TV Tropes Org

Forums

Writer's Block:
Uncanny vs. Fanservice
search forum titles
google site search
Kickstarter Message
TV Tropes Needs Your Help
X
Big things are happening on TV Tropes! New admins, new designs, fewer ads, mobile versions, beta testing opportunities, thematic discovery engine, fun trope tools and toys, and much more - Learn how to help here and discuss here.
View Kickstarter Project
Total posts: [30]
1
2

Uncanny vs. Fanservice:

Also known as Katz
This is actually something someone else wrote that I was looking at; he's trying to evoke "uncanny" and instead evoked "fanservice." I realized I wasn't sure how to transmute this to something less...titillating. Suggestions?

A woman stands in the middle of the pool, a soft playful song upon her lips.

She is tall, thin and wispy, her skin gleaming alabaster against the black pebbled sluice at the riverside. Long silver tresses, loosely plaited, drape down her back, curling gently against her hips and buttocks before dispersing delicate tendrils out across the top of the water. The lady turns her head and sees you watching her. She titters girlishly, smoothing loose silver curls over her perky breasts. You canít understand her words, but she speaks in a happy, burbling voice like that of a giddy stream.

read
...well, the fact that perky breasts are mentioned might be the problem.
oddly
 3 KSPAM, Wed, 7th Dec '11 10:49:56 AM from PARTY ROCK Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
Yeah, as soon as you mention boobs, things start going out the window.
I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery.

Goodfae: a mafia web serial
 4 Ralph Crown, Wed, 7th Dec '11 11:08:43 AM from Next Door to Nowhere
Short Hair
The "uncanny" part escapes me. Maybe if she had 6-inch fangs or claws instead of hands.
Under World. It rocks!
Well, for starters, "soft and playful" could be replaced with "eerie and enchanting". It would probably also help to describe her as being somewhat... otherworldly.

 6 Colonial1. 1, Wed, 7th Dec '11 11:17:59 AM from The Marvelous River City
Crazed Lawrencian
That, and not mentioning the fact that her hair covers her arse.

Perhaps simply "cascaded down and over her back"?
Proud member of the IAA

What's the point of being grown up if you can't act childish?
I'd also try to evoke some sort of doll-like imagery, if Uncanny Valley is what the writer is looking for.

 8 KSPAM, Wed, 7th Dec '11 11:26:15 AM from PARTY ROCK Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
[up][up] & [up] This would also help.

edited 7th Dec '11 11:26:33 AM by KSPAM

I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery.

Goodfae: a mafia web serial
Also known as Katz
Yes, the perky breasts and buttocks are definitely the first things to go; I'd also get rid of the tittering, since that evokes "obnoxious airhead" more than "uncanny creature."

 10 KSPAM, Wed, 7th Dec '11 11:34:17 AM from PARTY ROCK Relationship Status: Giving love a bad name
PARTY PARTY PARTY I WANNA HAVE A PARTY
Silence or slow, eerie song are the way to go for uncanny.
I've got new mythological machinery, and very handsome supernatural scenery.

Goodfae: a mafia web serial
 11 formingbabby, Wed, 7th Dec '11 2:11:23 PM from your own dojo
look ma no hands
The word choice sounds like the writer is describing someone he's fond of, not anything disturbing. Some of the adverbs are quite purple in that regard.

And yeah, I can't fathom perky breasts being used to describe something with no fanservice intent. I've just heard it that way too often, so much that it hardly means anything anymore.

Any shapeliness of the woman could probably be summed up as "nubile" or something, let the reader do the picturing on their own. If less time is taken to describe those attributes, more of it can be spent describing the uncanniness.
"You got a match?" "Uh, yeah, my butt and your... uh... butt."
Welcome, traveller, welcome to Omsk
[up]This is pretty much my feelings on the passage. Quite apart from the mention of breasts and butt, the image provided by the words just seems so... benign. It starts out OK with "tall, thin and wispy" (maybe her pallor, too, though "alabaster" doesn't give me a particularly uncanny image; it's kind of a generic code for a beautiful kind of pallor), and the bit at the end about the protagonist not understanding her language can be promising for creepiness, but apart from that, there's nothing uncanny about the description.

edited 7th Dec '11 2:46:18 PM by DoktorvonEurotrash

It does not matter who I am. What matters is, who will you become? - motto of Omsk Bird
 13 Eventua, Wed, 7th Dec '11 2:46:16 PM from Dumundi Relationship Status: I won't say I'm in love
Lord of the Citadel
I read that and lol'd. I seriously did.

Ah well, yay for immaturity.

When I read that, what comes to mine is 'Brainless Beauty' not 'Uncanny Valley'. Also, naked lady.

That is all.
The Signature Of Me
 14 loganlocksley, Thu, 8th Dec '11 8:31:07 PM from On the ceiling
Occasionally Smart
I can't take anything seriously that uses the word "buttocks."

edited 8th Dec '11 8:31:20 PM by loganlocksley

He's like fire and ice and rage. He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time. Rory punched him in the face.
 15 Yuri Strike, Thu, 8th Dec '11 9:11:17 PM from I'm telling nobody!
熊熊熊熊!
Perky boobs? Buttocks? Girlish tittering?

This is anything but uncanny. In fact, I see her as Ms. Fanservice.

edited 8th Dec '11 9:20:52 PM by YuriStrike

╮(╯_╰)╭
 16 nrjxll, Thu, 8th Dec '11 9:39:20 PM Relationship Status: Not war
How the bleep was this not meant as fanservice, anyway? I'm baffled.

 17 Colonial1. 1, Thu, 8th Dec '11 9:49:03 PM from The Marvelous River City
Crazed Lawrencian
It was practically mind's eye candy.
Proud member of the IAA

What's the point of being grown up if you can't act childish?
It's easy, mmkay?
@9: And it has the word "tit" in it. :D
At first I didn't realize I needed all this stuff...
read
Perhaps you can show us an edited version, so we may go from there, ma'am?
oddly
Also known as Katz
Lessee, how about (just as a first try):

A woman stands in the middle of the pool, a soft, mysterious song upon her lips.

She is tall, thin and wispy, her skin gleaming translucent white against the black pebbled sluice at the riverside. Long silver hair, loosely plaited, dispersing delicate tendrils out across the surface of the water. The lady turns her head and sees you watching her. She gives a silvery laugh. You canít understand her words, but she speaks in a lively, burbling voice like that of a stream.

edited 9th Dec '11 11:23:40 AM by jewelleddragon

 21 Night, Fri, 9th Dec '11 7:07:16 PM from PSNS Intrepid Relationship Status: Drift compatible
Who you are does not matter.
I tend to think that making your audience directly react to something as uncanny in literature is doomed. They can only do so through the vehicle of other characters reacting the same way.

Then again, I read Along Came A Spider once.

Absent context (what sort of a story am I reading? Is silver hair normal for the genre?) I'm just left sitting here with a blurb. I really don't know if this uncanny.

edited 9th Dec '11 7:08:29 PM by Night

Trusted Poster of Legitimate Advice (from Wo-Chan)
 22 USAF713, Fri, 9th Dec '11 7:25:28 PM from the United States
I changed accounts.
I dunno... the description in the OP just sounds like a very pretty girl. I don't get any "weird" vibe at all...

Edit: [up][up] Still doesn't seem weird in any kind of disturbing way. Also still sounds largely attractive.

~shrug~

Subtle uncanny valley is rather difficult to do in prose without lengthier descriptions and some kind of action, I've found...

edited 9th Dec '11 7:26:54 PM by USAF713

I am now known as Flyboy.
 23 Colonial1. 1, Fri, 9th Dec '11 8:19:59 PM from The Marvelous River City
Crazed Lawrencian
Think of The Fair Folk as in eldritch (in the original sense of the word), not nubile nymphs.
Proud member of the IAA

What's the point of being grown up if you can't act childish?
 24 formingbabby, Fri, 9th Dec '11 9:47:05 PM from your own dojo
look ma no hands
Some uncanniness can be suggested by a phrase like "something doesn't seem right." I mean, unless you're going for a screenplay-style of writing where everything must be visually and definitively described to the reader.

Does she move in a way that seems jerky, unnatural, maybe like a wacky inflatable arm-waving tube man? Are her proportions slightly wrong? Is there a disturbing tint to her skin? Does she sport a thousand yard stare? Does one half of her face suggest a different emotion from the other, or via body language? Does she seem familiar? Does she defy the laws of physics somehow?
"You got a match?" "Uh, yeah, my butt and your... uh... butt."
 25 USAF713, Fri, 9th Dec '11 9:59:15 PM from the United States
I changed accounts.
Think of The Fair Folk as in eldritch (in the original sense of the word), not nubile nymphs.

But the narrative as given doesn't imply that.

I'm giving my impression as if the author or people who know what he's going for couldn't tell me that directly. wink
I am now known as Flyboy.
Total posts: 30
1
2


TV Tropes by TV Tropes Foundation, LLC is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available from thestaff@tvtropes.org.
Privacy Policy