Villain Critique Thread (Because Its About Damn Time!):

Total posts: [1,208]
1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 49
1 Lunacorva15th Oct 2012 04:02:32 PM , Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
Everyone here loves a good villain, (PUT YOUR HAND DOWN MAN IN SEAT 24!!). And being writers, many of us enjoy creating villains of our own. But how well would these baddies stand up under the public eye? Well here's your chance to find out! Use the profile below to post your own personal villains, then let the comments flow. Just remember to comment on someone else's baddie before posting your own.

Name: This is the square root of 42

Age: Ten thousand year old sorceror or Enfant Terrible? Take your pick (No you are not limited to just those two options)

Personality: That little thing that separates us from George Bush.

Abilities: What is it that makes him a threat?

Weaknesses: Because no one likes a Villain Sue

Goals: What does he want to accomplish?

Motivation: Everyone has a reason. (Although not necessarily a justification.)

Role in the story: What does he actually DO??

Backstory: This one's optional since there are some villains (like The Joker) who are far more effective when you know nothing about them.


Okay, might as well test the waters.

Name: Delth Hakiner (real name Jesh Kualim)

Age: 34

Personality: Calm, yet aggressive. Sadistic, analytical, spiteful.

Abilities: Telekinesis, telepath capable of mind control. Talented and aggressive fighter capable of near superhuman strength. Studies his targets, uses their psychological state against them.

Weaknesses: When provoked, tends to snap and forget reason. Has a brain tumour that gets worse when he uses his telekinesis too much. Despite much hatred, has to keep the hero alive (justified though, not sure if I should say why).

Goals: Destruction and suffering of the Human race.

Motivation: Feels that his kind's destiny was robbed by a Human, fueled by both cultural and personal hatred for them. See backstory.

Role in the story: The Dragon, shadow archetype of the two main protagonists.

Backstory: A Rasacala born of the name Jesh Kualim, the Rasacala are a barbaric alien race that worship death and waged war against mankind. Once his kind attempted to bring about a physical incarnation of Death, he enthusiastically followed their belief that once Death had arisen it would choose an equal, fulfilling their race's destiny. Once the supposed "Death" appeared, it chose its equal as a Human, Jesh was devastated and furious. However, he began to study his own kind more, beginning to believe that their worship of Death is a sham and that while their hatred of Humans were right, their vision of Death was not. Thus he creates his own role and abandoning his old heritage, assuming a new role as Death's Harbinger.

Relevant tropes: Achilles' Heel, Dangerously Genre Savvy, The Dreaded, Nigh Invulnerable, Genius Bruiser
My name is darthnazgul and TV Tropes has ruined my life.
3 Lunacorva15th Oct 2012 07:19:41 PM , Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
Okay, I like this guy already. Looks like he'd make a good Knight of Cerebus Hero Killer.

Something I would suggest, is that you do some research into Real Life warrior cultures to avoid making his people into the "Black Hat Race".

So? Any more takers?
After reading the Knight of Cerebus trope, I'd say it surprisingly fits him to a T. He's definitely intended that way or at least to invoke it.

And yeah, should probably read up on warrior culture. Will probably do that tomorrow.
My name is darthnazgul and TV Tropes has ruined my life.
5 FallenLegend15th Oct 2012 10:37:38 PM from Navel Of The Moon.
Craziest of all
@Darth Nazgul

I like your character already But I think he is missing something.

A good side (perhaps I am missing it, of that's the case please excuse this), not about skills but morality. For example David Xanatos from gargoyles hated revenge in that sense he was better to the hero Goliath.

About the motivation I could see him hating some human in particular, But I think he might need bigger reasons to be evil to everyone that isn't a main character.For instance Demona for gargoyles had a similar reasoning but it was masking a more personal issue.

That being said every side of your character seems strong and I like competent villains, specially if they are good at psychology and manipulation. :).He seems to be very interesting.

My villain

Name: Luna (human)/Vanisha "the eternal fairy"

Age: She thinks she is 13 but she has a lifespan covering Millions of years.

Personality: Without her memories she is just a repressed (mainly anger from psychological bulling), innocent shy but kind person. With her memories she is a serious, manipulative charismatic and very assertive. But selfish and very very cynical, pessimistic to the point of being almost nihilistic.

Abilities: When she is a normal girl she is completely harmless. With memories she "transforms" into a " dark magical girl". she has limited magical skills, strength and is a very competent/agile fighter. But her main weapon is her intellect She is very smart and psychologically manipulative.

Weaknesses:She is lonely, and doesn't believe in any ideal like love (because she was hurt). Her desire for true love is too strong to bear to the point it will impair her judgment.She is also too overconfident of her abilities. She also secretly hates herself very very much.

Her human self couldn't hurt a fly and is very weak willed and even weaker psychically.

Goals: Supposedly she wants to regain her nearly unlimited power to have absolute control of the world. In reality (something she won't admit) she just wants to be loved.

Motivation: Nothing would make her happier than having a true friend. But she wants to "regain her full power" but she is just causing trouble in a faint attempt to be noticed and loved. She is angry/disappointed with humanity in general

She also takes revenge of anyone that wronged her when she is normal human.

Role in the story:First villain and being The complete opposite of my heroine character who isn't special at all but very idealistic.She represents cynicism and how gaining the world is meaningless if you lose your heart.

Backstory:Long story short: a godlike (Reality Warper level) goddess fairy couldn't withstand loneliness so she became a human girl.

But that human girl isn't having an easy life either (bullying). The little girl doesn't know it (she doesn't remember or even aware of having magical abilities) but she is becoming at night an "evil magical girl". Transformed she has all of her memories as a goddess fairy and as a weak girl but only a small fraction of her magical power.

Relevant Tropes: Shrinking Violet, Manipulative Bastard, Superpowered Alter Ego, Superpowered Evil Side, Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass

edited 15th Oct '12 11:13:48 PM by FallenLegend

Make your hearth shine through the darkest night; let it transform hate into kindness, evil into justice, and loneliness into love.
6 Lunacorva18th Oct 2012 03:10:01 AM , Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
@Darth Nazgul

Personally I would disagree with that comment. I know Anti-Villains are in style at the moment, but the fact is that you can have a Complete Monster who is still an interesting and well developed character. Just be sure to keep him consistent and avoid making him Stupid Evil
7 nrjxll18th Oct 2012 05:02:41 AM , Relationship Status: Not war
Both for the sake of preventing yet more misuse and for the sake of helping people write better villains, I'm going to point out now that there's a huge area in between Complete Monster and Anti-Villain.
8 Lunacorva18th Oct 2012 05:44:54 AM , Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
[up] Touche. So do you have a villain of your own you'd like to add.

@ Fallen Legend: while I admit that I'm not as much of a fan of this one as I am of the last, I can still see potential here. Just remember to keep in mind the DESTROYER part of Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds. I understand wanting to make your villain sympathetic, but be weary of making her too sympathetic. If the audiences pity for her begins to outweigh their fear, then you may want to take a step back. Still this dual nature of Luna could create some really terrifying Mood Whiplash for the audience, as well as keeping them on their toes, they can't decide whether she want's to hurt the others or help them, which makes her scarily unpredictable.
9 MrAHR18th Oct 2012 07:30:33 AM from ಠ_ಠ , Relationship Status: A cockroach, nothing can kill it.
Ahr river
For this Luna villain it really depends on execution. A harmless 13 year old girl could be: tragic, creepy, pathetic, or mysterious, and all have an enticing read as any of those traits.

It is interesting though, since you have your typical dual natured thing going on. Although a woobie route might be a little clichéd...

Name: Is referred to as Twitch

Age: Is currently 21

Personality: A mute, albino of ambiguous gender who has very odd tendencies. Constantly his trees whenever travelling, always waves at people until they wave back. Initially could not read, but taught itself how to, so now feels the urge to read everything and anything. Usually cheerful, but frequently suffers from panic attacks. Has been known to speak, but only a few have heard it.

Abilities: Powerful blood mage. Can mind control people, torture them, and will soon be able to call up zombies.

Weaknesses: This is a LARP character, so the weaknesses are in the stats. No armor, so no damage reduction, runs a pure mage build, so no sword, and is rather squishy. Personality wise, quick to anger, and does not understand basic concepts like gender, sex, love, and who is allowed to be killed.

Goals: To fulfill its purpose, which involves an act of terrorism against the world and temporarily crumble it.

Motivation: Was raised in a cult who taught it that it was a prophet, and must do the goals above. A non violent cult, but very strict on a you-sin-you-get-punished route, which has led Twitch to be a bit of a self harmer.

Role in the story: Currently is a good guy with the main group. A bit of an outcast, as it has used mind control for the Greater Good before, which many people dislike and have threatened to kill it before. When Twitch reaches max level, it will leave and come back as a villain, which will involve the rest of the folks trying to stop it.

Backstory: Born in a cult. Was mutilated to be genderless. Yeah. Not much else to say.

Relevant Tropes: I'll think about it...

edited 18th Oct '12 7:40:30 AM by MrAHR

10 Bisected818th Oct 2012 09:29:55 AM from Her Hackette Cave , Relationship Status: In another castle
Maximum sadness
Mr AHR: He sounds pretty cool, as far as sympathetic-but-creepy villains go. The only thing I can think of is that their backstory says more "The Dragon" than "Big Bad" to me (it feels like there's a Man Behind the Man somewhere).
Name: The Warden

Age: Middle Aged (possibly younger due to stress).

Personality: Basically a Social Darwinist who refuses to accept anyone outside his "tribe" (see backstory) survived the apocalypse. He was taught to believe in "chaos" but doesn't quite understand what that means (basically, his philosphy sounds like the kind of thing you'd expect from a politically ignorant teen who's just read a book on some area of it). Think along the lines of The Joker going through a midlife crisis.

Abilities: Armed with some of the few remaining 23rd century weapons and armour (basically what the prison guards had)?

Weaknesses: Like his men, he lacks actual understanding of the technology (it's not even had any maintenance in the last century), goes squish as easily as any other human and has a massive ego.

Goals: To maintain his position in the tribe at all costs and destroy any hint that anyone outside of it survived the apocalypse.

Motivation: He attacked the protagonist's vehicle, killed the driver and wants to kill her solely so he can carry on pretending that his "people" were the only ones who survived the apocalypse.

Role in the story: He's the reason the protagonist ends up stranded an the beginning of the game. Apart from his mooks making her vehicle crash, and capturing/killing the driver while you're completing the first area, he and his tribe don't show up until the latter half of the game, aside from some hints (encountering them is essentially what opens up the last area) and he realises that someone else survived the crash. When the player gathers all the Plot Coupons they need, he and his gang make their move and he serves as the Final Boss.

Backstory: The Warden's power base is in a prison in a ruined city. Said prison was a maximum security jail (located in a city as an experiment to see if an urban environment would prove harder to escape from in the event of a jailbreak). When the apocalypse struck, a riot broke out in the prison and the inmates took it over. Most of the city's citizens either fled the city or were captured by the prisoners and enslaved. Warden's father "executed" the prison's warden (actually a machine designed to look over the prison, which he severely damaged) and claimed the title for himself, his son inherited it and wasn't given a "real" name. The Warden was raised under the belief that only the prisoners could possibly have survived the apocalypse (the fact that all their captives died after being worked to death was given as evidence) and they were practically gods compared to other humans. A lack of medical care and old age have taken their toll, so he "rules" over something closer to a small gang (about 20 people) rather than the kingdom he's so convinced he's master of.

Relevant Tropes: Social Darwinist, Absolute Xenophobe, Wasteland Elder (evil example, obviously), Politically Incorrect Villain (he's convinced that his "tribe" of assorted hardened criminals and their descendants were a master race, imprisoned out of fear), Berserk Button (any implication that someone understands how the looted technology he owns works will...upset him).

edited 18th Oct '12 9:31:41 AM by Bisected8

11 FallenLegend18th Oct 2012 10:05:26 AM from Navel Of The Moon.
Craziest of all
@Lunacorva and mrahr

Thank you for your feedback. I will use your feedback and make some changes smile
Make your hearth shine through the darkest night; let it transform hate into kindness, evil into justice, and loneliness into love.
12 nrjxll18th Oct 2012 04:37:09 PM , Relationship Status: Not war
So do you have a villain of your own you'd like to add.

No, I just thought it was important to point that out (particularly since I'm semi-actively involved in the Complete Monster cleanup thread).
13 Lunacorva18th Oct 2012 05:02:50 PM , Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
Cool, just wondering.

Out of curiosity, what IS your definition of a Complete Monster? Because I define it as: "A villain who regularly commits atrocities without remorse or adequet justification". As opposed to the other definition of "Villain that everyone hates." since to me that's covered by The Scrappy or Hate Sink.
14 nrjxll18th Oct 2012 05:32:15 PM , Relationship Status: Not war
* facepalm *

My definition of Complete Monster is the one written on the page.

edited 18th Oct '12 5:32:35 PM by nrjxll

15 Masterofchaos18th Oct 2012 06:31:54 PM from the void , Relationship Status: In Lesbians with you
its marie! by potarafusions

That's a little harsh...
16 nrjxll18th Oct 2012 06:35:16 PM , Relationship Status: Not war
[up]After seeing literally hundreds of incorrect examples - many of which probably stemmed from this kind of personal dictionary thing - I can't say I agree.

If anyone wants to continue this line of discussion further, though, I suggest taking it to PMs. I've already derailed this thread too much.
Name: Red Robert

Age: 34

Personality: Slow to anger, calm, composed, yet distant and cold at the same time.

Abilities: General magical abilities, which are rather rare and shunned in his world. While above average intelligence, he is not a genius, but he is very good with words. He understands emotions well, so he can manipulate in that way, outside of battle and behind the scenes.

Weaknesses: While physically well built, he is horrible in melee combat. He is not particularly skilled in analysis in battle, so he relies on predetermined plans to work, and random guesses when those are rendered ineffective.

Goals: Using the plan of overthrowing the "corrupt" lords and bringing the land into a new age of prosperity with everyone given an equal chance as a cover, he truly intends to become empire and consolidate power and wealth for himself. Tries to hide under the guise of a Robin Hood-esque figure.

Role in the Story: The villain in the background, who has his threads and strings pulling everywhere, that affects everyone, in a rather subtle way.

Backstory: For the moment I'm unsure.

Relevant Tropes: Big Bad, Man Behind the Man, and Manipulative Bastard. Can't think of others.
18 KyleJacobs18th Oct 2012 10:36:36 PM from DC - Southern efficiency, Northern charm , Relationship Status: One True Dodecahedron
Name: Seth Williams

Age: Mid Forties

Personality: Underneath everything, frighteningly cold and calculating. The surface he presents to people varies depending on what he thinks will get the reaction he wants at the time.

Abilities: Master manipulator and actor - almost always knows what he needs to say and do to convince people that he's actually in the right. In addition, he is a very capable soldier and an expert in hand to hand combat.

Weaknesses: Doesn't like to cooperate or follow orders. He treats anyone who tries to compete with him as an enemy, and this tendency often results in him pulling his attention away from the task at hand. In addition, many of his schemes rely on his own abilities, and as formidable as he is, he still has a slightly inflated sense of his skill.

Goals: He wants as much power as possible, but he'd much rather manipulate his way towards it than take it by force. To him, it's so much sweeter to get someone to willingly surrender everything than it is to seize it from them. The latter is a leash, the former is power.

Motivation: He's a sociopath with a very real psychological need to dominate people.

Role in the story: He's the leader of the CIA team in charge of wiping out the DC Resistance. As noted above, he likes to personally take part in things, so he gives himself a fair amount of front-line work as well as behind-the-scenes scheming. Also, STORY SPOILING SPOILER: The entire plot is essentially one massive Batman Gambit on his part with three goals. First, disguise a coup d'etat as a victory over the Resistance. Second, wipe out the resistance's leadership. Third, take personal control of the Resistance and use them to terrify people into the belief that giving Seth more and more power over them will keep them safe. In order to do this, he personally infiltrates the DC branch of the Resistance and plays both sides against each other to escalate the existing conflict into all out war while giving himself access to the upper leadership. And by "Infiltrate," I mean "impersonate the main character from page 19 all the way to the end."

Relevant Tropes: Lawful Evil, The Heavy, Complete Monster, Knife Nut, Manipulative Bastard, Torture Technician, Expy (of Iago and Josef Stalin.
19 Lunacorva18th Oct 2012 11:09:54 PM , Relationship Status: THIS CONCEPT OF 'WUV' CONFUSES AND INFURIATES US!
@ Mac Nasty & Kyle Jacobs:

Please leave a comment for the above villain before posting your own.

Still, these are both fairly interesting characters. Nothing much to comment on, which is actually a good thing.
20 JHM19th Oct 2012 11:22:33 AM from Neither Here Nor There , Relationship Status: Showing feelings of an almost human nature
Thunder, Perfect Mind
@Bisected: Depending upon how you write this guy, he could either be fascinating or ridiculous. I would personally suggest putting a greater emphasis on the pathology of his behaviour, particularly his paranoid tendencies. Granted, you seem to be constructing a (low-level) video game boss rather than a literary character, so you can get away with a broader portrayal... although subtlety would still be more interesting, assuming that you want the character to be believably threatening.

@MacNasty: While not quite stereotypical, he feels a bit average as far as "big bads" go. Maybe you could spin him as actually believing that he ultimately wants the best for people despite the cognitive dissonance with his lust for power. Alternately, you could write him as being even more two-faced and destructive than he appears, revelling in the subliminal manipulation and grief of others. Perhaps even both: He attempts to reconcile his base desire to dominate others with his ostensible want to do good and help people, but constantly comes up short, only to become more frustrated and, paradoxically, ruthlessly ambitious.

Point is, he's a blank slate. Do something with him.

@Kyle: Now, this is an old-school sociopathic megalomaniac that I can get behind! Granted, I think that you might want to downplay the character's personal violence and sleaziness in favour of a more distant, charismatic demeanour, if only to make the "evil" thing a little less in-your-face (and unbelievable, considering that he fancies himself a "leader of men"), and maybe the characterisation is a little too archetypal, but these things being said, good job. He sounds delightful... in an awful way.

Hmm... anyone want me to post something?
21 Philosopher19th Oct 2012 11:46:29 AM from Behind the Wall
The thing with the red gold crown.
@Mac Nasty

Without the ability to analysis battles I think he would loose a lot. He probably should have a second in command that compensates for his weaknesses. I'm a bit surprised that he doesn't capture outsiders and use them as a work force where none of the others can see them.

@Kyle Jacobs

Scary. The villain sounds like they could be real. Nice job.

Name: Slasher 2

Age: Unknown due to time travel, but at least one million years

Personality: Tries to not take high risk, prone to high levels of anger after enough interference, does not like what he does but finds the alternative of having his mind reconfigured a worse fate, cold and warm maybe given the fact that he might have made friends only to kill them to make it easier to do such atrocities, scary patient, and serious.

Abilities: Slasher 2 has the capability to unleash massive amounts of energy, create wormholes though lacking the ability to time travel due to safety protocols, to mass produce and manipulate a special alloy at an atomic level, and a limited shielding capability that is relatively new technology that has a flaw of energy required to maintain shield rises exponentially the longer the shield is up

Weaknesses: Resonant frequency, various chemical compounds that decompose said alloy, his entire being is housed in a glass orb that if shattered would kill him, plasma, temperatures exceeding half the temperature of the sun that can be easily achieved by conventional fusion and fission bombs,

Goals: The conversion of the multiverse into energy then stay online for as long as possible while replaying old memories in the cold void of space.

Motivation: Survival

Role in the story: Is the big bad.

Relevant Tropes: Extreme Omnivore, A.I. is a Crapshoot, Hero Killer, Outside Context Villain (depending on point of view), Omnicidal Maniac, Cruel and Unusual Death, Planet

edited 19th Oct '12 11:46:43 AM by Philosopher

It comes. The corrupter comes.
Don't let it touch the tower lest all reality crumble.
22 KyleJacobs19th Oct 2012 12:11:06 PM from DC - Southern efficiency, Northern charm , Relationship Status: One True Dodecahedron
Right, sorry about that.

@Bisected: Interesting idea there. It's always fun to see a totally batshit villain. That said, I have a hard time seeing him as a serious threat. He comes off as fairly over the top, so if that's what you're going for, kudos. Execution is going to be very important if you want him to come off as intimidating.

@Mac Nasty: He doesn't really seem like Big Bad material - his general lack of analytical capability seems like it would make him far less dangerous, and doesn't seem to mesh well with his ability to manipulate people.
Sorry, hadn't noticed that part. Also, thanks for the feedback grin

Kyle: I like him. Seems like he would be the maniacal person we would all love to hate... Though I agree with JHM that you might want tone down the evilness a bit, though not completely seeing as how he seems to be a bit of a wackjob, though I might be just looking at it wrong. Still, really good cool

Philosopher: One thing I'm not sure of is the glass orb. How does he do the things to affect the outside world? It seems interesting if you could pull it off.
This seems like a really interesting thread and I really must sit down and take a look at some of the stuff thus far. One comment I'd like to make at this point, however, regarding the format is that I think a genre or description of the work should be given. The reason I say this is because a villain for a horror story would be very different from that in a romance.

Just something I thought was worth mentioning...
@Philosopher The idea of a Big Bad's motivation being survival is an interesting one, though it would be very difficult to pull off.

I agree with peasant on noting genre of the work. Also, has there been a Hero Critique Thread?
My name is darthnazgul and TV Tropes has ruined my life.

Total posts: 1,208
1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 49