Help me write- SOMETHING!:

Total posts: [108]
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And pies get chucked at Stephanie, but she manages to duck them. It does alter her route, a bit, especially as she's currently going in the wrong direction; this implies an improbability storm on the horizon.
WARNING: Eating radioactive chocolate chip cookies can cause atomic piles.
Terracotta Soldier Man
The princess's maid is secretly madly in love with her mistress.
78 Philosopher13th Mar 2013 09:21:16 PM from Behind the Wall
The thing with the red gold crown.
The princess gets asked by Russians for direction.
It comes. The corrupter comes.
Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
79 Sijo17th Mar 2013 07:53:29 AM from Puerto Rico
CHAPTER 9, part 1

(Yes I decided to split this in parts to make it easier to write. Sorry about the delay BTW, I've been busy.)

Princess Stephanie’s Castle:

“Milady” a guard said to the Princess’ handmaiden, “we received another message from our spy in Sir Alphonse’s ship. The crew have separated from the knight and his allies; that means he will no longer be able to inform us on their activities.”

“What about The Princess? Any news?”

“No, sorry.”

The maid then dismissed the guard. As soon as she was alone, she began to cry.

They were tears of worry, for her beloved princess, of course. But they were more than that, as well. She only realized it now that they had been first separated since she was appointed to take care of her, but her love for Stephanie was deeper than just a friend’s. No wonder she was so jealous of her obsession with Alphonse! But, she dared not tell anyone about thhis. Who knows how they’d react… especially the princess herself? She just prayed for Stephanie’s safety…

Meanwhile, on a beach near the living windmill, Whitey The Rat emerged from the sea, having swum all the way to the shore. He emerged wet and cursing.

“I’m surprised you survived that” a voice said.

“Who’s there?” the rat demanded.

“Up here” the voice said. Whitey looked up, and saw a bird wearing glasses sitting on a tree branch.

“That was an interesting contraption you were riding. Did you make it?" the bird asked.

“Indeed! For I’m Whitey, The World’s smartest rat!”

“Ohh, really. Well, I’m Harold the Finch. What brings you here, rat?”

“I’m looking for an old inventor and his friends. They were on that ship half-sunk over there.”

“Why, are they friends of yours?”

“On the contrary, they are my enemies!”

“Ah, good, because I can’t stand them, either.”

“So, you know what they are doing?”

“I’ve got some of my bird allies keeping an eye on them.”

“Could you lead me to them, then?”

“Will you cause them mischief?”

“You bet!”

“Very well, follow me!” the bird said, and then took off, with the rat following close behind.

Meanwhile, the heroes were now father up north along the road.

The writer had been reading the alchemy book.

“…It says here that to make the Elixir of Life, we need something called the Philosopher’s Stone. And that it’s somewhere in Surtur’s lands. Which should be right around…”

(they reach the top of a hill)


(Before them, a plain of nothing but bubbling hot lava stretched)

“How are we going to cross that?” the Dragon asked. “Even I couldn’t walk unscorched through it.”

“There must be a path somewhere” Cornudo thought aloud.

“Don’t bet on it” a tiny, female voice said.

“Who said that?” the writer asked.

A tiny fireball suddenly drifted free from the smoking lava, and slowly floated near to them. It then stopped in mid-air, its flames rearranging into a solid, female form, the size of a little girl. She had adult body proportions, however, and was wearing a sexy red dress, and holding what looked like a long-stem cigarette holder in one hand.

“I’m Pyra, the fire fairy. I watch over the Land of Fire while Master Surtur is away. Who are you?”

“We are… the companions of Sir Alphonse, Knight of the Southlands” the writer explained. “He is under a curse, and we are looking for the philosopher’s stone to help cure him.”

“Oh, is that all? You need not cross the valley of fire to get it. Here, have one” she said, and tapped her cigarette holder on one hand; its ashes fell on her open palm, where they coalesced into a reddish stone.

“…What, you’re just giving it away, just like that?” Cornudo asked, suspiciously.

“We have plenty of them here. But you can choose not to believe me if you don’t want, it’s the same to me.”

“No, it’s Ok, we’ll take it” the writer said, glad not to have to brave the infernal valley. “Wait, did you say that Surtur is not home right now?”

“That is correct, he’s out looking for metals to smite. Why do you ask?”

“Well… I understand he build that crazy windmill near the ocean, right?”

“Oh yes. And he’s furious that the thing turned against him.”

“Wouldn’t he like to, you know, put it back under control? Because the thing is a menace to everyone, right now.”

“He tried, but he couldn’t defeat it alone.”

“Maybe if he joined forces with Ymir…” the writer hinted.

“Join forces? They’d sooner smash each other!”

“Just run the idea past him, will you?”

“Hmm… very well. I’m making no promises, however.”

With that, the fairy returned to being a fireball, and went back into the lava field, while the heroes turned around and returned down the road they had come.

A while later, they group comes along the Old Man’s house again, and again ask him to allow them to rest there, which he does.

Alphonse calls The Writer and Professor Cornudo over, pointing to the philosopher’s stone, then at himself.

“You want to try using the stone?” the writer guessed. “But we still need other ingredients to make the elixir of life!”

The knight hit the sides of his helm in a clear gesture of desperation.

“…Yeah, I can see how you’d be desperate to escape your situation” the writer said. “Ok, let’s try it, see what happens.”

The writer then touched the reddish stone to the knight's helmet, and concentrated.

Sparkles appeared in the air around them. For a few tense seconds, none of them moved, waiting to see what would happen.

Then suddenly- the helm changed color, turning golden!

“Are you better?” Cornudo asked.

The knight shook his head sadly.

"Huh. I guess the stone just turned the iron into gold. That’s something alchemists always looked for” the writer said.

“A lot of good that does him now” Cornudo added bitterly.

“Don’t give up yet. We’ll try again once we have the other ingredients.”

The three of them then went to sleep.

That night, The Writer finally had a dream again.

It wasn’t about his returning home, sadly. Instead, he dreamed of a storm on the horizon- a literal storm, one that made improbable things happen. For some reason, it scared him- so much, he woke up, and mumbled, “Chaos magic!” It was coming, a lot of it, and somehow, he knew it had to do with- him. Maybe Idioma WAS right- maybe he wasn’t supposed to be part of the story, and his presence was tearing this world apart?

The next day, the group continued down the road. Just as they were about to leave, the strange old man with the “living” beard caught up with them.

“Hey, you folks heading down to the inn?”

“Well, we’ll pass by it, anyway” the writer said.

“Good! Can I got with ya? It’s safer ta travel in groups, don’tcha know.”

“Umm, I have no problem with that” he said, although the man’s twitching, octopus-like beard did freak him a little. He looked at the others, but no one said anything.

“Great! Btw, me name’s Nantucket.”

.*Stares* “…Seriously?”

“Yeah. Why, you got a problem with that?”

“No, no” the writer said, and hurried along.

(To Be Continued)

80 Sijo19th Mar 2013 09:17:26 PM from Puerto Rico
A few hours later, they reached the inn/tavern where there had been a big fight the last time they passed through. But they needed to eat and drink –well everyone in the group except Alphonse and the Chief- so they decided to go in. But they approached it carefully.

They peered through a window. Everything seemed calm…

“…The name of the Princess of the Land of Ice?”

“Stephanie!!!”several gruff voices responded merrily.

“Ehh, that was too easy”the first voice said. “Ok, how about this?: Who built the Living Windmill?”

“Ymir!” one man said.


“Surtur!” another said.


“Ah, they are playing a pop quiz game” Nantucket said. “That means they are in a good mood. The owner always quiets the customers with games. The rewards are usually worth it.”

The group then decided to enter (except Benedict, who waited outside.)

“The name of the knight whom Stephanie almost married?” was the innkeeper’s next question.

“Alphonse!” a familiar, female voice cheerfully said.

The knight’s group looked in its direction. There, sitting in a table, was Bullet, surrounded by her men.

They made their way over to her.

“Fancy seeing you on land” the writer said.

“Whoa! Tis you people!” she gasped. “What be ye doing over these parts?”

“Our ship got sunk” Cornudo explained. “By a pie hurling windmill.”

They expected her to laugh, but she nodded. “Aye, aye. Me ship was attacked by it as well, when we came close ta the coast ta avoid an enemy of mine. Barely made it away safely, and still had to land fer repairs.”

“So your ship still works?” Cornudo asked. “Would you mind giving us a ride home?”

“Well… what’s in it fer me?”

“The writer produced the philosopher’s stone. “See this? It can turn iron into gold. Help us revive Alphonse, and you can have it afterwards?”

She gave them a look of disbelief, but the writer proved it by touching it to Alphonse’s left glove, turning it into pure gold before her eyes.

“Ok, ya got a deal!” she said happily.

Suddenly, a yell was heard across the room. It was Old Man Nantucket. “WHAT DID YOU SAY!?” he screamed furiously. “I’ll SHOW you what I do with my beard!”

Then, in a matter of seconds, the strands of hair in his beard began to intertwine, effectively knitting into a solid form- two forms, to be exact; a pair of brawny, animated arms! He then charged into the man who offended him, and knocked him with them across the room, into a table, whose occupants took offense to HIS attack, and thus charged at him.

“Aw, here we go again” Cornudo lamented.

In a few seconds, the room was a big brawl, with fists, kegs and chairs flying all over, and the innkeeper facepalming.

The heroes, Bullet and her men then dashed outside as fast as they could.

A while later, after Bullet sent her men back to their ship, she joined the group and walked alongside them down a road.

They stopped under an old tree’s shade to rest. The writer read from the Alchemy book. “Ok, the next ingredient we need for the elixir of life happens to lie in… Ymir’s castle.”

A beat.

“So, uh… anyone knows where that is?”

Everyone shook their heads.

“I do” a voice like an old man’s said.

“Who said that?” Bullet asked, looking all around her. “Come out so we can see ye!”

“I am here” the voice responded. “Behind you- and above you.”

Everyone looked up-

-and noticed the tree had a FACE on it!

“An Ent!” Cornudo gasped.

“Indeed” the tree said.

“You know the way to Ymir’s castle?” the writer asked.

“Yes, and I will tell you how to reach it.”

“Wait, why?” Bullet said, suspiciously.

“Because I overheard your story as you chatted, and helping such a noble quest appeals to me."

“OK, we believe you” the writer said. “So, how do we get there?”

“Just follow the road along the coast to the south, until you reach a forest. Enter it, then cross it until you reach the snow-capped mountains. The castle is easy to find there.”

“Wait, ALONG the coast?” Bullet protested. “But that’s where that bedamned windmill is!”

“Yes, I fear so. You’ll have to find some way to bypass it on your own.”

“Thanks, Old One” Benedict said to the Ent, and then the group continued walking to the coast.

Not long thereafter, the group was hiding behind some reeds, observing the mechanical windmill as it sat on the edge of a cliff.

“We need a distraction… if only we knew what sets it off” Cornudo wondered aloud. “It could be living beings, or machines, or sounds, or-"

“We need a test” the writer concluded. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers. “Of course! Chief!”

The living Wooden Indian then stared at him.

“Would you be willing to risk yourself for the test?”

(stares at the writer, its expression unreadable)

“Come on, you’re the least likely it would attack, and the most likely to survive if it does attack you.”

(it seemed to be thinking about it. Finally, it nodded.)

“Here” Bullet said, snapping a reed and poking some holes in it with her knife. “Add some noise, it might help distract it.”

“I can play that, give it to me” the writer said. “If it works, the rest of you walk low to the ground. Hopefully the bushes at the base of the cliff will hide you while you reach the forest.”

A few moments later, The Chief, backed up by a rendition of Hail to the Chief played on the reed, began marching up the cliff towards the windmill.

At first, it did appear not to react.

Then it hurled a pie at the Chief, as if testing its target.

It splattered on its face, but it continued to march in a circle, seemingly uncaring.

More pies cam. Soon the wooden statue was covered in pie stuff.

Meanwhile, everyone except Benedict (who was too large to sneak by) and the writer had managed to cross past the cliff into the forest.

Eventually, the pies stopped coming, as if the mill had decided the Indian was no threat. The writer stopped playing, and whispered to the dragon:

“Stay here. We’ll be back as soon as we can.”

Benedict nodded, and the writer then snuck past the mill as well.

He then signaled, and the Indian simply walked past the now-quiet mill into the forest.

“Nice job, woody” Cornudo said to it. “Here, let me clean you up. I have a rag and some wood polish that I used on the ornithopter still with me.”

“Okay, things should be easier from now on-" the writer started to said, but was interrupted when Bullet screamed “WINGED SNAKES!!” –and indeed, a bunch of them flew down from the sky on top of them!

Meanwhile, somewhere in the sea, Princess Stephanie continued to run over the waves.

She did not realize the impossibility of this. Or the fact that she had been running FOR DAYS without tiring.

There was only ONE thought that consumed her mind: ALPHONSE! MUST BE! HERS!!


A pie hit her on the face.

Even that might have not snapped her out of her state, if not for the fact that she got cake filling in her eyes and could not see.

She stopped, standing on the water without sinking. She wiped her face clean, as saw a shore with a windmill in the distance. She couldn’t think about her situation however, as MORE pies began hitting her!

“ARRGHH!!” she screamed, her rage returning. She started running again, this time away from the mill, but otherwise, still not even thinking of where she was going. Now she was heading towards a strange, green storm cloud in the horizon.

A short while later, she reached the storm.

Suddenly, a ship appeared out of nothing!

Two scruffy sailors looked over the side, and saw Stephanie.

“Must be a rusalka” one said to the other, speaking with a Russian accent.

Then he shouted at her: “Oh maiden of the sea! Excuse me! Could you tell me where we be? We seem to be lost.”

But Stephanie ignored them and continued running past them.

“Oh well” the sailor said. “I guess we will have to-“

Suddenly, he stumbled over a wooden object.

“Hey, who put teeter-totter on the deck!?”

“Don’t know” the other sailor said, “we did not even have one on board! It just appeared!!”

Then suddenly, the totter moved by itself, launching the sailor standing on it straight upwards into the sky!

“Nyeeeeeeeet!” he screamed, as he vanished over the clouds....

(End part 9)

edited 19th Mar '13 9:18:25 PM by Sijo

Terracotta Soldier Man
The ship with the Russians is revealed to be a ballistic missile submarine.

Also, a demonstration of strength from a character no one expects to be very strong.
82 Victin20th Mar 2013 06:26:53 AM from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil , Relationship Status: LET'S HAVE A ZILLION BABIES
Just a perfect day

edited 20th Mar '13 6:27:01 AM by Victin

83 Philosopher20th Mar 2013 07:07:14 AM from Behind the Wall
The thing with the red gold crown.
Have a crow that only capable of saying never more and other crow noises join the group and become the writter's pet. It hisses like a nesting goose at Papyrus. When the crow is introduced have a character that no one would suspect recite Poe's the Raven.

Bob's evil counterpart is a cyborg Tyrannosaurus Rex. Alphone's evil counterpart is the bishop from a small country in the near west. The Bishop is rumored to have killed a dragon with an acorn once.

One of the flying snakes beats up several penguins and they blame the injuries on the penguins falling on dolphins.

Princess Stephanie is attacked by a pirate ship manned by pirate monkeys whose captain is a rubber ducky and their first mate is a giant Tokyo Gecko that speaks Chinese.

edited 20th Mar '13 7:42:45 AM by Philosopher

It comes. The corrupter comes.
Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
One of the pies is HAL 3000.

A talking mushroom guards the way.

The flight path is blocked by an aerodile.

edited 23rd Mar '13 2:39:22 PM by LizE

WARNING: Eating radioactive chocolate chip cookies can cause atomic piles.
85 Philosopher23rd Mar 2013 02:51:46 PM from Behind the Wall
The thing with the red gold crown.
Have a wildfire in chapter 10 with a giant Bear from the depths of hell its self coming out of the flames.
It comes. The corrupter comes.
Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
86 Victin23rd Mar 2013 02:54:59 PM from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil , Relationship Status: LET'S HAVE A ZILLION BABIES
Just a perfect day
Oh, alternatively, Bob, Papyrus and the personification of the Latin language were together all along. Or something like that.

EDIT: [up] Funny you say that, I have a pic of a demon bear. Want me to link it here?

edited 23rd Mar '13 2:55:44 PM by Victin

87 Sijo23rd Mar 2013 03:04:07 PM from Puerto Rico

And part 10 is coming, don't worry. ;)
88 Philosopher23rd Mar 2013 03:12:36 PM from Behind the Wall
The thing with the red gold crown.

What if Bob was a hypnotized agent so even he didn't know who he was working for.

edited 23rd Mar '13 3:13:18 PM by Philosopher

It comes. The corrupter comes.
Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
89 Victin23rd Mar 2013 03:37:15 PM from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil , Relationship Status: LET'S HAVE A ZILLION BABIES
Just a perfect day
Link. There was also some flavor text for it:
"Ever since the time Kukulach the Greedy smelled his own searing flesh whilst in a battle with a fire sorcerer he could not stop thinking about the delicious aroma of his own burning meat."
90 Sijo25th Mar 2013 09:32:31 PM from Puerto Rico

Part One

While the flying snakes' attack was unexpected, that didn’t mean the adventurers were caught flat-footed. They were expecting danger in this unknown forest, and reacted quickly to it.

Bullet and Alphonse drew their swords, and started hacking at the snacks before they could be bit. The writer wasn’t armed, however, and barely managed to grab a snake by the throat and hold it off his face. Fortunately the Chief, himself immune to the snake bites, helped him by chopping the head off the snake with his wooden tomahawk.

However, Professor Cornudo was attacked by a larger snake- a winged contrictor snake, as it coiled itself around him, trying to crush him. The others tried to reach him, but before they did, they were astonished to see the old man flex his muscles and wrestle the thing off his body, killing it by twisting its head around in the process!

They surviving snakes, spooked by their losses, soon flew away.

Everyone stared at Cornudo. “What?” he said, amused. “You think a man my age cannot keep in shape? I may not be a fighter, but I made sure to exercise well back at my island.”

On the branches above them, the leader of the snakes stopped and spoke to a bird. It was Harold.

“We couldn’t get them, they were too strong!”

“Ehh, don’t worry. We’ll get them later” the bespectacled Finch replied.

Back in the Skyward Brothers’ Flying Circus, Bob the Wizard was studying magic in his tent. Under the light of a candle, he read from a book about chaos magic, having been inspired by Cornudo’s words about his potential to master it.

However, as he read, something strange happened. The letters seemed to rearrange themselves. Was it his imagination? Or a chaos manifestation? He concentrated harder, trying to make sense of things. Soon he was in a deep trance.

The letters arranged themselves into the following words: “Cast the following Spell” followed by series of magic words. Unconsciously, Bob did so. “Now forget that you did.” He then awoke, with no memory of what happened, other than a sensation of dizziness…

Somewhere in the sea, The Alexandrian cut is way though the waves unaffected by the sea water.

In his personal cabin, Captain Papyrus was engaging in his second favorite activity, reading (robbing being the first) when a phenomenom similar to what happened to Bob’s book happened to his, except in this case, the letters formed a man’s face.

“Ahh, Idioma. I was wondering when ya would show up.”

“Silence, you fool! No one can know I am directly interfering!”

“Watch yer tone, spirit. Don’t forget whose magic is it that allows ya to manifest in the first place!”

The face scowled at him, but did not retort. Instead it said, “Just do your part and you’ll be amply rewarded.”

“Now that’s more like it” the pirate gloated.

“The writer is currently heading towards Ymir’s castle” Idioma added. “Just follow the coordinates I have written here, and you’ll find him- and Captain Bullet as well.”

“Even better. I shall have the ship head there immediately.”

With that, the face disappeared.

(End Part One)

(Hold on the suggestions while I finish the chapter, folks.)

(Comments are OK, however. wink )

edited 25th Mar '13 9:45:39 PM by Sijo

91 Victin26th Mar 2013 05:23:44 AM from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil , Relationship Status: LET'S HAVE A ZILLION BABIES
Just a perfect day
I'm excited to see the next part! grin This story is very interesting smile
92 Philosopher26th Mar 2013 06:32:30 AM from Behind the Wall
The thing with the red gold crown.
I really like this. Could I turn this into an ebook format and upload to my kindle for personal use?
It comes. The corrupter comes.
Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
93 Sijo26th Mar 2013 08:04:37 AM from Puerto Rico
I'm glad to see you folks are enjoying it. smile And sure, you can E-book it if you want- just don't sell it without giving me part of the earnings! [lol]

More story soon!!

94 Philosopher26th Mar 2013 09:01:06 AM from Behind the Wall
The thing with the red gold crown.
Naa. I was just going to use Calibre to make one for myself. I wouldn't upload it to Amazon.
It comes. The corrupter comes.
Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
95 Sijo3rd Apr 2013 07:09:55 PM from Puerto Rico
Hey everybody! No I haven't given up on this, I've just had several distractions lately, including work, the Easter weekend festivities and even power blackouts! But I promise I'll be back soon with more story! smile

edited 3rd Apr '13 7:10:20 PM by Sijo

96 Victin19th Apr 2013 10:34:27 AM from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil , Relationship Status: LET'S HAVE A ZILLION BABIES
Just a perfect day
Is this still going on?
97 Sijo19th Apr 2013 12:47:20 PM from Puerto Rico
Yeah, sorry about the delays, folks. But those power blackouts continued intermittently for a week; on top of that, I had an epileptic seizure last Saturday. Looks like Life conspires to keep me from writing. -_-

But not for long! I'll post something very soon, promise! grin

98 Victin19th Apr 2013 01:39:52 PM from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil , Relationship Status: LET'S HAVE A ZILLION BABIES
Just a perfect day
:0 An epiletic seizure? Are you okay?
99 Sijo19th Apr 2013 03:49:18 PM from Puerto Rico
Yes. Sorry, I hadn't mentioned it? I'm epileptic, been since 2004, for only God knows what reason since I never hit my head, have anything in my brain that scans can detect, etc. And no, it's not triggered by flashing lights, I've been tested for that. Still, I mostly have a normal life, it's been 6 months since my last one in fact. But you never know when these will happen (at least I don't remember them either- I just wake up feeling like someone beat me up.) I'm more pissed off by the way this restricts my job opportunities. Money is pretty tight right now. -_-

But enough of that! This place is for having fun, and that's what I intend to do. Just let me get back into my writing groove! wink

100 Victin19th Apr 2013 04:09:27 PM from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil , Relationship Status: LET'S HAVE A ZILLION BABIES
Just a perfect day
surprised Oh, man, I hope everything gets better soon smile Cheers! ~(^u^~)

Total posts: 108
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