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Total posts: [5]
1

Pretentious, ungenuine description of love:

In my story there's three characters; the female lead, the male lead (The Baxter) and the baxter's rival, the handsome lech-ish bad boy who is the female lead.

I want the handsome lech to describe how he feels about his love interest, but for his description to fall flat and be about empty passion.

So far I've got this,

"You know how it is with women. The ones you canít get out your head, even if you wanted to. Youíre walking down the street, catch the scent of someoneís perfume, or hell, a bagel, and then you remember them, youíre dizzy and feel like you canít walk straight. You know whatís that like, donít you?Ē" "No."
 
 2 Night, Sat, 24th Mar '12 9:30:11 AM from PSNS Intrepid Relationship Status: Drift compatible
Who you are does not matter.
Worrying about whether you have a pretentious and ungeniune description of love seems...a little backwards. It's not a hard thing to accomplish, as you can write down pretty much any description you want and it'll probably be pretentious and ungeniune.
"Let us look less to the sky to see what might fall; rather, let us look to each other...and rise."
 3 Killer Clowns, Sat, 24th Mar '12 9:39:28 AM from the Midwest Relationship Status: Shipping fictional characters
Easily entertained
You old enough to drink? Your choice of "find a bar and people-watch" or "buy some vodka and start brainstorming."

My half-joking aside, the declaration should be about the declarer himself as much as the woman. Something about how he finally found a woman worthy of himself, or of how she'll make a great wife to care for him and his children, or of how he alone is good enough for a woman such as her.
Well, I get what you two are saying, but while people who are genuinely in love can come off as pretentious, their intent is genuine. The character in question isn't really in love.

@Killer Clowns, that's pretty good, actually. Thanks.

edited 24th Mar '12 9:53:17 AM by DoktorFylthe

 
Polite smartass.
Make it more about physical beauty than anything deep or cerebral. It's easy for a man to love someone's body, but most people agree that real love is about appreciating their mind too. So if you focus almost entirely on looks in describing his emotions, it will insinuate that he's only attracted to her superficially.
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Total posts: 5
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