Total posts: 1
So I'm writing my story (if you wanna know, my username in deviantart is the same as in here, so it'll be easy to find) Anyways, I'm writing a chapter, and in one part, the hero love interest is sleeping in her bedroom, thing is, he must wake her up (because... stuff, because the plot demands it! (?).lol, back to the topic. The main character finds her really atractive (but she's not the most beautiful in the cast, she'd be good looking, but noT OMG SHE'S BEAUTIFUL EVERYONE WHO LIKES HER FINDS HER UNIQUE AND ADSSADA, she's beautiful at the hero eyes, but nothing else, to be honest, the other girls are more attractive (I mean, who doesn't like a beautiful goth with short hair and double wielding katars, and a biker babe clad in leather, with supernatural golden eyes which glow in the dark and white hair, and beautiful, pale almost chalk white skin (this'd be a better example at a Mary Sue description, but she's pale with white hair, yellow eyes and dressed in leather). So I was wondering if I give the next description, would it be too "Mary Sue-ish": "He found her sleeping in her bed, and didn't wanted to wake her up because she had bad temper, bad attitude, and wasn't pleasant with him. Although, she now looks frail, beautiful and young, with an athletic body ready to jump at the heat of the battle". "I wish" The Hero says "I wish... she wasn't a complete bitch with me and be a little more gentle" Sorry if I screwed up with the grammatic, I didn't took the english classes because they didn't thought I was good enough :/ (and I wanted to study, but meh, screw them, I'll took those classes after I finish my kinesiologist career
(That Guy You Met Once)
If you're just writing for your own amusement or just to post it for free on Fictionpress or something like that, it doesn't really matter if she is or not. Just go with the description if you personally like it. If you're writing with the intent of making something more out of the story, not to sound like a douchebag, but you should probably take those English classes first. Working on your prose is more important than your characterization at this point. She doesn't sound like a Sue yet, just a standard tsundere or a Sour Outside, Sad Inside Broken Bird. Personally, I despise those character archetypes much more than the Sue, but that's because of Real Life, not fiction. So I'm not saying you can't write a good character like that.
edited 22nd Apr '13 1:30:43 PM by Wheezy
When text is placed in large chunks, it becomes difficult to read and has a sort of breathless tone. The term Mary Sue is so overused it has become practically useless. Everyone has a slightly different idea of what it means, so it can not be used to describe anything further than Character I Do Not Like or Bad Character. One thing, though, does the character waking the sleeping character know her already? Because the description reads as such.
@Wheezy: I'm doing it for my own (I wanna publish in the near future, but it's going to be hard as hell if nobody wants to publish me (btw, I'm from Argentina, So, obviously, I'll do it in spanish. But thanks for letting me now that I need to improve my english, thanks man) @Matues: Yeah, he knows her already, they've known already for about a month. She found him unconscious and bleeding to death. He's a mercenary and she a resistance leader (I know, a cliché, but meh). She blackmailed him at firs, then they develop an intimate friendship, and finally, after she apologies for blackmailing him, they reconciliate and become lovers (after 2 years)
Well if you're doing it for your own benefit then why should you care if someone thinks the characters are Sueish or not. Hell, why bother even publishing it? If it's just for your own enjoyment you don't need the scrutiny of others. And no, that woman does NOT seem like a Mary Sue in any capacity. I've said it before, people these days take ANYTHING that makes a character unique or special and use it as an excuse to jump up and down screaming "MARY SUE!!!! MAAAAAAAARRRRYYY SUUUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! But the fact is that your Main Characters should be unique and special. After all, if the heroine is just as useless and retarded as all the other worthless schmucks that infest this God-forsaken rock we call home, then why is she the one saving the day and not Worthless Schmuck #1 and #2?
Nah, not Sueish. But yeah, what the others said. As long as it doesn't stretch suspension of disbelief, even a Mary Sue can work.
I never asked for this
The issue that causes Mary Sue here is that conflicting personalities are one of the biggest romantic turn offs. Anyone who's not looking for meaningless one night stands will avoid hostile personalities. The Mary Sue inflicting detail is that he he loves her without having a given reason. From your description we have no details on why he loves her, considering she mistreats him constantly, he just does. He seems unaware of any hidden heart of gold (seeing as he is wishing she would act that way, rather than wishing she would act that way to him) nor does he reference any actions or behaviors that would make him fall in love with her (respect for her determination to her family/squad/army/country/whatever, or matching beliefs about life and the world, etc...) Unless the hero is somehow attracted to the abuse she gives him, he shouldn't be having those emotions just yet. Mary Sues are usually a product of their environment and the people around them. Whether its the character that's always tuned in to the stories logic and flow and always right, or the character who is loved by the hero without an obvious reason.
"You like Castlevania, don't you?"
If you have to ask, then something's wrong with your character. That said, Mary Sue is a meaningless term these days, having mutated into dozens of mutually exclusive definitions. I'd suggest you instead ask "Is my character likeable/interesting/whatever reaction you're hoping for", and for that, we'll need a sample of your writing.
edited 30th May '13 7:29:29 PM by Archereon
This is a signature. There are many like it, but this one is mine.
^ I disagree... and a lot of people just want help and ask to check. There's nothing wrong with asking if a character doesn't come off as annoying or somehow badly written.
Well, it's been a while since I haven't been able to post in here, but I wanted to tell that both liked each other at the beginning, but in a sexual way. However, they didn't had sex until after both become a couple. Their relationship starts when he becomes her bodyguard, then become friends (and she mistreats him only when she's pissed). But otherwise, she's very calm and sweet but him, and both take a chance to get closer, and play the game of seduction, showing their best assets, when they're not dealing with being almost killed almost every single day. If someone wants me to write a description of both I'm gladly going to do it
It's stated on the common mary sue traits page that the traits are ok if they're properly explained. I constantly question myself which is why I'm here. Is there any way to know whether your explanation for a mary sue trait is good enough to have a character not be a sue?
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Total posts: 111