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Jabrosky Madman from San Diego, CA Since: Sep, 2011
Madman
#1: Jul 20th 2012 at 6:19:49 PM

While getting my stories critiqued on different message boards, I have encountered two opposing philosophies on how to write action scenes. When I first started writing action scenes, I wouldn't describe my characters' thoughts or emotions within the actual scene. Instead I simply wrote down their actions and movements and save the psychological stuff for after the scene's end. One of my reviewers complained that this made my action scenes robotic and argued that I should insert the characters' thought processes and feelings within the action, so I did exactly that in later stories—-only for other reviewers to complain that said thought processes and feelings only slowed the scenes down and that I should cut them out to give the scenes a more visceral quality.

I am totally confused right now. School 1 thinks tersely written, blow-by-blow action scenes are boringly robotic whereas School 2 says they're appropriately visceral. Who should I listen to?

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JHM Apparition in the Woods from Niemandswasser Since: Aug, 2010 Relationship Status: Hounds of love are hunting
Apparition in the Woods
#2: Jul 20th 2012 at 9:23:02 PM

I would say that "show, don't tell" applies here, particularly to the emotions involved.

I'll hide your name inside a word and paint your eyes with false perception.
nrjxll Since: Nov, 2010 Relationship Status: Not war
#3: Jul 20th 2012 at 9:27:52 PM

Is there anywhere that "show, don't tell" doesn't apply?

Night The future of warfare in UC. from Jaburo Since: Jan, 2001 Relationship Status: Drift compatible
The future of warfare in UC.
#4: Jul 20th 2012 at 10:56:26 PM

Neither is entirely wrong. Much of it depends on the characters involved and their reactions to combat and stress.

If a character's style and behavior can be described merely in their actions, it suggests a calm, controlled fighter, bordering on the robotic. One who is constantly thinking/feeling and their actions are little described suggests someone who is caught up in the emotional or instinctual side of things.

I have a number of characters who, for various causes, lean towards the controlled side, either from natural inclination, adrenaline response having been conditioned out of them over a few hundred years, or artificial enhancement. On the opposite end I have a character who tends to obsess about her lack of alternate options and how bad she feels about this, because it portrays her uncertainty and reluctance. I've had one of the calm characters lose it and the descriptive style switch in mid-scene as she goes berserk.

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peasant Since: Mar, 2011
#5: Jul 21st 2012 at 2:51:25 AM

I agree with Night in that this is very much YMMV.

Some people like character insight during fight scenes while others simply don't. Neither one is inherently better and it all very much depends on the writers themselves, the intentions behind the scenes, the emotions you're trying to illicit, and where the true 'conflict' lies in said scene.

For instance, a fight scene between Cain and Abel would benefit much with showing the POV character's thoughts during the fight as this provides very useful insight that may be integral to the overarching theme of the story. In this example, the 'action' very much extends beyond the physical actions of the individuals fighting.

In contrast, a Curb-Stomp Battle could be described very minimalistically to show how the fight is over quickly. Same goes for fights where the POV isn't personally invested in (e.g. he's watching from afar as opposed to actually being in it).

MajorTom Eye'm the cutest! Since: Dec, 2009 Relationship Status: Barbecuing
Eye'm the cutest!
#6: Jul 21st 2012 at 6:19:46 AM

Sometimes you can mix a little of both. Take a peek into one or more characters' state of mind while mainly describing their actions. Going to neither extreme ya know?

I do this bit a lot.

"Allah may guide their bullets, but Jesus helps those who aim down the sights."
Tiamatty X-Men X-Pert from Now on Twitter Since: Jan, 2010 Relationship Status: Brony
#7: Jul 24th 2012 at 2:10:15 AM

I belong to the school that a simple description of actions is generally pretty boring. The POV matters, too. If it's first-person, I think it needs to have the character's inner reactions to the external action. Third-person limited probably shouldn't have it to the same extent, but there should still be plenty of it. Third-person omniscient can probably survive with a little less of it, but again, it should still be present.

This is also going to vary from one fight to another, as said above. With something like a Curb-Stomp Battle, either method can actually be very effective. A simple blow-by-blow, delivered with a coldly clinical style, can be pretty horrifying. Or it can be just as effective to have the actual blows be almost background events while you focus on how a character is reacting to the fight.

There's also the consideration of exactly what the point of an action scene is. Is it just about people doing cool things? Then describe the cool things. Is it to analyze a character? Then describe how the character feels about it.

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Jabrosky Madman from San Diego, CA Since: Sep, 2011
Madman
#8: Jul 25th 2012 at 1:26:22 PM

@ Tiamatty

That was helpful. Thank you!

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Iaculus Pronounced YAK-you-luss from England Since: May, 2010
Pronounced YAK-you-luss
#9: Jul 25th 2012 at 2:07:09 PM

One thing to remember is that you can convey emotions through actions. For instance, the calm, controlled stoic losing his shit and pounding his opponent into bloody meat, or someone who's losing a fight getting increasingly desperate and trying increasingly drastic things to win or even survive. Humans aren't perfectly rational, calculating robots, and the mistakes (or lack thereof) that they make whilst fighting can tell you a lot about their mental state.

What's precedent ever done for us?
JHM Apparition in the Woods from Niemandswasser Since: Aug, 2010 Relationship Status: Hounds of love are hunting
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