"Bloke" is still fairly common here in NZ.
Most often used in third person rather than second or first. "Got it from a bloke down the road" "who's that bloke over there?" "A couple of blokes came into the workshop last week".
Would be very uncommon to say "you blokes wait here" - more likely "you guys wait here" - regardless of whether they're men, women or a mixed group.
"Couldn't find his/her arse with an atlas" or "Couldn't find his/her arse with both hands".
It's important to say "arse" not "ass". An ass is a donkey or, by extension, an idiot - unless the speaker is deliberately aping US movies as in "badass", "kick your ass" etc. Deliberate Americanisms aside, whether it's sore, fat, "needing a good boot up the", or getting it over here, it's "arse".
If you're being "polite" (for the sake of the listeners, not the person being described, natch), substitute "bum" for "arse" - here a bum is your backside, not a tramp.
Others range from the obscure:
"(s)he couldn't fuck a frog trotting"
to more prevalent:
- "couldn't organise/manage a piss-up in a brewery"
- "couldn't organise/manage a fart at a curry-eating contest"
- "couldn't organise/manage a fuck in a brothel"
Or you could be more "direct" and say "Christ, he's a useless bastard/prick/cunt"
Or there's the more polite "as useless as tits on a bull."
edited 4th Apr '13 4:42:09 PM by Wolf1066