ಠ_ృ You called?
First of all, it's spelled "vignette."
Uh, yeah. Usage of "its" when you're supposed to be using "it's" seems to be a consistent problem. "It's" means "it is." "Its" is possessive.
I don't know anyone who would say this of themselves and I think it's slightly egotistical to be so assertive about that.
Use italics. Unless this is supposed to be a direct reproduction of a handwritten note, which is what it seems to be.
I don't empathize with your narrator. The things she wants that she describes are nice, sure, but we don't know why she would rather have them instead of having a career. And you can have love and a successful career at the same time. It just takes effort.
edited 13th Jan '12 8:03:18 PM by TerminalOptimist
Why are our conversations always knee-deep in Republican politics and Internet gifs?
Oh, damn it, I didn't see all those spelling mistakes. 
I wrote it "*want*" originally for when I posted it on Deviant Art, because I don't know how to post it in italics on that site.
I could change the wording to make it sound like she wasn't bragging about the "Most well-adjusted girl they know".
Thank you for this. I've got some work to do. Once I rewrite it, would you read again, please?
ಠ_ృ You called?
Of course I will :)
On deviantart, you need to use HTML tags. <i>insert text</i> looks like insert text.
Why are our conversations always knee-deep in Republican politics and Internet gifs?
Does the same work for bold text, only with <b> </b>?
edited 14th Jan '12 6:16:36 PM by Tidal_Wave_17
I'm coming up with characters for a possible new story, and to flesh out the personality of one, I wrote this from their point of view. Please read it and tell me what you think.
First things first. I want you to know that this is not a normal thing for me to do. I'm not the kind of girl who spills all of her problems onto another person, which is probably why I'm writing them down rather than telling someone.
Something about your problems is supposedly good for the soul, which could be why they encouraged us to write journals during high school. Releasing all that stress you build up without hurting anyone's feelings, and that's good becaise I hate hurting anyone, even if its necessary.
Like I said earlier, I don't do things like this. I'm the kind of person who is nice enough to approach and gives out advice when I feel its needed or asked for it, but try to get to know me and you won't find out much. I know that makes me sound like a loner, but I'm not. I have lots of friends and if you were to ask them, they would say that I was the most well-adjusted girl they know.
I just don't like to burden everyone with my stupid, petty problems and believe me, they are petty.
You see... I want to be a wife and mother. No, I want even more than that. I want the whole experience. I want to go on a date with a boy and feel a spakr, like static electricity pulling us together while the whole universe spins solely around us. I want to walk with him on a snowy evening, our unborn child resting away inside me, him with one arm wrapped around my waist, gently patting my stomach, his other hand around mine, craddling me in his arms as we stare up at the white sky with the cold wind blowing in our faces. I want a little house in suburbia with a white gate and picket fence, rosebushes and a little stone path leading up to the door. I want to hand lunch boxes to my husband and child as they leave every morning and wave them good bye before getting to the housework. I *want* that. My body aches for that.
In this day and age, I'm not supposed to want that. I'm supposed to wan to be an astronaut or a lumber jack or race car driver. Hell, if I get into politics now I could probably be in election for president by the time I'm in my early thirties.
Instead, I'm whining about wanting *true love* and jealous of my friends who have it. Well, not jealous. Okay, a bit jealous but more happy for them then I am jealous.
I'm happy for them now even though I know most people in relationships at this age don't last but end up hurting the most (My older sister taught me plenty about that) and I'm sad for when they end.
I know that's suppsed to scare me off dating until I'm 'mature enough' to handle it, but its the little things that make me want it even more.
Things like... Like when Clay and Darryl are both manning the snack stand, bored out of their minds and their hands will both move closer until they touch and they'll both slowly start to smile. Or when me and Naomi will both be at the registers while across the lobby, Ted will be at his station, casting little glances at Naomi and she won't notice because she never notices these kind of things. Its when its New Year's Eve, you're buzzed at a friends party on a cup of beer someone snuck in, and when the countdown comes you get so excited when it reaches zero, then you realize everyone around you is either kissing or talking to someone else while you stand there awkwarly playing with your drink, alone, hoping the ground will just open up and swallow you whole while you make a resolution not to be alone next year, even though that's the same resolution you made the year before that... And the year before that...
So yeah. Whiny black girl with a supportive family, good education and bright future wants to give it all up for a man and baby. Wah wah wah.
Anyway, I guess I feel better after writing this. Better than keeping it all bottled up until I explode and go on a shooting spree.
What the hell should I do with this? Should I keep it hidden away somewhere or throw it away? Maybe I should just burn it. Yeah, that's what I'll do.
I'll accept all constructive critism, please! ^w^