Provide disproportionate retribution to the misdemeanor above

I pull out a gat and brain you.

I don't wash my hands after using the bathroom.

When you touch your mouth, you get a bad case of herpes and some people make fun of you for having that condition.

I accidentally leave the air on after...ummm...airing a tire.

You have all of the air sucked out of you.

I'm posting from my phone.

You get your phone snatched by a thief.

I could be doing something other than browsing the Internet.

You must now keep browsing the web without ever stopping for eating, sleeping or anything else.

I postpone doing tasks I don't like.

You are forced to do tasks that are tedious and painful for the rest of your life, without any breaks (not even to go to the restroom).

I make a reference to ghetto rap around my black friends.

edited 20th Jun '16 5:01:42 PM by Brandon22000

You get beaten and robbed by a street gang.

I don't use any recreational substance whatsoever.

All of your drinks are spiked with PCP for the rest of your life, and each time you drink it, you dive deeper and deeper into a everlasting, perpetually worse trip.

I annoy my sister with music.

She cuts your ears off.

I eat tacos.

They were poison.

I disliked a video on youtube.

The author of the video tracks you down to your home and beats you up while filming it, then posts the video to youtube.

I mumbled unintelligibly when answering the store clerk's greeting.

edited 4th Jul '16 8:05:44 AM by C105

He thinks you said something threating him, and shoots you.

I piss sitting down.

Your genitals are torn off, and everybody calls you a girl.

I am a Jural!

Ken zaps you.

I stole some girl's panties.

She chases you down and attempts to get them back... with a laser beam.

I ate a hot dog from the middle.

edited 12th Jul '16 11:19:47 PM by Tre

A pack of hungry wolves get unleashed on you.

I put toilet paper backwards.

10 tonnes of crumpled but perfectly clean toilet paper will be dropped on you.

My sofa cover doesn't match my curtain.

edited 13th Jul '16 9:17:34 AM by Blurring

The sofa and curtains are used as a makeshift gallows to hang you.

I take a potato chip...AND EAT IT

I write down in my death note you fall into the lion pit at a zoo and get mauled by a lion.

I use to read Cracked articles(insert horror movie screaming here).

Your skull is cracked.

I didn't throw away my trash.

All your personal belongings are thrown in the trash.

I'm too lazy to cut the grass in my lawn.

I cut you in half with a katana

I serve the wrong order once

You get no tips for the next few days.

I spend too much time on the computer.

Sucked into the matrix.

I forget to turn the light off when I go out of the restroom.

You blew out all of your neighborhood's electricity and get blamed. I stepped on someone's toe by accident