better. Not what I was thinking of but better.

I was thinking of maybe a Forbidden Kingdom martial arts pick where AJ Styles or Rob Van Dam use the pick weapon to break it/back into his face on Naginatas.

If the wrestlers had to be in fear I would take the imposing monsters and or power stable approach. They would be watching things with nervous anticipation akin to perplexed baby faces watching the new mysterious heels squashing the local jobber, maybe even a champion if you really want to put them over. Afterward the wrestlers gradually fall in desperate but valiant struggles while a few flee to safety and others wait apprehensively, planning about how to stop the new threat. Eventually the fliers will have to find courage, maybe with help from a charismatic leader who proved the enemy is survivable and maybe even beatable and they gather together for the final battle, his big moment accompanied by a booming "3AINT ENOUGH MAN I NEED5!" or the opening notes of the Godzilla theme this Sunday at 7, 6 central, only 39.99!

The baby face wrestlers would be Men In Black, researchers, Anglican monks (some organization you could buy looking into paranormal activity, but they would be hammy and resemble their characters regardless). The heel wrestlers would be other worldly beings whose range on Earth expands with each of faces they take down, so the dilemma in the end becomes stopping the heels before they are too powerful to be stopped.

The baby faces think they've won and the world is a little safer but then the camera pans out to another place. A stretch of ground covered in dry, cracked mud on the edge of a Florida swamp. A man in a Hawaiian shirt sits on this stretch in a rocking chair, unmindful to the flies and beetles that buzz around him. "False heroism, is a sickness! Fortunately I have the cure, the cure for all the world's ills in the palm of my hand. Heheheh, this world man, it is a lie, it is an illusion, a web of deceit descended to disappear. The beginning of its end has just begun, we're here!

edited 24th Nov '13 9:30:05 AM by IndirectActiveTransport

That's why he wants you to have the money. Not so you can buy 14 Cadillacs but so you can help build up the wastes
 19 Fuzzy Boots, Fri, 8th Aug '14 10:26:58 AM from Pittsburgh, PA
Wanderer
Unfortunately, I can't find a webpage to quote (the statement was made on their Facebook page), but apparently, they're looking to shoot more scenes for the Director's Cut, looking for male zombies and female victims. Only topless female victims to be paid for the shoot, all others just getting IMDB credit.

Frankly, I'm amazed that this film has a 6.8 on IMDB... I enjoyed it, but I didn't think it was that good.

 20 Indirect Active Transport, Fri, 8th Aug '14 11:42:18 AM from Chicago Relationship Status: Coming soon to theaters
Mayday Mayday
Oh what a difference a year makes. 2013:Lucha Libres? 2014: Hey there Reby Sky, how ya doin?
That's why he wants you to have the money. Not so you can buy 14 Cadillacs but so you can help build up the wastes
 21 0dd1, Sat, 9th Aug '14 11:59:47 AM from Nowhere Land Relationship Status: And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson
Still just awesome like that
Only topless female victims to be paid for the shoot, all others just getting IMDB credit.
Classy.
Insert witty and clever quip here.

New handle, same name.

My music.
The system doesn't know you right now, so no post button for you.
You need to Get Known to get one of those.
Total posts: 21
1


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