The Constructive Criticism Thread:
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edited 17th Feb '12 5:07:01 PM by TripleElation
edited 16th Sep '12 4:13:06 PM by MorwenEdhelwen
Note that I only read the comic, not the extra pages of the script. Minor detail, but Orange just straight up saying "we're taking away your freedom in the name of security" seems like a really bad choice of words for a press conference. I don't have background on him yet so maybe it's justified, but I have to wonder why he didn't phrase it differently. And then we find out he's a robot, apparently. And then he is never mentioned again. Huh. Lack of information is a problem with the story in general. At page 22 I know only a few facts about the protagonist and I've still no idea about his personality. Aside from that, (mostly) evil government is being evil and terrorists/rebels are scheming something. Fair enough, I guess, but I've no reason to care. The only thing that interests me so far is how we got here, and we don't get to see that. You skip the whole war with a montage, but the montage contains little information. America has pretty much become a military dictatorship now, and that's all we learn. But I really want to know how. I only saw a single terrorist attack happening, and in the very next panel the congress suspends civil rights. Maybe you want to elaborate on this period later, but then why have the prologue at all? Also, there is absolutely no indication that a time skip is happening between pages 7 and 8, which is confusing. The protagonist is coming off as a superhuman, but I get the feeling that this is intentional. The art ranges from solid to bad, but seeing as this is the beginning of a webcomic, I've no complaints. The panel direction is pretty good, it's the thing I liked most about this comic.
Overall, the only major problem I have with the comic is that I don't care about the plot or the characters. But you've got a setting, you've just established the major characters, so it may because that the story has barely started yet. That said, it doesn't give me a reason to continue reading.
edited 17th Sep '12 4:07:11 AM by Dealan
edited 17th Sep '12 9:38:01 AM by MrAHR
edited 19th Oct '12 10:13:13 PM by LeungBaiFang
edited 21st Oct '12 11:16:47 AM by MrAHR
- Expressions are generally not bad at all- you can tell pretty clearly what the characters are thinking or feeling.
- The flipping between a more detailed style and the weird... stretched-chibi... thing is... hmm. Pretty jarring at best. At worst, it looks like you accidentally posted the roughs in random places.
- The exposition, even lampshaded, feels fairly clumsy. You could probably have replaced that entire strip with a caption box at the beginning of the first strip. Something to the effect of "Welcome to Purgatory, where the dead are prepared for What Comes Next. Unfortunately, there have been a few problems lately..."
- Honestly, the whole thing is a bunch of random people wandering around a somewhat featureless landscape (I can't draw backgrounds either >.<), spouting off occasional snippets of dialogue. There's nothing to make it feel terribly coherent, aside from solid consistency on the character designs (kudos for that, as an aside).
edited 21st Oct '12 9:14:23 PM by MrAHR
edited 9th Nov '12 6:12:15 PM by Conjure
edited 15th Nov '12 12:23:58 PM by Dimanagul