Fear of driving: How can I overcome it?

As of next month, after a several month hiatus I will be beginning driving lessons again hopefully. I noticed that compounded with my anxiety and the depression I was going thru at the time, it made even trying to rrationalize what was going on while my instructor was yelling at me. I have some questions for the more experienced drivers out there for my next lesson.

• What is a good way to get a feel for "hand-over-hand" steering, which was probably the most difficult part for me, and when should I use it and when not?
• Braking: When and where.
• Most imporatantly, how not to feel anxious when being yelled at.

All of that can only come from experience, which creates confidence and which can only be gotten through constant, repetitive practice. Picking up driving isn't any different to picking up any other skillset.

edited 26th Aug '13 7:09:29 AM by TheBatPencil

Making that first leap is the hard part. I still don't have my license because I'm afraid to go on the free way.

edited 26th Aug '13 7:38:10 AM by Thorn14

Normally hand-over-hand steering doesn't need to be applied "all the way" or not, you can just start doing it and stop mid-way if necessary, so I'd say it's pretty safe to do it all the time when you have to change your direction significantly (that excludes changing lane or turning to follow the curve on the highway or other big roads).

As for practicing it, empty parking lots are a good place where you can just go and turn in circle to your heart content. As for doing the steering itself, it's really more simple than it looks: Assuming your hands are at 10 and 2 o' clock, you raise the hand toward which you're steering (IE the left hand when turning left) and use the other hand (IE the right hand at 2 o' clock) to turn the wheels until your hand still on the wheels reaches the normal position of the other hand.

What that's done, you just place your raised hand (IE left hand) where your turning hand started (IE at 2 o' clock where the right hand was). Once that's done you raise the turning hand (IE right hand now at 10 o' clock) and slip it under your arm while bringing both hands to the original position (IE left hand back to 10 o' clock while still holding the wheels and right hand waiting to grab the wheels at 2 o' clock). Voila, that was one rotation, start the whole over to turn further. (Hope that helps and isn't overly hard to understand...)

I'm not sure I can cover all the intricacies of braking in one post, but I can give it a try I guess: You're supposed to brake at yellow lights but if you can't brake safely you must pass the light.

Brake at stop signs. Brake if someone is in the street and you have good reasons to believe you'll run him over if you don't slow down or brake. Brake at red lights, even if you'll turn right. Brake to slow down in tight curves when exiting/entering the highway or other roads. Slow down in poor weather to avoid accidents.

It's hard to list them all really, it's something you need to learn as a reflex. Also, side note on braking: as much as possible, try braking smoooothly. You want to decelerate over time as much as possible. Try slowing down your vehicle much before the braking line. It's good for your brakes and it's generally more comfortable for everyone in the car than sudden stops. (However, do brake suddenly if needed, especially on the high way if you hit a jam or something.)

Ideally you shouldn't be yelled at. You're not ever supposed to be yelled at, it's bad for your self-esteem AND your driving. I don't know who does the yelling, but:

• If they're a family member or a friend, record them without telling them and try making them listen to it later when not in the car. Those people often time don't even notice that they're being assholes.
• If it's an instructor, request another instructor. Find another school if they refuse for whatever twisted reasons.

If you absolutely can't stop the person from yelling at you for whatever reasons, I dunno how to help. Hopefully someone else will give you sound advice because I never had to deal with a bad passenger.

If you have free-time on your hands, I recommend giving a look at Canadas Worst Driver, specifically season 5 which housed a particularly bad case of Back Seat Driver they had to deal with (can't remember the episode). The shows also features several horrible drivers that (for the most part) learn to do better. Now obviously, you won't have any coach or special foam obstacle courses to practice and improve your skills, but you can always learn some small practical tips, while seeing how others deal with their bad driving.

The show is generally light-hearted, but it is VERY subject to mood whiplash.

Hope this helps, driving can be hard to learn, but you need to practice a lot.

...and practice, practice, practice. Even the best best drivers (see any motorsport) make mistakes from time to time.

The best way to get over a fear of driving is to drive. Eventually it becomes instinctual.

Get a family member to drive you into the countryside, then drive along on some deserted roads. It's much less stressful there, and a good place to learn the basics.

Indeed, don't jump feet first into a busy roadway; that's a recipe for an accident, a panic attack, or both. Drive in parking lots, back streets, country roads, all over the place until you get confident that you can handle your car properly. Then ease into more complex tasks like watching traffic.

I fondly remember taking my first driving test with the parking brake engaged, and never noticing. I passed, but I wonder to this day if the test instructor noticed or thought I had a lousy car.

It's entirely rational to be afraid of driving: it is one of the more dangerous activities in terms of potential, if not actual, harm, that you can engage in. That said, like most other rational fears, you overcome it by doing it. Now, an irrational fear may require counseling of some sort. You shouldn't get panic attacks from looking at a car. It should be scary-exciting, not wet-your-pants terrifying. Fear should bring respect, not aversion.

edited 26th Aug '13 8:47:03 AM by Fighteer

Yeah, you should find some low traffic place to start - the industrial park in my town was mine. That said, once you find your feet, try to get into more complex roadways - panicking at a multi-lane intersection because you don't know what to do is not good. It helps to have someone - whether it be an instructor or a family member or friend - who can guide you though those kinds of situations.

Some other things:

• Hand-over-hand steering is only needed on slow, sharp turns. For any speed over 10-15 mph, you should not need to steer that hard. Practice it in parking lots and/or residential streets. At highway speeds, you need only a tiny amount of wheel movement to steer.
• You brake when you want the car to slow down. This includes: at stop signs/yield signs/stop lights (as noted, yellow means slow down unless it's not safe to do so), when you see traffic slowing ahead of you, on downhill slopes, when the speed limit decreases, when approaching a turn, etc. Remember that your car will decelerate on its own if the accelerator is not depressed, except at very low speeds or on downhill slopes. Using this natural braking saves wear on your brakes and gives your passengers a smoother experience.
• Yelled at — as noted, if your instructor is yelling at you, you need to find a better instructor. If you get yelled at by another driver, don't take it personally, but do note what they yelled at you for and try to correct it.

edited 26th Aug '13 9:05:48 AM by Fighteer

Here's some cautionary advice that can help you be a safer driver and thus reduce your anxiety. Not specifically answering your questions, but basic rules of thumb:

• Assume that every drive on the road (including yourself) is the worst driver in history. That means, never assume that someone is going to stop in time, never assume that someone sees you, and never assume they will do the right thing in any situation. ALWAYS assume that you need to be responsible for your own safety. Further, do not overestimate your own abilities. If something looks dicey, do not assume "I got this".
• Drive slightly slower than the car in front of you at all times, while maintaining optimal car lengths of distance. This make sure that the distance between you is always increasing rather than narrowing so that if you need to stop suddenly, you can safely.
• Anger and payback are pointless. If someone is driving stupidly, or cuts you off, or almost hits you, being mad at them is pointless. Did you get out unharmed? Then keep calm and carry on. Did you or your car get injured? Then what the fuck are you doing? That's more important than rage.

Pretty much what everyone else said. Have someone you know who is relatively calm teach you how to drive if your instructors suck. Have a friend or family member take you out to a parking lot that is deserted and just drive in circles, mess around out on back roads. Residential areas are a great place to practice in my opinion, because you won't get fucked with for driving slowly through them, so go find some nice suburbs to just cruise through since the other cars aren't going to be going really fast.

It's something you have to take baby steps on. As for hand over hand steering, you'll pretty much never use that while actually in traffic. The only times are maybe when you're on a really tight freeway onramp/offramp loop, and when you're parking. Hand over hand steering is most important when you're parking, it's massive overkill in just about any other situation that doesn't involve a very tight turn.

Also, try coasting a good deal. You don't have to always have your foot on the gas or brake. There's nothing wrong with hitting the speed that you want, and then just coasting until you need to slow to a stop or go faster, this also makes your vehicle more gas efficient if you do this a lot while driving. When you are slowing down or braking, it is much better to start gradually applying the brake early rather than stomping down on it late. If you just practice enough, you will get a feel for how far down on the brake you need to be to have a smooth stop at a specific point. One mistake new drivers make is stomping the brake when they need to stop, just give it nice and gentle steady pressure that you change as needed, like a trigger pull on a gun. Steady, not jerky.

Always use your signal, for rather obvious reasons. And for the sake of your driving test and real world experience, when you are changing lanes don't rely only on your mirrors, give a quick look back over your shoulder. You're required to do that in your driving test, and it's just a best practice for changing lanes safely when you haven't fine tuned your situational awareness while driving yet.

Learning is a bit daunting at first, but once you're proficient enough to just sort of tool around without somebody in the car with you in relative safety without being too overly nervous, that's when your skill will improve very quickly. The biggest mistakes that I think teen drivers make is not looking over their shoulder to change lanes, texting while they are driving, and assuming that they are better drivers than they actually are once they've been driving for about a year. Eventually though, it becomes second nature.

And remember, if you don't feel confident making that lane change to get to your exit, don't do it. It's ok to just miss the exit and turn around to come back. But you can avoid that hullabaloo altogether if you pay attention to signs and pre-position yourself in the lane you will need to be in to get to your exit rather than cut someone off at the last minute. I'd say that's the most important part of freeway driving, and probably what results in the most accidents and slowdowns in freeway traffic(speaking as a dude in LA, where you can't really leave town without hitting the freeway in most cases).

Oh, and whenever you hit the freeway... For gods sake, go with the flow of traffic if you are in the fast lane on the far left. Don't be that asshole in the fast lane going 10 miles under the speed limit. I don't know if you live is like where I live, but in LA the speed limit on the freeway is a suggestion, or possibly even a minimum. If it says 70, that means you should be going between 75 and 85 in the fast lane. Don't hold up the flow of traffic. And if you want to get someplace fast in that lane without attracting police attention, find someone driving really fast, and go about 5 miles slower than them and follow them(within reason, don't be going 85 in a 60 because he's going 90). Occasionally give it some gas and catch up and then fall back a bit. This covers your ass because you aren't the fastest vehicle on the road, or the first one a cop will see.

What about entering a free way? I'm afraid of someone not letting me into the lane and being forced off the road / side swiping them.

It's intimidating until you've done it a few times, then it's easy. Most of the time, cars will make way for you if you match their speed. That's the critical part: you are expected to use the ramp to accelerate to highway speed. Do not expect people to slow down to let you in.

As with any lane change, watch your blind spots, since that's why most merge/lane change accidents happen.

edited 26th Aug '13 11:02:09 AM by Fighteer

Entering the highway (free way?) isn't as big a deal as you might think. It is not unusual for me to get confused with another driver when I enter the highway and we don't know who should accelerate or brake. Generally something works out in the end, you just gotta be confident and decide quickly (I say quickly but even on the highway you have an appreciable window of time to decide).

Try doing what Barkey suggested, going on small roads or parking lots, it's really the best place to get used to the car you're using. Then, ask your friend/parent/brother/whatever about the time where a nearby highway is relatively empty and go drive a bit on the highway. It's really the best way to do it.

I know I was terrified on my first highway drive (at night), but really, the highway is the most boring part of driving. You mostly drive for a long time and make sure you don't bump into other drivers.

Ninja'd

edited 26th Aug '13 11:03:42 AM by QuestionMarc

" you just gotta be confident and decide quickly "

See thats my problem. I don't have confidence at all.

I tell you Thorn, just try it (after driving else where and making sure you got control of your car).

You think you're anxious? You have no idea how high my heartbeat was when I first merged on the local highway.

It probably reached the 4 digits just before the merge itself.

Now it's business as usual.

You gain confidence by doing the thing you're afraid of. It really is that simple. Like riding a bike, if you fall down, get back on it and try again.

Even a crash isn't going to be the end of the world. I've had several, some of them my fault, and none were serious.

Normal merging wasn't so bad for me, but I'll tell you what freaked me out: my first right merge. After I got my license, my father took me on a day trip to Washington, DC. He wanted to get me some real experience. As it happened, it was Saint Patrick's Day, so half the streets were closed and traffic was very heavy.

I was in a nervous sweat much of the time, but I managed fine, until it came time to merge onto I-495 South from I-66 East. A right merge is one of the scariest things I've ever seen. I did it, though, and according to my dad, I did it well. Hasn't scared me since.

edited 26th Aug '13 11:09:11 AM by Fighteer

So learners can drive on a motorway over there?

Can't do that here. Need a full licence before you can drive on a motorway, and a provisional to drive anywhere else (accompanied with someone who has had a full licence for at least 3 years).

In the U.S., prior to being licensed, you must have a learner's permit and be accompanied by an adult driver in order to drive on a highway.

Some states have additional restrictions, like no night driving and a limit on the number of passengers.

edited 26th Aug '13 11:10:28 AM by Fighteer

I had that permit for a while.

I need to take my driver's test. But I'm too afraid of the free way. I wish I could skip it.

Out of curiosity, what does a test usually involve over there?

Depends on the state I hear.

Technically you need an apprentice license to drive with someone who had a permit for over 2 years, and after passing your driving exam you can drive with a license for a couple of years with less demerits points than a "real" permit.

Otherwise, yeah, I learned on a motorway. My first ever driving was done at give or take 14 years on some suburban streets with my Ma, later at 16 I drove more with my Pa in parkings and small streets. When I took my driving courses I did them in the streets of a relatively large town with my own car. I was pretty good too when I started, but I had my anxiety attacks too.

I remember distinctly the first driver who cut me out of the blue at an intersection and my first highway ride to this day.

EDIT: In Quebec, my test consisted of driving around a city with a set course where the evaluator would be able to rate me on my stops, my turns and my general skills. Last about 30 minutes and finish with the evaluator making us park in the parking lot as a final test. We don't do highway in the test.

edited 26th Aug '13 11:21:58 AM by QuestionMarc

Again, depends on the state. In some places, you have to drive around the block and obey the signs without hitting anything. In others, it's a more comprehensive test involving various road types.

After I got my learner's permit, my dad started me off in his car in the school parking lot and on our local residential street. When I took my first driving lesson in the school-sponsored program, I already knew a lot about maneuvering a vehicle.

edited 26th Aug '13 11:21:46 AM by Fighteer

I can drive just fine (Well other than the fact I fucking HATE driving) but its just...I dunno. I can't push myself to get on a free way.